True Loves (A Collection of Firsts) (26 page)

I scrunch my brow as I try, unsuccessfully, to read her face. Quinn nods toward the bar and I point my gaze in that direction just in time to see Xavier take a seat. Alice immediately dashes over to him, leaning across the bar so he can get a direct shot of her cleavage down her v-neck t-shirt.

“You better go save him before Alice tries to stake her claim,” Quinn says.

“I can’t go over there. She’ll kill me,” I complain. “Besides, he might not even be here to see me.”

She rolls her eyes. “Get real, Anna. Of course he’s here for you. Now, go get your man.”

I clutch the pad tightly in my hand as I walk over to where Alice is attempting to engage Xavier in some flirty conversation. Her gaze immediately cuts toward me, and I swear a chill runs down my spine as I take in her fiery stare. I swallow hard, silently praying I’m not making a total fool of myself and that he actually might want to talk to me again. After the way he rode off last night, I wasn’t sure I’d ever see him again.

The moment his blue eyes meet mine, my breath catches. It’s almost enough to stop me dead in my tracks. I can’t read whether or not he’s glad to see me, but I take another couple of steps forward to reach the end of the bar.

“You need something, newbie?” Alice says with ice in her voice. “You know this is my section, right. I’m sure Quinn explained the boundaries to you.”

I nod, biting my lip at the same time. Going up against Alice for Xavier’s attention wasn’t exactly the plan, but I can’t back away without letting her know that he’s not hers for the taking. Which makes no sense because he’s not exactly mine either.

I shift my nervous gaze to Xavier, and I notice he’s no longer looking at me, but glaring at Alice, who is oblivious as she stares at me through narrowed eyes. He hadn’t missed the snide tone in her voice either.

Xavier pushes back from the bar, and Alice flicks her gaze in his direction. “Looks like I sat in the wrong section then.”

Xavier takes my hand off the bar and pulls me behind him, leaving Alice to stand there with her mouth agape as we head toward Quinn’s section. I risk a glance back, and she’s glaring at me.

Uh-oh. I think I’ve just made an enemy.

Quinn’s mouth twists as she tries to hide her smile as we approach. “Funny seeing you here, X.”

He gives her a slow nod like they’ve spoken before. “Quinn.”

Xavier stops at the corner booth. “Is this your section?”

“Yes. It’s one of the only four tables Andy gave me to start with today,” I answer, and he slides into the seat. He raises his eyebrows and gestures toward the seat across from him. I shake my head. “I can’t. We just came off a break.”

He grabs the menu from the end of the table. “So, what’s good here?”

I pull my pad and pen from my back pocket. “Burgers seem to be really popular today.”

Xavier folds the menu and says, “I’ll take three of them and a water.”

I lift my brow as I write that down and repeat the same question I’ve heard Quinn repeat all day. “Okay, do you want some pink or no pink in your hamburgers?”

“Some pink, but I don’t need anything on them, including the buns.”

I laugh as I think about what he ordered last night when he took me to the diner. “All part of your bulking diet?”

He smiles, and I swear my knees grow a little weak. “You’re a quick learner. You don’t need a job, do you?”

I tear a sheet off the notepad and stuff it back into my pocket. “And work for you? No way. Besides, I think I’m going to like it here.”

His large hand drapes over his heart. “That stings, beautiful. I thought we were becoming such good friends.”

“We are friends and I want it to stay that way, which is why I could never work for you. I have a feeling you’re a diva, and I’d be suppressing murderous tendencies before the week was over,” I tease.

He smirks. “I’m far from a diva.”

“You say that now, but I think having two people constantly working for you makes you seem a little needy. So, like I said, DEE-VAH.”

“If you worked for me, I promise you’d like it, and it’d be a whole lot more fun and lucrative than the little service gig you’ve landed yourself here.”

I think about the fifteen dollars in tips Quinn has shared with me sitting in my pocket, and the minimum wage that’s wracking up on the clock, and I can’t help but be curious. “How much more?”

“The PA position pays fifty grand a year,” he says matter-of-factly. “And if you want the job, it’s yours.”

Oh, that’s tempting. Working with Xavier every day, getting to stare at him as much as I want while I get paid well for it—that’s a single girl’s dream job. It sounds perfect, but I’m sure that’s what Deena thought when he offered her the same position…right before she slept with him. And look where that got her. I can’t allow that to be me.

I
won’t
allow that to be me.

I slide the slip of paper between my fingers to distract myself from staring into those baby-blue eyes of his. “Thanks for the offer, but I don’t think I can.”

