True (6 page)

“Hey!” she said brightly.

I pushed her back into the bathroom and locked the door behind her.

“What, Rory? Are you okay?” Her brow furrowed and her bunny ears bounced as she shook her hair back.

I set my beer down on the sink and studied Jessica. “What’s going on? What did Tyler give you?”

“Just a happy pill. I like the way it makes my skin itch.”

Clearly my face registered the horror I was feeling, because she took both of my hands into hers. “Oh, come on, don’t make a big deal out of this. I do it like once a month. It’s no different than getting wasted a few times a month.”

“It chemically alters your brain.”

“Which is why it feels so good.” Jessica laughed. “Seriously, this is not a problem. I just didn’t feel like drinking tonight, but I wanted a little high. This is a legal drug, you know.”

She had a point there. And I couldn’t imagine that one pill would do more than was intended when a doctor prescribed it. It would just make her feel loopy and numb, which I guess was what she was going for. I felt a little relieved but not exactly okay. “Just don’t take more than one at a time, okay? Promise me.”

Jessica nodded. “Yeah. Of course. I’m not looking to OD. Are you okay? Did something happen with Tyler?”

“No. Nothing happened,” I said truthfully. I didn’t understand the whole casual attitude toward sex partners. It seemed like a bigger deal to me than that, and it made me feel . . . lonely. Not to mention, I wasn’t sure how I felt about him walking around with pills in his pocket that I’m guessing he did not have a prescription for. “Do you know where Tyler got the Vicodin from?”

“He steals it from his mom,” Jessica said without hesitation. “But not because he wants to pop it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him actually use. But his mom is a serious drug abuser and she’s OD’d like four times. He takes it to keep her from taking too many at once.” She leaned around me to look in the mirror, fluffing her hair and adjusting her ears. “I also think he wants to make sure his younger brothers don’t get into it.”

“Oh.” That was awful. That was downright messed up. “How old are his brothers?”

“I don’t know. It’s not like I’ve ever met them. I’ve just gathered this information from what he and Nathan have said to each other.”

For some reason I enjoyed knowing that Tyler didn’t share his personal life with Jessica, which was really petty. “So no Sebastian tonight?” I asked, feeling more sympathetic toward her.

“No. He went home for the weekend apparently, which is a drag. But don’t worry about me if you want to leave with Tyler. I can get a ride back or hang with Kylie.”

I studied her face, but she was just making duck faces at herself in the mirror. Someone pounded on the locked door. “So you really wouldn’t care if I hooked up with Tyler?” Even though I didn’t intend to, or more accurately, not that he intended to, I just was amazed that she wouldn’t care. I kept seeking clarification or looking for the moment when jealousy would rear.

“Of course not, for like the nine millionth time. Why would I care? I think it would be so good for you.” She turned and shook my shoulders. “Just do it. You’ll feel so much happier!”

I made a face.

The pounding came again.

“We’re coming! Shut the fuck up!” Jessica yelled in the direction of the door. “Do you need to pee?” she asked me.

“No.”

“Are you wearing Tyler’s jacket? It’s ruining the look of your outfit.”

“Yeah, but it’s warm,” I said as I followed her out of the bathroom.

She glared at the girls who were waiting outside the door and they made pouty faces back. “Bitches,” Jessica muttered.

I figured they just wanted to use the bathroom, given that what was in that keg was basically wheat-colored water, but I wasn’t going to argue with her. Having Sebastian missing seemed to have given her a bit of an attitude, which I could understand. You pictured the night going a certain way and when it didn’t, it was hard to recover your enthusiasm. I wasn’t sure how I had pictured the night, but I had never been enthused about the party to begin with, so I was struggling with my emotions, my feelings of jealousy and hopelessness that even if Tyler was interested in me, it was for one thing only. And even that was most likely out of curiosity or a sense of challenge.

Tyler was standing at the back door, arms crossed over his chest, clearly waiting for us. “Are you okay?” he asked me.

“She went to the bathroom, not strolling through the ghetto naked,” Jessica said, rolling her eyes. “God, you’re being weird, Ty. But she’s all yours now for the rest of the night. I’m going to find Robin.”

She retreated back into the kitchen, pushing past two guys chest bumping. It left Tyler and me alone in a small alcove that served as a mudroom, gym shoes all over the floor and winter coats and North Face all-weather jackets hanging on a series of hooks, giving the small space a crowded intimacy.

“Is it true?” Tyler asked, with a wicked smile that did warm things to parts of my body I had been attempting to pretend didn’t exist. “Are you all mine now for the rest of the night?”

“In what way?” Because I needed specifics.

“In every way.”

The words were direct enough to scare me. For a week his attention to me had been escalating, and was unexplained. Friendship? Or future bed buddy? There had been teasing innuendos, but never forthright, never totally obvious. Any of them could have been explained as a joke. Now here it was, his moving from friendly study buddy to flirt with a purpose.

