Trivial Pursuits (Chicago On Ice Book 2) (27 page)

Chapter 32

TriviaPlayOrPass!

“Someone Like You” became the first number-one single in the United Kingdom for which British singer?

The second the doors close and the elevator begins to descend, I feel that my knees want to give out from underneath me. I press my back to the wall of the elevator for support, grasping the back rail, with one thought echoing through my tortured heart.

Landon loved me.

And my past wouldn’t let me trust him.

With a shaking hand, I slide my sunglasses down from the top of my head to hide my tears. I somehow manage to pull myself together enough to get out of the building and hail a cab back to the suburbs, everything that just happened playing over in my head like a horrible movie.

Landon was right. About all of it. I let my past of being deceived take a hold of the situation and my heart never bothered to interfere. Yes, it looked bad, but I should have known that Kayla would be up to something.

But not the man who wanted forever with me.

I hang on through the ride back home, silently being tortured by my own actions. I hold it together long enough to pay the cab driver, put the key into the lock, and get inside my house.

Then I lose it.

Heavy sobs rack my body, and I slide down the back of the front door, falling apart on the foyer floor. I’ve lost Landon. I’ve lost the greatest love I’ve ever known, and it’s all my fault.

“Livy!”

I push myself up and find Nana hurrying toward me, a concerned look on her face.

“Honey, what’s wrong?”

“Landon,” I get out. But just saying his name causes me to lose it all over again. “Come on,” Nana urges, helping me up. “Let’s sit on the couch. You’re going to tell me what happened with Landy.”

“I broke his heart, and I can’t undo what I’ve done,” I finally cry.

Adele’s “Someone Like You” comes to my mind, about losing love, and a sob escapes my throat.

I’ve lost him.

And I’ll never recover from it.

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Nana says, interrupting my tortured thoughts. “Let’s sit down and talk this out.”

We sit down in the den, and I curl up against Nana, like I did when I was a little girl. I feel her fingers stroking through my hair in a soothing way as I tell her the whole story, from Landon’s past with his family, to Kayla, to my own insecurities. I tell her every detail of the fight. What I said to him and what he said to me.

“Nana,” I whisper tearfully as I come to the end. “Landon will never forgive what I’ve done.”

Nana is silent for a moment. She sits me up and faces me so she can look into my eyes.

“This isn’t about Landon’s past clouding your judgment,” Nana says slowly as she strokes my cheek. “It’s about yours. Landon was right about that. You were so terrified about the past repeating itself that your head wouldn’t listen to your heart. And your fear was heightened because you love him so much. But my darling, don’t you see? You were wrong
once.
Your heart knows the truth about Landon. Believe in your judgment. Trust yourself and your heart. Nothing else matters.

“Let me tell you about my past,” Nana says. “Your mother doesn’t even know this. But back in the day, well, I’ll be blunt. I liked sex. And I believed in test-driving the car before buying it, so to speak. What can I say, I drove a lot of cars.”

I stare at Nana, and I know my mouth is open.

“Close your mouth, Livy, I was a hottie in my prime,” Nana quips.

I close my mouth, and Nana continues.

“Anyway, then I met your grandpa, and I fell madly in love,” she says. “He was The One. I didn’t want to drive any more cars. Much like your Landy. Anyway, your grandpa heard a lot of stories about me, a lot of crap I might add, and his mother warned him not to marry me. But he told me he knew my heart. And that’s all he needed to know. We were married for more than 40 years, and I was faithful until the day he died. And you and Landy will have that kind of marriage. I know it.”

I sit back in complete amazement. No wonder Nana felt such a kinship toward Landon.

“But Grandpa believed you,” I protest. “I didn’t believe Landon.”

“Your grandpa didn’t have to deal with what you did. A slut in pajamas trying to seduce your man,” Nana counters. “Landon is mad, but he’ll get over it if he really loves you. His big heart got him into trouble. Yes, that Kayla is a tart, but you wouldn’t want him to change his compassion. After all, you have the same empathy for your friends. I’ve seen it with Collins. You two are kindred spirits that way.”

