Truth & Dare (23 page)

T
HE NEWS HIT
the high school Monday morning before the end of first period. Danny Bommarito had been killed in a car wreck Sunday night on Route 55 on his way home from Nicole Nesbit’s house. As soon as Mr. Simonson announced it over the P.A. system, somebody started screaming in the hallway outside my geometry class. Ms. West put her hand over her mouth and leaned against the chalkboard while Mr. S. said that any friends of Danny’s who were upset could leave class to talk to a counselor or the school nurse.

I bet Danny didn’t know how many friends he had. In about a minute there were throngs of kids moving through the hallway, holding on to each other, sobbing like mad. Since Danny was a senior and most of the kids in my geometry class are only sophomores, hardly any of us knew him that well, but there were a few girls crying, and Will Jasper, who was on the football team with Danny, put his head down on his desk. I had never spoken a word to Danny Bommarito—at least, not out loud—but I had intended to, eventually. As soon as I figured out what to say.

Danny was in my study hall last year. He sat with the other juniors and seniors who did things: Peer Leaders, International Relations Club, student government. He was not just a jock—he did everything. If I got there early enough to
get a seat at the right table, I could spend most of the period watching him without anybody noticing. I especially loved watching him laugh at jokes. Sometimes I even snickered along with him, which made the kids at my table stare at me like I was possessed. He had a really happy laugh that kind of exploded out of him.

When the bell rang, Danny would lean back in his chair and stretch out before he got moving, like school didn’t rule him the way it did the rest of us. One time I stayed sitting in my seat too while everybody else grabbed their books and stampeded out of there. Suddenly Danny turned his head and looked right at me, like he’d known I was there.

“Hey,” he said, and gave me a wink. That’s all. “Hey,” and a wink. Then he pulled himself out of his chair and went to catch up with one of his friends. I couldn’t believe it. He knew I was there. He saw me, he spoke to me—he winked.

I went over and over it in my mind—it seemed like we had a secret now, Danny and I. Isn’t that what a wink means? Or maybe it meant, I know you watch me. That might be okay too … if he knew I was interested. But the year was almost over by then, and there wasn’t really time for another wink.

At the beginning of this year I made my friend Violet go with me to a few Peer Leaders meetings, although I didn’t tell her why. She had a boyfriend already, and I thought it might seem childish to her that I was following around some guy I barely knew. I didn’t realize Danny’s girlfriend, Nicole, was president of Peer Leaders. Ugh. They constantly found excuses to touch each other, like it was normal to give somebody a neck massage every time they blinked. I could never get up the nerve to speak to him, so I don’t know if he remembered me from study hall or not. I was working on a question I could ask him, but Vi and I quit the group when we found out the freshmen and sophomores had to do fundraising.

“Not me,” Violet said. “I’m in high school! I’m not selling candy bars door-to-door like some second grader!”

It’s not like Danny Bommarito was the only good-looking upperclassman; he was just the one who seemed right to me. I don’t know how to explain it, but when I heard him laugh I’d get chills down my back. He had dark wavy hair that was always a little too long in the front—not perfect, you know, but
perfect
. And he seemed like a guy who’d be nice to you, if you ever actually knew him.

So when Mr. Simonson said there was this car crash last night … Well, it couldn’t be true because I never even had a chance to talk to Danny Bommarito … and I was in love with him.

In a few minutes Mr. Simonson was back on the air. “It’s clear to me that it will be difficult to conduct regular classes today in light of the tragedy that has befallen us.” That’s the way he talks. “I am dismissing classes for the remainder of the day. However, I urge those of you who need comfort to seek out our excellent staff here at the school.” He ended by begging us to drive carefully, but by that time we were halfway to our lockers and nobody was listening any more.

I stared into my locker, but I didn’t know what to take out of it. Ms. West hadn’t even given us any homework yet—there was nothing to do. A group of freshmen girls huddled together on the floor nearby, getting in everybody’s way. They were consoling each other and trying to squeeze out a few tears. One of them kept ripping tissues out of a little plastic package and passing them to the others. God, they probably wouldn’t be able to pick Danny out of a line-up.

