Trust in Me (5 page)

“You have ears.”

I sighed. “Look, I want the new guy gone as much as you. But I don’t have a say either.”

“Did he hurt you?” Leo looked down at my body, as if he could see my injuries through my clothes. It wasn’t like when Tyler had asked me that, though, with a mix of horror and hesitation. Leo was downright curious.

He had a sadistic nature just like Carlos. The difference was that he also had a conscience. So he tried to hide his sadism, to repress it, and maybe even would have been successful if he hadn’t hooked up with a guy like Carlos. Carlos made use of Leo’s propensity for giving pain, whether it was to torture information out of an enemy or punish a slut for his amusement.

“Not more than usual.”

“Okay.” Leo released me. I was always being slammed up against walls, forever having to redeem myself to men. And maybe I wouldn’t have minded so much if they gave a shit about me in the end.

I pushed him off me. He was a big guy, though, very strong. When he stumbled back, it was all for show. Sometimes he let me throw a little tantrum, and I did, stalking off in a huff.

When I reached my room, I shut the door and stuck the thick wad of paper under the door as a wedge to keep it shut. Then I pulled out the disposable cell phone from the fake bottom of my dresser drawer. It was time to check-in with my contact.

“Do you have any news?” Zachary’s voice was scratchy on the satellite phone, but anything local could be traced. Carlos may have been old school, but Zachary didn’t take any chances. The Russians would have access to all kinds of technology, he said.

“Yeah,” I said. “I met your guy on the inside.”

His whistle crackled through the static. “You made him?”

Yes, I’d realized Tyler was a cop. “Guy’s the worst kind,” I groused. “Total do-gooder.”

“And Carlos?”

“He’s got no idea. Thinks he’s grooming the guy to be the next him.”

Zachary chuckled. I didn’t think every informant got the friendly treatment, but I wasn’t just any informant. I’d saved Zachary’s life and his girlfriend’s when Carlos had tried to blow them up six months ago. That was how we’d met, them fighting for their lives, me giving an assist. He’d made contact shortly after that. He rejoined the investigation and asked me to help.

I knew Zachary’s superiors gave him shit about trusting my intel, but he’d always displayed complete faith in me. His superiors were right, though. I wasn’t trustworthy, as evidenced by the fact that I was betraying Carlos at all. Never trust a traitor. Still, a bond forms when you’ve taken a man’s life in your hands, like a spider’s thread, thin but strong.

I didn’t want to let Zachary down. I didn’t want to let those girls in the shipment down. And maybe, impossibly, I wanted Tyler to be proud of me. What a sap.

“He got a call from them yesterday. They’re moving up their timetable. They’re talking in the next
week
, not months.”

“Are you sure?” Zachary asked sharply.

“I’m sure,” I said wryly, thinking of how Carlos’s cock had wilted, just a little, in my mouth when the guy on the other end of the line had started berating him. Men had no idea how much they gave away in their quest for control.

“They wanted to talk about security, but I guess you already know about that.” Seeing as the head of Carlos’s security was actually an undercover agent.

“Give me the run-down anyway.”

“They just said they need more. More security—more men, more guns.”

“And my guy, he trusts him?”

I thought about that. Carlos wasn’t the alpha dog—he was the rabid one. If anyone even looked at him sideways, he felt the need to attack, to display his dominance, and then shit on the person just for good measure.

Tyler challenged him, I could see that. With his obvious physical competence at combat, something illustrated not only by the toned muscles that filled out his body, but also by the fact that he was head of security and clearly knew his way around a weapons rack, Carlos would be feeling the urge to fight.

But Carlos also acted with a certain camaraderie with Tyler, one I’d never seen him display for his other underlings. It was almost like he saw Tyler as his equal. That fact might mean Tyler’s downfall in the end, but for now it kept him in a position of favored pupil. Besides the fact that there was a lot of money riding on this deal, millions of dollars, and he needed Tyler.

“I think he’s okay,” I finally said. “Carlos seems to respect him.”

“Good,” Zachary said. “And you? Does he suspect anything?”

I snorted. “Do you think I’d be breathing if he did?”

“Okay. Be careful.”

The static ended abruptly, signaling the end of the call.

