True Loves (A Collection of Firsts) (9 page)

“You don’t get it. This job is my dream. If I sleep with you and things go bad, not only will I lose you, but I’ll lose my dream as well.”

He frowns. “This project means that much to you? It isn’t just about getting close to me?”

I shake my head, pull his fingers away from my face, and lace mine with his. “No. I mean, at first it was just the job. But now, after this, I can’t kid myself. There’s still something between us…”

“But?” he prompts.

“We can’t act on it. Things have to go slow. Maybe after Diana sees I can actually do this, she’ll take me seriously. Once that happens, maybe we can give us a shot.”

Noel traces my lips with his finger. “I don’t think I can live without at least kissing these. How about we make another deal?”

I tilt my head. Noel always has some sort of scheme brewing. Before he has a chance to set the terms, I come up with my own that I can live with while getting this project done. “How about for every kiss I give you, I get ten minutes of uninterrupted time working on the charity?”

Noel smiles at me. “Sure, I’ll agree to that. But I warn you, if you kiss me like you mean it too much, I won’t promise to hold off.”

A fierce blush spreads all over my face.

“How about we start with one right now?” he asks.

Before I can answer, Noel pulls my lips to his. The warmth of his mouth is so familiar. I close my eyes and shut off my brain. Nothing else matters but the here and now. This kiss—the one I’ve been reliving in my mind for years—is finally happening. My lips part, and his tongue finds mine, swirling around in a well-practiced routine. A sound of intense need catches in the back of his throat, and I press my body against his.

His hand slips under my shirt and brushes the skin on the small of my back. I shiver. The feel of his skin floods me with desire. I can’t remember ever wanting Noel as badly as I do now. Maybe it’s because I know what I’ve been missing, or maybe it’s because he’s turned into an incredibly attractive man. Either way, he’s the only thing in the world that I want right now, and I can’t get close enough.

My hand flies into Noel’s hair as he slides his hand down the length of my body. His fingers dig into my thigh before he hitches my leg around his hip. He pushes his pelvis into mine, and all that separates us are a couple of thin pieces of fabric. His erection strains against his boxers—Noel wants this just as much as I do. He trails kisses across my jaw. I toss my head back and arch my chest into him.

“Oh God, Lane. You smell fucking amazing.”

A shudder rips through his body as I moan in his ear. I pull back. All I can focus on are his blue eyes, alive with intense need. He wants me to say I need him, that I want him to take me. But I can’t do that. We have to slow down.

I push him back a little. “Wait a second. We agreed to only kiss.”

“You can’t kiss me like that and not expect me to get turned on.”

I turn away from him and blush.

Noel pulls my face toward him. “Don’t. Don’t be ashamed. It’s incredibly sexy when you let yourself go like that. I never knew you had that in you.”

“People change. I have grown up a little. I’m not that same silly, naïve girl you knew in high school.”

He grins. “Well, I liked her too, you know. But this version of you is downright fuckable.”

My face heats up and I roll away from him. Noel sits up and pushes off the bed before

grabbing his shirt from the floor.

“Where are you going?”

He grabs a towel out of one of the drawers. “To take a cold shower. I have a feeling I’ll need a lot of those these next two weeks if we keep kissing like that.”

I flop back onto the bed when Noel shuts the door. He has no clue the same goes for me.

T
he next morning
, I wake up before Noel and creep out of the bedroom with my cell in hand, doing my best not to wake him. I dial Aubrey’s number and look at the clock. It’s only a little after eight. She’s going to kill me for waking her, but I have to know that she got to her hotel okay.

She answers on the fourth ring. “Hello?” Her voice is raspy and slow.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you, but I wanted to know what your plans are today.”

She giggles. “Stop, Riff.”

I roll my eyes. “You’re still with him?”

“Yes,” she says breathlessly.

I frown. She’s probably going to spend the rest of her time here with Riff. “So I take it you’re busy.”

Aubrey sighs. “Don’t be mad. We’ll be together all the time in about a week when you come home. Besides, you have Noel to play with.”

“You know it’s not like that.”

