Try a Little Tenderness (32 page)

Jenny stopped to take a deep breath. ‘Have yer all got the idea of what she’s like?’

John nodded. ‘I can see her as plain as if she was standing next to yer.’

‘I’m glad I’m not standing next to her,’ Mick said, trying to look solemn. ‘She sounds a right nasty piece of work.’

‘Why don’t the bosses sack her?’ Lizzie asked. ‘They don’t have to put up with that, there’s plenty of women who’d be glad of the job.’

‘None of them have got the guts.’ Jenny laughed at the idea. ‘Anyway, I’m coming to that. One day, her whole cigarette fell into one of the men’s mugs. She didn’t pass him any compliment, just stood there and brazenly lit another one before carrying on to the next man. The poor bloke stood staring down at the cigarette floating on top of his tea, and when she was well out of sight, he called the floorwalker over. “I’m not putting up with this, it’s bloody ridiculous. She should have been kicked out on her backside long ago.” The floorwalker is a small, slightly built man, and he asked, “Would you like to have the honour of sacking her, Nobby?”’ Jenny bent double as she pictured the scene. ‘Nobby’s face was a picture. “I don’t get paid to sack people, that’s your job.” The floorwalker thought for a minute then took Nobby’s mug from him. “I don’t get paid that much, Nobby, but I know a man who does”.’

Jenny scanned the faces listening with interest. ‘It’s a long story. I’ll pack it in if ye’re fed up with the sound of me voice.’

‘Don’t you dare pack it in,’ Mick said, ‘even if it takes all night.’

There were sounds of approval, so Jenny continued. ‘The mug was taken to the office of the manager, Mr Grearson. There’s glass windows in his office, and we all stopped work to see what his reaction was. We couldn’t hear what was being said, but after what seemed a heated argument, the floorwalker, Phil, went in search of the cleaner. She stood as bold as brass in front of Mr Grearson and as far as we could see, he could hardly get a word in. She stormed out of his office and deliberately stood facing the window and lit up another cigarette!’

‘So he did sack her?’ Lizzie said. ‘Quite right, too.’

Jenny shook her head. ‘He didn’t sack her, just told her to pull her socks up or the men would mutiny and she’d be out of the door. We had to wait for Phil to tell us what went on in the office, and he said she told Mr Grearson she didn’t know what all the fuss was about. After all, she’d only charged Nobby for his tea, she didn’t charge him for the cigarette which, after all, was still in his possession.’

Mick was the first to roar with laughter, followed quickly by the others. ‘I’m beginning to like her! Mind you, I wouldn’t want to share a cup of tea with her.’

‘I’ll tell yer what I think is the funniest. I’ve described her to yer, except to say that she’s as common as muck and has a filthy mouth on her. But guess what her name is?’

John was first off the mark. ‘Mae West?’

‘Yer’ll never guess, so I’ll tell yer. It’s Philomena Dorothea Victoria Anastasia Smith.’

They were still laughing about it when the two boys walked the girls round to Janet’s to make sure she got home safely. Then on the way back, with Jenny walking between them, their laughter had nothing to do with Philomena Dorothea Victoria Anastasia Smith. It was all to do with Jenny, and their laughter was that of happiness.

Amy put her arms flat on the table and leaned forward. ‘Ay, girl, is it the same as usual this Christmas? Christmas night here, and New Year’s Eve over the road at the Moynihans’?’

Mary gasped, or at least pretended to. ‘You’ve got a ruddy cheek, you have, Amy Hanley, the way yer take things for granted. Me and Molly haven’t mentioned anything about having no party.’

‘I know yer haven’t, girl, that’s why I’m asking. Ye’re that bleedin’ slow about it, yer’ve got me worried. Talk about having no consideration for others, isn’t in it! I mean, like, I’ll have to make other arrangements if me two best mates are too tight, and too miserable to have a party to celebrate Christmas.’

‘Ooh, er! The state of you and the price of fish!’ Mary knew how all this was going to end because never a day passed without her friend going through some sort of rigmarole. But it always ended up in a laugh and a bit of fun never did no one any harm. So with a look of anticipation on her face, she asked, ‘When yer say yer’ll have to make other arrangements, does that mean yer might think of having a party in
your
house?’ She clapped her hands in glee. ‘Oh, I can’t wait to tell Molly, she’ll be over the moon.’

‘Ay, just you hang on a minute, girl, I haven’t said nothing about having no party in my house.’ Amy was pinching the fat on her arms. ‘I only said I’d have to make other arrangements, ’cos yer can’t expect me not to celebrate just because you’re not in the mood. No, what I mean is, I’ll
have to go to a party in one of me other friends’ houses.’

‘Oh, aye, such as?’

