Trust Me (6 page)

‘I just have,’ she said defiantly.

‘You’ve told me part of it,’ he said. ‘My guess is that there is a whole lot more, and you’re just afraid to tell me.’

‘Why do you always have to be so bloody righteous?’ she snapped at him. ‘You’re smug about not ending up like your brothers, for being a craftsman, for every bloody thing. It makes me sick.’

‘Well, I’m sorry,’ he said with heavy sarcasm. ‘Maybe you’d like it better if I got drunk every night and beat you up? Or if I was a dustman or a road-sweeper and you had to live in the East End?’

She gave him the oddest look, her eyes were half closed, her mouth twisted in a sneer, and he knew immediately she was going to tell him something he wouldn’t like.

‘If you must know, I had an affair with an American airman. Now, how does that make you feel? Are you glad you got it out of me?’

He felt as if he’d just been kicked in the stomach. Yet it wasn’t purely the content of what she’d said, it was the way she’d delivered it, coldly and deliberately with the intention of wounding him.

Reg could only gawp at her. Her eyes were like blue ice, no fear or remorse in them.

‘Okay, so you had an affair,’ he said after a moment or two’s silence, his voice croaking with emotion. ‘But I’d like to know why you chose to tell me this now. Is it because you want me to hate you so you can be justified in leaving me?’

‘You asked what was wrong, I told you,’ she said with a toss of her head. ‘If you can’t take the truth you shouldn’t have asked.’

A picture formed in his mind of Anne swarming down the stairs of that seedy house in New Cross on an airman’s arm, with Dulcie lying upstairs alone in her cot. The picture then moved to Anne making love to this man while Dulcie sat watching, thumb in mouth. It was too much to bear.

‘You cold-hearted bitch,’ he hissed at her, getting up from his seat and walking across the room towards the window. He turned back to her, tears rolling down his cheeks. ‘I could stand knowing you’d been unfaithful if I thought you’d confessed to it because you were tormented by guilt and you knew the only way to save our marriage was by bringing it out into the open. But you don’t want it helped, do you? You want to destroy it and me!’

‘Oh, poor, poor Reg,’ she taunted him. ‘You pounced on me the minute I came in the door intent on digging out something. Now I’m supposed to feel bad because I let you! I was twenty, for God’s sake, my mother had just been killed, my father had turned against me, I was struggling to cope with a two-year-old and my husband was away. I just turned to someone else for comfort, that’s all. It’s hardly a hanging offence.’

Reg sank down on to a chair, resting his elbows on the table, his face in his hands. Part of his mind said she was right. He couldn’t even count the number of friends he had who’d found brief comfort in the arms of another woman during the war, there were so many. He’d been sorely tempted himself on many occasions.

He looked at her through his fingers, hoping to see tears, some sign she was sorry. But she was yawning, twiddling a strand of hair. She clearly couldn’t care less.

The truth came to him in a blinding flash.

‘You’re having it off with someone now! Aren’t you?’ he said, springing off the chair towards her. ‘You want to go to him?’

‘Of course not,’ she said, looking startled.

He leaned over her, his hands on the back of the couch either side of her head, his face right up to hers. ‘I know I’m right. I may be slow but I always get there in the end. The new clothes, the hair-dos, the boredom with me and the children. That’s why you admitted to that affair in the war, not because it was really troubling your conscience, but because you hoped it would make me mad enough to throw you out. Admit it! You bitch!’

She didn’t have to admit it, he could see it in her face. She had never been a successful liar, she always coloured up, her eyes took on a hunted look. ‘No, Reg, you’re wrong,’ she bleated.

Reg moved back from her, and she leaped off the couch, backing away from him towards the fireplace.

‘Swear on the children’s lives, then maybe I’ll believe you,’ he demanded.

They faced each other, both panting and wild-eyed.

‘Swear,’ Reg commanded. ‘I don’t think even you are low enough to swear on your own child’s life if you aren’t telling the truth.’

He could see her indecision, mouth opening and closing, wanting to swear, yet afraid to. ‘You can’t do it, can you?’ he taunted her. ‘You’d leave a small child alone while you go out with a Yank, you’d take money from my pockets when I’m asleep, you’d buy clothes for yourself when your kids need shoes, but you aren’t quite evil enough to swear on their lives.’

