Tug of Attraction (4 page)

“And we’re happy that you’re happy,” Hanna said. “Before we go on, I just want to ask if anyone noticed any
un
happy results from the love spell that went awry in June?” She glanced around the circle and received head shakes from everyone except Rebecca, who was grinning.  Brigit didn’t shake her head or nod, intending
not
to call attention to herself, but she was sure Hanna noticed.

“We all know why you’re grinning, Rebecca, but did you want to share anything that we don’t know?”

“Dru proposed,” she exclaimed.

April hugged her and said, “I always wanted a sister.”

She received congratulations all around.

Then Hanna focused her sharp, psychic gaze on Brigit. “I noticed you didn’t deny any problems with your love spell, Brigid. Is everything all right?”

Her witch name was so close to her real name, she wondered why she even bothered to have one. Right now she wished her name was ‘invisible.’

“I’m—I’m okay. Nothing to report,” Brigit said. She glanced at Ethan whose forehead creased as his blue eyes gazed back at her. Was that worry for her or himself? She really hoped he’d want to talk to her soon. Not knowing where he stood was driving her crazy. Still no news was good news, right? Perhaps they could touch base after the ritual.

“Tonight we’re focusing our spells on luck. If anyone has any questions, please bring them up now. Once the circle is cast, I’d rather not interrupt the ritual.”

Silence followed so Hanna picked up her wand, ready to cast the circle.

“Wait,” Celestia said. “There are only twelve of us. Where’s Fayleen?”

“Ah, she’s busy tonight,” Hanna said.

“On a full moon
and
a Sabbat?” Keith interjected. “I thought she was a high priestess and knew the importance of nights like this.”

“She does. She’s had an emergency.”

“Oh. I hope everything is all right,” Rebecca said. Some kind of meaningful look passed between her and Hanna.

“She’ll be fine. I’ll cast a good luck spell for her.”

Brigit thought she heard Hanna mumble, “She needs it.”

* * * *

T
he ritual went off without a hitch, but Ethan was acutely aware of Brigit the whole time. She didn’t seem well. Her face was red early in the evening and now she seemed a little pale. As he was getting ready to leave, she rushed over to him.

“Can we talk?” she asked.

“Sure. Where?”

“I don’t know. Maybe in the lobby downstairs? There are hardly any people there at this time of night.”

Hanna came up behind them. “If you want, I can unlock one of the private meeting rooms for you two.”

Brigit said, “Thanks, Hanna. That would be perfect. Is that okay with you, Ethan?”

“Sure.”

He still hadn’t made up his mind, but maybe she’d changed hers. He wouldn’t blame her. Why did that possibility zing him with disappoint? He’d be off the hook. Isn’t that what he wanted?

Ethan had to understand what was really behind Brigit’s thinking. Why him and no one else? Why now?

He had known her since high school. Well, known of her. She was out of his league then, and he still considered her out of his league now. Yet she acted as if men were somehow to be avoided and he, the lesser of all evils, was what she wanted.

Wait. Could she be gay?

He almost laughed at the thought. She had dated the captain of the football team and then the class president. It could have been a cover, but he doubted it. She seemed genuinely crazy about them.

They all rode down in the elevator together. Hanna glanced over at them a couple of times but said nothing. Ethan knew she was psychic as hell, and probably sensed something heavy going on. Telling her would have to wait. He still needed to hear what Brigit had to say. Maybe there’d be no reason to tell anyone else about it.

When they reached the meeting room, Hanna unlocked the door and let them pass through. She relocked it and said, “Be sure you have everything when you leave, because the door will lock behind you.”

“Okay,” they both said in unison. They glanced at each other shyly. Hanna smiled and left them alone.

He hadn’t expected to feel uneasy around Brigit, but there it was. The two of them were facing each other with a big elephant in the room.

“You wanted to talk,” he said. “So, why don’t you go first?”

“Sure.” She fished a piece of note paper out of her purse and handed it to him. “This is the lawyer’s new phone number. I think I mentioned he was moving...”