When he moved closer to me, head descending toward mine, hand slipping around my waist, I panicked. “What are you doing?”

“I’m planning on kissing you. If that’s okay.”

“I haven’t decided,” I answered truthfully, backing up a little and sinking into puffy coats as I retreated to gather my thoughts.

His amusement came out in a soft exhalation and he smiled. “Rory, you seriously kill me. I don’t know a single other girl who would have answered like that.”

Tell me about it. “I’m sorry. But it’s the truth.”

“I don’t want you to be sorry. I
like
that about you.” His hand slipped inside his jacket, to touch the small of my back, gently urging me to move forward toward him. “But you know what I do want?”

“What?” Though I could take an educated guess.

“I want you to kiss me.”

“And that’s it? Because I can’t promise anything else.” I wanted to be clear on that point. I wasn’t sure how far I was willing to go, and in a world where sex partners were passed out and around like a mutual pack of cigarettes, I didn’t want to find myself in a situation I wasn’t cool with.

“That’s it. For now, anyway. But don’t worry. Only what you want, I promise.”

Though his eyes seemed to indicate that I would want a whole lot by the time he was done with me.

“What about Jessica?” I asked, because it also seemed important to hear his feelings on my roommate. The soft down of the coats was surrounding my shoulders, and I could feel a hook poking me in the back of the head, but I couldn’t bring myself to move. It felt safe.

Though it didn’t feel as safe when Tyler evaporated the space between us by raising his other hand and burying it in my thick curls, his hips pressing against mine. He looked serious, his voice quiet, but firm. “Jessica and I were in agreement to use each other and now we’re in agreement to stop using each other. You heard her. She doesn’t care. We’re friends. Nothing more, nothing less.”

I was out of rational reasons why I couldn’t do the one thing I wanted to do more than anything else. There was nothing left to discuss or negotiate, and I was well aware I was most likely the first girl who had done either. But this was it—I was in or out and the choice was mine to make.

So I nodded. “You can kiss me.”

Chapter Six

Something passed over his face, maybe a flash of relief, but that could have been my imagination.

“Thank you,” he murmured, a satisfied smile in place, before his mouth descended onto mine.

Then I couldn’t see or think. I could only feel the press of his body against me, his breath a hot rush past my ear as his lips brushed over mine. It wasn’t what I was expecting. It wasn’t a determined or aggressive or erotic kiss. It was delicate, worshipful, teasing.

But that only made it all that much sexier. I found myself curling my fingers into the front of his Metallica shirt, needing to steady myself. The guys I’d kissed in the past, which admittedly was not exactly an extensive list, had been amateurs. Tyler was a pro. The pressure of his hand in my hair, stroking carefully, felt intimate but not demanding. His thumb moved across my waist, back and forth, back and forth, raising goose bumps on my arms under his jacket, as every inch of my body became aware of him and his mouth taking mine.

The little kisses he started with became deeper, longer, until I was heating up from the inside out, my lips swollen, my breath frantic little bursts between moments of intense contact. He pressed me harder into the coats and I clung to him, shocked to realize that his thigh was between my legs and I was wrapped around it like he was a seesaw.

Suddenly I heard laughter and a pointed cough. I remembered where we were.

Turning my head, I broke away, panting. He was breathing hard, too, his eyes dark and glassy with desire. “Let’s get out of here. We can go to Nathan’s apartment.”

I hesitated. A week ago I had been painfully getting loaded on that dingy sofa with Grant while Tyler was in Bill’s bedroom with Jessica. I couldn’t go there. I couldn’t do that. Not yet. Because if I went to Nathan’s, then sex, while not expected, was at least an option. Shaking my head, I said, “I’m not ready to have sex with you, Tyler.” I felt like an idiot for saying it out loud, but it was the truth and I couldn’t pretend otherwise. My emotions were too jumbled, my body too tense, with both anxiety and lust, to go where I knew he wanted to take it.

“That’s not what I meant. I already promised you we’ll only do what you want. I just want to be alone so we can talk.” The corner of his mouth turned up. “And I’m not opposed to making out. We’ll go old school.”

How could I say no to making out?

I nodded.

If he had been feeding me a line, promising me that we’d be together or have a relationship or anything else that smacked of bullshit designed to get a free pass into my panties, I would have said no. But he’d been pretty straightforward with me, and he wasn’t offering anything more than exactly what he had said—making out and talking. I could live with that. It might never be offered again, and I was going to damn well take it.

“Excellent.” He leaned forward and kissed my neck. “Mmm, you smell good. Now let’s get the fuck out of here.”