He drums his fingers on the table in front of him, and it’s almost as if he read my mind because he asks, “Is it because of Deena?”

My gaze jerks up to meet his. “No.”

The corner of his mouth pulls down into a one-sided frown. “It wouldn’t be like that between us, you know.”

I twist my lips. “Is that what you told her when she started too?”

For some strange reason the thought of him with another woman causes a painful burn in the pit of my stomach, and I can’t stand looking at him a second longer.

I turn to walk away, but his hand darts out and grabs my wrist, holding me in place. “I would never treat you like that. Deena knew what she was getting into. She knew there would never be anything real between us, and she chose to give it up to me anyway. Our agreement with one another was crystal clear.”

I flinch. “So that makes it okay?”

“She consented, Anna. I never promised her a wedding ring.” I can hear the defensiveness in his voice.

“But you’ll promise me one?” The question leaves my mouth so quickly, it even surprises me.

He lets go of my hand. “A ring is something I’d never promise anyone. I’m not the marrying type.”

I know it’s stupid, but the small hope that had built inside of me that something between Xavier and me would eventually happen—no matter how much I fought it—just got crushed to smithereens. I know he’s a player, and even Quinn says the tabloids link him to dating several women at the same time, but I can’t snuff out this stupid connection I feel with him. But if it’s never going to be serious between us, I wish he’d just leave me alone and quit tormenting me with the idea that he might actually see me as more than just an easy lay.

I swallow hard, attempting to steady my voice. “I’ll have your food out to you as soon as it’s ready.”

“Anna…”

I don’t turn around because I know if I look at him, I’ll crack. Knowing you’ll never have something you really want is a terrible feeling, and something I wouldn’t wish on my own worst enemy.

A
fter working eight hours
, and standing up pretty much the entire time, my feet are on fire, I’m exhausted, and I lay my head back against the headrest as Quinn drives us home.

“It’ll get easier, you know—the more you do it. Your body will adjust after a week or so,” she tells me.

I sigh as I finish counting the tip money that’s in my lap. “I hope so. It seems like so much work for fifty dollars in tips.”

“I told you that I’d share the money X left. I still can’t believe he left a
five hundred
dollar tip. That guy has it bad for you.” She waggles her eyebrows. “What happened between the two of you, anyhow? I thought you two were getting along after hanging out last night?”

I shove the loose strand of hair that has fallen fom my ponytail behind my ear. “I don’t know. We’re friends, I guess, but—”

“You’re so horny for him it clouds your judgment?”

“No!”

Quinn rolls her eyes as she turns onto the next street. “Oh, come on, Anna. This is me you’re talking to. It’s okay that a man—a mighty sexy one, I might add—turns you on. I don’t see how you’ve gone this long without allowing him to ravage you. He obviously wants to.”

I pinch my bottom lip between my teeth. While I don’t want to admit exactly how much I think of him doing that very thing to me, she’s right. Even after he’s made it perfectly clear that there would be no long-term future for us, I still can’t believe I’m entertaining the idea of giving into Xavier. I just don’t want to get hurt.

“I see that look,” Quinn says, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I grimace and shake my head. “I don’t have a look.”

She raises her eyebrows. “Yes, you do. And I’m telling you right now, Anna, you’ve got to learn to let go of all of those preconceived notions that sex is bad. The entire world is not going to judge you for wanting X. Hell, half of the world wants a piece of him for themselves! Be young. Have a fling. He’s sex on a stick!”

“Quinn!” I scold her.

“No, Anna, fuck that. I want you to admit to not only me, but
yourself
, out loud that it’s okay to want to have crazy, premarital sex with a bad-boy.”

“
What
?” I ask, completely flabbergasted. “Who tells someone to say that kind of stuff?”

She grins as she pulls up to the curb in front of her house. “A best friend, that’s who. Now say it.”

“Quinn—”

“Anna, so help me, if you don’t grow a pair of lady nuggets right now and admit out loud how you really feel, I will ship you back to Uncle Simon tonight.”

“This is so ridiculous,” I huff.

She folds her tan arms across her chest. “Do it, or we are not getting out of this car.”

“You’re relentless.” I pinch the bridge of my nose as I sigh. Might as well just give in. “Fine. I want to have…”

She gestures for me to continue. “Crazy…”

“
Crazy
, premarital sex with a bad-boy. There, I said it. Happy?”

She shakes her head. “Say it one more time with
feeling
, and admit that you want that bad-boy to be wrestling’s sex god, X.”