He took the paper and glanced at it. The man’s name was Phil Whitman and the only other thing written on the paper was a ten digit phone number. The area code, 603, said he was still in New Hampshire. Ethan folded it and tucked it in his shirt pocket.

Brigit looked up at him expectantly. “He said you hadn’t called him yet. Are you still thinking about it?”

“Yeah. Are you?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I just thought you might have changed your mind.”

She snorted. “I thought about this long and hard before I had Phil draft the contract. It cost me a couple hundred dollars, so I had to be pretty darn sure.”

“Okay. You said there was no hurry, though.”

“That’s right. I’m only thirty, so there’s still plenty of time to try if it takes a few months or even a few years.”

Whoa. Years?
He hadn’t thought it would take that long. Now that he thought about it, he remembered her saying the women in her family had a hard time getting pregnant. “Do you really think it could take years?”

“I hope not. My sister and her husband tried for three years. My mother said she had a miscarriage before Blair was born.”

“Is Blair your sister’s name?” He didn’t know why he’d asked that. It didn’t really matter. He wasn’t going to meet her family. It was just something to talk about other than the obvious.

“No. That’s our older brother. He lives in Vermont. My sister’s name is Kimberly.”

“Does she live around here?”

“She lives in Nashua.”

Everyone in her family was close enough to visit for a weekend, but not so close that they’d drop in frequently. He didn’t know why that mattered.

“Have you told them what you want to do?”

“No. I haven’t told anyone but you and Phil,” she said. She still wore an expectant expression.

He took a seat and pulled out the chair next to him for her. She sank into it gracefully. Everything about her was beautiful and elegant. It was a shame she had to humiliate herself like this to become a mother. She deserved to fall in love, get married, and start a family with a man who would adore her and their children.

“Brigit. Why are you doing this? Why not just look for an eligible guy who wants to get married and have kids?”

“Because I don’t believe in happily-ever-afters. I’ve seen too many jerks who think they’re God’s gift, running around on perfectly wonderful women.”

“Did you form that opinion by watching celebrity couples in Hollywood?”

“I didn’t know any celebrity couples. Just ordinary people like you and me are disheartening enough.”

“You are
so
not ordinary, and even though I don’t consider myself God’s gift, I’m not crazy about the ‘ordinary’ label either.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

He knew that. He was just trying to put up walls so he couldn’t see that damn elephant.

“Look. I chose you because you’re a decent guy who I can trust. I haven’t had good luck in the dating pool. I always seem to find guys in the shallow end.”

He understood and sympathized. Most men noticed and commented on a woman’s body. If she was a blonde, they might mention her hair, but that was about the extent of their appraisal. He
knew
Brigit. He’d known her since their teens. Not completely, but well enough to see her as a whole person. 

“I’m not rushing you,” she said. “I want you to be comfortable with this.”

He laughed. “If you’re waiting for my comfort, you’ll be waiting a long, long time. I won’t lie to you, Brigit. At this point, I’m leaning away from the idea. I hate to say it, but there’s just nothing in it for me—except for helping you. And I’m not even sure I’d be doing that.”

She cupped her hand around his. “You would be. You’d be doing me the greatest favor of my life.” She stared at the opposite wall. “I don’t have a lot of money, but I do have some in savings if that’s what you—”

“Hell no!” He shook his head as if to clear it. “Why would you ever think I’d sink so low? If you have money saved, you’ll need it to raise a child. I don’t need it. I make a good living and have no one to support but myself.”

He seemed to be reinforcing her reasons for choosing him even as he challenged her. He’d never ask her for anything. But bringing a child into the world and not supporting it just felt wrong. Until he figured out why, he’d have to keep thinking it over—and over, and over.

“I have to get home and get some sleep, Brigit. I have a job at five tomorrow morning.”

“I thought you were on call.”

“Except when I’m not. We take turns being on site, and some jobs can be scheduled. Tomorrow we’re expecting a freighter with a shipment of tallow first thing in the morning.” He thought about tallow—used to make candles. If they did sleep together, he’d surround the room with them. Brigit would be breathtaking in candlelight.

“Oh. Well, I won’t keep you. I could use a good night’s sleep too,” she said and smiled.