Be careful
. Oh, yes, I had a care or two. Things to take care of before I died, but none of it would change the ending. I was like those cartoon characters that ran and ran and looked down, only to find themselves already off a cliff. I’d left solid ground the second I’d supplied Zachary with information. It was only a matter of time before I fell.

In my closet, one of the few rooms free of cameras, I stowed the phone under the fake bottom of my lingerie drawer. Then I curled up on the cozy bed and read a book. It passed the time anyway, and Carlos liked to find me that way. It made him chuckle that I would read a book, that I had a thought in my head when all I was good for was a cock in the mouth. He appreciated irony, one of the few things we had in common.

But it wasn’t Carlos who found me that way.

Tyler stormed in, his face set in sharp slashes of fury. Instinctively, I pulled my knees under me, ready to flee, and put my hands up in defense. He didn’t attack me though, at least not in the way I expected. His hands knocked mine aside and then his lips met mine. It wasn’t a kiss, it was an accusation.

My mind spun like a top, dizzy. My body had no such confusion, melting into his angry embrace, wetting the thin line of my thong.

He flipped me over, and I went down, face first. The silk sheets cooled my cheek, chilling the ardor I barely knew existed. Then his mouth was against my ear, whispering.

“Was it you?” he asked. “Did you tell him after all, hmm?”

Still sluggish from the surprise or maybe the arousal, I said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t you? Someone told him about a traitor. He’s gone nuts.”

I sucked in a breath. The kiss, what I’d taken to be seduction, had merely been for the cameras that weren’t even in this room, to distract from the fact that he wanted to have a conversation. Though conversation was too nice a word for the accusations he flung.

“I didn’t say anything,” I hissed. “Why would I risk him suspecting me?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you’re not an informant at all. Maybe you’re just feeding me what he wants me to think.”

Anger washed over me, drowning out the hurt. I shook him off. He allowed me to turn over, but his body kept me trapped against the bed. It was more intimate this way, more sexual. The sky blue of his eyes shocked me, so close. I saw them plenty in my dreams, but always from afar. Even my subconscious knew it was hopeless.

“I thought you trusted me,” came out on an exhale.
Damn.
I clamped my mouth shut, hadn’t meant to say that.

“I’d be an idiot to trust you,” he replied.

I took the sting as my due. Tyler was a lot of things, but never an idiot. It always came back to this. The ceiling swam above me, as if it were the surface of the ocean and I lay on the sandy floor. This must be why it shocked me to look him in the eye, I realized. There was too much truth there, too much knowledge. It was like looking into the sun—painful.
Just look down.

“I don’t know how I can convince you,” I said. “I’m telling the truth.”

“Then prove it,” he said into my neck, still playing at the farce of a make-out session. “He’s got an idea that someone’s dirty…someone else who’s undercover. We’re in trouble.”

“And what should I do—sacrifice myself?” I raised my eyebrow, though I wasn’t entirely sure he wouldn’t ask it of me.

“He’s going to go find him now, and it won’t go well. It would blow the whole thing, not to mention mean a death sentence for that guy. I need time to get them out. A distraction.”

Ah, so I was to be the sacrifice after all. Not a virgin, not anywhere close, but a sacrificial whore.

“Okay,” I said, as if it didn’t matter, as if it didn’t hurt when he sent me into harm’s way. It was different with Zachary. With him it was all business and maybe a little camaraderie, but he never took me for granted.

Tyler seemed to think nothing of using me to achieve his ends. His goals were noble, saving those women, but what about me? People who said the end justified the means were never the ones suffering the means. I wasn’t really complaining about my lot in life. No, I’d accepted my whoredom years ago. What shook me was that Tyler accepted it so easily as well.

“Can you do it?” he asked.

“I said yes already,” I snapped. He didn’t just think I was a whore, he thought I was a bad one. I led the way downstairs. We found Carlos outside. Tyler went first, conversing with Carlos in front of a black SUV. I took a minute to collect myself, and then joined them.

“I’ll see for myself,” Carlos said.

“All right,” Tyler said. “Go on, then. I’ll see you on the sensor from here.”