I rub my face. This is freaking painful, but I know she won’t give in until she wins. That’s the thing about Quinn—she never gives up if she believes she’s right.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. “I want to have sex with Xavier.” The moment those words leave my lips, the mad rush of shame that I know I should feel for thinking such things isn’t there. It’s really quite the opposite. It feels good to finally get that off my chest because for the past couple of days, that’s all that’s been on my mind.

Quinn claps her hands and squeals. “Don’t you feel better?”

I smile. “Yeah, I actually do. I think you need to go back to school and get a psychology degree. How did you know that would help me?”

“I’m a student of human nature. I knew you wanted to let that man into your pants the moment I saw you wrestle to get your purse back from him.”

“Ugh. That! He can be so frustrating. He’s gotten under my skin so quick.”

She laughs as she opens her door. “And that, Anna, is how I know you like him. There’s a fine line between love and hate. They both cause your body to react in a similar fashion. Each of those emotions creates such intense feelings that one can easily be mistaken for the other.”

“I never said I hated him. He just…I don’t know.” I sigh as I get out, and we head into the house together.

“A guy like X is new territory for you. While I highly advise a fun fling with a bad-boy, I don’t recommend catching any feelings for him whatsoever. Look at the mess between Brock and me.”

My pesky curiosity is back in full force. “What did he do to upset you, anyhow?”

She shakes her head as she slides her key into the door. “Let’s not talk about him. Brock and I are history. No need to hash out boring details about something that’s over.”

“Okay,” I agree, allowing her completely off the hook. I should press her like she just pressed me about Xavier, but I have the feeling she isn’t ready to talk about whatever is going on between them yet. So, for now, she gets a pass, but if tension keeps up between them at work then she’s going to have to fill me in. If Brock has done something horrible to her, I want to hate him right alongside her, not keep on delivering messages from him.

The moment we step inside, I hear Aunt Dee call us from the kitchen, “Hey, girls! How was work?”

I toss my purse on the counter as I walk into the kitchen. “It was great. Everyone was really nice.”

Aunt Dee glances up from the pudding she’s making on the stove. “Even Alice?”

“Well…” I grimace. “Everyone but her.”

“Aye, when will that chica ever learn to lighten up? Even evil needs a holiday.”

I laugh. “You sound like Quinn.”

“Ah, correction. You mean
Quinn
sounds like
me
.”

Quinn struts into the kitchen in her pajamas, raking her fingers through her long, dark locks. “I sound just like what?”

“Me,” my aunt clarifies.

Quinn pulls some grapes from the fridge and pops one into her mouth. “Definitely not. You won’t catch me making pudding at nearly midnight. You’re a weirdo.”

Aunt Dee chuckles as she pours the pudding into a glass bowl. “A creative mind is always a strange one, honey.”

Quinn pulls herself up on the counter and dangles her long legs as she eats her grapes. “Ma, guess what? I already got Anna to admit she wants to shag Mr. Sexy.”

My mouth instantly drops open, and Quinn winks at me before she pops another grape into her mouth. I’m never going to get used to how open she is with Aunt Dee.

“Oh, good choice Anna. I peeked outside when he dropped you off last night. He’s a handsome one, that one is.” Aunt Dee licks the spoon before tossing it into the sink. “When are you seeing him again?”

My shoulders sag. “I don’t know. He came into Larry’s today, but things didn’t go so well.”

She tilts her head and pokes out her bottom lip. “I’m sorry, baby. Maybe it’ll all work out. If he’s smart, he’ll see what a catch you are and come to his senses.”

“That’s the thing. I’m pretty sure that’s all he wants—to
catch
me.”

Aunt Dee walks across the kitchen and stops in front of me. Her dainty hand pats my cheek. “I wouldn’t be so sure. A man like him doesn’t have to work hard for women. He sees something special in you, or else he wouldn’t have put in this much effort.”

I give her a sad smile. “He told me he doesn’t get serious with women.”

“Maybe he’s not ready to allow himself to have feelings for you, but if he gets to know you, he’ll feel different. You’re impossible not to love.” She kisses my cheek, and for the first time in a long time, I feel unconditionally loved. There’s no judgment from her when I tell her about my issue with Xavier. Instead, she encourages me to hold on to hope. “Anna, please at least think about calling your father. He misses you.”

I nod even though I have no intentions of speaking to him yet. “Okay.”

She pats my cheek. “Goodnight, girls.”

The moment my aunt locks herself in her room, the unmistakable sound of a motorcycle rumbles to a stop outside.

