Trickery & Envy (13 page)

“
Trust me, too big for any man,” and Vivian took a gulp of the liquor.

“O...kay,” Jennifer responded.

“That’s not all,” Vivian murmured and then took another swig of her drink. “He has a vagina.”

“You were right
...that calls for a double,” and Jennifer took a large gulp of her drink. She made a face because of how strong the drink was. She then tried to picture a man with a vagina and shuddered in revulsion at the image, despite it was Charles she had pictured. “Did you see it? How do you know he has a vagina? Where was his dick?”

“We had just made love when I noticed he had breast. I hadn’t noticed before
.” Vivian moved her head slowly from side to side, the image still fresh.

“What did you guys do make love with your clothes on. Wait a minute. It still seems to me like you would have noticed something wasn’t right.” Jennifer then quivered again at
Vivian description of Toni’s private parts. “I’ve only seen him at a distance and he looked manly.”

The phone rang. Vivian thinking it was Toni ignored the ring
and said to Jennifer, “He said he is a hermaphrodite.”

Jennifer rose from the ottoman. “Vi that might be Charles calling so if you don’t mind
, I’m going to answer it. I told him I was coming over here,” and Jennifer headed to answer the phone. She removed the cordless from a deep brown colored end table that had a couple Ebony and Housekeeping magazines atop it. “It’s him,” she said observing the caller ID and as the phone rang again. “Hey Charles” and Jennifer turned and looked at Vivian sitting in a stupor.

“Is everything okay over there? I got up to use the bathroom and saw that you were gone. I remember you saying you were worried about Vivian.”

“Yes, everything is fine. I just thought I’d hang around a while since she was still up. I’ll be home shortly,” Jennifer said and disconnected the call. “What were you saying Vi,” she then asked, returning to the ottoman.

“He’s a hermaphrodite.”

“Did you say, hermaphrodite.”

Vivian nod
ded.

“Isn’t that a person born with both sexes?”

Vivian again moved her head up and down.

“I know that had to freak you out. It’s freaking me out. I wasn’t going to finish this,”
Jennifer said reaching for her drink. “But I think I’m going to need it.” Before taking a sip, Jennifer brought her drink to her face as if to hide the embarrassment of her next question. “Vi, you mind me asking how big his or shall I say her penis was. Wait...did he put it in you?” Jennifer asked with wide eyes at her.

“All four inches
of it, it was good,” Vivian responded softly and looking as if in a trance. “He brought me to a climax with his little dick. We came together. He was better than any man I’ve been with.” Vivian then closed her eyes as if she was revisiting the moment they climaxed.

Jennifer liv
ing vicariously through her best friend’s intimacy shivered. It had been a while since she and Charles had been close.

“So what are you going to do
, Vi?”

“What?” Vivian
said and shaking herself out of the daze she fallen in.

“I
asked what you plan to do while you’re over there getting seconds.”

“I sure was.
Though as good as it was, I cannot date a man that’s a woman.”

“Vi
, think about it,” Jennifer said and went over and sat on the edge of the purple leather recliner Vivian was balled up in with her arms crossed. She laid her hand softly on Vivian’s leg. “I know it’s only been a short time, but how do you feel about him?”

“It doesn’t matter
. I don’t want to see him anymore,” she said and signaling no again with her head.

“Vi
, I’m not going to lie and say I understand what you just went through, but he does look like a man from the outside; a very nice looking man. Does his being a hermaphrodite really matter? You just said you enjoyed making love, that’s if that is what it was to you with him, was it?”

Vivian lowered her head as her
feelings for Toni started to take over.

“I don’t know Jennifer. It felt like it. I
care about him. I like him a lot,” and Vivian began to weep moving in and laying her head onto her friends lap. “Why didn’t he have an operation Jen? I probably would have been able to accept it. I can’t make love to a man whose breasts are as big as mine,” and Vivian really began to pour tears into her friends lap. “I keep seeing them...his breasts and small penis. It’s just doesn’t look right. He had one testicle Jennifer and it was huge.”

Jennifer
nose turned up this time and again she tried to visualize Charles with breasts as large as hers; thirty-six’s and she cringed from the vision.
That would be kind of eerie.
She then asked, “Well does he plan to have the operation?”

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t want to see him again. He deceived me, Jennifer.
He misled me. He led me to believe he was all man. He could have explained himself the first time we got intimate and he didn’t. He made love to me and went on as if everything about him was okay,” she sniffled again.

“Vi, you said love. I think you care about Toni
more than you’re willing to admit and its okay.” Jennifer began to slowly stroke Vivian’s hair as she reminisced. “You know Charles and I fell in love after just a couple of months, and look at where we are today; married, still in love. Toni could be your soul mate. Why don’t you give it a chance? Give it some time.”

“I can’t Jennifer. I just can’t.
He looks like a woman from the waist up. Has it occurred to you that I’ll be sleeping with a woman too?” Vivian then envisioned a couple of instances where she’d be cuddled in Toni’s arms, at peace. “Why did things have to change,” she uttered. “How did a wonderful night turn into a night of unpleasant discovery?”

Vivian had
already begun to miss leaning into Toni’s body that was firm, but gentle too.

“Have you considered what splitting up may be doing to him
,” Jennifer said. “No one has to know what he is. You know some people keep secrets when they want to hold on to something they feel is worth holding on to. You’re good people Vivian; you’re worth keeping. Vi, before I came over here I saw Toni sitting in his car in your driveway. If I didn’t know any better that man was crying. He was bent over his steering wheel. You can’t tell me he wasn’t hurt. I think whatever developed between you two is evenly felt. That man could have said forget it and drove on off; just as you could be more up in arms about him deceiving you. It looks to me like you’re both emotionally hurt by what’s taken place.”