She giggles again. “But it could be
just
like that if you’d let it.” Riff mumbles something, and I hear the distinct sound of sucking. “Um, gotta go, Lanie. Love you.”

Before I can get out another word of protest, she hangs up. Aubrey’s always been one to live a little on the wild side. I guess her messing around with Riff should’ve been expected. He’s a horn ball and she has a thing for the bad-boy type. I should’ve seen that one coming. I lay my phone on the table and run my fingers through my hair. A strong pair of tattooed arms wrap around my waist, and I stiffen. “Noel, what are you doing?”

He pulls my hair away from my neck and kisses the delicate skin there. “I thought we made our feelings for each other pretty clear last night.”

I pull away. “Just because I said I feel something for you doesn’t mean we can act on it.”

Noel scratches the back of his neck. “I don’t get you, Lane. One minute you’re hot for me, the next, you shove me away. Aren’t I more important than some lame job?”

“Noel…”

He shakes his head. “You know what, forget it. Sorry I crossed some line you have drawn in your head.” I watch him stalk off toward the bedroom and slam the door.

A few hours later, when Aubrey and Riff are forced out of their sex nest, I stand backstage with her while we wait for the guys to come out of their band meeting. She grins from ear to ear as she goes over every sordid detail of her sexual escapades. I roll my eyes where she gushes about how great Riff is in the sack, and she gives me a playful shove.

“So you’re telling me nothing happened with you and Noel last night?” she questions. “You two were pretty cozy on the way back.” I sigh, and she laughs. “I knew it! Tell me!”

I hold up my hands in surrender. “Okay. Okay. Jeesh, get a grip. We kissed.”

Aubrey raises her eyebrow. “A kiss? Was it like a polite peck, or was it full-on tongue I-want-your-body make out?”

I frown. “It definitely wasn’t polite.”

“Lanie, God, I swear, for someone so smart, you sometimes act like an idiot. You should be ecstatic right now. Reconnecting with your first love is something people dream about, and you’re getting that. I don’t see why you don’t just let loose and let it happen.”

“But the job—”

“But
nothing
. Don’t make me give the ‘jobs aren’t everything’ speech. Jobs don’t keep you warm or make you feel sexy, but Noel Falcon totally can. Anyone can see the guy is crazy about you.”

Is it really that obvious? He’s been trying to get in my pants since we met back up in Houston, but last night I found out he has actual feelings for me, and that scares me a little. I obviously hurt him in the past, and I don’t want to do that again. Things are going smooth between us now, but what happens when my two weeks are up? Will he go back to sleeping with random groupies while I’m in New York? If he did that, I would end our relationship…again. Then there’s the job. I don’t think I’m ready to risk anything just yet.

Aubrey stares at me. “Quit doing that.”

I flinch. “Doing what?”

“Over thinking things. You’ll never know until you let down your walls a little.”

I run my fingers through my hair. “Why are you pushing this? You hated him.”

She shrugs. “You’re my best friend, and I love you. I want you to be happy. Plus, he’s not the asshole I thought he was.”

I give her a weak smile and wrap my arms around her.

“Hey now…” I turn and find Riff staring at us. “Nobody gets this girl’s lovin’ but me.”

Aubrey giggles like a kid at Christmas when Riff grabs her up in a hug. “Riff!”

I roll my eyes. “On that note, I’m out of here.”

I wander around backstage and find an empty bench. Roadies rush back and forth connecting cables and tuning instruments. The opening act is set to take the stage in a few minutes. I’m really enjoying all the great music I’ve heard during the last couple shows, and I’m curious what band is playing with them tonight.

“Lanie, love, didn’t expect to see you again so soon.”

I jerk my head toward the voice and set my eyes on a grinning Striker. His long, dark hair hangs in a low ponytail, and a few shorter strands fall haphazardly around his face. The brown in his eyes is so dark they almost appear black. Tight leather pants, accompanied with a sleeveless dress shirt, show off his body and array of perfectly placed tattoos. I’m definitely intrigued by him.

I smile at him. “Hey, Striker. I didn’t know Embrace the Darkness was opening for Black Falcon.”

