Authors: Trice Hickman
A
lexandria smiled as she looked around the ballroom of the Nedine Convention Center. Hundreds of people had gathered for the final night of the town's fiftieth annual Flower Festival celebration. The men were decked out in tuxedos and custom-tailored suits, while the women wore everything from ball gowns to tea-length dresses. The room was filled with lively chatter, glowing candles adorned each table, and best of all, Alexandria and her family were seated at a table with a prime location next to the mayor.
After Victoria had called Percy Jones to ask him to prepare the house for her family's visit, word had spread that Isaiah Small's granddaughter was coming to Nedine for the grand, time-honored festival. The local newspaper had called Victoria last week and conducted a telephone interview that had run in the
Nedine Chronicle
the very next day. Following the phone interview, a representative from the Flower Festival committee had also contacted her, apologized for the obvious oversight of not extending an invitation to a descendent of one of the town's leading African American business pioneers, and offered prime seating at the gala for Victoria and her family.
Their table of ten was complete with one addition whom Alexandria was a little shocked, but overwhelmingly happy, to see, and that was Parker. He was seated between PJ and Samantha, looking as dashing as ever in a tuxedo she knew had to have cost more than most people's mortgage payments. She and PJ had been delighted when her parents told them that they'd seen Parker earlier that day and had invited him to be a guest at their table tonight. At the time, she hadn't been sure if he'd show up, and now she was glad he did.
Everyone was having a great time, and as usual, Uncle Maxx continued to garner attention from people, who came up to him to shake his hand, take a picture, or simply say hello.
“You're a celebrity,” Chase told him. “I'm gonna take a picture and post it on Facebook.”
“I don't know what that is, but it sounds good to me,” Maxx said as he smiled at Chase's camera phone.
Alexandria was glad that her family was so happyâthat is, everyone except Christian. She didn't want her brother to ruin her evening, and she'd wanted to put him out of her mind, but she couldn't because of what she knew. She'd tapped into his thoughts earlier today.
She had seen that Christian had been so furious after being thrown out of the house that he'd packed his rental car and headed back to the airport. But a few miles outside the city limits he'd decided to turn around. A short time later he'd found himself checking into the Nedine Express, wishing he could go back to the family homestead, but knowing he had work to do before he'd be welcomed into his family's fold. He'd unpacked his things and hadn't left his room until it was time for the evening gala.
Alexandria wished he would have arrived at the event sober, but he'd snorted two lines of cocaine while sitting in the parking lot right before he came in.
When he'd walked up to their table an hour ago, well after everyone had been seated, both Victoria and Ted had looked at him with caution, not knowing whether he was there to cause trouble or make peace.
Ted had risen from his seat beside Victoria and greeted his son. “For the sake of family and your great-grandfather's memory, let's put what happened this morning to the side and celebrate tonight.”
“Agreed,” Christian had said.
She knew that Christian ran hot and cold. He could either sit at the table and behave himself, or jump up and make a scene that would cause her father to handle him physically in public.
Alexandria was about to entertain a fresh wave of worry when a sharp feeling hit her in her gut and changed everything. As quickly as she could blink, all of her fears vanished. In that instant, she knew that no matter how Christian chose to behave, there was nothing he could do to ruin the evening, or the remainder of the weekend for that matter.
She smiled to herself as she looked around the table from one person to the next, and thought about the words Allene had spoken to her in a vision that had started this journey.
It's time to bury the past so we can all start new beginnings.
Each one of them had traveled to Nedine with a purpose, and as they sat around the table eating, drinking, and enjoying the night's event, she knew they would all leave tomorrow with a new path to travel.
Samantha, Tyler, and Chase now had the clarity they each needed to move forward. Samantha no longer had to worry about burdensome secrets, Tyler would no longer keep things from his wife, and after the news Alexandria had delivered to them earlier this afternoon, Chase would no longer act irresponsibly, especially since five months from now he'd have a baby daughter who would look exactly like him.
Parker had traveled to Nedine to protect his only child, and to see if there was any inkling of a chance for rekindling love with the only woman he'd ever loved. He was satisfied and felt good knowing that PJ was going to be safe, and he was thankful that even though Victoria would always hold a place in his heart, he was now able to move her from the forefront of it so he could make room for someone else.
Christian had come to Nedine with the twisted intentions of seizing control of his mother's property and real estate holdings, but now he was leaving a partially broken man, knowing that the only people who'd ever supported him were ready to put distance between them unless he cleaned up his act. He knew that his next step wasn't graduate school, it was going to be a rehab facility, and after that, one day at a time in rebuilding the trust and love he'd torn from his family.
Victoria and Ted had both been hoping that this weekend would give their daughter the understanding she needed, and that it would serve to bring their marriage back to where it had once been. They'd weathered storms that would have torn most couples apart, and they'd forgiven each other for past hurts and misunderstandings. But most of all, they rediscovered what had brought them together nearly thirty years ago, and that was an unselfish love for each other that would never die.
