Turkey in the Snow (8 page)

“What do you want?” Justin asked, tucking his hands under Hank’s shirt and sweater, and Hank closed his eyes and shuddered.

“Just touch me,” he begged. “Just…”

“Yeah,” Justin whispered. “Here, Henry, let’s take your clothes off.”

There was some scrambling and some breathless giggling but in a few moments, Hank was naked and lying on the sheets across from Justin, who pressed a kiss on his mouth and then scooted closer and wrapped his arms and legs around Hank’s body, just pulling him into a full-length, skin-on-skin embrace that left Hank shuddering.

“C’mere,” Justin whispered against his neck, even though Hank was solid in his arms and they couldn’t get any closer without penetration. Hank didn’t want that, though. He found he was clinging to Justin, aroused—
painfully
aroused—but needing Justin’s skin, and his kindness and his joy with every fiber, atom, skin cell, particle, electron, platelet and neuron in his body. “Shh….”

Justin stroked his back and his sides and even his backside, and when Hank’s hips started to buck, he slid his hand between their bodies and grasped Hank’s cock. He stroked jerkily because there was no room for anything else, but Hank was so primed, so high off the thrill of being touched, that Justin’s stuttering, inexpert touch was all he needed.

He climaxed hard, the hot come spurting between them. His vision went black, the orgasm convulsing him into Justin’s arms until he huddled there, still shaking.

Justin held him, nothing delicate or fragile in his touch at all, until Hank got hold of himself and tried to pull back, if nothing else, to restore his dignity.

Justin’s embrace only grew tighter.

“Stay,” he whispered. “It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

Hank wanted to laugh. It was ludicrous, wasn’t it? Hank was the banker; Justin was the fun guy the kids loved. Hank had the house; Justin lived with his parents. Hank took care of Josie like he’d taken care of Amanda, and Justin… oh God. He was taking care of Hank. He was. He was clutching Hank right up next to him, naked and vulnerable and unafraid in a way Hank had never been.

Hank found himself breathing shakily into the hollow of Justin’s neck, taking everything he had to offer.

H
E
WASN
’
T
aware of the moment he managed to pull himself together, but it came. He drew back a little and yanked the comforter over the two of them to their chins. Justin laughed and pulled it over their heads and looked at him in the light shining through the deep gold comforter, and Hank blinked back, relieved that he was Hank again because he’d felt a little lost as Henry.

“That was good,” Justin whispered, and Hank smiled and nodded, feeling excited like a kid at Christmas.

“That was
wonderful.
”

“Want to do it again?”

For a moment he almost said no, they had to go to sleep, they both worked in the morning blah blah blah blah. Of course then it hit him; he had
Justin,
and he was
naked,
and he was in
Hank’s bed
, horny, and ready for a (hopefully slower) second round.

Common sense reasserted itself in a hurry.

“Oh God, yes,” he said, closing in for a kiss, and Justin’s laughing mouth opened for him and their secret hiding place from all the scary things in the world kept them safe while they made love again.

C
HRISTMAS
E
VE
loomed in four days, and Hank was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

It had to, right?

He’d just been so damned happy.

Yes—work, Josie, clean the house, repeat daily as necessary—all of that was still there. But, like he’d imagined, having Justin to fill the quiet places in all that routine also filled the empty places in Hank. Having him spend the night—quite a lot of them, for two weeks—well, damn.

Hank could
never
remember waking up every morning and being so incredibly grateful.

Josie had woken up that first night that Justin slept over and tiptoed into Hank’s room. (He’d expected this—they were both chastely dressed in sleep shorts and T-shirts by then.) Hank had walked her back to her own this night, but she’d seen Justin, still sleeping, on the other side of the bed.

“Will he be here in the morning?” she’d asked, as he pulled the covers up to her chin.

“Yes,” Hank said, not doubting it for a moment.

“Good,” she yawned. “I can sleep if he’s going to be here.”

Hank had no idea how that worked, but as he’d gone back to bed and pulled Justin against him, he’d thought blearily that it was probably just magic.

