Trent (Season Two: The Ninth Inning #4) (4 page)

JORDAN AND COLBY are
talking about something, I’m not sure what because I tuned them out
a minute ago. I glance around the room at all the people here. All
look to be in some state of happiness. Some are laughing, some are
smiling, and some are flirting. For a brief moment, I think about
Scarlett since I don’t see her at the table anymore. I don’t even
know why I’m here; I’d rather be at home.

I feel out of place because I
know I don’t fit in with these obviously happy people. Plus,
there’s the guilt at being here with friends and not at home with
Kaelyn. I’m away so much as it is and, without Deborah, I don’t
want Kaelyn to be without me more than she has to be. My gaze falls
to my hands, resting on the tabletop, and the light reflects off my
wedding band.

Deborah would have loved this
place. She would have enjoyed the night out with me, to be able to
have time to ourselves. Instead, I’m here without her. Our time
together was supposed to last longer.

Fingers snap twice and I
blink, turning to look at Jordan. I’ve obviously missed
something.

“I think I’m heading home,” I
say before he can catch me up on whatever it was I missed while I
absentmindedly twist my wedding ring.

“We’ve only been here an
hour. Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Maybe we’ll have
better luck next time.”

They nod in understanding and
I get the hell out of there. The drive home seems to take forever.
When I do get home, Granny frowns when I walk inside.

“You’re back early.”

“I know you said it would be
good for me, but I was ready to come back. Where’s Kaelyn?”

“She’s in her room; she just
fell asleep.” She doesn’t say anything else until I sit down on the
couch next to her. “You don’t need to feel guilty,” she whispers.
“It’ll get easier.”

I squeeze my eyes closed as I
lean my head back. I don’t want to know that it’ll get easier to be
without my wife, for my daughter to be without her mom. The thought
that Kaelyn’s memories will fade and won’t be as strong as they are
now breaks my heart. Me reminding her about Deborah isn’t the
same.

“It’s late.” Not really. “I’m
going to bed. Thanks, Granny.” I walk her to the door and kiss her
cheek goodbye. I stop by Kaelyn’s room, quietly pushing her door
open and stepping inside. Kneeling by her bed, I push her wild hair
out of her face. Even though I’m careful, her eyes flutter
open.

“Daddy?” she mumbles.

“I just came to say good
night.” After kissing her forehead, I add, “Go back to sleep.”

Her eyes are already closing,
which is my cue to leave. Kaelyn looks so much like her mother;
it’s unbelievable. I don’t think she got anything from me except
genes that don’t show. When I get to my room, I change my clothes.
Deborah’s jewelry box sits on top, the door open just like she left
it. The open closet door shows her clothes still hanging nice and
orderly in the closet, just the way she liked it.

Granny has mentioned before
that she thinks it’s time to go through her things, but I can’t do
it. Not only because I’m not ready, but because part of me thinks
if I get rid of her things, this won’t feel like home anymore, not
to me or Kaelyn. Standing in front of her clothes, I rake my gaze
over each hanger. Looking is unnecessary because I’ve memorized it
by now.

I grab one of her favorite
scarves hanging on the back of the door and sit on the bed, rubbing
my thumbs over the fabric. The thought of never seeing that extra
bright smile she always had whenever wearing this scarf nearly
breaks me down. God, I miss her.

Sometimes, like today, I
wonder if I’m strong enough to do this; to be without her, to raise
Kaelyn without her. I was living in Deborah’s world, so what the
hell am I supposed to do when she’s not in it? She was everything
to me. Now, my everything is gone, taken without a goodbye.

I bury my face in my hands,
feeling the soft material against my face as if it can somehow give
me strength. The faint, barely there scent of her perfume brings
tears and sends me back in time to when I first met her. She was in
a hurry. Rain was pouring down, the water sounding louder thanks to
the tin roof of the breezeway.

We’d attended the same
college, but it was big enough that I hadn’t seen her before that
semester when our paths crossed every Tuesday and Thursday at two
o’clock as we walked in opposite directions. She was walking
quickly, but what caught my attention the most that particular day
was something I hadn’t seen before in our short history.

She was upset. I couldn’t
tell if she was angry, sad, or both. For some reason, it seemed
like the best time to approach her. I stepped directly into her
path at the last second so she’d run into me instead of having a
chance to maneuver around me.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

Deborah blinked in confusion,
and I knew she was trying to see if she actually knew me or
not.

“I’m Trent.”

“Deborah. Thanks for running
into me, Trent.” Her tone was sarcastic. She shook her head and
took a step away from me, the wind blowing just right so that I
could smell her perfume.

“Sorry. I’ve walked passed
you all semester and it was the only thing I could think of to make
you stop for a second.” She raised her brows at me, a move I later
realized she did particularly when she thought she was hearing a
load of bullshit. “I probably should’ve picked a day when you
didn’t look upset, but then I wanted to see if you were okay.”

Before she could reply, a guy
called out her name. That upset look came back as she sighed.

“Thanks a lot, Trent,” she
mumbled right before the guy approached her and immediately started
apologizing, begging for forgiveness.