Striker must take my smile as an invitation because he plops down next to me and causally stretches his arm behind me. “We do from time to time. Same record label and all. Say, you think you might fancy getting a drink with me later?”

When I gave my number to him the other day, I didn’t even think about the possibility of something happening between Noel and I. But since we kissed last night, I feel like that changes things a bit. “Striker, I’m not sure…”

“Ah, come on. Just one drink.” He winks, and when I hesitate, he says, “Don’t tell me you’ve got a thing going with that Noel bloke. He’s not worthy of a lovely lady such as you.”

I raise an eyebrow, taken back by his forwardness. “And you are?”

Striker takes my hand and raises it to his lips. “I would treat you like the queen you are.”

The skin on the back of my hand tingles from the touch of his lips. His eyes meet mine, and there’s no trace of humor in them at all. I swallow deeply, unsure what to say. Noel and I’ve already had a relationship that’s fallen apart. Who says that won’t happen again? This thing with Striker is new and unexplored, and frankly a little scary. Our apparent attraction to one another feels intense.

“What the hell is going on?” Noel’s face is angry, and he’s staring daggers at my hand in Striker’s.

I yank my hand away, and my heart pounds. Where did he come from? “Nothing. It’s not what you think.”

Striker stares at me and tilts his head. There’s recognition on his face, like his suspicions about Noel and me are confirmed. “Pity.”

I open my mouth to apologize, but I shut it quickly. There really isn’t anything to say I’m sorry for. I don’t really know Striker. I shouldn’t have to explain my relationship with Noel to him, and I’m still trying to figure it out myself.

After a few seconds, Striker sighs before standing to face Noel. “This one’s a good girl, mate. Treat her right.”

Noel doesn’t answer, just narrows his eyes as he watches Striker walk away, and then turns his attention back to me. “What the hell was that?”

“He was just being nice,” I counter.

“Nice? Kissing your fucking hand is crossing the damn line.”

I stand and shove my hands on my hips. “
Nothing
happened!”

He jams his fingers into his hair. “You’re driving me insane. I can’t keep doing this.”

I stare at him with my mouth open slightly. “Noel…”

“Just stop.” He closes his eyes. “Just stop, okay? You’re ripping out my heart and you don’t even know it.”

“I’m sorry, I just need more time. We don’t have to rush things.”

He grabs me. “Yes, we do. If I don’t have you soon, I’m going to implode. Can’t you see that? I want you to be with me. I can’t stand all these guys coming on to you. The fact that I’m not allowed to do a God damn thing about it because you’re not mine is killing me.”

My heart thumps as he holds me tight. I dip my head and close my eyes. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to hurt you, I just…”

Just what? Don’t love him? Don’t want him? I can’t say that because it would be a lie. I lean my head into his chest and sigh. Aubrey’s right. Noel’s crazy about me. More than anything right now, I want to tell him how I feel, but I know if I do, everything will change. Am I ready for that?

“Just what, Lane?” his voice rumbles in his chest. “Tell me what you want.”

“I can’t,” I whisper.

Noel sighs then pulls away. I gaze up at him, and he closes his eyes. When he steps back, I grab for his hand, desperate to keep him close, but he moves too quick. He turns away, and there’s a tug in my heart toward him.

“Wait…” I say, and he stops in his tracks.

“For what? To be led on some more?” he asks with his back still toward me. When I don’t reply, he shoves his hands in his pockets and storms off.

Tears blur my vision, and I watch until he disappears around a corner. Why can’t I just bring myself to say fuck the job and go for Noel? I see how much I’m hurting him and it could all be fixed if I just tell him I want him too.

I
check my cell phone
. My eighth text to Noel since his set ended still goes unanswered. He knew I wanted to leave for my parents’ house as soon as the show was over. No doubt he’s pissed at me for missing the performance, but seeing him so soon after our fight would’ve been too much. I needed to clear my head and think about what’s important to me.

The last text I send says, “
I’m leaving without you
.”

I sigh, grab my overnight bag, and step into the night air. Guess I’m going solo. I hop into the red Jetta we rented earlier and toss my stuff on the passenger seat. Everything is such a mess, and I don’t understand how it even got this way.