“I never thought of it like that,” I admit.

“You believe Collins because she’s never given you a reason not to,” Nana says. “Landon did the same with Kayla. Okay, so that was a screw up because it was obvious she’s a ho, but we’ll give him that one. I have a feeling this episode has exposed that to him, too. But that was his past clouding his judgment. You’re both even.”

“What if he doesn’t come back?” I whisper.

“Then you go after him. You make him listen. You fight for him,” Nana urges.

Go after him.

Suddenly I remember the fortune I received when I got Chinese takeout with Landon that night.

“If he loves you, he will come after you,”
I blurt out. “Nana, that’s a fortune I received in a cookie! It’s a sign!”

Nana studies me. “I think we need to re-write that one.
If she loves you, she will come after you.
”

A flicker of hope is lit inside of me with those words.

I do love Landon.

And I’m going to go after him.

I spend the rest of the day in action. After drying my tears, I went straight to the guild to work. I crafted a fortune-cookie bracelet for Landon, one that I affixed to a black leather band like the other bracelets I’ve made him.

I’m wearing my own fortune bracelet, but mine has a different fortune on it. And my fortune has never been truer than it is right now:
“Love is seeing inside.”

I think of what I see in Landon, what is invisible to everyone else—his big heart, how sensitive he is, and how much empathy he has for others. How afraid Landon is to let people get close. How he fears love because he could hurt someone. Or that they won’t love him in the same way he loves them.

But with me, Landon has changed. He opened his heart. Landon let me inside, let me see the real Landon Holder, the man no woman ever got to know until I came into his life.

Just like I let Landon into mine.

I see it so clearly now. My heart connected with his, and it overruled my brain, which was terrified of taking a chance on him.

Because we saw things in each other that were worth facing our fears for, we took a leap of faith. Love was worth putting our hearts on the line.

A lump grows in my throat as I realize how I didn’t let Landon speak because I thought he had broken my heart. I leapt to the conclusion that he had betrayed me in the worst possible way, with a woman I had warned him about. I was rash because of my past. I didn’t listen to my instincts, I didn’t trust what we had built together. I let my past and brain overrule what my heart knew all along.

I know I can trust my instincts because they led me to Landon.

My missing puzzle piece.

I place the bracelet on tissue paper and put it in a box. Then I put my tools back in my toolbox and close it up. I’m going to go home, get cleaned up, and go over to Landon’s. Thank God there’s no game tonight. I pray he’s at home and not out with Pierre and Luca, who along with Beckett, are Landon’s squad for nights out on the road.

I drive back from the guild, the lump still lodged in my throat. I pray Nana is right. That Landon has calmed down and will listen to me.

That he will forgive me.

I make the drive back to my house in the suburbs and to my surprise, I see Aubrey’s car parked in my driveway.

I immediately slam on the breaks in the middle of the street. Landon must have told her about breaking up with me. Is that why she’s here? So she can comfort me in person?

My stomach feels like ice. My hands grow clammy. I ease my car in behind Aubrey’s, and fear grips my heart. My heart and my future is with Landon. He has to forgive me. He has to.

Because no other person will be my puzzle piece.

I get out of the car and dread sweeps over me as I walk up to the house. I go through the front door, and find my mom, Aubrey, and Nana sitting in the living room. They all stop talking the second I come in.

“Why didn’t you answer your cell?” Aubrey blurts out. “I’ve been looking for you!”

“Why?” I manage to get out in a whisper. “Is it Landon?”

My hand grips my toolbox tighter as I await her answer.

“Yes!” Aubrey declares. “He’s going
crazy
trying to find you. You won’t answer his texts or calls and he thought you would after his Instagram post but—”

“What?” I interrupt, my heart springing to life. “What are you talking about?”

“Livy!” Aubrey cries, her eyes wide. “Haven’t you looked at your phone at all today?”