I quietly left her and
continued to class. She was taken. It was just over a month later
when she called out my name when she saw me on the breezeway. The
boyfriend was now an ex, and I promptly asked her out. We’ve been
together ever since.

Until now, of course.

Lifting my head, I wipe my
eyes and stand to place the scarf back in its place. What am I
supposed to do now?

“Daddy?”

I quickly turn around to see
Kaelyn, the stuffed animal bunny clutched tightly in her hands.
“What’s the matter with my girl?” I move over to pick her up.

“I had a nightmare, and I’m
scared.”

“How about you sleep in here
with me tonight? Will that make you feel better?”

She nods. I carry her over to
the bed and get her tucked in before taking my place on my side.
Kaelyn scoots over to cuddle against me.

“I miss Mommy.”

“Me too, sweet pea,” I
whisper, using the endearment Deborah always called her.

“I don’t want her to be in
heaven. I want Mommy here.” Kaelyn begins to cry, and I hold her
tight.

“Mommy wishes she could be
here too because she loves you so much, but she’s in heaven
watching you and keeping you safe from those monsters in your
nightmares, okay? She’s always watching you.”

My words don’t soothe her and
I hold her until she cries herself to sleep.

Kaelyn’s been cranky for two
days, which has made me cranky. Practice is a much-welcomed timeout
for me. It’s always good to work the muscles and body as hard as
possible. And then, after that, it’s good to head to the training
room to work out some more.

Since Deborah’s death, I
haven’t exactly been the best teammate. Sure, I’ll let them get me
out of the house and such, but I haven’t voluntarily been social
either. During our team stretches, which Spencer leads, I realize I
miss it. Everyone seems to be joking and ribbing one another,
laughing and seemingly carefree, and I’m a bit invisible. I can’t
blame them for giving me space when I’ve made it obvious it was
what I wanted, but for just a moment, I don’t feel like part of the
team.

I need to make more of an
effort. My head needs to be on straight if I’m going to do well
this season. It feels harsh to think about needing to tie up my
guilt with Deborah for the sake of a game though. I tune out their
laughter, closing in on myself, the exact opposite of what I need
to do. There will be time to go back to being one of the guys.
Today isn’t the day.

Spencer finishes up our
stretches and we head to the locker room. Reporters have been good
about being respectful and asking questions that haven’t been too
invasive concerning Deborah’s murder and the aftermath. There’s one
guy though who manages to piss me off every other encounter it
seems like. Today, I’m hoping I can go one day without one of them
asking me about it, just so they can share my turmoil with the
world.

Don’t get me wrong, the
support of the fans has been amazing, but this guy just gets under
my skin.

“Did you know that Dominic
Davis has a date for sentencing? What are you hoping he’ll get?
Some people are able to forgive the criminals. Have you?”

I stare at him. He can’t be
serious. I begin speaking before I even think about what I’m
saying. “You want to know if I’ve forgiven the man who killed my
wife and is the reason I have to hold my daughter while she cries
herself to sleep because her mom isn’t ever coming back and she
doesn’t understand why? What the hell kind of question is
that?”

“So, Katie isn’t handling it
well?”

My mouth parts as rage sweeps
over me. All he wants is a story to sell. What makes it worse is
that he doesn’t have enough decency to know my daughter’s name.

“Okay.” Hector appears out of
nowhere and grabs the guy by the shoulders to turn him away from
me. “Time for you to go.” He ushers the guy out of the locker
room.

“Thanks,” I tell him when he
comes back.

“Any time.” He slaps me on
the shoulder and leaves it at that.

Today sucks. As usual, I’m
reminded that I can’t go home and talk about my day with my
wife.

***

SITTING IN THE small
coffee shop, I’m celebrating a good day with a muffin and a large
coffee. It’s days like this that I love my job. Seeing a child
going to a good home and then being adopted is an emotion I can’t
explain to anyone. Elation might be a good description.

I open my tablet and check my
emails. I need to be back in court in an hour for another adoption
hearing. I’m happy when they do adoption days. It’s a happy buzz
for everyone. Not only me, the parents, and the child, but even the
judges smile when they tell everyone they now are a family.

I’m not paying attention to
anything until someone sits down at my table. When I look up, my
eyes are wide with shock.

Trent.

“Hi,” is the only word I can
get out.

“Hope you don’t mind me
taking this spot; everywhere else is full.”

I look around and the coffee
shop is packed. “I don’t mind at all. How are you?”

He shrugs. “Okay, I
guess.”

I don’t know what to say.
“Um...why are you on this side of town?”

“I was at the DA’s office.
He—” Trent stops and clears his throat. “He wants me to speak at
the sentencing.”

My heart thumps loudly in my
chest. “Are you?”

Trent takes a sip of his
coffee. “Probably. I just don’t know what to say. Seriously, what
do you say to the man who killed your wife? Every time I think
about it, I just want to kill him.”

I look away from him. I hate
what he says, only because I want to kill Dominic, too. There was
no reason for him to kill Deborah.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to
blather like that,” Trent speaks.

“What?” I turn back to him.
“No, you’re fine. I understand. Heck, even I want to kill some of
the parents I deal with, especially when the kids are near death.
Trust me, I know where you’re coming from with that emotion.”

“May I ask why you’re
here?”