Thirty minutes into my drive, I pull through an all-night drive-thru and sit in the parking lot to eat. My eating habits lately have been less than stellar, so eating a carb-full meal feels good.

When I’m about fifteen minutes out from my parents’ house, I call my mom. “Hey, can you leave the door unlocked for me? I’ll be there soon.” I glance at the clock. It’s well after midnight.

“Okay, sweetheart. I’ll try to wait up for you.”

I smile and tell her I love her. Right after I end the call, my cell chirps. My heart stops for a split second as I read Noel’s words.

Meet me on the dock.

He’s waiting on me. Emotions flood me, and I don’t realize I’m speeding like a bat out of hell until I glance at the speedometer. I take a deep breath and try to mentally prepare myself for what I’m going to say to him.

The minute I pull into my parents’ driveway, I exit the car and head down to the dock. It’s really dark. I could kick myself for not grabbing the flashlight from the house first, but I’m almost through the wooded area behind my childhood home. It doesn’t make sense to turn back now. I’m too close. The clock on my cell flashes twelve forty-five a.m., and I sigh. I can’t believe he came, and that he’s waiting at our special spot. When he didn’t answer me earlier, I figured he was out licking shots off a groupie’s stomach or something equally wild. Insecurity is one of my biggest downfalls, and I know it. It’s the main reason I ended things with Noel in high school. I wanted a secure future, not to struggle day in and day out.

Two steps later, I’m at the top of the hill on a path leading down to the lake. The moonlight bounces off the ripples on the water. I forgot how beautiful the lake is after dark. My eyes strain to see the dock, and they instantly widen. There he is, sitting on the railing with his elbows on his knees.

He turns his head toward me, and my heart stops. Noel is breathtaking by moonlight. This feels very intimate and familiar. I know once I go down there, I’ll be a goner. That thought makes me want to run back to my car as quickly as I can, but instead, I lift my chin and force my feet forward, ready to figure out this thing between us.

Noel stands when my shoes hit the wooden dock. His perfect face stretches into a lazy grin. My heart speeds up a notch, and I bite the inside of my cheek. He actually looks happy to see me, which takes me back. I thought he was pissed at me for all the mixed signals. I lift my hand in a wave.

“What’s this waving shit?” He rushes over, grabs me around the waist, and hoists me off the ground.

The laugh that bubbles out of my throat surprises me as he spins me. I was prepared for another fight. How weird is it that we can hug and laugh as though there isn’t bad blood between us? I squeeze my arms around his neck and inhale his manly scent as I melt into his muscled chest.

“Noel!” I squeal, and a thrill shoots through me as I say his name. “I’ll be sick.”

That only makes him laugh harder. He stops spinning and sets me on my feet. He cups my cheek. “God, Lane. I’m an idiot. I’m sorry.”

I sigh, and instantly I wish I could just curl up in a ball and die from embarrassment. I can’t believe I actually swooned a little. I try to drop his gaze, but his hand holds me steady as he waits for me to say something.

Noel raises an eyebrow. “Is it okay that I’m here? You don’t hate me?”

Oh my God. Hate him? I think about Noel like a lovesick puppy, but there’s no way in hell I’m telling him that. How pathetic would he think I am if he knew I’ve sat around all evening pining for him? So instead, I smile and say, “I could never hate you.”

He tucks some hair behind my ear. “Good, because that would kill me. I’m sorry I tried to rush you. Relationships take time, I get that. It’s just I want you so much. I don’t think clearly when it comes to you. So, I’m sorry. I’ll try to slow down.”

Still locked in his arms, my fingers itch to touch his face. “I’m sorry, too.”

Noel cocks his head to the side and gazes down at me. “You know, I understand where you were coming from when you left me the last time we were here. Hell, even I’m surprised I made it in this biz. You were always the level-headed one.” He smiles and looks into my eyes. “But I’m sorry for that too—for the way things turned out. I should’ve gone after you and made things right between us. I didn’t know how you felt about me, and it killed me. I didn’t even know how to fix us after that.”

