Truth (12 page)

Entering CLAIRE NICHOLS RAWLINGS into the
Google search engine landed her over fifty thousand hits! She began
to click and read. Yes, there was factual information: born October
17, 1985, to Jordon and Shirley Nichols. One sister, Emily Nichols
Vandersol, married to John Vandersol. Claire graduated from
Hamilton Heights High School in Fishers, Indiana, and obtained a
Bachelor’s Degree in meteorology from Valparaiso University. She
completed a one year internship in Albany, New York, and then
worked for WKPZ as a meteorologist assistant in Atlanta, Georgia.
After WKPZ was bought, she worked at the Red Wing, a restaurant in
Atlanta, until 2010. It’s at that point the history of her life
becomes mostly conjecture.

One of the few facts: on
December 18, 2011, she married Anthony Rawlings. Claire had read
the information before about her being a
gold-digger
. However, the ferocity
of the newly found articles surprised her. It was as if some of
these reporters were truly hell-bent on righting the wrongs done
to
Anthony Rawlings
.

Claire scrolled numerous
articles which made her every sin public knowledge. She read about
her changing hair color and shopping habits. There were accurate
and inaccurate reports of travels. Thinking that perhaps this was a
journey she shouldn’t have taken, she clicked and discovered an
unlikely ally – a redeemer of her reputation. The article appeared
in
Rolling Stone
,
February 2012, following her arrest – prior to her plea. It was
entitled, Mrs. Rawlings, No longer a Mystery – But Seriously a
Killer? by Meredith Banks. The article discussed Claire Nichols,
the real person, student, sorority sister, daughter – grieving the
loss of her parents following their tragic deaths, intern,
meteorologist assistant in Atlanta, bartender . It went on to
discuss the impromptu meeting in Chicago and the unlikelihood of
Claire Nichols attempting to murder her husband. Meredith mentioned
Claire’s hesitation to discuss her future husband.
Hesitation, I didn’t discuss him!
Meredith also discussed the obvious -- with as
much money as Anthony Rawlings possessed, why would Claire want to
kill him? She used the travel, shopping, and pampering spas as
evidence. Why would Claire want to kill the handsome generous
husband who showered her with luxuries? She had access to all the
money she wanted and Anthony was making more. Meredith concluded
killing him made no sense.

Claire couldn’t help but see the irony – the
first, perhaps only, positive and accurate article was written by
the same woman who wrote the article eighteen months earlier which
almost cost her, her life!

Claire opened another page
on her laptop and Googled
Meredith
Banks
, independent correspondent based out
of Long Beach, California. The website contained her email and
phone number. After a quick check of Google Maps, Claire learned
Long Beach was a six and a half hour drive from her current
location. She pondered that information. With Tony’s current state
of mind, perhaps a 400 mile drive wasn’t a bad plan.

Claire considered her new option. She could
contact Meredith. She could promise an exclusive interview. But,
what was she willing to reveal? If she couldn’t look Amber and
Harry in the eye and talk about her life as Mrs. Rawlings, was she
ready to do it with Meredith?

Off the dining room were
two sets of sliding glass doors leading to a courtyard with a small
outdoor sitting area and hot tub. Claire eased her way out into
the
yard
and into
a chair. Holding her mug of warm French Vanilla latte, she looked
up toward the sky. The clouds had parted revealing patches of blue.
She knew the entire disclosure process needed to be well
thought-out. Claire reminded herself not to act impulsively or
without forethought. Perhaps, as stunning as it seemed, Meredith
may be the answer she’d been seeking. Yet, before she attempted to
make contact, Claire needed to be sure of what she intended to
share. Her article years ago with
Vanity
Fair
taught her that every question must
be thoroughly reviewed and dissected. Each impromptu answer must go
through the same scrutiny.

If she planned on
informing the world the
truth
, she needed to be sure it came
across the way she intended. The question looming in Claire’s mind
-- could she trust Meredith Banks to write that article? Claire
truly didn’t know the answer.

White filmy wisps of
condensation moved ever so gently across the sky as beams of
sunshine continued to win their battle. Tilting her face toward the
sun, Claire closed her eyes and inhaled the fresh spring air. The
warm rays and warm coffee reminded Claire that no matter her
decision, the reality remained, it was
her
decision.

Suddenly an old question
resurfaced,
how did he do it?
How did he make her disappear, without anyone
questioning her sudden departure? This information seemed
incredibly important. She needed to be sure, history would not
repeat itself.

Every journey into the past
is complicated by delusions,
false memories, false naming of real events.
-
Adrienne Rich

Chapter
8

Claire gripped the phone tighter, “What
texts and emails are you talking about?”

“
It must’ve been in March,
if I remember right. March of the year you left
Atlanta.”

“
That is what I’ve been
saying, Emily. Tony
took me
away in March, March 17, 2010, and I was at his
house on the 20
^th
. I never sent emails or
texts.”

“
Yes, you did. You sent
out emails telling about a new job possibility. They said how
excited you were about it.” Although Emily couldn’t see, Claire
shook her head. “Actually you also sent out emails via Facebook. I
remember thinking, you must really be excited.”

“
I never sent those. Did
you respond?”

“
I did and you replied.
Then about a week later you sent a text saying you’d be getting a
new phone number and would call. As you know, you didn’t call for
months, and your old number no longer worked.”

Claire pondered this new information, “I
wonder if messages went out to other people?”

“
I know John received the
same emails and texts – you know, like you did a mass send? And
when we didn’t hear from you again for a while, I called your
apartment complex. They said you’d moved out and paid to break the
lease. They also said something about a new job opportunity but
couldn’t remember any details.”