“Casey! Can you believe this?” Violet came tearing around the corner. “It’s not even nine o’clock yet and we’re out of school! We should go someplace and do something!”

I shrugged half-heartedly. “Don’t you want to hang with
Burt?” Vi has been my best friend since kindergarten, but last year she also began to be Burt Baldwin’s girlfriend, and it definitely got in the way of our friendship. We could never make plans until she’d checked with Burt to see what he wanted to do. She said rule number one was: Never neglect a girlfriend for a guy, unless you’re in love with the guy. Then, apparently, anything is permissible. And, of course, Violet is in love.

She gave me a little tap on the back. “Don’t be like that. I don’t always hang with Burt. Besides, I just saw him and he says he’s going back home to sleep.”

“Not a bad idea,” I said.

“Casey, this is a free day!We have to do something. It’s like a present!”

Is that what it was like? How thoughtful of Danny to give us all a present. Even before I slammed my locker and started hightailing it to an exit, the tears began to creep down my cheeks. Violet was behind me, so she didn’t notice right away.

“Why are you running?” She caught up with me as I headed out the back cafeteria door and almost fell over a girl lying motionless face down on the bottom step. My God, had everybody been in love with Danny Bommarito?

There weren’t many people coming out this way—it was the exit to the teachers’ parking lot, and they were probably still inside, meeting in small groups, all their hands over all their mouths. They probably knew all the details by now: where exactly it had happened, whether anybody saw it, who else got hurt, whose fault it was. I kept imagining Danny’s green Honda flipped over on its back like a turtle, wheels spinning. I tried not to think where that meant Danny had been. Trapped inside the car? Thrown out on to the highway? Had he known he was going to die? Thinking about it made me put my hand over my mouth.

I made it to the corner where the trees started before Violet caught sight of my face.

“Are you crying?”

I wasn’t making a sound—no sniffing, no hiccuping, nothing. I just let the silly water leak out silently.

“I didn’t even think you knew Danny Bommarito!” Violet said. “Did you?”

I shook my head. “No, but I might have someday.”

“What, you mean, like, you had a thing for him?”

I sighed. “Sort of.”

Violet put her arm around my shoulder. She actually is a good friend when she’s available. “Why didn’t you tell me? I didn’t even know!”

I swiped at the tears with the sleeve of my jacket. “It wasn’t like you and Burt. But I thought it might be someday.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me this!”

I shrugged and gave a mucusy sniff, wishing I didn’t sound so pathetic. “You’re always so busy with …”

“I wish you’d stop saying that, Casey. We’re still best friends—we’re supposed to tell each other everything.” Rule number two.

“There wasn’t anything to tell. I just thought … I thought I’d talk to Danny someday, and … I don’t know. He winked at me once. I just thought I’d get to talk to him.” I could feel another downpour building behind my eyes.

Violet sucked in her breath. “You really liked him, didn’t you?” I nodded and she hugged my shoulder tighter. “Oh, poor Casey! He is really cute. Was, I mean. God, I’m glad I didn’t know him very well. It would be awful to have a friend who died young like that. It gives me goosebumps to think of it.”

We stopped at the corner of Edgewood and Harrison and shivered, even though it was a warm Indian-summer day. I
found a half-used tissue in my pocket and blew my nose. “Where are we going? Home or downtown?”

“Well, if you feel like it we could go to the Pancake Palace and get some breakfast? I didn’t have time to eat before I left home this morning. And there’s something I want to talk to you about, too. If you’re okay.” She gave me a slippery little grin and I had an idea what the topic was going to be. The last thing I was in the mood for this morning was tales of weekend lust in Burt’s family room while Burt’s family was somewhere else. But what choice did I have? Violet is my best friend. There are rules, you know.

We got a booth in the back corner so we could have some privacy. It was amazing how many other kids from school showed up. I guess grief makes you hungry. I ordered the special—two scrambled eggs, bacon, home fries and a biscuit—while Violet, who had already eaten a bowl of cereal this morning, ordered a cup of coffee and an English muffin.

“I thought you were hungry,” I said. “You aren’t getting nuts about your weight again, are you?”