I shook my head. “It wasn’t totally your fault. Things were changing so fast. High school was ending, and becoming an adult scared me. I wanted you to come to school with me, to still be with me. I was selfish. I shouldn’t have been so pushy. I knew who you were, and I shouldn’t have tried to change your dream. It was wrong of me, and I’m sorry.” I let out a huge sigh. “I’ve wanted to tell you that for so long. I figured since you never spoke to me again after that night out here, you hated my guts.”

The corners of his lips turn down, and his fingertips trace my cheek. “I could never hate you, either. I loved you.”

A tear slips from my eye. A million pounds fly off my heart. He doesn’t hate me. “Thank you.”

Noel brushes my tear with his thumb and cradles my face. A smile flirts along his lips. My heart thunders with anticipation, and I bite my lip. Noel’s eyes search my face. “Can I kiss you?”

I close my eyes and bite my lip. He has no clue how much I want to feel his lips on mine again. Every cell in my body quivers with need for him, and it scares me a little. My heart will crumble if this doesn’t work out.

I shake the last thought out of my head, and Noel frowns. “Is that a no?”

I panic a little because I don’t want him to think I’m rejecting him. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull my body against his. “Definitely not a no.”

That’s all it takes.

Noel crushes his mouth to mine. Warmth spreads clear down to my toes as I melt into him. My lips part, and his tongue finds mine, slowly massaging. A sound catches in the back of his throat when I grip his hair in my fists and push my body against his. Noel’s hand slides under my shirt, and his fingers trail along the small of my back. I shiver. Heat spreads through me and I find myself breathing hard.

Noel grips both of my hips and glides his touch down my legs. His fingers dig into my thighs as he hoists me up onto the rail. My knees open, and he pushes between them. His erection strains against his jeans as he grinds into me. He trails kisses down my neck, and I toss my head back, arching my chest into him.

“Oh God, Lane. I want you so fucking much.”

A shudder tears through him when I moan in his ear. He grabs my chin between his forefinger and thumb. Blue eyes, alive with intense need, stare at me. He kisses my lips, and I close my eyes. He wants my permission to take it to the next level. All I have to do is say the words, and he’ll heal the aching need inside of me.

I lean in and trace his top lip with my tongue. “I’ve missed you.”

Noel’s mouth takes mine, our kisses deep and frenzied. I wrap my legs around his waist and grind my pelvis into his. The wood rail is rough against my butt through my jeans. He pulls back and sucks in a quick breath through his teeth. “Are you sure?”

His forehead rests against mine. The need to kiss him again is overwhelming. I smile and yank his face back to me. Noel grabs the hem of his black T-shirt and yanks it over his head. He tosses it on the dock. His bare chest is a wondrous sight to behold. The tips of my fingers glide down his pecs and linger on his well-defined abs.

Noel quirks his pierced eyebrow and wears the most devilish smile I’ve ever seen. “You like those, huh?”

My tongue darts out, wetting my lips before I chew on my bottom one. Of course I like them. What red-blooded woman wouldn’t? He’s damn near perfect. I was out of my mind when I walked out on him before. His lips claim mine, and his tattooed arms pull me in tight. Noel lets out a growl, and it’s unbelievably sexy to know I caused it. I grab the waistband of his jeans and pop open the button. He groans as I slowly unzip them and reach inside.

“No underwear?”

He shakes his head and traces my top lip with his tongue. “They always seem to get in the way.”

I giggle as he kisses my throat. “Uh-huh, you mean like right now?” I wrap my fingers around the base of him and give a tight squeeze.

He sucks in air through his teeth. “Jesus. Exactly like right now.”

I withdraw my hand and lick my fingers and palm.

Noel’s eyes widen. “When did you get so kinky?”

I shrug. “When did you decide underwear was a bad thing?” I shove my hand back inside his jeans and stroke his considerable length.

He gasps. “Point taken.”

His flesh is warm and solid in my hand. My hand barely wraps around it he’s so big. My pace increases, and Noel’s breathing grows steady in my ear.