Her mouth began to quiver and her eyes to fill with tears. That was all the confirmation he needed.

‘Don’t turn on the waterworks,’ he snarled at her. ‘Just get out of this flat now and never come back.’

‘You can’t throw me out at this time of night,’ she whimpered. ‘Oh, please calm down, Reg. I’ll go in the morning, but don’t make me go now.’

‘Why don’t you want to go now? Won’t your lover be pleased to see you?’

She seemed to wilt before his eyes.

‘Who is he, Anne? Where do you go with him?’

‘Does that matter?’ she said, tears running down her cheeks.

‘It matters all right,’ he said. ‘You see, if he’s another poor sap like me who fell for your posh voice and your pretty face, he needs warning what a calculating, lying bitch you really are. On the other hand, if he’s been laughing up his sleeve as he knocks you off, then he needs his head kicked in. If you want to ever see the kids again, you’d better tell me who he is.’

Anne knew in that instant that she’d seriously misjudged Reg. The gentle way he had started probing about the past when she got home from work had made her think he was looking for a amicable solution to their problems. Divorce was what she had in mind, and in her stupidity she’d imagined this would be arranged the way she’d seen other couples part, with her staying in this flat with the children, and Reg finding another place of his own.

But she should have known better, a tough man like Reg wasn’t going just to give up without a fight, it wasn’t his way. He’d fought for everything he wanted throughout his life. What a fool she’d been to try to wound him with her infidelity, all it had done was strip him of all his illusions about her, and now he was wounded he’d move heaven and earth till he got at the whole truth.

But she couldn’t let Reg rush around like an enraged bull questioning every Tom, Dick and Harry. There were too many people out there already whispering that there was something going on between her and Tosh.

‘It was a man I met at the pub,’ she blurted out. ‘You don’t know him, he’s a travelling salesman, he doesn’t come from round here.’

Reg’s face grew dark with anger, his eyes mere slits as he came towards her.

‘You bitch,’ he screamed at her. ‘You were off in the afternoons having it off with him while I’m working my socks off to keep you in new clothes and hair-dos. How could you?’

‘I couldn’t help it,’ she sobbed. ‘I was feeling so miserable.’

‘What sort of an excuse is that?’ Reg raged at her. ‘You’ve made me miserable too, but I never looked at another woman. Get out of here now. Go on, go, before I hit you again.’

‘No, Reg, please don’t throw me out,’ she whimpered. ‘I’m sorry, it’s all over with him now.’

‘I don’t care whether it’s over or not. You are going this minute and I’ll never let you in the door again,’ he roared at her. ‘You won’t take your bag, your coat, the key or anything. You can go to him just as you are.’

‘But the children,’ she tried to plead with him, knowing that was his one weak spot. ‘You can’t do this to them.’

‘Better for them to live without a mother than to know she’s a whore,’ he retorted, pushing at her shoulder, edging her towards the door. ‘Out now!’

He pulled the door open and pushed her through it on to the landing, and by putting one hand on either door jamb, barred her way from getting back in.

‘If you do this to me I’ll fight you in the courts for them,’ she screamed at him. ‘I’ll get them back from you, you’ll see, and I’ll take them somewhere you’ll never find them.’

She was about to go down the stairs when she realized she had no shoes on. Turning to plead with him, she saw he had moved back from the door, and she made a move to rush back into the living-room to retrieve them.

He caught her by both shoulders and shook her.

‘What reason could you possibly give the courts so they’d let you have them?’ he shouted angrily.

‘May isn’t your child, for one,’ she screamed in his face. ‘She’s the child of the airman.’

Even as the words came out of her mouth Anne knew she’d gone much too far. It was true, the real reason she felt so much guilt and unhappiness, but it was a secret she’d always vowed to take to her grave.

Reg gave a bellowing roar and made a grab for her. Stunned by what she’d revealed, terrified of what he was going to do to her, Anne ducked under his flailing arms and sped for the stairs. He caught her at the top, his hands gripping her round the throat, and as his fingers tightened on her windpipe, she tried to kick his shins with her stockinged feet.

Reg looked down at her bulging eyes, saw the terror in them as her feet kicked out at him, and instantly released her. ‘Get out before I kill you,’ he yelled and turned away.