A girl dressed like a sexy Ernie gave me a knowing smirk as Tyler pulled me by the hand down the hall. I refused to be embarrassed considering she was dressed in an outfit no self-respecting stripper would even wear, her ass spilling out of denim shorts, an orange-and-blue striped bra barely covering her breasts, and a fuzzy orange Ernie face strapped to her head.

We found Nathan standing under the keg, mouth open as the arch of beer shot up from the toilet and straight down into his mouth. “We’re going to your place, man.”

Nathan turned long enough to see our hands clasped together and nod. He pulled back and swallowed, making a gargling sound. “Where’s Kylie?” he asked me.

“Sorry, I haven’t seen her. If I can’t find her I’ll text her that I’m leaving. Do you want me to tell her you’re down here?”

But he shrugged. “Doesn’t matter to me.”

Sure it didn’t.

We did actually find Kylie and Jessica together on the couch talking to a group of girls. I was opening my mouth to explain what we were doing, but Tyler beat me to it. “We’re going to Nathan’s. See you tomorrow when I bring Rory back.”

Wow. Way to be discreet. Now not only did Kylie and Jessica know, but so did everyone within the immediate area. I shouldn’t care, but I did. I wasn’t sure how I even felt about any of this, I didn’t want to deal with other people’s reactions and opinions.

Mortified, I stood there and blushed. Fortunately, Kylie stood up and hugged me. “Have fun,” she whispered, her voice excited. “Make him use a condom.”

I didn’t bother to correct her assumption. We could talk about all of this tomorrow when we didn’t have ten girls gawking at us. So I just nodded.

Jessica hugged me, too. And then we were leaving, Tyler pausing in the backyard to scoop up the remains of his beer from Brandon, who was still guarding it intently.

“Who is Brandon?” I asked him as we went out the front door and started down the street.

“He’s some guy I met in the EMT program.”

Somehow I didn’t think I wanted Brandon to hold my life in the balance in an emergency situation, but I stayed silent. It wasn’t my business to be judgmental of a socially awkward guy, given I might be considered his female counterpart.

Tyler had let go of my hand to light a cigarette, the beer tucked under his arm as he bent forward to cup against the wind. I kept my fingers neatly encased in the sleeves of his jacket to ward against the cold and debated how to say what I was feeling. Finally, I just blurted it out. “I’d prefer you didn’t make it so obvious I’m going home with you.”

He glanced over at me, smoke rushing past, obscuring his face. “Why?”

“Because I don’t want people to think I’m a slut.”

“Why do you care what people think? You know who you are, Rory.”

I did. And maybe that was my fear. Not that people would think I was a slut, but that I was pathetic for thinking the hot bad boy would genuinely be interested in me. I wanted them to know that I was as smart as my IQ proved, that I knew he was just curious about me, nothing more. That I was an anomaly he wanted to explore and potentially categorize. Because that was what we all did—we searched for labels for people until we found one we thought might fit, and then we sighed in relief that we had placed them.

It shouldn’t matter to me what people thought, but maybe if they thought I was a pathetic idiot it would matter because deep inside I was afraid that maybe I was. I was okay being a lot of things, being a fool was not one of them.

“It’s complicated,” I told him.

“So I’m supposed to be like a dirty little secret?” he asked, words light, but an edge behind them I’d never heard.

I hadn’t thought of it that way at all, or from his perspective. “No, of course not. I mean, I just kissed you in the hallway. I wasn’t exactly trying to be super discreet. But I don’t think anyone needs to know where I’m sleeping.” Or who I was or wasn’t sleeping with.

But now that I heard my own words, I realized it did sound hypocritical because I had kissed him in public.

“Got it. I won’t tell anyone you’re slumming.” There was a vulnerability there that shocked me, despite his hard tone.

I’d hurt his feelings. I could see it clearly.

Stunned, I reached for his hand, but he was still holding his cigarette. It amazed me that anyone was capable of hurting him, least of all me.

He stopped at his car and popped the trunk. He tossed the beer in the back and went around the driver’s side without looking at me.

When I slid into the passenger seat, I said, “Tyler,” without any idea what I was going to say next. But then when he looked over at me, eyes dark, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly, jaw clenched, I found the words. “That’s not what I meant. If anything, I’m worried that people will think I’m a joke for thinking you would be interested in me.”

Brutal honesty. If he laughed or said he wasn’t interested at all, then I would save myself some time and possibly my virginity. I saw no point in playing games. God knows I’d always sucked at sports, and this was the same thing. I had no clue what I was doing, but I could only be me.

He made a sound of exasperation, tossing his cigarette out the cracked open window then cupping my cheek with his callused palm. “This is no joke.”

Then he kissed me, and it was even more intense than at the party. It was hot and demanding, his tongue pressing between my lips to tangle with mine. His free hand slipped inside the strapless dress, brushing over my nipple. I gasped against his mouth, shifting on the seat so I could get closer to him. Passion exploded between us, and he moved too, dragging my leg over his thigh, the motion shoving the skirt of the dress dangerously high on my thighs.