He wraps his long fingers around my wrist. “I’m already too damn excited. If you keep that up, I won’t be able to hold back much longer.” I slow down, and he kisses my lips. “That’s it, baby. I wanna make this last. No need to rush.”

His words send a thrill through every inch of me. I can’t believe I’m this turned on already. The moisture in my panties presses against my skin. Noel’s hand slides under my shirt and trails up to my breast. All I can think about is him touching me.

“It’s been so long since I’ve been with anybody real,” he says between kisses.

That statement makes me wonder just how many non-real people he’s been with. He’s a rock star, for God’s sake. The numbers are probably well into the hundreds. My stomach turns a little at the thought of his lips all over tons of different women, and I fight back the urge to throw him off of me. Sleeping with him tonight wasn’t my intention. I figured we’d talk, figure things out. Instead, we’d barely talked five minutes before we’d gone straight into sex, just like we used to after a fight.

“Noel…” His name slips out almost like a moan. I meant it to come out sternly so he would get the point maybe this wasn’t a good idea, but it totally didn’t sound that way. It sounded encouraging, as if my body is enjoying his touch too much to turn him away.

I open my mouth to tell him to slow down, and right on cue, my cell phone rings. “
Your mother is calling. Answer your phone. I’ll just keep calling
.”

Noel laughs at my stupid ring tone for my mom as I reach in my pocket and hit ignore. He sweeps my hair away from my neck and trails his nose against my skin. “Mmmmm, I’m tempted to just eat you right here.”

“Noel—”

“
Your mother is calling. Answer your phone. I’ll just keep calling
.” I roll my eyes and hit ignore again.

Noel rests his forehead against mine. “Maybe you should call her back.”

I sigh and pull the phone out of my pocket.
Mothers
.

Mom answers on the first ring. “Lanie? Where are you? Are you all right?”

I roll my eyes. “Calm down, Mom. I’m fine. Really.” Noel snuggles against me and kisses my cheek while I explain to Mom that I’m out on the boat dock with Noel.

She sighs with relief. “Thank God you’re all right. I saw your car in the driveway and started to panic. There are some real crazies out there, you know. You scared me to death.”

“Well, don’t worry. I’m perfectly fine. We’ll be there in a couple of minutes,” I say before I tell her good-bye and hang up.

Noel’s lip pokes out a little, and he gives me puppy-dog eyes. “You’re going to leave me like this?”

I place a hand on his chest. “I’m sorry. This just feels really fast, plus this whole job thing is still going on.”

His thumb caresses by cheek, and his eyes roam over me. I study every inch of his face. It’s so beautiful, and the sad look in his eyes will haunt me for the rest of my life. Rejection is not the best way to end our reunion, but I’m not sure sleeping with him is a better choice. I can’t let him think I’m like all of his random groupies.

“Lane.” The way he says my name makes my toes curl. “I’m still crazy over you.” He runs his hand through his hair. “What I’m trying to say is…I’m sorry. I just got ahead of myself here. You seemed so into it.” He drops his hands to his sides, and he looks into my eyes. “I just want you back.”

Noel backs away from me and grabs his shirt. Cold air rushes over my skin when he shoves his hands in his pockets after putting on his shirt. He shrugs and walks away from me. I swallow hard as I watch him make his way down the dock. My hand clutches my chest and tears blur my vision. Is this how he felt when I left him standing here four years ago? A lost and broken shell?

I can’t let this happen. I’ve been miserable without him, and he just confessed he felt the same way. Two people who love each other so much should be able to work through anything. My legs wobble as I hop off the rail. Noel is halfway up the hill already, so I kick off my flip-flops and sprint down the dock—the wood rough beneath my feet.

“Noel!” My voice breaks a little as I call his name. He turns just in time to open his arms and catch me as I fling myself into his arms. “Don’t leave. Please.”

His arms circle my waist, and he buries his face in my long, brown hair. “I wasn’t going anywhere—only giving you space. I’ll do anything you want to make this happen between us, including give you time. I can’t lose you again. It hurts too fucking much.”

A surge of bravery shoots through me, and I kiss his lips.