Quinn grins. “One guess who that is?”

I suck in my bottom lip, trying to hide my grin as I dash to the front door and pull it open just as Xavier steps onto the concrete stoop. “Hi.”

His blue eyes flash in surprise. I’m sure the way we left things earlier has him wondering why I’m suddenly so happy to see him. It’s amazing what a little soul searching and a shove from your family can accomplish.

“Hey, Anna. I…um…shit.”

Xavier rubs the back of his neck and looks away as if he needs a moment to regain his composure before his eyes are able to meet mine again. “I had fifty different speeches prepared for you. I practiced on the way over, but none of them sounded like good enough apologies. Nothing I can say will make what I said any less shitty, but
I am
sorry. I just thought you should know.”

For some reason I’m getting the impression that this is a huge step for Xavier. It’s good to know he’s at least recognized that there’s enough of a connection between us for it to matter that he’s hurt my feelings. I’m sure the word “sorry” isn’t one that he says a lot.

The sudden need to comfort him overwhelms me and I reach out and touch the warm skin on his bulging forearm. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

His lips pull into a tight line. “Don’t do that.”

“What?” I ask, completely surprised and immediately jerk my hand away. This isn’t exactly the reaction I imagined when I apologized in return.

Xavier’s eyes soften. “You were right to say what you said. I know I use women, and I’m sure that’s probably what you think I want to do with you, so don’t apologize for standing up for yourself. Never allow yourself to be used, or be forced into something you don’t really want. Don’t apologize for asking for respect. You deserve it.”

I stand a little taller. “Okay. I’ll remember that for next time.”

His mouth pulls into a one-sided sexy grin. “Next time? Are you saying we’re still friends?”

I laugh and roll my eyes. “Yes, as long as our friendship rules still apply.”

“Good.” He grabs my hand without warning or apology, and pulls me toward his bike. “Then we’re going for a ride.”

I pull the door closed behind me and follow him down the path.

This is crazy.

I’ve never known anyone to have a friendship like this. I shouldn’t let this go on, because I know he’s going to end up breaking my heart. If he keeps being so sweet to me, I will fall for him. No question. I know myself well enough to know that if this continues it
will
end badly for me, but I don’t have the willpower to turn him away. I want to be near him, even if it’ll never mean as much to him as it does to me.

Xavier hops on the bike and stands it up between his powerful thighs, stretching his hand out to me with a huge grin on his face. “Hop on, beautiful.”

And just like that, I’m a goner.

I’m in so much trouble.

Lots and lots of trouble.

R
iding
through the streets on the back of Xavier’s bike is unbelievably freeing. The wind rushes across my skin, and I close my eyes, resting my cheek against his back. The muscles in his back work under his shirt with every turn of his wrist, and the smell of his spicy cologne mixed with soap lingers on his skin. When I’m close to him like this, it makes me forget every reason why I should stop this thing between us before it gets too complicated. Distance gives me clarity—the ability to see that I should stay away. There’s just one problem.

I don’t want to.

I could stay like this forever, which is bad, but I don’t care.

Xavier turns into the parking lot of the same diner he took me to last night. The streetlights illuminate the area, and the neon in the restaurant’s window gleams “Open 24/7,” inviting hungry people in at all times of the day.

Xavier flicks the kickstand down with his boot and then slides his sunglasses onto the top of his head. “I hope you’re hungry.”

I take his hand and swing my leg off the bike, the muscles in my thighs still tingling from having such a powerful machine vibrating between them. “Starving, actually. My nerves were too on edge to eat at Larry’s during my lunch. Besides, I didn’t have any money.”

He furrows his brow. “You moved to a new city with no money?”

“I have money…just not a lot of it. I knew I could wait until I got to Aunt Dee’s to eat, so it really wasn’t a big deal,” I say, trying to make light of the situation.

“No, Anna. Not eating is a very big deal. You’re a tiny thing. If you don’t eat, you could faint and hurt yourself. From now on, you eat.” The authoritative tone in his voice is impossible to miss. “And if you don’t have money, you call me. Understood?”

My lips twist as I try to figure out why this is such an issue for him. So I skipped a meal—no big deal. “You’re being a touch ridiculous, don’t you think? I don’t understand why you’re turning this into a ‘thing.’”

Xavier shoves himself off the bike, and I can’t help but notice how delicious he looks in the blue jeans he’s wearing. “Let’s just say I know what it’s like to be hungry and do whatever you have to in order to eat. Someone like you should never have to experience that. Rough living can make you a hard person.”