Trusting Love (11 page)

She straightened and took his view away but replaced it with her sweet face. She had eyes he could get lost in. They were dark, so dark he had always wanted the chance to get close enough to see if there was any difference between her irises and her pupils. Now he noticed she had lighter striations, like chips of mocha mixed with the nearly black cocoa of her irises.

Her lips were always so naturally pink against her golden complexion that the contrast entranced him now with ideas of kissing her until her lips glistened. He liked that she never wore much more than lip gloss, or once, he’d seen her wear a light pink that reminded him of cotton candy. Her dark lashes dropped and hid her eyes then she moved back with a soft sigh and sat next to him again. Some of her hair wasn’t black he noticed, frowning at the realisation.

He’d never spent any amount of time close to her before, but he thought he knew everything there was to know about her beautiful body. But clearly he spotted warmer tones of red and brown mixed in with the darker jet black silky curtain of her long hair.

“Are you ready?”

Ready? He was primed, so hard he had to bend a leg to give his overeager erection room. What kind of man was he that as soon as he got near the one woman he’d always wanted, he couldn’t control his body or mind? But hell, Kristen would be wild. She used to smile so easily, so sweetly at anyone and anything. She found pleasure in life, and he knew
that
, on top of her Latin blood, would make sex with her into something he wouldn’t be able to live without
. What would it be like to help her get the sparkle back in her dark eyes?

If he slowed down, got his head on straight, he could show her there was a way to live beyond the pain.
Couldn’t I?

“Robert?”

He blinked and stopped the direction of his thoughts.
Dreams, more like it. What do I know about living?

“Robert, here. Drink this,” she handed him another whisky, this time from a glass. He took it, tipping his head back to swallow it all at once. His brain burned, but so did his body, a body that had gone too long without a woman for fear of what he might do.

Hell, I’m a coward. I’ve lived in fear of damn near everything, haven’t I? Making love to a woman, starting a life, ending the old one… While this woman lived through hell with a man, kicked him to the kerb then survived losing something I can’t imagine.

Kristen shifted on the bed next to him and he focused on her. Had he ever made love to a woman before? When he’d asked his buddy Dare the same question just a few short days ago, he’d been thinking of Kristen and how he ached at times to hold her while she slept, just to feel her warm and safe up against him while he tried his best to soothe her loss. Now she was here and he was too cowardly to reach out and pull her into his arms and finally sample her sweet lips.

He laughed at the idea, but damn it was true. Him, a former Navy SEAL, now a top agent in an agency so secret he’d signed his life away when he’d joined, and he was a coward.

“What’s true?” Kristen asked coming back into focus.

Had he said that aloud? “I’m a damn coward, that’s what’s true.”

Was that his voice slurring out words he’d never said aloud to anyone before?

She frowned and came back into his space, her sweater doing that dip and reveal again for him. “You’re not a coward, Robert McNeil, don’t say such things. You might be crazy.”

For you
, he wanted to say, but what came out didn’t even pause for him to review it first. “I’m sorry.”

He swallowed, finding himself suddenly scared to continue with what he’d been about to say. He was sorry. Sorry for so damn much. “I should—”

She stopped him with a shake of her head. “Not now, not when you’re half soused. Let me get these out, then I guess we can talk for as long as you’d like since it looks like, whether you like it or not, we’re snowed in together,” she said.

Like it or not?
Hell, the idea had his body relaxing back into the bed, feeling like she’d just told him she was going down and not coming up until he’d come a dozen times from her lips alone.

She reached out and brushed her hand along his jaw, tilting her head when she did with a serious expression like she could see beyond his face to his soul but he hoped not his thoughts.

Did she see how much he’d wanted her? Not just for the relief of finally feeling something other than his own hand rubbing his erection raw when the drugs made him too horny
not
to jack off, but how much he wanted her, her attention, that love and thoughtfulness he’d seen her give another? Did she know how he’d watched her, hoping for a chance with her when she finally left her husband?