My head fell back as he moved his lips down my neck, lightly sucking the delicate skin into his mouth, and I tried to keep my eyes open. I wanted to see the dark strands of his hair, the sharp angle of his cheekbone, as he moved over me. I shivered when he pulled his jacket farther apart on me, so that he could move down, lower still, to slide his tongue over the swell of my breast, now peeking up from the dress.

I’d never been so aware of my body, so aware of every inch of another person, and I listened to the sound of Tyler’s breathing, the hitch and rise of his desire, the sharp intakes of air, the blast of heat from his lips as he groaned, before closing over the tightness of my nipple. He was pressing against me in various places, and the scent of him, so different from mine, so earthy and male and strong, had me digging my nails into his biceps as I clung to him.

The rustling of our clothes and my own soft moans surrounded me and it was all so warm and damp and wonderful that when his fingers crept up under my dress, I didn’t stop him. The sash from my costume had lodged itself around my throat, but I didn’t bother to move it as I sighed in delight, his lips and stroking fingers everywhere. His rhythm on my nipple matched that of his thumb under my panties, and before I could even consider, think, stop it, I shuddered against him, biting my lip to prevent from crying out.

Shocked, breathless, I felt my cheeks heat up as I stared at him, sucking in air. He had stopped moving, and lifted his head up to give me a cocky smile of satisfaction. “That didn’t take long.”

I shook my head, feeling mildly embarrassed. “I didn’t mean to . . .”

He laughed and sat up so he could brush a kiss across my lips. “You’re a nut. Why else would you be doing any of this if you didn’t mean to?”

“I don’t know.” I just wanted to be a little more sophisticated.

Tyler readjusted my dress so my chest was covered again and he withdrew from under my skirt. “You have goose bumps. Let me turn the car on.”

I didn’t really think the shivers were from cold, but I didn’t argue with him. Tugging my dress down closer to my knees where it belonged, I watched him light up another cigarette. There didn’t seem to be a pattern to his smoking. I’d seen him go hours without having one, but then times like tonight, he seemed to light another almost as soon as he put one out. The addiction seemed behavioral, not physical.

Maybe I stressed him out.

He did start the car, but he made no move to pull out of the parallel parking spot and go to Nathan’s. “What kind of doctor do you want to be?” he asked out of nowhere.

I blinked at the unexpected topic change. “I want to be a coroner.”

“What?” he asked, glancing over at me in surprise. “Like autopsies and shit?”

I nodded.

“Damn. And you look so sweet all the time.”

“It’s very logical,” I told him, like that was supposed to explain everything. But I didn’t really feel like having a conversation about my career choice when I was still pulsing with desire and was wondering what he intended to do and what I intended to let him do.

“I suppose it is. But gruesome.” He looked behind him and put the car in drive and pulled out onto the street. “Come on, let’s take you back to your dorm.”

“What?” I reached back for the seat belt to click it in before I remembered there wasn’t one. For some reason that upset me, and I wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was a need for protection, literal and otherwise. “I thought we were going to Nathan’s.”
I thought you wanted to have sex
. And I thought maybe I just would have said yes, given how he’d made me feel in under three minutes over a gearshift.

“If we’re going to stick to just making out I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

We had actually surpassed making out already, in my opinion. I didn’t know what to say. Did he just not want to have sex with me? Because what other explanation could there be? Maybe my future career had turned him off. I knew that not everyone understood why I would want to slice open corpses.

“Did I do something wrong?” I said, then hated myself for saying it. God, that was such a lame, pathetic girl thing to ask. But it was out, and I couldn’t take it back.

“No, of course not.” He sounded surprised. “I just promised you I would only go as far as you wanted to go, and honestly, Rory, I have a boner the size of the Empire State Building right now. I think maybe we just need to take it easy. I don’t want you to regret anything.”

“Oh.” I wasn’t sure what else to say. I wanted to trust that his actions were out of respect for me. But then why did I feel so rejected?

Was it that he didn’t want me to regret it, or that he didn’t want to regret it?

We drove in silence and I studied him without shame, wanting to remember this moment, this car ride, feeling like it might be the last time I saw him. My finger came out and traced the tattoo on his bicep, following the lines of the tribal letters spelling out
TRUE Family
. He glanced at me in surprise but he didn’t say anything.

“What does this mean?” I asked. “Something besides the obvious?”

“It’s mine and my brothers’ initials. Tyler, Riley, U, and Easton. The four of us make a family and my parents can go fuck themselves. We don’t need them.”

“That’s beautiful,” I said, and I meant it, though it was sad that his parents didn’t factor into the equation. If I were to get a tattoo to represent my family, I wasn’t sure what it would be. A little book with two names on it? Or an angel on my shoulder watching me, for my mother?