Trouble with Luv' (11 page)

“No.” Ebony was uncomfortable, but not because they were talking about the death of her parents. She didn't want Xavier to think less of her than he already did. If she bared her soul to him, told him she didn't shed a single tear during the ordeal and didn't miss them, Xavier would label her heartless.

Ebony had tried for years to win her parents' affection with no success. She survived her high school years on a meager five hours of sleep a night, and studied relentlessly in the hopes of having the highest grades in her class. She'd succeeded. But when Ebony told her father she was going to be valedictorian, he mumbled congratulations and continued watching the nightly news.

That was the day Ebony had given up trying to impress him. She had surrounded herself with friends, and spent more time with her aunt Mae. In her mind, Simeon and Ingrid Garrett had died long before Officer Huntington stood in the dimly lit foyer and told her the tragic news. Ebony remembered that bitter winter day as if it were yesterday, rather than almost a decade ago.

Her entire body had gone numb and then her legs had slipped out from underneath her. Aunt Mae said she had passed out, but to this day Ebony couldn't remember what happened. The days following were a blur. Flowers arrived in what seemed like hundreds, visitors came by to offer their sympathies and funeral arrangements were made. Food was cooked, desserts were baked and when the day of the burial finally arrived, all eyes were on her. But Ebony held it together. She cried, but not for her parents. She wept for what could have been. The missed hugs. The words of encouragement. Their unwavering love and support.

There is no fear in love; perfect love casts out all fear,
the minister had said, his gentle eyes searching her face. His message of hope was simple and touched her deeply. An overwhelming sense of peace had washed over her as she listened to him speak. And when the last guest had left her parents' house five hours later, Ebony had a plan and a purpose for her life.

“How did your parents meet?” Xavier wanted Ebony to open up to him. Trust was the foundation for every relationship, regardless of the degree, and he wanted her to know he could be trusted with her secrets.

The silver bangles on Ebony's hand clanked together when she dusted bread crumbs off her skirt. As her eyes drifted around the park grounds, she thought about the answers. Simeon and Ingrid's eighteen-year marriage had been one of convenience, not love. When Ingrid had discovered she was three months pregnant, Simeon had done the right thing by proposing. There was no elaborate wedding with family and friends. The occasion hadn't been commemorated with wine toasts, photographs and wedding cake. A civil court ceremony on a frosty Tuesday afternoon, an office receptionist and security guard the only witnesses, had been sufficient for the penniless couple.

Ebony didn't know how to answer Xavier's question. Vacillating between sharing her most vivid childhood memories and changing the topic altogether, she said, “You have a lot of personal questions, Xavier. Are you trying to figure out why I don't want to have children, or convince me that the past has little bearing on one's future?”

“You may not have had a picture-perfect childhood, Ebony, but that doesn't mean you wouldn't make a good mother. I think you'd be a kind and loving parent.” Xavier winked. “What child wouldn't be thrilled to call you Momma?”

A smile found its way on to Ebony's lips.
Me a mother?
A comfortable silence hovered over them, allowing enough time for her to digest her thoughts. Ebony watched as people packed up their supplies and strolled leisurely toward the park entrance. The park was virtually empty but the musicians kept right on playing.

Xavier felt something stir within him. He didn't know if it was the way Ebony looked, so feminine and pretty, or learning about her troubled upbringing, but he wanted her in his arms. Something about being with her felt right. The space between them suddenly seemed restrictive. Xavier reached out and caressed her cheek. In response she nuzzled her face against his hand.

Ebony knew that if they were ever going to get anywhere, Xavier had to be the one to make the first move, so she waited patiently. She leaned into him, and he took it from there. He glided his tongue into her mouth, tasting and teasing. The scent of her skin was intoxicating. It enveloped him like a hug. Lost as they were in their own escape, the distant chatter whirling around them ceased to exist. Wanting, needing, aching, Xavier palmed and stroked her breasts through her flimsy shirt. He fondled and plucked. Ebony was the type of woman a man could never get enough of. She was so sensual and utterly erotic, it hurt.