Jennifer wait
ed a few seconds then said, “Vi, I want to see you with someone, loving someone, someone loving you back.” Jennifer then gave her friend a few pats on the arms and then went back over to the ottoman. Instead of sitting on it she took a seat next to it on the floor.

“Thanks Jennifer
. What would I do without you? You’ve been by my side through just about every break up I’ve had. I understand what you’re saying, but, it’s over with Toni.”

Th
e words, what would I do without you, packed Jennifer’s eyes with tears. She was sick of crying and withdrew them before they fell. Though she and Charles decided that she would undergo external radiation treatment and surgery, she was still unsure of the prognosis. What she was sure about was that no one in her family who had cancer, survived. “I love you too, Vi,” she uttered.

Vivian switch
ed topics. “I’ve been meaning to ask what your doctor said about the mammogram you had.”

Jennifer d
idn’t respond and just looked softly at her drink.

“What did
he say Jennifer?” she asked again.

“Look this isn’t about me. I came over here to see how you were doing
,” and Jennifer reached for her drink and took a little sip.

“Jennifer!” Vivian shouted, startling her.

Jennifer quickly responded. “She said I have stage II uterine cancer and that it has already spread from my uterus to my cervix.”

Vivian
quickly rose from the recliner and over to Jennifer. “Oh my God, Jennifer,” kneeling beside her friend as tears rushed from her eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Girl it’s nothing,”
and Jennifer waved her hand down. “Charles and I wanted to take some time to decide on the type of treatment I’m going to have.”

Jennifer then took a couple sips of her drink trying to hold back wanting to
sob. It’s all she’s been doing since learning of her illness, and especially knowing no one in her family has survived cancer. That was also information she has kept from Charles.

“So when do you start treatments?”

“Monday,” Jennifer answered and the strength she tried to display seconds ago weakened to a flow of tears that had her setting her drink down and catching her tears in her hands.

“It’s going to be okay Jennifer
,” Vivian said a few more tears falling from her eyes. “You are strong, be strong,” she told her as they cried together.

“Vi, you know no one in my family
has survived cancer.”

“Jennifer do
n’t do this, don’t you dare do this! You’re going to be fine. You’re going to be the one to survive this. Listen to what I’m telling you. Medicine is different from when your mother went through it and you’re stronger than her Jennifer. You have a support system, she didn’t. She went through it alone. You have Charles and me.”

Jennifer sniffle
d to stop new tears forming. “If I don’t get through it who’s going to take care of you Vi? Don’t throw Toni away...not right now.”

“
That’s not fair, Jennifer. You’re trying to compare apples to grapes. This is different.”

“So is love when you love someone,”
Jennifer countered. “I need to get home,” and she rose from the floor and headed upstairs.

Vivian clos
ed the door behind her friend and leaned back against it. “God, please help Jennifer through her ordeal. And you’re right, Jen. I do love him,” she said.

***

A couple weeks had passed. It was Saturday and the temperature was a little crisp but quite pleasant. It was great weather for taking a stroll for the pure delight of being out and about. Even so, the nice weather was far from Vivian’s mind as her focus was still on ignoring Toni’s phone calls.

“Why doesn’t he just move on,” she said
traveling about the house.

Vivian had not long returned
home from her shop. She cruised into her bedroom and over to the window with a cup of tea that she spiked with Bourbon. She looked out the blinds for no particular reason. It was as if she didn’t know what to do with herself now that Toni was no longer a part of her life.

“
I’ll get it together,” she told herself. “I was fine before I met you, so I know I’ll be okay without you.” She was acting as if Toni had given her the boot.

The phone rang again
. She again ignored it. Vivian let her gaze set across the street and on the beautiful manicured lawn of the Randolph’s house. “I miss him,” she told herself and a tear fell from her eye. “I really do,” she added trying to ignore the message Toni was leaving on her answering machine.

Though it was over
she couldn’t eliminate him completely from her mind. He would pop up at times like when she was bathing, lounging or chatting with Jennifer. Or like now even before he called he had crossed her mind. One thing was clear; she missed him on the days he didn’t call. She moved away from the window and closer to the answering machine. She then sipped some of her tea.

“Vivian,” a somber Toni said. “I just thought I’d give you a call. I’ve been thinking about you. I know we
had only dated a couple months, but I love you. It happens. Vivian, I love you.”

Those words had Vivian
moving one hand from her cup of tea and clutching her chest. She tugged at the red t-shirt she was wearing over a pair of blue jeans.

“Why did he have to help me with my bags? Why couldn’t it have been some other man,”
emotionally affected by his words and she felt tears starting to build. She sat her cup of tea down on the nightstand and then took a seat on the side of her bed cupping her face in her hands.

The message continued. “You’re probably not going to respond to this message either. I just wanted you to know that I’ve waited many years for a woman like you Vivian. I hope one day, you’ll forgive me and we’ll be each other’s again. You can’t deny we
fit. I’ll be thinking of you. I wanted to say too, that I’ve been thinking about having an operation. I don’t ever want to feel what I experienced with you for someone else and have this happen again. You take care,” and a dial tone followed.

Vivian
sniffled back the tears threatening to fall. She stood, picked her cup of tea up and took it to the living room with her. She sat it on the end table next to the sofa then sat sideways on the sofa. Darren and Darling immediately jumped up into her lap. It was as if they knew she was emotionally wounded and wanted to return the support from when they were wounded. She reached for her tea, and then began to gently rub Darren atop his head when her feelings for Toni took over.