“Here, one more and I think I can bear it,” she whispered, leaning closer to him. He obediently downed the new glass she pressed to his lips. The liquor rushed down his throat, making the room spin a little before it straightened out.

“It is better this way,” he told her.

“What is?” she asked, frowning at him so adorably his heart stuttered in his chest. She was beautiful, so damn delicate and pretty.

“Robert, what is better this way?” she asked again.

It
. It was better this way, he wanted to tell her but his mouth wasn’t working. If she thought Daniel was bad, she’d never be happy with him. And he’d not chance finding out if his temper matched Sarge when it came to women. At least with Daniel, she’d never been harmed physically. Now that he had the time to reflect back on the mistakes of his past, he recognised his biggest fear, and the real reason he’d run from her, was that he feared he’d be worse than Sarge ever dreamed of being. Especially now, with the drug amplifying his temper to a degree that frightened even him.

Kristen was better off without him. He’d just have to get her to dig the bullets out so he could heal, then leave before he grew too attached to the one woman he’d ever considered having a life with.

“Okay, I think that means you’re ready,” he heard her whisper right when she dabbed his shoulder with something cool. He found her hand by feel and took it in his.

Words, explanations that he wanted to tell her, everything stalled in his throat. All he managed to do was squeeze her hand silently for a moment before he could begin. “I’m sorry, Kris. If I could have stopped it, I would have. I would have done anything to save you this pain.”

Her face came into focus then blurred but he thought she nodded quickly. A wisp of her dark hair fell across her face, and he managed to brush it back behind her small ear. She didn’t speak again, not that he heard, but gently pushed him back until his back hit the soft mattress and suddenly she lost her balance, gasped, and landed on top of him.

The slim fit of her against him fully for the first time set him on fire. He quickly caught her and turned, landing half on top and half on his side so he could be as close as possible. Her dark eyes widened adorably then she slid him a look that was much hotter.

She didn’t move, not even when he let the full weight of his hips press his erection tight between her open legs. The rush of pleasure from finally having her in his arms soaked up his strength to resist lowering his head and taking her mouth. He bent, slowly breathing past the mounting needs pounding harder than his wounds, and with infinite care he brushed his lips over hers.

“I’m sorry, Kris. So damn sorry,” he told her, sampling her lips with his tongue before he settled his mouth firmly on hers, and pressed past her open lips to taste her.

The first sweet explosion of her made him groan and rock his erection against her, desperate for more. She didn’t move but didn’t push him away until with a soft sound in her throat, she circled her arms around his neck and pulled him down tighter while she pressed her lower body—and her sweet pussy—against his thigh with a needy sound.

Explosions of light and sound rippled through him and he tightened his hands on her body, caressing down it, desperate for her. She tilted her head and dived into the kiss running her sassy tongue along his and pressing against him harder until he had to break away from her lips and kiss her cheeks and shoulder, her neck and gradually work his way back to her lips again so he could take as much of her as he could. “Sorry, so fuckin’ sorry, darling, you gotta believe me, gotta let me—”

She moaned and latched onto his lips, stopping the spill of words even as she caused his body to tighten to the point of coming in his pants. He held back enough to reach down between them.

When he did, she moaned louder.

“Yes, oh yes.” She arched her hips upward, and grabbed hold of his head tighter to kiss him.

He couldn’t get enough air. She kissed with the same desperation he felt and when he freed his erection, her kiss grew even wilder and she pushed harder on his thigh, making such passionate sounds in her throat he couldn’t take the time to unbutton her jeans and dive into her. Instead he edged his thigh tighter to her core and slid his hand inside her loose jeans and past wet silk to her heat. She was soaked and when he carefully rubbed her tiny clit she bit down lightly on his neck and started to tremble, crying softly as she did against his throat.