Ebony was hot. Her skin was tingling, her nipples were hard, and she could feel moisture building between her legs. Apt fingers brushed back and forth across his crotch. Then, in one fluid motion, her hands were inside his shorts and she was stroking his shaft.

Xavier moaned. Returning the favor, he unhooked her bra and took her breasts into his hands. Soon, the feel of her nipples under his fingertips was not enough. He wanted to capture a nipple in his mouth, and suck it until his tongue was sore.

Ebony wanted him in the worst possible way. Well aware that they were in a public place, she forced herself to maintain an element of control. But as their kisses and touches intensified, Ebony found it an impossible task. She wanted to rip off Xavier's shirt and taste every inch of him. Love him like he had never been loved before. Brand him with the heat of her lips. Stroke him to ecstasy with the work of her hands. Show him a kind of pleasure he had never known before.

“I…should take you…home,” Xavier stammered, ending the kiss. He checked the zipper on his pants, his eyes flittering nervously around the park.
Thank God no one's watching.
They were the only couple left on the east side of the field, and as far as he could see, the once thriving crowd of music lovers had thinned. Darkness had swallowed up the day, the glow of the stars the only light.

Xavier didn't know what had gotten into him. He had been one second away from hoisting up her skirt, plunging deep inside her and satisfying his craving. Never mind that they were in a public place or that they were on their first “official” date or that he had promised himself he wouldn't go there with her. Xavier knew things had gotten out of hand but he had felt powerless to resist.

Xavier averted his gaze from her eyes. One deep breath followed another. He poured himself some juice and gulped it down. Within seconds, his head had cleared and he was back in control. “It's getting late,” he stated, checking his watch. The sun was sinking behind the clouds and the temperature had dropped considerably. “We should go. We're the last ones here.”

Good,
she thought, her lips curving into a sinuous smile. Ebony didn't want to leave. She wanted more. They were in a deserted park and the possibilities were endless. Ready to finish what Xavier had started, she kissed him again.

When they broke away, she could see his resolve was faltering. His eyes were heavy with lust and his breathing was quick and ragged. “I think we should stay,” she told him, putting a hand to his cheek.

Xavier stood to his feet.

“I don't get it…we were on the verge of…I thought you wanted to—” Ebony stopped. There was no point in going on. Xavier wasn't listening. He was busying himself with gathering up the empty food containers. Garbage was thrown out, plates and utensils were returned to the cooler and the blanket was folded and tucked under his arm.

“Ready?”

Ebony nodded and followed him through the park.

“Are you free tomorrow?” he asked, once they were back inside his car. Xavier wanted to see her again, but he didn't want to appear eager. Women didn't respond well to being smothered, especially independent ones like Ebony. She didn't have to verbalize her feelings, but he knew she didn't want anyone getting too close.

“What do you have in mind?” Ebony hoped it was more of what they had left behind in the park. She had expected the day to end on a high note, not with her sexually frustrated and entertaining thoughts of breaking out her little black book. Xavier had dangled explosive, toe-curling sex in front of her and then snatched it away. Ebony wanted to make love tonight, but it wouldn't do any good to call up one of her old loves. Xavier Reed was the only man she wanted.

Ebony looked over at Xavier. He was clearly Mr. self-control. She didn't know anybody who had that type of discipline. It was a commendable trait. Not one that could be fully appreciated or admired at the present moment, but maybe after an ice-cold shower she would reflect on all of his formidable qualities.

“I'd like you to come with me to church.”

He can't be serious. Church as a second date?
Ebony wanted to see him again, but she didn't want to go to church. They couldn't talk in church. Or laugh at each other's jokes. Or kiss. And besides, churches were filled with imperfect, hypocritical people, who wagged their crooked fingers at others. Ebony would rather stay home and watch Bishop T.D. Jakes from the comfort of her sofa than go to a real life church any day. Mock smiles, insincere welcomes and stilted conversation would greet her at the front door and finger pointing and hushed voices would guide her down the aisles.