‘I’ve got other friends beside you, yer know, girl. I know loads of people who’d be honoured to have me.’

Mary was chuckling silently. ‘Name them.’

‘Huh! No bleedin’ fear! How soft you are! If I tell yer their names yer’ll try and wangle an invite for yerself. Find yer own party, Mary Nightingale.’

‘I don’t need to, I’m all sorted out. But I’ll tell Molly what yer said, so she won’t expect yer.’

Amy banged on the table with the flat of her hand, her chubby face creased in a wide smile. ‘I knew all along yer were having me on, yer know, girl. I just went along with yer for the ride. But I’d better not say what’s in me mind in case yer take yer invite back.’

‘I haven’t given yer an invite, yet! I’ll see how yer behave yerself over the next few days, then I’ll decide.’ Mary narrowed her eyes in suspicion. ‘What did yer mean before when yer said yer wouldn’t tell me what was in yer mind?’

‘I’m not telling yer until I’m certain I’ve got me invitation and yer won’t take it back.’

Mary tutted. ‘Yer’ve got yer invitation, sunshine, so spit it out.’

‘Well, I was thinking yer were the world’s worst bleedin’ liar. Our cat can tell a lie better than you.’

‘Yer haven’t got a cat, Amy.’

‘Ye’re right, girl, but I’m saying if I did have one, he’d be a better liar than you.’

‘Telling lies is not something to be proud of, sunshine, and it’s certainly nothing to go round bragging about. It’s one of the Ten Commandments, or have yer forgotten yer Catechism?’ Mary saw the gleam of merriment in Amy’s eyes and clicked her tongue. ‘You’ll never go to heaven when yer die, that’s for sure.’

‘Ay, I’ve no intention of bleedin’ dying, girl!’ Amy said, moving her fingers to the dimples in her elbow. ‘Not until
after the parties, anyway. I’ll tell yer what, if I died before then and missed all the fun, I’d ruddy kill meself.’

‘Amy Hanley, how you can sleep at night after all the things yer say, I’ll never know. If it was me, I’d be seeing the Grim Reaper standing at the foot of me bed, biding his time.’

‘Nah! My Ben wouldn’t allow another man in the bedroom. Especially since I told him what Molly said about me being well-endowed. He thinks I’m someone special now, treats me with kid gloves.’

‘It’s boxing gloves he needs, not kid gloves. My Stan would wonder what hit him if he was married to you. He doesn’t know he’s born, the care I take of him.’

‘Ah, but does he have as much fun, girl? That’s the question yer’ve got to ask yerself.’

‘I beg your pardon? What makes yer think your Ben has more fun than my Stan?’

Amy closed one eye and squinted at her neighbour. ‘Well, from where I’m sitting, ye’re not particularly well-endowed, are yer, girl?’

Mary’s mouth dropped open. ‘That’s nice, I enjoy getting insulted in me own house. And if we’re on yer favourite subject of bedroom games, I’m going to get on with me washing, which you rudely interrupted.’

Amy held up her two hands in surrender. ‘Not another word about bedrooms will pass me lips, Scout’s Honour. We’ll talk about the parties instead. The only reason I brought it up in the first place is because I want to prepare me costume for my party piece. Like all professional entertainers, girl, I put a lot of thought into me costume.’

‘It’s a pity yer don’t put as much material into them as yer do thought, then. Wear something that covers yer body, sunshine, not one that shows everything yer’ve got. The kids are getting too old now to see yer half-naked. Don’t forget, Mick’s just on eighteen and your John’s not far off it.’

‘Ay, talking about kids, girl, I was worried about our Eddy and Edna. I couldn’t leave them on their own on Christmas Day, it wouldn’t be right. I didn’t mind when they were younger ’cos they went to bed early. I thought of asking yer if they could come, too?’

‘Some hope you’ve got, Amy Hanley! That would be five from your house, three from the Moynihans’, four from here, and I’ve asked Lizzie to come, as well. This room wouldn’t hold that many – it would be bursting at the seams.’

‘It would if yer scraped yer new wallpaper off.’ Amy’s face was straight. ‘That would give yer a bit more room. We could take it off careful, like, and stick it back on the next day. But yer won’t put yerself out for no one, will yer?’

‘Don’t even think of it, sunshine, I’m not having thirteen people in this house, not for you nor anyone else.’

‘Where d’yer get the thirteen people from, girl?’

‘Oh, not again! I’ve just told yer! Four from here, three from the Moynihans’, Lizzie and your five.’

‘Ye’re lousy at adding up, girl. I know yer know a lot of big words, but when it comes to adding up, ye’re bleedin’ hopeless. There’s only three from our house. Me, my Ben and our John. When I went to school, that came to three.’