Now my heart is slamming against my ribs. “No.” I fumble for it in my tote, but I don’t feel it. I pull it open and look inside, and then I remember dropping my bag on the floor of his living room . . . “I don’t have it. I dropped my tote at Landon’s. I think it must be there.”

“That explains everything. You have to see this.”

Aubrey quickly grabs her phone off the coffee table and steps over to me. She swipes a few things, and then I see she is accessing her Instagram account.

“Landon put this up today,” she says.

Aubrey turns her phone toward me so I can see his Instagram account.

I look down at the screen, which has a picture Landon posted of us together while taking a selfie. Landon has his arm around me, and I’m laughing, and he’s looking at me with nothing but pure love in his eyes. I hold my breath as I read the message:

Landy94 The only woman I’ve ever loved is right here in my arms. She is everything to me. My entire world. And I refuse to know a world without her in it. I love you @JewlerybyLivy.

I begin to shake as I read his words over and over. Landon posted this after our fight.

Which means only one thing.

He still loves me.

“I,” I gasp, fighting back tears, “I have to go to him.”

“Yes!” Aubrey cries, nodding. “He thinks you aren’t going to forgive him. He’s out of his mind that you haven’t returned his phone calls or texts. I told him he was being ridiculous, but he wasn’t having it. He’s convinced you hate him for what he said to you today.”

“I’m going right now. Aubrey, text him and tell him I’m on my way to see him at his place.”

Aubrey nods. Before I go, I run over to Nana and kiss her on the cheek.

“I love you so much. I owe you everything,” I say, my voice thick.

“Nonsense,” Nana says, touching my face with her hand. “You would have gone after him anyway. I know my granddaughter. And I know
your
heart.”

I blink back tears. “Thank you.”

“Go,” Nana urges, smiling gently at me.

I take off, leaving everyone behind as I go to my car. I’m desperate to get to him now. To tell Landon how sorry I am, the mistakes I’ve made, but also to tell him all the reasons why I fell in love with him and why he’s the only man I will ever love like this. I held back my feelings for so long, out of fear of him not feeling the same things.

But I know what is in Landon’s heart now.

I love you @JewlerybyLivy
, I think, seeing his Instagram post flash through my head as I drive toward the city. I blink back tears as I think of how long he’s loved me, but his fears of hurting me silenced him.

No more of that,
I think with determination
. We’re going to say it to each other whenever we want, knowing it’s real.

Knowing it’s forever.

I slow down as I hit a wall of traffic entering the city. Damn it, it’s going to take forever to get to Landon, which makes me want to cry. I take a few calming breaths of air, but it doesn’t work. Nothing will work until I see him.

Traffic inches along. I fight the desperate, panicky feeling building within my chest. Hopefully he’ll listen to Aubrey. That Landon believes I’m coming over to make things right with him. That I am showing up and haven’t changed my mind . . .

Finally, I reach the Jourdin Chicago. I park my car in a visitor slot, but luckily Landon issued me a security card for the private elevator so I can get in without having to check in at the lobby desk.

I access the elevator and punch the button for his floor. As the elevator ascends, I begin pacing. I’m on the verge of tears, thinking of how upset Landon has been this afternoon. That he believed I wasn’t going to forgive him, when in reality, I was praying he could forgive
me.

The doors open, and I don’t hesitate. I hurry right out, running down the hallway to his door.

I immediately knock on his door, as I don’t feel right using the key now. “Landon!” I call out, my voice breaking as I press my palm against the wood. “It’s me.”

I hear his footsteps. My heart holds still. The lock turns, and I brace myself to face him.

The door jerks open. Landon faces me, his blue eyes quickly searching mine. His emotions are all there for me to read. I see fear reflected in them. I see worry that I’m not going to forgive him.

And I see love like I’ve never seen in my life.

There are no rules anymore. There’s no timeline, there’s no who should go first, there’s no fear of making a mistake.