“My sister and her husband will be there and I'd love for you to meet them.” Xavier pulled out of the parking space, and followed the trail of cars leaving the park grounds. “Afterward, we can all go for lunch.” He put a hand on her lap. “I promise not to take you to Dakota's.”

Ebony laughed. “Why don't you call me in the morning? I'll let you know how I'm feeling and we'll go from there.”

Xavier nodded. The rest of the twenty-minute drive was a quiet one. The driver wrestled with feelings of guilt over what had happened in the park and the passenger wondered how much longer it would take to get him into bed.

“P
eople of God, get it together!” bellowed Pastor B.J. Henderson, striking his fists vehemently against the pulpit. His voice boomed across the church, amplified by the mini microphone clipped to his suit jacket. “It's time we
stop
playing church and
start
being a church! Is anyone in here listening?”

A chorus of amens and hallelujahs rang out from the congregation.

Pastor Henderson peeled off his pea-green suit jacket. The slim-faced deacon standing off to the side took it and draped it behind the reverend's oversize chair. The shiny pews, glass pulpit and decorated altar complimented the simple elegance of the church.

“We need to get real with ourselves and get real with our God! Don't waste your time and—” he pointed to the ceiling with his index finger “—His time
playing church
. If you're not going to give the Lord your all, don't bother.” Pastor Henderson dragged a hand down his face, his large, owl-like eyes penetrating the audience. “God doesn't want our sloppy seconds, church. He wants your heart, your soul, your mind and your body. He wants everything you have and everything you are. It's all or nothing, saints. Can I get an amen up in here?”

“Amen!” Ebony didn't realize she had shouted until Xavier smiled over at her.

He whispered, “Looks like somebody is enjoying herself.”

She cast him a sideways glance, and when he broke out into a cheesy grin, she did, too. Pastor Henderson asked the assembly to open their Bibles to Psalm 51 and Ebony dutifully obeyed.

“Everything you have and will ever have in this life is a gift from God,” he told them, after reading the scripture. “If you have food on your table and clothes on your back and shoes on your feet, you ought to give the Lord some praise. Stop puffing out your chest and swaggering around the neighborhood like you're something special. You're not! Don't look down at others because you have an Ivy League education, a six-figure salary, an expensive car and a four-bedroom house with a
pool.
How do you think you got all of those things? You didn't get them by yourself! God gave them to you! He blessed you with the intelligence to graduate from a college or university. Blessed you with the necessary skills to secure that prestigious job. Helped you to buy that fancy house. Don't take what God has done in your life for granted, people of God.” Pastor Henderson paused long enough to wipe the sweat trickling down his face. He warned, “Don't play with God, saints, because as quickly as he blessed you with that
job,
that
car,
and that
house,
it can all be gone!”

Heads nodded and hands clapped. Pastor Henderson had evidently struck a nerve. “Before I close, I want to have a word with my sisters in Christ.” His mouth was set into a deep scowl. “Stop being so hard on the brothers!”

The women in the congregation chuckled.

“Trust me, sisters, they are doing their very best. So what if the brother looks more like Derrick from up the block than
Denzel Washington?
Give the man a chance!” Worshippers erupted in laughter. Women of all ages shook their heads furiously; men nodded and exchanged high fives. Pastor Henderson guffawed. A full minute passed before the parishioners quieted down. “Now, bow your heads in prayer.”

Xavier took Ebony's hand.

The pastor instructed the congregation, “Pray for someone who you know could use a touch from the Lord.”

Ebony couldn't remember the last time she'd prayed and didn't know who to pray for. But when she closed her eyes, she saw Lydia Miller's angry face. She prayed for the young girl and soon she was crying.