S
O
TWO
weeks later, the biggest thing he was stressing about was what to get Justin for Christmas. He’d gone back to the bath shop and bought Sky—the entire line, bath scrub, body spray, shaving cream, man-sturizer, the works! But it didn’t seem enough. Although it was personal, maybe the most personal thing he’d ever bought for a man (Alan had preferred gift certificates and DVDs) it just didn’t encompass all of the good things, all of the hope and the joy and the
oxygen
that Justin had brought into his life.

So when Hank sat down at his desk after his lunchtime run, the question of whether gloves were lame as a gift and a worry about taping the
Charlie Brown Christmas
special on television that night were the only two things on his mind.

And then his desk phone rang and his world ended.

“Henry! How ya doin’, big brother? How’s my baby girl?”

Hank had heard about a person’s “bowels turning to ice,” but even though he’d been in a car wreck when he was seventeen, he’d never had it happen to
him.

Until now.

He almost hung up the phone, but like social niceties, cowardice wasn’t his strong suit either.

“Hello, Amanda,” he said, pulling out the files he’d been planning to review and a pen and pretending like this was any other office call. “You couldn’t use my cell phone?”

“Didn’t want you to hang up on me,” she said impishly. “You can’t turn the office phone off!” No one had ever said she was stupid.

“Yes, well, only cowards run away,” he said coldly and was not surprised to hear her gasp.

“That’s not fair, Henry! I was desperate!”

“You were tired!” he snapped back. “And I totally would have helped you out, but you didn’t ask for that, did you! You just...” his voice threatened to shake and break and he took a deep breath. “You abandoned your child, and you were just lucky you left her with me, because Josie’s in a good place now. I’m just waiting to see what fresh hell you’ve got waiting for your daughter now.”

“Henry! Don’t be mean to me! I want to come back!”

“Why?” Hank lashed out, hating himself but unable to stop. “So you can dress her up like a doll and parade her in front of your friends? So you can
leave her alone
while you go to the movies? Yeah, Amanda—she told me about that. She told me that you snuck out while she was sleeping, and she told me about different men every morning.”

“God, the kid’s a freakin’ narc!” Amanda whined, and Hank took a deep breath and tried to control himself. This… this
blame
thing wasn’t going to help the situation. Besides that, his voice was rising, and his co-workers were eyeballing him and,
dammit
, he didn’t like drama!

“What did you need, Amanda?” Hank asked, because that had to be the only reason she called, right?

“I just…” Amanda’s voice dropped. “I just wanted to see her, that’s all,” she said. “I… I was passing through town and I wanted to wish her a Merry Christmas. Is that so freakin’ bad?”

Oh hells. “No,” he said shortly, running his fingers through his hair. No. It wasn’t. Amanda was young, and it was Christmas, and it wasn’t so freakin’ bad to want to see your family at Christmas. “Are you going to try to take her from me?” he asked, surprised when he said it, shocked at how close this fear was to the surface.

“I wouldn’t mind if she wanted to come with me!” Amanda said excitedly. “I’ve got this sweet setup in Lincoln now, and my boyfriend says he likes kids and wouldn’t mind her. My best friend lives in the same complex and we’ve got a pool and—”

“Please,” he said, his voice tinny and echoing in his ears. “Please rethink that,” he said when he could get his breath. “The social worker just okayed her for my house, and we’ve got a routine and a daycare worker and….” Oh God. Justin and Josie, they were… they were his home and his everything. She couldn’t just swoop in and take half his everything, could she? “I fixed up her room and we’ve got plans for Christmas
.” No, oh please, Amanda, I gave you all my toys when we were kids, I fed you, I walked you home from school, and I never wanted anything, being your family was enough. Please don’t take this thing, this one thing, away from me when it’s so close to all I ever wanted.

“Oh Henry!” Amanda laughed. “God, you’re so uptight! She’s a kid! She’ll be fine wherever she is. Some television, some McDonald’s, she’s all good!”

“Right,” Hank said bitterly. “Because God knows we both turned out just fine!”

There was a wounded silence on the other end of the line, and then Amanda inhaled. Hank recognized that inhale—it was the sound Amanda made right before she dug her heels in.

“I’ll be there tonight. I’ll let you know if I’m taking her with me then.”

Amanda hung up and Hank was left at his work desk, shivering, trying to tell himself that those were
not
tears burning tightly in the back of his throat.