“Yeah. You seemed to be ill earlier. Are you feeling all right?”

“I’m fine. I just lost some sleep last night.”

“Me too.”
And maybe for the same reason
.
Wrestling with that elephant in the room...

* * * *

E
than hadn’t slept well again and his attention kept drifting. Not a good thing when trying to keep a giant barge from breaking away in a fast moving current. At last he wrestled the behemoth to its mooring, and let the dock workers take care of the shipment from there. He had to figure out what to do with Brigit’s contract and he had to do it soon. He couldn’t put either of them through months of indecision.

Dru had asked him what he wanted. That was easy. He wanted the same thing he had always wanted. His freedom and the company of a willing woman who was easy on the eyes—when he had time. And that’s exactly what Brigit was offering. So why was this decision making him crazy?

He docked the
Mary Sue
, but instead of disembarking with his deck hand and chief engineer, he said he had to make a phone call and would see them later. They waved as they left, and he dug the lawyer’s phone number out of his pocket.

A minute later a guy with a gruff voice answered. “Whitman.”

“Uh, yeah. Is this the lawyer, Phil Whitman?”

The guy’s voice changed to convivial quickly and he said, “Yes. How can I help you?”

“I’m not sure. I’m looking over a contract you drew up and I’m wondering why you’d ever agree to put this in writing.” Restless, he paced the short expanse of the galley.

Silence on the other end of the phone was eventually broken by a cough. “What contract?”

“The one for Brigit Love. You’re helping her to become a single mother with no means of support.”

“Whoa. It sounds pretty dreadful when you say it like that. I write up contracts all the time. I word things for people to say what they want to say with as much legal clarity as possible. I stay out of their personal business. If she wants to become a single mother and have no interference from the sperm donor, that’s what she wants. For all I know she has millions in the bank and doesn’t need anyone’s support.”

“Well, she
doesn’t
have a lot of money, and what this piece of paper says is, she has all the responsibilities of raising a child and excludes any help.”

“And who are you? Her father? Brother?”

“No. I’m the guy she wants to sign this thing with. The guy you so casually call the sperm donor.”

“Well, lucky you. I don’t understand what you’re upset about. If I’d been the one she chose to sleep with, knowing there would be no consequences for my actions, I’d be thrilled.”

The thought of Brigit sleeping with some smarmy dude like this one angered Ethan. “You’re saying you’d sign this—this, thing?”

“Absolutely.”

“Then you’re scum.”

“I’m sure some people think all lawyers are scum. Yet they still come to us when they want our help.”

“Yeah. Right. Help.”

The snick on the other end of the line told Ethan he’d received all the free time he was going to get from Mr. Whitman.

He set his phone on the control panel and looked out over the bow. The river stretched in front of him. From his vantage point, the possibilities looked endless. If he didn’t already know, he couldn’t tell where the river would take him or for how long.

He supposed that was how life was. But with the single life, if you entered the wrong tributary, you could always turn around and try another route. No harm. No foul.

Once you entered fatherhood, you couldn’t go back to carefree exploration. You
had to
know where you were going and that all the routes were safe ones.

Dammit, why did Brigit choose him? It’s not like there weren’t plenty of other men who’d be willing and able. Hell, the lawyer and even Keith said they would be glad to do the deed.

He tried to put himself in her shoes, and he understood a little better. The child was bound to wonder who his or her father was. She’d at least want to explain that he was a good man and a close friend. She wouldn’t want to look at the child and see the slimy lawyer or a mini Cher.

As Ethan rolled it around in his head some more, he realized he had been approaching it from a failed direction. He had been wondering what would happen if she changed her mind and wanted his help—or his name. But what if she didn’t? Why did that idea disappoint him too?

He threw his paper coffee cup in the trash and jogged down the gang plank. There was only one way he was going to make up his mind without driving himself crazy. He had to see her.

* * * *

B
rigit looked up from the big bag of kibble to see long legs and hands on lean hips. She straightened and took in the rest of Ethan Cox’s handsome face and angry scowl.
Uh-oh
.