Uncle Maxx had come to Nedine to say good-bye. He was tired, and he was ready to move on to a place where he would no longer feel lonely or have to worry about living in a changing world that had passed him by. The last two days had taken him back to a time in his life that had been filled with good friends and good times, and he was glad that he'd been blessed to come back to where his life had begun, helping him to feel at complete peace in anticipation of its end.
Alexandria was so full of emotion that she could hardly contain the feelings flowing through her body. She'd come to Nedine to protect her family and pay final respects to the ancestors who'd come before her. Tomorrow was going to be a big day that would bring this visit full circle, and as she looked around the table, knowing exactly what lay ahead for every one of them, she felt both joy and sadness.
“You done good, baby girl,” Allene said. “Everything's gonna be all right. Just remember to always trust your gut, and know that I'll be here to help you.”
Alexandria's heart was full of joy, and as she sat at a table filled with love and hope, she was grateful that even though tomorrow held sorrow, new beginnings had already taken flight.
L
ater that night after the big gala had ended, Victoria and Ted lay in bed talking about their busy weekend and the events of the day.
“It's been a very eventful weekend,” Ted said as he yawned.
“Yes it has.” Victoria didn't want to beat around the bush, she wanted to get to the bottom of why their intimacy had disappeared. “I want to talk about our love life,” she said.
For the first time in a very long time, Victoria could see that Ted was very uncomfortable, and this wasn't like him. He was always in control of his emotions and the way he expressed his feelings, even when pushed to the edge. No matter how pressing or complicated the situation, he could always manage to find the right words or solution to abate the problem. But now, as he sat propped up on the fluffy pillows beside her, Victoria saw a look on his face that she'd never seen. He was uncertain, and not only that, he was scared.
“Ted, talk to me,” Victoria pleaded. “I know in my heart that something's wrong. What you told me about Christian yesterday is just the tip of the iceberg. I know you're upset about what our son has done, but there's something else that's been holding you back from me and making you distant. There's no intimacy between us, and every time I've tried to initiate anything you brush me off. Tell me what's going on”
Victoria hadn't realized she was trembling until she felt Ted reach for her and pull her into his strong chest. Being in his arms felt good, and she wanted to stay there for as long as she could. But that comfort didn't quiet her need for answers. She pulled away from him and looked into his eyes. “We're not going to sleep tonight until you talk to me. I mean it.”
Ted inhaled sharply and exhaled loudly before he spoke. “The truth of the matter is that I can't perform the way I used to. I think you noticed that the last few times we were intimate, didn't you?”
Victoria nodded her head. She remembered that it had taken Ted quite a while to get an erection, and then it only lasted a few minutes before he lost it. When she'd asked him if everything was okay he'd told her that it was, and that he still found her stimulating, even though there was physical proof that that wasn't necessarily true.
Ted cleared his throat. “I'm ashamed of the way I've handled this situation, V. I've felt a lot of pressure ever since Parker came back into our lives. No man wants to think that he can't please his wife, and then when there's the threat of another man who can, it messes with the mind.”
Victoria blinked several times. “Do you think you have erectile dysfunction?”
“I don't know.” Ted looked straight ahead again, as if he couldn't bear to see the expression on Victoria's face.
They sat in bed without saying anything for a few minutes. This time it was Ted who broke their silence. “V, say something. Please.”
“If you're having physiological problems why didn't you just tell me, or go to the doctor and get some medicine? Hell, there's an erectile dysfunction commercial on every five minutes. You had me thinking that you were having an affair or that you didn't want me. Either way it hurt me, Ted”
“I know, and I'm sorry,” Ted sighed. “I've always been able to please you, and the thought of not being able to any longer sent me into a loop. On the one hand I wanted to please you, but on the other I was afraid to try because I didn't want you to be disappointed like the last few times we made love.” Ted let out a heavy breath. “I know I'm getting older and things won't work the same way they used to, but when a man can please his woman it makes him feel like he's still got it. You're so beautiful and loving, and I want to show you that I can still satisfy you.”
Victoria put her hand on top of his. “This is something we can work on. When I was battling breast cancer I learned about so many natural approaches for healing the body through holistic medicine. If it could help me heal and beat cancer, it can certainly help you get it up.”
Ted shook his head. “You've always had a way with words.”
“Yesterday when you told me you were going to make a hard decision that was going to drive a wedge between our family, I held my breath thinking you were going to tell me that you wanted a divorce. So hearing this news is music to my ears.”
Ted ran his finger along the side of Victoria's face. “Why would I want to leave the only woman I've ever loved? Not one day has gone by, even during that bad time we had in the past, that I've ever thought about leaving you. When I said I do, I meant it. I don't want to ever be without you, and the only thing that's going to separate us is death. I love you, V.”
Victoria moved in close and sank into Ted's embrace. “I'm going to call your doctor and make an appointment for you when we get back home. You need a complete physical anyway. Once we know what's going on physically, we can work on this together.
“Together has a nice ring to it.”