Suddenly he wanted Justin. He
needed
Justin. He told his supervisor that he was not feeling well and excused himself from his afternoon, then made a beeline for the gym.

When he got there, he flashed his ID and went straight back to the gym daycare, so focused on talking to Justin that he actually stopped short when he heard Justin’s voice come out of an empty workout classroom to his left.

He didn’t sound happy.

“Justin! Baby!” came a female voice that Hank dimly identified as Justin’s supervisor. “You’ve got to calm down. It sounds like things are going great—I don’t know what your problem is!”

“You don’t get it, Jackie!” Justin wailed, and as Hank backed up and leaned against the wall, the better to eavesdrop, just hearing his voice—even distraught—eased something in Hank’s chest and slowed his heartbeat. Justin charmed children, small animals, grim social workers, and Hank. Surely, Justin would find a way to convince Amanda that Josie needed to stay with him, stay with
them,
so this warm, almost painfully gratifying sensation of home didn’t need to evaporate like sweat after a run.

“What don’t I get? He’s a nice guy, he likes children—hell, he
has
one built in—and I’ve seen him look at you. I think he sort of worships you. It’s weird. What’s the problem?”

“He doesn’t like drama,” Justin said, and Hank grimaced. Well, he’d made
that
clear, hadn’t he? “And I want to bring him home.
Home.
You’ve met my mother! She’ll call in the whole family and they’ll grill him and I’ll be coming out too and there will be tears and…
drama!
And… I… I don’t want to scare him off, but… it’s so stupid.” Justin’s voice broke a little. “I just want to bring him home for
Christmas.
”

Hank found himself laughing a little—not from Justin’s misery, because he was pretty sure he could put an end to that—but from Justin’s enthusiasm. The way his voice broke on “Christmas,” the way his enthusiasm had to be measured in joules and not degrees. Oh God, how had Hank made it? How had he made it through the first week of parenthood, through his whole adult life thus far, without knowing Justin?

He opened the door then and stepped inside. “Hey, Jackie,” he said, smiling a little, “can Justin and I have a minute?”

She was a wide-hipped, buxom girl with corkscrewed brown hair, and she nodded, looking grateful. “You guys have fifteen minutes before the next class, ’kay?” With that, she shouldered her way out into the hallway, leaving Hank and Justin alone.

Hank opened his arms and gestured with his hands and Justin flew into his chest and sniffled. Hank clung to him, kissing his temple and fighting back a smile in the wake of his obvious misery.

“You heard everything?” Justin asked after a moment and Hank nodded.

“Uhm-hm.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, drama queen, you didn’t scare me off.”

“No?” Justin looked up at him hopefully, and Hank shook his head.

“No. But I do have a request.”

Justin’s wide blue eyes were shiny and his lashes were spiked with tears as he looked up and nodded. It was an appealing look—helpless and vulnerable like that—but Hank knew better. Justin was plenty strong.

Hank kissed his forehead. “Tell your mom that you’re gay first, and
then
ask if Josie and I can come to Christmas Eve dinner.”

Justin wrinkled his forehead. “But—”

“Yeah, I know Alan and I did it that way. But I needed the hand, because my mom wasn’t exactly the warmest person, and I never felt safe. Not even with Alan. The whole reason he agreed to come was because he didn’t think I had the balls to do it. Not with mom. Not with anyone, really,” he said, and he knew that would hurt Justin, but he didn’t know how to make it not. He held Justin a little tighter. “I’m working on that part, okay?”

Justin nodded.

“If your parents are the people you’ve told me about—the people who made
you—
you don’t need me for this. But I need to know I’m not walking Josie into Drama Kitchen on a holiday, okay?”

Justin choked on a hiccup. “Oh. Oh God.
Ohmygah!
You’re right! I’m so stupid! I didn’t even think! I was just thinking about you and I didn’t even think about Josie ohmygah ohmygah ohmygah—I’m so
sorry
!”

Hank closed his eyes really tight and kissed him, thinking their ten minutes were about up. “Justin, you’re a total drama queen, and I love you. You’re wonderful,” he stated. “Josie needs you in her life. So do I.” Oh God, he made it sound like they were going into battle or something. But he couldn’t help it. He needed to call the social worker and he needed to get himself all ready to talk to his baby sister and to make a case for her letting her baby stay with him.