“Don’t worry so much. It’s just hard to eat when you feel like this.”

“Like what?”

She sucked in her breath and fluttered her hands in front of her chest to indicate that they were ready for take-off, I guess. Vi can be a real drama queen. She likes to give you a big build-up before she tells you anything, which makes even ordinary stuff seem important. I don’t have that talent, or maybe I just don’t think anything that happens to me is that important.

“What?” I repeated.

Violet leaned across the table to whisper to me. “That’s what
I wanted to talk to you about. I’m so excited.”

“Why? Tell me, already.”

The slippery grin returned. “We did it. Last night!” She spoke so quietly I had to read her lips, but then, the words were pretty simple to understand.

It’s not like I was shocked or anything. I knew they’d been heading for it—Burt, especially, had been heading for it. Violet had been changing her mind practically every day: do it, don’t do it, do it. I guess she’d finally made up her mind.

But on the other hand, I
was
shocked. This was Violet, who I’d known since forever, who took dancing lessons with me at Ms. Patty’s, who slept in my bunk with me at Camp Nashatoga on the nights the camp staff told ghost stories, who went with me the first time I visited my father after he moved out, who never told her mother it was me who gave her that botched haircut in the seventh grade. It was bad enough she had a boyfriend and I didn’t—but now she’d taken it one giant step further. Into the mysterious territory of sex: a faraway land to which I’d certainly never be able to follow her. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to.

“Can you believe it?” she said. “I wasn’t going to, but then, I don’t know, nobody’s ever home at Burt’s, and all of a sudden there didn’t seem to be a reason not to.”

“You had a few hundred reasons last week,” I reminded her. “Like whether you were in love or not, for one.”

“I decided I am,” she said firmly.

Just then the waitress brought big white plates, mine heaped with greasy food that didn’t seem so appetizing any more. I wished I liked coffee so at least I’d have that in common with Violet.

“Are you mad at me? Do you think it was wrong?” Violet dumped two packets of Sweet’N Low into her cup.

I shrugged. “It’s your decision.” All of a sudden I had this
vision of the two of them lying together naked on some scratchy old brown couch with squeaky springs. God, Violet had seen Burt Baldwin naked. Ugh! It was one thing to hang out with the guy, kiss him and stuff, but to actually sleep with him? He was so … lumpy. And he was trying to grow this skimpy little mustache. And he hardly ever even spoke to me. If I was going to sleep with somebody, he would have to be … well, Danny Bommarito. But when I thought that, a hot nausea swept over me. I had to say something to Violet, though, so I said, “You did use something, didn’t you?”

Violet ducked her head—I guess my voice carries. “Casey! Keep it down! I’m not advertising it!”

“Sorry.”

“Of course we used something. Burt had condoms.”

Condoms. Plural.

All of a sudden I remembered the time Vi and I found some condoms in her older brother’s room and filled them up like water balloons. We were only about ten at the time. They looked so funny we called them our hot-dog toys and laughed until we practically peed our pants.

Violet grabbed my hands and leaned over the table to get my attention back. “It was wonderful, Case. Now I really understand what love is. Burt was so sweet. He kept asking me if it felt good.”

I swallowed. I did actually want to know about this—I wanted the information from someone who’d been there, just in case I was ever faced with a sudden journey myself. Still, it was embarrassing to have to ask. “
Did
it feel good?”

I could tell she was glad I wanted to know. “I wish I could explain it to you,” she said, her face dreamy. I remembered one time she’d told me, “If you love somebody, it should show on your face.” Violet’s face looked more like somebody appreciating a hot-fudge sundae.

“Well, try,” I said.

“It’s not like anything else.”

“Really? I thought it would be just like volleyball.”

She ignored me. “It’s like floating on clouds or something. It’s just … wonderful!”

Floating on clouds? Like those babies in the toilet-paper commercial? I needed one or two details, just in case. “Did he get on top, like in movies?”

She nodded.

“And it didn’t hurt or anything?When he … you know … put it in?”

Violet smiled. “You don’t think about things like that, if it hurts or not. You’re just thinking about how much you love him, and how you want to hold on to him and keep him warm inside you for ever!”