Truth or Demon (25 page)

Neither spoke as they headed back to the T. As the train began to move, the clatter and rock of the car just seemed to emphasize the silence between them.

Killian couldn’t stand it.

“Poppy,” he said, turning on the hard, narrow subway seat to look at her. She fiddled with the strap of her purse, refusing to look at him.

“Please look at me,” he asked.

She met his gaze, her dark eyes filled with embarrassment and something that looked far too much like pain.

He wished he hadn’t taken her up on the roof. But his need for her had overwhelmed him. Now he just wanted to pull her against him and soothe away the hurt he saw in her eyes.

“Don’t you dare apologize,” she warned.

Her words startled him, and he couldn’t stop himself from smiling.

“I’m not going to,” he assured her. “I loved every minute of it.”

She blushed, her gaze dropping back to her purse. She plucked at a loose thread on the stitching of the strap.

He caught her chin, bringing her gaze back up to him.

“I’m just a little shocked at my behavior,” he said, which wasn’t strictly true. It was more his emotions than his actions.

“Me too,” she said softly, then added, “I mean my behavior too. You know, not yours. I don’t know if that’s your usual behavior or not. Not that I’m saying …”

She just let her sentence trail off, realizing her point was sort of made, and further explanation wasn’t helping.

He smiled slightly, finding her adorable.

Her gaze dropped to his lips, and instantly he was aroused again. How did she have this effect on him? He was good at self-control. Well, he usually was.

They both fell silent again, remaining that way the rest of the trip home.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. He’d been told in no uncertain terms that he couldn’t become involved with Poppy. Nor could he allow her to have feelings for him. He wasn’t sure what her feelings were, but he sure as hell felt he was having them for her. Funny, the one rule he wouldn’t have minded having to follow was the very one he’d managed to break.

This was not good.

But Killian wasn’t going to let them leave each other without saying something. They’d had too many nights end this way.

“Poppy,” he said, catching her wrist to stop her as she strode toward her apartment door. “I—I really like you.”

Poppy fought the urge to cringe.
Really like you.
To her, that sounded like the beginning of a “I like you, but we should really just be friends” conversation.

Instead of waiting for him to continue, she decided she’d rather beat him to the punch.

“I like you too, Killian. And I understand this was just something that happened. Spurred on by the erotic photos, maybe even fueled by the idea that we both want a relationship.”

Killian nodded, although she didn’t get the feeling he agreed. But then again, she couldn’t read what he was thinking. Those golden eyes of his could be beautiful—and inscrutable.

But she didn’t let her uncertainty slow down her words. She was going to deal with the rejection in her own way, not wait for him to do it.

“We are both young—and I know I haven’t—” She hesitated, feeling awkward admitting her lack of intimacy over the years. “Well, things just—happened. I don’t think we need to dissect it, do we?”

Killian shook his head, but again she wasn’t sure he necessarily agreed with her.

“We just had some fun.” She paused. “Well, I had fun.”

Killian smiled then, and she had no trouble assessing that particular look. In fact, the hunger in his eyes made her in-sides zing back to full awareness of him.

“Oh, I definitely had fun,” he said.

She nodded, but a smile didn’t quite reach her lips. She could pretend she was cool and collected about this, but she couldn’t be lighthearted and flirty. Not right now.

Never, if she was smart. Dabbling with a man like Killian, thinking she could have casual sex, and not start feeling too much, was dangerous business.

“So it’s all good,” she said with a decisive nod. “It was a fun and unexpected night. I’m fine. You’re fine.”

His smile faded at her tone, but again he nodded.

“As long as you’re fine.”

She managed a small smile. “I am. Good night, Killian.”

She turned then and unlocked her door. She didn’t look back as she stepped inside.

Unfortunately, she had little time to gather herself.

Daisy popped out of the kitchen. “You’re home early.”

Poppy tried to muster the same calm she’d always managed over the past four years, hiding her true feelings, keeping her emotions in check. But tonight that composure was just somewhere out of reach. She attempted a carefree smile, knowing it fell short.

“The showing only went until nine. And it was—pretty dull.”