Pastor Henderson's soul-stirring message had her name written all over it. Ebony had replaced God with work and in the process had lost her way. She had given up on faith and stopped believing in miracles. But her past didn't have to be her future. Right where Ebony sat, she made a promise to God. She would attend church on a regular basis and try to pray every day. The church choir was phenomenal and she responded to Pastor Henderson's tell-it-like-it-is approach, but Ebony didn't know if she was going to make Jubilee Christian Center her home church. This was Xavier's church. And she didn't want him to think she was attending church to win him over. Ebony was doing this for herself and not because she wanted him to like her.

When the service came to a close, Ebony carried herself confidently through the church doors and stopped only when Xavier introduced her to the pastor and his wife. Parishioners waited in line to have a word with their pastor, but Pastor Henderson took the time to greet his “son's” pretty friend. He thanked Ebony for all her help in the Changing Lives Through Meals program and his wife, Necee, promised to have them over for dinner one day soon. By the time Ebony left the church foyer and followed Xavier outside, her heart was full. She felt different, renewed, changed.

“What did you think?” Xavier asked, weaving his car around a shiny SUV and merging into midday traffic. “I heard you hooting and hollering, but what do you really think of what you heard this morning?”

“The choir was amazing and the African woman who stood up and testified about being healed from throat cancer is incredibly brave. I don't know what I'd do if I was in her shoes.”

Xavier agreed. “Me, neither, but thank God her cancer is in remission. If anyone can survive throat cancer, it's Sister Mobuto. The woman is a fighter.”

Ebony was happy to hear that. “It's too bad your sister couldn't come to church this morning. I was really looking forward to meeting her.”

“I know, but morning sickness is kicking her butt.” Xavier made a point of adding, “But don't worry, there'll be lots of other opportunities for you to meet her.”

Ebony didn't ask him to elaborate. They were still testing the waters, as she liked to call it, and she didn't want to read too much into what he said. When the time was right, they would discuss where things were going. Until then, she would keep things as simple as possible. “Her husband seems nice.”

“Yeah, Andrew's a cool guy. Not like that jerk she married the first time around.” Ebony picked up on the resentment in his voice, but when she opened her mouth to ask what happened, he changed the subject.

“I'm glad you came with me to church, Ebony. It means a lot to me.”

Ebony smiled softly. The more time she spent with Xavier, the more she liked him. Beneath his serious nature was a supersensitive romantic who was witty and sincere. He was warm and sweet and kind and although they would probably never be anything more than lovers, Ebony was thankful that they had met. Knowing a man of Xavier's caliber and character would undoubtedly change her forever. From now on, she refused to settle. No more self-centered, scheming, two-faced, no-good brothers. If she couldn't have the best, then she didn't want anyone at all. Ebony stared outside the window.
It's like the song says,
she thought with a chuckle,
I can do bad all by myself.

 

Ebony leaped to her feet. She hoped it was Xavier on the phone. That night at dinner, they had discussed their favorite vacation spots, argued about the best players in the major leagues and flirted shamelessly. Things had been going great until the waiter brought the bill.

Ebony had expected Xavier to be relived when she pulled out her credit card and handed it to the pale-skinned waiter. A teacher's salary was barely enough to keep body and soul together, let alone pay for expensive meals. Ebony didn't mind paying; she could afford it. Most men would be over the moon if their date offered to pay for dinner. Not Xavier. He had argued with her for ten minutes. In the end, she had reluctantly agreed to let him pay, but had insisted on leaving the tip. The drive back to her place was a quiet one, and when Xavier pulled up in front of her house, he was still sulking. Ebony invited him inside, but he politely declined. “Call me later, okay?” Xavier had promised to call her in a couple of hours, but it was going on ten o'clock, and she still hadn't heard from him.

“Hello?”

“Hey, girl. Long time no talk.”

Ebony pushed aside her disappointment and greeted Opal warmly. She went to the fridge, poured herself a glass of chocolate milk and grabbed a handful of cookies.