‘What about your Eddy and Edna?’

Amy put on her surprised face. ‘Oh, they’re not coming. They’ve both got parties of their own to go to.’

‘Holy suffering ducks, Amy, what have we gone all through that for! Yer were even talking of stripping me wallpaper off to make room for them!’

‘Ah, ay, now, girl! I only said I
thought
I was going to have to ask yer if they could come. That was before they got fixed up. And as for yer wallpaper, that was only supposing. You know, like, supposing I had to ask yer. But I might have known yer wouldn’t strip yer paper off, not for no one. It comes between you and yer bleedin’ sleep, that wallpaper. Every time I come in I expect yer to hold yer hand out for me admission fee.’

Mary chuckled. ‘Jealousy gets yer nowhere, sunshine. I told yer we’d all give yer a hand to decorate your room if yer wanted, but ye’re too ruddy slow to catch cold. Either that or too mean, one or the other.’

‘A bit of both, girl, a bit of both.’

There was deep affection in Mary’s eyes as she studied her friend. How dull life would have been over the years without her. ‘Yer’ve been a good mate to me, Amy Hanley, and I love the bones of yer.’

The chubby cheeks moved upwards and Amy’s eyes almost disappeared. ‘Ay, girl, couldn’t yer love me fat, instead of me bones? Yer see, in case yer hadn’t noticed, I’ve got a lot more fat than bones.’

Mary turned her head as she laughed, and through the window she saw Molly hurrying across the cobbles. ‘Oh, I forgot to mention that Molly would be coming over to see if we felt like going to the pictures with her tonight. She’s on her way over now, I’ll let her in.’

Molly came in rubbing her arms briskly. ‘It’s a cold one, today, so it is. Sure, if I had the sense I was born with I’d have slipped me coat on.’

Amy grinned at her. ‘Ye’re in luck, Molly, we haven’t had our cup of tea yet. Mary was just about to put the kettle on, and I’m sure I heard her say she had some custard creams. So yer timed it nicely, girl.’

Mary shouted as she made her way to put the kettle on. ‘I haven’t got no custard creams. I’m sorry, but would yer like a cracker with cheese on?’

‘Oh, my God, it must be someone’s birthday!’ Amy winked at Molly before calling back, ‘Cream crackers and cheese, on a weekday? It’s never been known.’

‘Not crackers, sunshine, just cracker. Singular.’

Molly saw the frown on Amy’s face. ‘Mary means ye’re only getting one cracker, me darlin’.’

‘Yeah, I understood that bit. But what’s her singlet got to do with it?’

While Molly’s loud guffaw filled the room, Mary came to the kitchen door and doubled up. ‘She’s priceless, isn’t she?’

Amy looked from one to the other. ‘Have you two lost yer bleedin’ marbles? I’m blowed if I see anything funny in a singlet.’

‘I said “singular”, sunshine, not singlet. And as Molly rightly said, that means ye’re only getting one cracker.’

‘You’re too bleedin’ clever for yer own good, d’yer know that? But yer’ll come unstuck one of these days, mark my words.’ Amy’s chins danced in tune with her nodding head. ‘I’m going to root a dictionary out when I go home, and I’ll find the longest word in it. Then I’ll baffle yer with bleedin’ science in the morning.’

‘Make sure yer read what it means, sunshine, or it might be you what comes unstuck.’ Mary cocked an ear. ‘That’s the kettle boiling, I’ll brew the tea.’

As she reached to take three cups down from the hooks on the shelf, Mary could hear her neighbours talking. ‘What picture did yer have in mind, Molly?’

‘Charles Laughton’s on at the Atlas, he’s usually in a good picture.’

‘Ah, no, I hate him! He’s as ugly as sin! I don’t fancy sitting for two hours looking at his ugly mug. I’d be just as well sitting in me own warm house and looking at my feller’s ugly mug.’

Mary wet the tea and carried the pot through. Setting it in the middle of the table, she shook her head at Amy. ‘That’s a terrible thing to say about yer husband. I’m going to tell Ben next time I see him.’

‘Oh, yer don’t need to bother, girl, ’cos he knows. He sees himself in the mirror every morning when he’s getting shaved.’ Amy shuffled to the edge of the chair. ‘Will yer get the bleedin’ cups, girl, ’cos me and Molly are spitting feathers. And when ye’re cutting the cheese, let yer hand slip, will yer? Don’t be cutting it so thin we can see through it.’

Molly was chuckling as she poured the tea out. ‘Sure, haven’t I lost interest in going to the pictures, now? Why don’t you both come over to ours and we can have a laugh. I’ll get Seamus to mug us to a few bottles of stout, then send him to prop the bar up at the pub for a couple of hours.’