Daisy nodded, but Poppy could tell she was trying to read her expression. Poppy forced another smile.

“I got my paper done, and I was just getting a snack before heading to bed. Want some?” Daisy held out a bowl of popcorn.

“No thanks.” The truth was Poppy couldn’t think of eating. Her stomach was churning with nerves, confusion and something that still managed to feel like excitement.

Daisy took her popcorn and headed into the living room, collapsing on the couch. She curled her legs under her and reached for the television remote. The theme music to a popular sitcom filled the apartment.

“Are you going to watch
Big Bang Theory
with me?” Daisy called out to Poppy.

Move. Answer her. Don’t give Daisy any reason to question your behavior and worry.

“Yeah,” she said, “I’m just going to—go change.”

“Hurry. It’s a new one.”

Poppy walked to her bedroom. She closed the door and pressed her back against it. She allowed herself a moment to fall apart.

Running a shaky hand through her hair, she closed her eyes.

“What are you doing?” she whispered to herself, her voice trembling as much as her hands.

She should have put a stop to the encounter. She should have told him no, that she wasn’t interested in him that way.

“But you are,” she murmured, for the first time really admitting it, even if it was only to herself.

It could only ever be to herself.

Nothing good could come out of a relationship with Killian O’Brien, even if that was what he wanted.

Nothing good at all.

She wandered around her room, not quite sure of what to do. Tonight had been so surreal, she somehow felt out of place just dropping back into her normal world.

She sat on the bed, only to stand up again. She walked over to her dresser, rifling through the drawers, only to pause, clothes forgotten in her hands.

This was no big deal. Just a casual sexual encounter. Adults did that. Didn’t they? Casual trysts that didn’t mean a thing.

She looked down at her hands, realizing she clutched several garments. What had she been looking for? Pajamas. That’s right, pajamas.

And she couldn’t hang out in here indefinitely. Daisy wanted her to watch their favorite show. She pulled out a pair of plaid cotton pajama bottoms and a T-shirt. Quickly, she changed into them and braced herself to act normally.

She could hear Daisy’s laughter as soon as she opened the door. The sound should have pleased her. It usually did, knowing that Daisy was thriving, happy. But tonight, it just made her feel guilty and ashamed.

Was her behavior tonight the example she wanted to set for her little sister? Not that Daisy would ever, ever know about it. But Poppy knew, and she couldn’t believe how easily she’d let Killian do whatever he wanted. No, that wasn’t fair. She’d wanted it too. So very much.

“Poppy, you’re missing the whole show.”

She joined Daisy, curling on the couch too.

“Sheldon cracks me up,” Daisy said, popping some of the buttery popcorn in her mouth.

Poppy smiled, and tried to follow what was going on, but her mind kept wandering back to that rooftop and the feeling of Killian’s touch. His body against hers. His mouth. And his very naughty tongue.

“That was a good one,” Daisy said, dragging Poppy out of her erotic memories.

Poppy shifted, pulling her legs in tighter to herself. The show was over, and she couldn’t recall a single word of it. Heat crept over her cheeks and neck. She ran a hand through her hair, hoping the action would distract from her surely red cheeks.

“It—it was good.” She smiled.

Daisy studied her for a moment, then sighed. “I guess I’d better get to bed.”

Poppy nodded. “It is getting late.”

Daisy picked up her popcorn bowl, bringing it into the kitchen. She paused on her way back through the living room.

“Did you have any fun at the art gallery?”

More embarrassment burned her face, but she managed to shrug. “Yes. It wasn’t too bad.”

“I’m glad,” Daisy said, then headed off to bed, a little bounce to her step.

Poppy fell back against the cushions, relieved Daisy seemed to think everything was fine. Maybe she’d behaved more normally than she’d thought.

Daisy closed her door and rushed over to her nightstand. Her cell phone lay among the piles of books and hair bands and pens and papers.

She flipped the phone open, and her fingers began flying over the character pad.

He did it! Poppy def met some-1 2nite. Killian did it!

She hit send, and the text whisked through the atmosphere to find her friends’ phones.

