TTYL (9 page)

mad maddie:

me again

SnowAngel:

did u change yr mind? r u coming over?!!

mad maddie:

i am at work! some of us have to work. must we go over this again?

mad maddie:

i just wanted to ask—did u notice that zoe didn't mention friday morning fellowship at all yesterday? not during the school day, not after school, and not at my house last night?

SnowAngel:

well, duh. cuz she knew u'd make fun of her.

mad maddie:

and get damned to hell? heavens, no.

mad maddie:

did she tell *you* anything about it? is she going back next friday?

SnowAngel:

*sigh* must we talk about this now?

SnowAngel:

i'm really too depressed.

mad maddie:

spill

SnowAngel:

she said the drive with mr. h was really good. they had this great talk about relativism (???) and what a cop-out it is, or something like that, so i think she's going back, yes.

mad maddie:

blah

SnowAngel:

*shrugs*

SnowAngel:

it's her life. at least she *has* one!

SnowAngel:

zooooeeeeeee! *stomp stomp stomp*

zoegirl:

angelaaaaaa! why the stomping?

SnowAngel:

cuz i'm pissed!!!!!

zoegirl:

why?

SnowAngel:

BECAUSE! cuz stupid rob went out anyway, and he didn't even tell me!

zoegirl:

angela, what r u talking about?

SnowAngel:

i was heading out after school, and tonnie wyndham came twiddling over and said, “i hear ur going out with rob. that's great!” only she didn't say it like it was great. she said it in this fake-surprised way, like rob's dating down or something cuz i'm not a cheerleader.

zoegirl:

tonnie is not the best person to trust when it comes to character judgments. you know that.

SnowAngel:

i said, “yeah, we've only been dating for a week, but it seems like so much longer. we have the most amazing connection.” and tonnie was like, “i know. that's why it was so sad that u couldn't come with us saturday night.”

SnowAngel:

i said, “huh?” and she goes, “me and rob and tim and eric. didn't rob tell u?”

zoegirl:

rob went out with tonnie? while you were grounded?

SnowAngel:

well, they didn't GO OUT go out.

SnowAngel:

they just hung together at eric's house.

zoegirl:

still!

SnowAngel:

it gets worse. cuz then rob strolls up, and i said, “sounds like u had a good time saturday night. u could have called me, u know.” and tonnie jumped in and said, “he wanted to, but i told him not to.”

SnowAngel:

i said, “oh yeah, sure,” and rob said, “really, angie. i was just about to hit ‘call,' but tonnie said it wld just bum u out to know that we were having such a blast without u.”

zoegirl:

!!! what did tonnie say?

SnowAngel:

she didn't say anything. she just stood there pretending to be all sympathetic, nodding away like one of those bobblehead dogs.

zoegirl:

what did you say to rob?

SnowAngel:

i said, “hey, no problem,” but the whole thing makes me so mad!

SnowAngel:

i can't stand it that rob was going to call me and tonnie told him not to. SHE IS NOT THE BOSS OF HIM!

zoegirl:

yuck, yuck, yuck. why didn't he just call anyway?

SnowAngel:

cuz he's nice. cuz he was trying to do the right thing, and he probably thought it *wld* bum me out. which it wld have, but it still wld have been better than nothing.

SnowAngel:

ANYWAY, i told him to call me when he got home. it better be soon!

mad maddie:

zo-ster!

zoegirl:

madster!

mad maddie:

i just got home from some excellent driving practice with good ol' moms and found a long-ass voicemail from angela, only now she's not answering her phone. what's up with that?

zoegirl:

she went shopping with chrissy. i guess her mom didn't consider that part of being grounded?

zoegirl:

but her phone's probably buried in her purse or something.

mad maddie:

is she still being a pouty-pants about rob?

zoegirl:

pretty much. she saw him talking to tonnie in the hall today.

mad maddie:

ooo—talking in the hall. tsk, tsk.

zoegirl:

i know. she's kind of overreacting.

mad maddie:

she's moved straight from her starry-eyed phase into her wounded-lover stage. which is good, if for no other reason than she's at least cut back with the devirginization business.

zoegirl:

there is that

mad maddie:

did she tell u what happened in math?

zoegirl:

does it have to do with devirginization?

mad maddie:

no, it has to do with her being all mopey cuz she's NOT gonna be devirginized.

mad maddie:

and before i explain, u've got to understand that usually in math class angela IS THE BIGGEST CHATTERBOX EVER.

zoegirl:

no!

mad maddie:

yes! mr. miklos is CONSTANTLY trying to make her shut up. well, today, mr. miklos said to the whole class, “what test do u want on friday, a 1, 2, or 3?”

zoegirl:

huh?

mad maddie:

oh yeah, ur in smart math so u dunno about this.

mad maddie:

in dumb math, whenever we have a test, it can either be a series 1, 2, or 3, with 3 being the hardest. not that a 3 would be hard for U, but for us dummies, it can be quite traumatic.

zoegirl:

maddie? shut up and finish the story.

mad maddie:

so mr. miklos asked that about the test, and when
no one answered, he said, “in that case, shld i choose, or shld we play a game of chance?”

mad maddie:

we certainly didn't want the devil choosing, so we took the game of chance. he put three marbles in a bag and said that if he pulled out a red marble, we'd have a 1, if he pulled out a blue one, we'd have a 2, and if he pulled out a white one, we'd have a 3.

mad maddie:

first he pulled out a blue one, and we all yelled, “no fair! rigged! rigged!”

zoegirl:

you have a strange math class.

mad maddie:

so he tried again and pulled out a white one, which meant the HARDEST test, and this time everyone said, “cheater pants! do-over, do-over!”

mad maddie:

he was half frustrated but half having fun, so i offered a brilliant solution. i said, “hey, mr. miklos, how about if angela doesn't say a word for the entire class. THEN will u give us a series 1?”

zoegirl:

did he go for it?

mad maddie:

HA! mr. miklos thought there was no way angela could do it, but angela sat there glum and depressed for the WHOLE CLASS! it was awesome!

zoegirl:

did angela think it was awesome?

mad maddie:

i teased her about it afterward, and she got all grunty and spouted off.

mad maddie:

but, hey—if she's going to be depressed, we might as well get something good out of it.

zoegirl:

like i said: a verrrrry strange math class.

zoegirl:

so how'd the driving go? all set for your license?

mad maddie:

don't u know it. today i drove on northside parkway for the very first time. there were SO MANY CARS BEHIND ME, and i was like, “ahhh! pressure!”

mad maddie:

the moms screamed, “slow down! slow down!” and her foot kept pumping away at her own pretend brake on her side of the car. it didn't work, tho. her pretend brake.

zoegirl:

because it was pretend?

mad maddie:

bingo!

mad maddie:

hey, i'm forwarding u and angela a quiz called “what pattern r u?” go take it and then come back and tell me what u r.

zoegirl:

i'm supposed to tell you what *pattern* i am? um, what pattern are you?

mad maddie:

i am LEOPARD PRINT, baby. rebellious, independent, and unique. and here's ten zillion diamond points saying yr going to be tan, or beige, or… i dunno. burnt umber.

zoegirl:

those aren't patterns. those are colors.

mad maddie:

take the quiz:
quizilla.teennick.com/quizzes/23851466/what-pattern-are-you
!

zoegirl:

i'm STRIPES! refined, classic, and modest.

mad maddie:

stripes, eh? i can see that. beautiful beige and tan stripes.

zoegirl:

yeah, and i can see you as leopard print—when you're not wearing jeans and your shit-stomping boots, that is.

mad maddie:

i love my shit-stomping boots!