There was a gasp, a thump, and Reg spun round. To his shock she was hurtling head over heels like a ball down the stairs. All he could see was a glimpse of stockings, suspenders and white knickers, then her blonde hair flying out like a mass of gold Christmas tinsel.

‘Anne!’ he yelled, running down after her. But with a loud crash she hit the hall wall at the bottom of the stairs and landed on the floor. She looked like a broken doll, one leg stuck out at a strange angle.

‘I didn’t mean it,’ he said, crouching down beside her. ‘Stay there, don’t move, I’ll get an ambulance.’

But a trickle of blood was running out of her open mouth. Her eyes were glassy. Reg slumped on to the floor and roared out his anguish.

Chapter Two

Dulcie woke at the sound of her mother’s raised voice. She heard her saying something about fighting in courts, and taking someone to somewhere where Dad would never find them. This didn’t make any more sense to her than most of their other quarrels, and she was just about to pull the pillow from under her head to cover her ears when Dad’s voice roared out.

‘What reason could you possibly give the courts so they’d let you have them?’ she heard him say, as clearly as if he were standing at the end of her bed.

Suddenly Dulcie was wide awake, for it sounded as if he was talking about her and May. The bedroom door was open just a crack and the landing light was glimmering through it. As she moved to sit up, May woke up too, but only snuggled closer to her sister.

‘May isn’t your child for one!’ Mum yelled out, loud enough to wake the whole street. ‘She’s the child of the airman.’

There was a wild roar of rage from her dad, and a scuffling sound as if they were struggling together. ‘Get out before I kill you,’ she heard Dad shriek, and then a second or two later she heard a peculiar loud thumping noise. It sounded as if something heavy had been dropped and it was bouncing down the stairs.

When Dad yelled out ‘Anne!’ Dulcie knew her mum must be falling. At the same time as she heard Dad pounding down the stairs, May clutched at her in terror. Dulcie pushed her away and ran out on to the landing to look down over the banisters.

From where she was standing she could see nothing but Dad’s feet and a bit of his bottom sticking out, as if he was kneeling down in the hall where the stairs ended. But as he began to bellow, a terrible, wild sound, she ran along the landing and started down the stairs after him.

‘Daddy!’ she screamed involuntarily as she saw him bending over Mum.

He turned his head towards her, and even though there was little light there, she could see his face was all twisted up like a monster’s. In terror she ran back up the stairs, grabbed May who was just coming along the landing sleepily rubbing her eyes, and fled back to their bedroom, shutting the door behind them.

‘What’s the matter?’ May asked, her voice squeaky with fright in the darkness. ‘What did Mummy say about me?’

Dulcie switched on the light and reached out for her sister to hug her. She had no idea what to do, she felt she couldn’t even breathe she was so scared. She had heard with her own ears Dad say he would kill Mum if she didn’t get out. Had he killed her?

Yet that didn’t seem possible, and even in the midst of her own fright she knew she must look after May. This had always been her role since she was born. It had been she who rocked the pram to get her off to sleep, she who told Mum when her nappy was wet, and as May got bigger she’d played with her, fed her and prevented her from hurting herself.

‘Get back into bed,’ she said. ‘I’ll look after you.’

She got back into bed beside May and cuddled her tightly, straining her ears to hear what was happening downstairs. Dad was still making that horrible roaring noise, but all at once she heard the click of the front door opening, then silence, as if he’d gone out.

This was even more frightening. Had he run away and left them? Was Mum still lying down there all hurt?

There was complete silence now, and after few minutes’ thought she decided she’d better try to be brave and go and look. She whispered that May was to stay in bed and that she wouldn’t be long, and made her way back along the landing and down the stairs.

Mum was still lying there at the bottom, her back against the hall wall. A cold wind was whistling up the stairs, fluttering Dulcie’s nightdress as if the front door was open.

She crept down nervously. ‘Mummy!’ she called out softly ‘Can you hear me?’

By the time Dulcie had reached the fourth stair from the bottom she could see her mother clearly. Her eyes were wide open, her mouth was too, and something dark was coming out of it, trickling down on to the bodice of her new dress and staining it.

She so much wanted to go right down and touch her, but she was too frightened. When children fell in the playground at school they always cried. Why wasn’t Mum making any sound?