“Where have you been? Have you forgotten about your family?”

“Don't be like that,” Ebony said sternly. “Kendall and I have been working crazy hours trying to get the business proposal finished before our next meeting with the bank.” She dunked a cookie in the glass of milk and popped it into her mouth. “You of all people should know what it's like trying to meet a deadline.”

“I hear you. Things are just as busy on my end, but that doesn't mean I can't find the time to check on my friends. Unlike you, my job isn't my life. There are more important things, like—”

“Okay, okay, save the rest of your speech for someone who cares,” Ebony said with a laugh. “You made your point, Opal. I'm a horrible friend.”

“Admitting it is the first step.”

More laughter passed between the two friends.

“How are my goddaughters doing?” Milk spewed out of Ebony's mouth when Opal said she was thinking about checking herself into a psychiatric ward. “That bad, huh?”

“Worse! I can't handle Iyesha anymore. She's only thirteen, but her scrawny little butt is wearing me out! Whenever I tell her she can't do something, she hems and haws and then spends the rest of the evening pouting. I feel like pulling my hair out from the roots every time she whines about wanting this or that. And this morning when I told her she needed to put a T-shirt over her tank top, she had the nerve to roll her eyes. You know what that fresh-mouthed girl said when I told her she was one eye-roll away from being grounded? She said, ‘Mom, you're such a drainer!'” Opal imitated her daughter's voice, which elicited chuckles from her best friend. “What does that mean?”

Ebony dabbed the tears at the corner of her eyes. Every woman needed a friend as funny as Opal. She always had a story to tell. Between the characters she counseled at the group home she worked at, her crafty ex-husband and her two spunky daughters, there was always something exciting happening in her life.

“We should get together one day this week,” Opal said.

“Just pick the time and place and I'm there.”

“Good, 'cause if I don't get away from Iyesha and Tessa for a few hours, I'm going to lose it!”

Ebony did a mental check of her week. She was booked solid until next Friday. “Q's Joint is celebrating their three-year anniversary next weekend. Interested?”

“Sure, count me in.”

“Do you mind if I bring Xavier? When I mentioned it to him this afternoon he said he wanted to go.”

“You two kids have been spending an awful lot of time together,” Opal noted. “When you aren't burning up the phone lines, you're off having dinner and who knows what else. Is there something you want to tell me?”

“Nope. Nothing at all.”

There was a ruffling sound on the phone and then Opal said, “I seriously doubt I'll be able to keep it together until Friday.”

“Then come over tomorrow night and we'll order in some Chinese food.”

“Deal, but no Chinese. I started Atkins today.”

Ebony frowned into the phone. “Again?”

“Yup. The first time around was just a trial run.”

“And this time is…” She left Opal to finish the rest of the sentence.

“The real thing.”

“All right, I got it. No Chinese food. We'll have salad and tofu and watch my girl Fantasia tear it up on
American Idol.
”

“Deal.”

“Okay. See you then.”

After Ebony replaced the receiver, she washed the dishes, dried them and then stacked them in the cupboard. Outside the kitchen window, an angry wind scattered leaves back and forth and murky clouds sailed across the dark gray sky. Though the sun had set, the neighborhood was still very much awake. The Addisons, the Trinidadian family to her left, had their sprinklers going; a lawn mower roared in the distance; children laughed merrily and dogs barked.

Why hasn't he called?
Ebony stared at the receiver for a moment, then picked it up and punched in Xavier's number. But she hung up before the call could connect. No, she wasn't going to call. Xavier was being petty and if he couldn't handle being with a woman who made more money than him she was better off without him.

Ebony returned to the master bedroom. A long, luxurious soak in the tub quieted her thoughts and soothed her mind. Clad in a red lace teddy, she shut off her bedside lamp and slipped underneath the silk sheets. She spent the next twenty minutes rehashing what happened at dinner and when Ebony finally dozed off, it was with a heavy heart.