His orgasm was seconds away. Kris took his cock in her hands and he stopped breathing for fear of missing a second of how good it felt. Her palms were soft, warm and so sweet he couldn’t hold in the groan of relief.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, darling, don’t stop,” he begged in time with her tight grip stroking his sensitive erection.

Right when he knew he couldn’t hold on longer she started pressing hot, wet kisses to every inch of his shoulders and chest she could reach. The tenderness hit like another squirt of gasoline on an already blazing fire.

His muscles locked down and a shudder started at his shoulder blades and shot down his back to tighten his spine and tingle over his bare ass to the erection in her hands.

“Robbie, oh yes, yes, come for me,” she whispered sounding like the sexiest woman in the world.

At the sound of that name from her lips, he knew he’d reached the end. A rush of shivers sped down his spine, making his muscles tremble. Unable to speak past the pleasure, he frantically covered her hands with his and shoved through, coming so long and so hard his eyes rolled back in his head and he ground out her name with each thick gush of cum.

When he could breathe past the spasms, he lowered his head, breathed her in and carefully removed his hand from her wet pussy but only as far as her stomach. She pressed a warm kiss to his throat and he reached up from where he’d still been holding her hand on his cock to caress her soft face once more.

With the world spinning, he managed to twist his body, barely stopping himself from falling on top of her.

“Kristen,” he murmured and curled on his side, holding her close in his arms as the room slowly went dark.

Chapter Seven

“Robert?” Kristen whispered against Robert’s sweaty shoulder.

He didn’t answer, but he also didn’t move. She could have stayed with him like that forever, she thought suddenly, but reality intruded on the happy thought, squashing it completely.

What have I done?

Will he remember it?

Yes, she decided, a man that called her name so desperately while he drove her insane with sex like she’d never dreamed possible, all while wounded, would remember that she’d not only let him kiss her but practically
begged
him to drive her insane!

Where has my brain gone? Where have all my thoughts of him leaving, and quickly, gone?

She always believed men thought with their brain below their belts, not women.

Obviously when he’d rolled over on top of her, her brain had focused on one thing and one thing alone—the hard erection pressing against her stomach. That and the feel of his thigh shoved tight to her clit. Even now, her mouth watered at the feel of his semi-hard penis lying so thick and deliciously tempting along her lower back. All she had to do was reach back and she was certain a few strokes up and down would make him as hard as he’d been before. A quick wiggle of her hips and her jeans would slip down and he’d certainly be able to find where to go from there.
I’m a sex maniac and never knew it.

The fantasy was right out of her dreams, to snuggle up to this man and make him hot enough to slip in her pussy from behind, no kissing, no talking, just slow, deep thrusts with low groans and breathless pants until they both toppled over the edge of reason into that bliss only a climax could deliver.

But just because it was a fantasy didn’t make it okay.

He was drunk, not me!

But, God, how long has it been since I felt the weight of a man on top of me?

Years before the divorce, and now years since her life had ended. But life didn’t end, did it? Robert had said he was a coward when she was the one who was a coward, wasn’t she? With Daniel, then with her life after him, she was.

How long can a person go without being touched?

She wondered suddenly if the man curled so sweetly around her suffered from the same loneliness and isolation she’d tried to block.

She’d never seen him with a woman. She’d heard he dated here and there but put his efforts into the military, not finding a girlfriend. She’d often fantasised he’d not brought a woman with him around her because she was what he wanted. He’d been what she wanted. But she’d been with Daniel. It wasn’t fair to think he’d been lonely and waiting for her to smarten up, when he should have and could have had his choice of women. Especially a good-looking man like Robert, she thought, turning in his arms.

He didn’t stir, but stayed silent, intoxicated, she guessed. He looked years younger sleeping, she thought.

She slowly reached up and traced the line of his jaw. There was something different about the bones there. He was strikingly good-looking, or had been until his makeover. He was still handsome, but now his good looks were also coupled with hardness. He looked intense but the scars she thought made him look even sexier than before—if that was possible.