She dropped the phone back to her nightstand and crawled into bed, a smile on her face. She’d really started to think this conjuring idea was a bad one.

But Emma had been totally right. Daisy had been able to tell as soon as Poppy stepped into the apartment that something had happened tonight. She’d looked all flushed and dreamy. She hadn’t seen a bit of her favorite show. She was thinking about someone. A man. Daisy could just tell.

She turned off her light, then hugged her pillow, grinning to herself. Poppy was going to find happiness, finally.

Daisy just knew it.

C
HAPTER
28

H
e was on his knees. She looked down at him. Their eyes held. Locked. Words flowed between them. Hunger. Need. Lust. But so much more than that. Words that shouldn’t be there, but were. Gentleness. Caring. Affection.

He rose, their eyes never leaving each other’s.

Slowly, he leaned in, bring his lips to press against hers. Kissing her. Tasting her. She savored him too. The embrace was unhurried, thorough, encompassing. A true melding of beings. Of souls.

Time didn’t seem to exist, they just were. One.

Finally they parted, eyes searching each other. Heat and emotion swirling there.

Then words were said aloud.

“I love you.”

Poppy gasped, sitting up straight in her bed. She pressed a hand to her chest, her heart crashing against her rib cage like a panicked bird trapped in a cage. Like she’d just woken from a horrible nightmare.

But it hadn’t been a nightmare. Not exactly. More like …

She pulled in several more breaths, trying desperately to calm herself. It was just a dream.

She fell back against her pillows. Just a dream.

Just a dream in which she told Killian that she loved him.

Killian’s eyes snapped open. He didn’t move, although his heart raced as if it were trying to escape his body. His breathing sounded rapid and harsh in the silent darkness.

He’d been dreaming. A very vivid, very real dream.

The words that had come from his lips echoed through his mind in time with his heartbeat and his breathing.

I love you. I love you.

He’d told Poppy he loved her.

“Wow,” Daisy said when she shuffled into the kitchen the next morning in her Hello Kitty slippers. “You look like you didn’t sleep too well last night.”

Poppy looked up from the chapter she’d been editing, knowing full well she looked exhausted. After the dream, sleep had never returned. By three a.m., she’d given up and decided to get some work done.

“Yeah, I couldn’t sleep,” Poppy said, “and there didn’t seem to be much point just staring at the ceiling.”

Plus, staring at the ceiling gave her way too much time to reflect on the significance of her dream.

Of which there was none, she assured herself. For the umpteenth time. Dreams were just crazy workings of the subconscious mind. They didn’t have to mean anything at all.

And really, why would she even give it much thought? Loving Killian. That was silly. She barely knew him. So he’d hung around her place a few days. And they’d gone on a couple ill-fated outings. And … some other things.

She should be laughing about the dream, not flipping out about it.

Daisy joined her at the table with her usual cereal and milk.

“So are you still going out tomorrow with Killian?” she asked as she poured—cornflakes this morning—into a bowl.

Poppy paused at the sound of his name. “Umm, no. I don’t think so.”

Daisy stopped, half a gallon of milk in her hand, poised mid-pour. “Really?”

Poppy shrugged, confused by the displeased expression on Daisy’s face. “Well, I’m not sure, but I do have a lot of work to do. So I thought I’d probably just stay in.”

Daisy looked unimpressed. She finished preparing her breakfast, and Poppy had the distinct feeling she was irritated.

“And I’d like to go do something with you,” Poppy added, hoping to appease her annoyance. Annoyance she didn’t understand.

“I’m going with Emma and her family this weekend. Remember, we’re going to her grandmother’s place on the Cape?”

“Oh, right.” No, Poppy hadn’t remembered that, but she had agreed weeks ago Daisy could go. And even though Poppy really wanted her sister’s company this weekend, there was no way she could tell her she couldn’t go now. That wouldn’t be fair.

“So you should really go out this weekend,” Daisy said, her tone bordering on—bossy.

Poppy put down the red pencil she held and regarded her sister closely. Going out was becoming really important to her.

She sighed. “Well, maybe I will. You know, now. Because you are going to be away.”