“
Why didn’t you ever
mention this?”

At first Emily remained silent. When she
spoke it was with a recent reoccurring sharpness to her tone, “And
when do you suppose I should’ve done that? Maybe while your every
word was scrutinized or perhaps while my every word was overheard?”
Those details, about their conversations during Claire’s marriage,
were just recently revealed by Claire. Obviously Emily still found
them upsetting.

“
No, Emily. I’m sorry. I
know you couldn’t have said anything then, but now?”

“
Well, perhaps I’ve been
busy trying to get to know my sister again and oh yeah – my
husband. Details of your disappearance three years ago, when I
thought you just didn’t want me in your life, well, they haven’t
been high on my priority list.”

Claire inhaled deeply and exhaled. Emily’s
anger was justified. “I want you to know I did not, and would not,
just email or text you or John out of my life. If it happens again,
please know it isn’t me.”

Emily’s end of the line went silent. She
finally responded, with distress not resentment, “Why? Are you
seriously afraid it could happen again?”

Claire didn’t hesitate. She no longer wanted
to delude her sister. “Yes.”

“
I promise, if I can’t get
ahold of you, or I get those kinds of messages – I’ll have the
police break down Anthony Rawlings’ door.”

Claire smiled. “Thanks, Sis. Hopefully,
that’ll never be necessary. Right now I’m learning what I can about
how he did it last time.”

The two spoke for a while longer. During her
time in Iowa, her calls were not only monitored but time
restricted. The two sisters relished their new lengthy soul
revealing conversations. Emily informed Claire she’d be going to
New York the first week of April to bring John home. With his
sentence complete, the condition of his probation required regular
interaction with a probationary officer. As long as he did that, he
could travel, or live, anywhere within the continental United
States.

Due to the charges of fraudulent billing,
The New York State Bar Association suspended John’s admission to
the bar, disabling him from practicing law. For any chance at
redemption, an appeal must be made to the governing body’s
disciplinary committee. Emily wasn’t sure what he’d do. She was
just happy they’d be together.

Claire wanted to ask to join Emily in New
York. However, instinctively she believed her presence was
currently unwelcome. She hoped it was only momentary, besides Emily
and John needed private time.

Amber arrived home to find her dining room
table covered in piles of disheveled papers. It was the information
Claire saved from Tony’s box, along with new information Amber and
Harry helped accumulate. Harry’s connection to the Bureau of
Investigation and Intelligence was definitely advantageous.

From the
box
, Claire saved
pictures. Looking through the stack, she placed them in
chronological order. The first series was from her parent’s
funeral. If she hadn’t stared at them for hours, in her cell in
Iowa, the subject would be upsetting. Instead, the circumstance of
their existence dominated her thoughts. The photo in her hand was
of the grave site. She saw the vibrant autumn trees surrounding the
double plot and a seemingly appropriate gray sky. The faraway shot
showed Emily with John on one side and Claire on the other. There
were many people behind them. The next one caused Claire’s stomach
to churn. It showed a close-up of her, alone -- her name
handwritten on the back. She recognized the distinguishable
writing. She’d seen that same script on many notes throughout her
two years with Tony.

She
didn’t meet Anthony Rawlings until almost five years
after
these pictures
were taken. Yet, the looming question remained; did he personally
shoot these photos? It added to the mystery. She wished for
pictures of the crowd, some way she could scan for his familiar
face. Thinking back, Claire remembered news coverage -- her father
was a policeman, and even though his death wasn’t in the line of
duty, it was considered newsworthy. Suddenly, she wondered if the
footage still existed. Working at a television news station, she
knew many videos were disposed of after a certain length of time.
Nonetheless, if she could watch, even a few seconds of the crowd,
Claire would find Tony -- tall, dark and handsome -- if he were
present.

The next stack of photos revealed images
from Emily and John’s wedding, with the same alarming close-ups of
Claire with her name written on the back in Tony’s handwriting. The
sea foam green dress made Claire smile.

She realized if she took these pictures to
the police, they didn’t prove Tony’s presence. Of course, he could
pay someone to take the pictures. Yet, Claire was certain a
handwriting specialist could verify his handwriting.

The other bit of
information, Claire retained, from Tony’s box of confessions, was
the
Top Secret
report.
Over the past four months
she’d wondered how he obtained the document. It looked official,
containing the Top Secret watermark. Originally, she placed it in
the box of information to burn. However, just before leaving her
cell, Claire decided to remove it. Looking back, she chastised
herself for taking the box to the incinerator at all.

She couldn’t really justify her actions,
only that at the time she wanted freedom and separation. Watching
the contents burn proved temporarily therapeutic. As the flames
enveloped the box and its contents, she felt her life with Tony
shrivel into parallel nothingness. At the time, it was
cathartic.

In the days and weeks that followed, she
realized the error of her ways. With time to meditate, muse, and
contemplate her life’s milestones, it seemed that at many junctures
she’d acted impulsively. Whether it was refusing to leave Atlanta
after the loss of her job, signing a seemingly benign napkin,
getting into a car and fleeing Anthony’s estate, or burning a box
of confessions, the choices and their consequences continued to
return and rear their ugly heads.

The
Top Secret
report told the true
identities of two important players in the downfall of Nathaniel
Rawls; securities officer, Jonathon Burke and FBI agent, Sherman
Nichols. It was the glue that held Claire to Tony’s well played
plan of revenge.

After contacting Amber, they worked together
to regenerate the information Claire could recall. If only she
hadn’t burnt it. Regrets were useless. Their progress thus far was
all that mattered.