They shared a long, passionate kiss and then lay in Victoria's favorite position, with Ted spooning her from behind. This was the first time they'd lain in bed this way in months, and although she missed feeling the hard rise of his manhood against her behind, the love and warmth of his embrace gave her all she needed.
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Victoria felt like a new woman when she awoke and found herself still wrapped inside Ted's arms. He was spooning her in a gentle hold, and she wished they could stay that way the rest of the weekend.
“Sleeping Beauty is up,” he said.
She yawned. “I am. What time is it?”
“Almost eight.”
She could feel Ted's warm breath on the back of her neck and it made her want him. She moved closer into him, pressing her body against his. She was hoping to feel hardness against her skin, but when she didn't, she knew it was okay. She was simply grateful for the closeness and the intimacy they were sharing, which was just as meaningful as their physical lovemaking had always been.
Ted kissed her neck. “We had a full day yesterday, and we were up pretty late last night.”
“That's true.”
“You must've been tired because you snored,” Ted teased in a playful voice. “And you were loud, too.”
“Was I?” Victoria let out a soft laugh. “Did I keep you up?”
“I was up most of the night, but it wasn't because of your snoring. I was thinking about us.”
Victoria turned to face him. “What were you thinking?”
“That I should've opened up to you a long time ago. I'm sorry that my actions made you think I didn't want you anymore. That's the farthest thing from how I feel. I wanted to tell you two months ago when you first asked me what was wrong, but I didn't know what to say, and I didn't want to disappoint you, although I think I already have.”
“The only disappointment I feel is what you saidâthat you didn't tell me before now. We've been together so long, I thought you knew you could talk to me about any and everything.”
“But this is about my manhood, V.”
Victoria pulled away from him and lowered the left strap of her gown, revealing her bare chest and a scar that stretched across it. “This was about my womanhood, and we faced it together. I thought you knew that after we beat this, there was nothing we couldn't conquer.”
“Yes, I hear you,” Ted said with a sigh. “But you're still beautiful, and you can still please me.”
“And you're still handsome, and you can still please me, too.”
Victoria could see that Ted was looking at her with doubt. Of all the hurdles she knew they might face in their marriageâfrom being an interracial couple, to raising mixed-raced children, to discovering they weren't so interracially mixed after all, to awakening family secrets, surviving near infidelity, and finally, battling a life-threatening illnessâshe'd never thought that Ted's virility would be one of the challenges they'd face.
She knew they would both slow down with age, and she'd anticipated that their sex life would surely change over time, but thinking about it and actually living it were two very different things.
She knew she wasn't alone, and that a few of her girlfriends were experiencing a drought in their sex lives as well. Ever since Debbie and Rob divorced ten years ago, Debbie had been searching for someone who could make her feel excited, let alone help her achieve an orgasm. And Victoria's devoted office manager, confidante, and friend, Denise, had all but given up on sex with her husband.
“Girlfriend, I've had my fill,” Denise had told her a few months ago when Victoria had confided in her about her diminishing sex life with Ted. “After more than forty years of marriage, all these old bones of mine want is a nice dinner and a movie, and I'm good.”
The only girlfriend she knew who was still happily satisfied was Samantha, who didn't mind sharing. “Tyler gives it to me good and on the regular. As a matter of fact, that's how we got the day started,” she'd told Victoria yesterday.
Victoria knew she wasn't in her prime, but she wasn't ancient either, and she still desired physical pleasure.
But looking into Ted's eyes, which were filled with unconditional love, she knew that having the type of intimacy, openness, and honesty they'd shared last night was enough for her. They'd been through too much and had loved too strong for too long to let things fall apart over something that could be fixed, either by a holistic approach or with prescription drugs. And even if neither worked, she knew that if this was as bad as it got, she was fine with that outcome, because what they had together could reach the sky.
“Ted, I know you know this, but I think I need to remind you that your manhood isn't attached to what's in between your legs. It's what's here,” she said, placing her hand on his chest. “You're a wonderful husband and father. You're strong and true, and you're the best man I know.”
“I appreciate you saying that, V. But I still want to please you as a man. I felt you move up against me when you woke up.” He paused and let out a deep breath. “I know what you wanted, and it kills me that I'm not able to give it to you.”
“Yes, I would've loved to make love to you. But what you've given me is just as good, and maybe even better. I can't remember the last time you held me through the night, and I woke up in your arms. That's a feeling that a lot of women would give anything to experience. I'm lying next to a handsome man who loves me just the way I am. A man who's honest and respectful. A man who loves and protects his family. A man who I know without a doubt I can count on. Baby, you've given me all I need, and more.”
Ted pulled Victoria into his chest and kissed her slowly and gently. She moaned with pleasure when she felt him reach under her silk nightgown and run his strong hands along the contours of her body. They cuddled, and caressed, and stroked, and nibbled, and kissed, and laughed, and loved on each other as they lay in bed, knowing that their love was strong enough to see them through anything that came their way.