He sounded so wholly unconcerned that I would never have known he was worried about it. But if he betrayed any sign that he wanted Carlos to stay, it would be a dead giveaway.

“Go inside,” Carlos snapped when he saw me.

“Baby,” I purred, draping my arms around his neck. “I miss you. Come spend time with me. I’ll make you feel so good.”

He twisted my wrist, flipping my body to the ground in a graceless heap. I caught a glimpse of shocked blue eyes and realized Tyler hadn’t fully understood the violence Carlos directed at me. Even though he worked in the darkness, his mind was filled with light. Tyler couldn’t imagine inflicting that kind of violence on someone, because he never, ever would. And the one time we had been together, he hadn’t seen my scars.

Just as quickly he masked his shock. It wasn’t a surprise because he was good at his job. That’s why we were here after all, him acting nonchalant and me getting my ass beat. And it was working, as Carlos leaned over me, spitting in my face with his lecture about interrupting my betters.

“You sniveling little whore,” he raged. “Like I don’t give you everything. A place to stay, food to eat, fancy clothes, and how do you repay me? By getting in my way, demanding more. Greedy
puta
.”

I cowered—that part came naturally. And if I wanted to, I could simper, ingratiate myself to him in order to cool his wrath. But that wouldn’t serve Tyler’s purpose. If Carlos forgot about me, he’d be right back to blowing the sting operation along with Tyler’s cover.

Already cringing for the blow, I mouthed off. “It’s only because you never pay attention to me. I don’t see what’s the big deal.”

The blow came, harder than I expected. It was always harder than I expected, no matter how many times I’d been hit. Sex was routine, but muscle memory refused to let me accustom to beatings. As if my own body was working with Carlos, I felt every hit, every cut, like it was my first.

My face pressed against the grass, incongruously smelling like a fresh spring day and the tang of blood. Carlos yanked up my skirt and spanked me. These weren’t the playful, kinky spanks of a lover, but the beating of a man on a woman. His arm wielded as a club, not stinging, bruising.

I kept my grunts as soft as possible, not wanting to arouse anymore of Carlos’s ire, not wanting to show Tyler how badly it hurt. He would feel bad if he knew. Even though it was his fault, I didn’t want him to take the blame.

Tears leaked from my eyes, mixing with the dirt under my face, drawing camouflage on my face. I tried not to imagine how horrible I must look when Carlos yanked me back to stand up.

“Jesus,” Carlos said. “Look what you did. I have work to do and now I’m busy dealing with a fucking brat.”
He shook me as if for an answer, but there wasn’t a question.

“Martinez, go check on the safehouse,” Carlos barked to Tyler.

A thick pause followed. What was he waiting for? This was exactly what Tyler needed, ample opportunity for his men to finish whatever operation they were doing and to get out, safe and undetected.

I flicked my eyes up to find Tyler staring, not at me or even Carlos, but at some point directly in front of me. His eyes burned with intensity, but what it meant, I didn’t know. Anger maybe, for a job well done. He reminded me of myself in that moment, unable to look upon the object of his disappointment. That would be me, I thought sickly, the elephant in the room, the object of shame.

“Well?” Carlos asked, his silken voice a warning.

“I’m going.” Tyler yanked open the door to the SUV so hard it rocked on its axle. With one foot inside, he paused as if debating with himself. Without turning, he said, “It shouldn’t take too long. Maybe half an hour. Then I’ll be back and we can go over the new security procedures.”

He spoke to Carlos, but the message was for me, telling me that he would be back to relieve me soon. Tyler had no idea how much damage could be inflicted in even ten minutes when Carlos was enraged. And I’d
never
been quite so brazen in my disobedience.

Chapter Five

“Did you think you could interrupt me?”

Thump
. The leather belt smacked me between the shoulders. The first blows were always the hardest to take. At least, that’s what I thought until we got to the ones that came after. It was always a shock, every blow, as if my mind had dimmed the memory of every pain before.

“Do you think I care what you want? What you think?”

Thwack
. The force of the impact jolted my body like the flop of a limp doll on concrete. The pain followed in a wave of aftershocks, radiating from my back out to my fingertips. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t even see anything. A haze of red blanketed my vision, heightening the pain.