Tricks (15 page)

I add, "Almost forgot. I love you."

*

He rewards me with that beautiful

smile.
And I love you. Where to?

*

I shrug. "Anywhere. But not too far.

I should probably be home by four."

*

Gotcha.
He starts the Tundra, and as he pulls away from the curb,

*

a little white car slows its approach.

I can't help but notice the driver--

*

Shania's sister, Caitlyn. And she most

definitely notices me. Her expression

*

is an interesting mixture--one part

curiosity, one part disbelief, one

*

part... jealousy? Is this trouble? I know

I should probably have Andrew turn

*

straight around, drop me off near the house.

But he's so close. And he smells so good.

*

I need to be with him more than anything.

And if this is trouble, it already is.

253

A Quarter to Four

Andrew drops me off around the corner from home. It has been an amazing

*

afternoon, filled with love and making love.

He kisses me.
See you soon. Very soon.

*

Ten to four, I walk in the door. Mama and Papa are sitting there, waiting for me.

*

Nine to four, I know I'm most definitely in trouble. Likely the major kind. "Hi?"

*

Mama pounces first.
Where have you

been? And who have you been with?

*

Then she assesses my semi-disheveled

state.
And what have you been doing?

*

Guilt flushes my face, burns my ears.

But I'm going to play stupid anyway.

*

"I told you before I left I was going to

Shania's." Stop there. See what happens.

*

Papa shadows Mama as she stands, takes a step in my direction, fists clenching.

*

You know very well what I'm talking

about. You were with that McCarran boy.

254

Five to Four

My life is over. At least the slender

wedge of it that holds happiness.

*

Denial is ridiculous. Still, the words

pop out of my mouth, "Says who?"

*

I already know the answer. It is Papa who gives it.
Caitlyn Curry. Your mother

*

called to ask you to pick up some butter on your way home. Caitlyn said you had

*

already left. And that she saw you in
a truck with the young man. Now I want

*

to know why you were with him. And why

you lied.
His face is redder than mine.

*

Deception impossible, defiance

flares. "I was with Andrew because

*

I'm in love with him. And why

I lied should be pretty damn obvious."

*

At the very intentional curse word,

Mama gasps. Papa pushes her behind

*

him, advances.
You apologize to your

mother this instant, you little trollop.

255

Trollop? Who uses that word for real?

Laughter dribbles from my mouth.

*

And I stand my ground. "But I'm not

sorry, Papa. I'm tired of you and Mama

*

treating me like a little girl. I'm old enough to fall in love. Why won't you let me?"

*

Mama's turn. Her voice drips

icicles.
I
believe you're confusing

*

love and desire. Do you really think

that man is in love with you? What

*

he wants...
Once again, her eyes travel over me, trying to look under my clothes

*

to the sin she intuits beneath them.

He wants your innocence. I will not

*

let you succumb to temptation.
She is past Papa, hands moving toward me.

*

They fall. I don't dare try to defend

myself. I've been here before. Tears

*

sting my eyes. From the pain of her blows.

And from the heartbreak tomorrow holds.

256

Heartbroken

Face bruised, eyes swollen almost

shut from crying, no way can I go

*

to church today. Mama would stay, to keep an eye on me, but it happens

*

to be Mother's Day. All the ladies will

turn out in their best dresses, to be celebrated.

*

Don't you dare take one step out of this house,
Mama warns.
If you

*

do, I'll know, I promise you that.

I'll take care of Mr. McCarran. too.

*

As soon as the car is out of sight,

I rush to the phone. Thank God

*

Andrew is still home.
Hey. I was just

heading out the door. Everything okay?

*

The whole ugly tale comes gushing

out, and I can't believe I dare to beg,

*

"Hurry and come pick me up. Please!"

It may be a very long time before I get

*

to see him again. I need to see him today.

Right away. Even looking the way I do.

257

Twenty Minutes Later

I am in Andrew's arms, crying softly against his chest. He lets me whimper

*

for a few minutes, then pushes me

gently away and says,
Look at me.

*

Let me see what she did.
His hands are kind as they soothe the bruises,

*

trace the contours of my face. But his eyes smolder, hot with anger.

*

How could anyone do something
like that to their child?
he demands.

*

"It doesn't matter. All that matters is how we can see each other now.

*

Without you, my life is meaningless.

Without you, I have nothing to live for."

*

Don't say that! And don't mean that.

You have everything to live for. We'll

*

figure something out. I promise.
He

tugs me back into his arms.
I promise.

258

I Want to Stay

Knotted to Andrew forever, warm and safe, and loved. But he insists

*

I am home before my parents get

back from church.
Don't give her

*

a reason to hurt you. Please, Eden.

It's my fault she did this to you.

*

I start to argue, but he won't let me, and he won't let me stay any longer.

*

One last quick kiss and he urges,
Just go.

If she catches you, who knows how long

*

it will be before we can see each other

again? I love you. Now go on.

*

He's right, of course, and I hurry. But

when I turn the corner, I can see

*

our car in the driveway. My stomach

lurches, like I'm in an elevator and

*

the cable snaps. I fall to my knees and vomit until there's nothing left

*

but cramps. I wobble to my feet, up the sidewalk, and in the front door.

259

Mama Is Waiting

Sitting on a straight-backed chair, facing the door.
You were with him

*

just now, weren't you? She
already

knows the answer. Why try to lie?

*

The truth is doubtless magnified by the tear storm in my eyes. "Yes."

*

I expect the same chaotic anger she threw at me yesterday. She stands,

*

and my muscles clench. But she stays

remarkably calm as she approaches.

*

I knew it when he didn't show up at church today I'm not sure why

*

it took me so long to realize what the two of you were up to sitting

*

back there....
Her jaw goes tight, and her left hand reaches for me.

*

I wince, but she simply slides her arm around my shoulder, guides me

*

toward the kitchen.
We need to talk.

I'll make some tea.
She pushes me

260

into a chair. My stomach churns acid as I watch her put two cups of water

*

into the microwave, reach for teabags and sugar. Silence overwhelms the room

*

until she puts the steaming cups onto the table.
Get the cream, please.

*

I go to the refrigerator, take the cream from its reserved spot on the top shelf.

*

Mama pours a little in each cup, hands

me the carton, which I return to its place.

*

Wordlessly she hands me a cup, takes a sip of her own, gestures for me

*

to do the same. The tea is sickeningly

sweet, but I don't dare not drink it.

*

Finally she says,
There can only be one

explanation for such total disobedience.

*

Head spinning, I wait for her to finish.

You are obviously possessed by demons.

261

A Poem by Seth Parnell
Demons

I never believed in demons or monsters

lurking under my bed.

But lately I've started to wonder

if evil hasn't in fact

infiltrated this world, slithering streets and sidewalks, wearing

whatever

disguise suits its

immediate purpose.

When a choirboy is molested, is it by the devil in a priest costume?

Or does Satan play a more clever game to get what he wants?

To win the contest, accomplish his goals, might the prince of hatred

mask himself as love?

262

Seth I Never Realized

What a bogus holiday Mother's

Day is until I didn't have a mother anymore. No one to send flowers to. No one to cook a special breakfast for.

*

The ironic thing is, my mom

used to call Mother's Day a "Hallmark holiday." You

know, something invented to buy pricey greeting cards for.

*

I know how much my men

love me,
she said more than once.
I sure don't need a three-dollar card or candy
to prove that there fact to me.

*

Regardless, Dad and I

always sprang for some

silly card, with glittery

roses, spring greenery, and flowery sentiment.

263

Maybe Hallmark should invent

some new holidays, like Dead

Mother's Day. They could tweak their old motto:
When you
still

care enough to send the very best.

*

Only where would you send it to?

Better yet, how about Breaking

Up Day? They could invent a new

motto:
A cheerful good-bye when

you don't give a damn anymore.

264

No Card

To ease the pain of Loren

leaving today. Part of me

doesn't want to see him.

I'm not much good at good-byes. But the bigger

*

part wants to hold him one

last time. Wants to haul

him off into the bedroom, make love to him, convince

him he can never go away.

*

Dread simmers in my gut.

Approaching Loren's door, it works itself into a full boil.

I reach for the bell, change

my mind, let myself in with

*

the spare key Loren gave me.

"Hello?" Even as the word

slips past my lips, I know

he's not here. He rented the apartment furnished.

*

Couch. Coffee table. Easy

chair. Nothing missing.

Nothing except Loren.

His absence overwhelms the room. "Loren?" I say it,

265

knowing it's useless, follow the silence into the bedroom.

The closet and bureau drawers are empty. The only trace of Loren is a hint of his cologne.

*

That, and a note left on the bed, beside rumpled

memories:
Dearest Seth,

I'm sorry to have left you

this way, but I couldn't say

*

good-bye face-to-face. Total

coward, I know. Rent is paid through the end of the month.

Go ahead and use the place
until then, if you want. I'll

*

write you once I'm settled, okay?

I wish I could see you graduate.

It's such a big day--the start of the rest of your life. Enjoy!

I love you very much. Loren.

266

I Haven't Cried

Since Mom died. I mean, after something like that, what's

left to cry about, right?

But I let myself cry now.

Loss is loss. Doesn't take

*

death to create it. My legs give

way. I slide to the floor next to the bed, rest my head against the bare mattress.

I can smell him there, smell

*

us
there. I reread the note.

Phrases jump out at me:

...
see you graduate... rest
of your life... love you...

Suddenly, certainly, it hits me.