Twelfth Night (10 page)
Authors: William Shakespeare
Reads
MALVOLIO
‘Jove knows I love,
But who?
Lips, do not move.
No man must know.’
‘No man must know.’ What follows? The
numbers altered!
90
‘No man must know.’ If this should be thee, Malvolio?
SIR TOBY
Marry, hang thee,
brock!
92
Reads
MALVOLIO
‘I may command where I adore,
But silence, like a
Lucrece knife
94
,
With bloodless stroke my heart doth gore:
M.O.A.I. doth
sway
96
my life.’
FABIAN
A
fustian
97
riddle!
SIR TOBY
Excellent wench, say I.
MALVOLIO
‘M.O.A.I. doth sway my life.’ Nay, but first let me see,
let me see, let me see.
FABIAN
What
dish o’poison has she
dressed
101
him.
SIR TOBY
And with what
wing
the
staniel
checks
102
at it!
MALVOLIO
‘I may command where I adore.’ Why, she may
command me! I serve her, she is my lady. Why, this is evident to
any
formal capacity.
There is no
obstruction
105
in this. And the
end — what should that alphabetical
position
portend?
106
If I
could make that resemble something in me. Softly: M.O.A.I.—
SIR TOBY
O, ay
, make up that. He is now
at a cold scent.
108
FABIAN
Sowter
will
cry
109
upon’t for all this, though it be as
rank
110
as a fox.
MALVOLIO
M. — Malvolio. M. — Why, that begins my name!
FABIAN
Did not I say he would work it out? The
cur
112
is
excellent at
faults.
113
MALVOLIO
M. — But then there is no
consonancy in the sequel
114
that
suffers
under
probation
115
: ‘A’ should follow but ‘O’ does.
FABIAN
And
O shall end
116
, I hope.
SIR TOBY
Ay, or I’ll cudgel him, and make him cry O!
MALVOLIO
And then I comes behind.
FABIAN
Ay, an you had any
eye
119
behind you, you might see
more
detraction
120
at your heels than fortunes before you.
MALVOLIO
M.O.A.I. This
simulation
is not as the
former.
121
And
yet, to
crush
this a little, it would
bow
122
to me, for every one of
Reads
these letters are in my name. Soft, here follows prose: ‘If this
fall into thy hand,
revolve.
In my
stars
124
I am above
thee, but be not afraid of greatness: some are born great,
some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust
upon ’em. Thy Fates
open their hands.
Let thy
blood and spirit
127
embrace
them. And to
inure
thyself to what thou art
like
128
to
be,
cast
thy humble
slough
and appear fresh. Be
opposite
129
with
a kinsman, surly with servants. Let thy tongue
tang
130
arguments of state; put thyself into the
trick of singularity.
131
She thus advises thee that sighs for thee. Remember who
commended thy yellow stockings, and wished to see thee
ever
133
cross-gartered.
I say, remember.
Go to
134
, thou art made, if thou
desirest to be so. If not, let me see thee a steward still, the
fellow of servants, and not worthy to touch Fortune’s fingers.
Farewell. She that would
alter services
137
with thee,
Daylight and
champaign
discovers
not more. This is
open.
139
I
will be proud, I will read
politic
authors, I will
baffle
140
Sir
Toby, I will wash off
gross
acquaintance, I will be
point-
141
device the very man. I do not now fool myself, to let
imagination
jade
me; for every reason
excites
143
to this, that
my lady loves me. She did commend my yellow stockings of
late, she did praise my leg being cross-gartered. And in this
she
manifests herself to
146
my love, and with a kind of
injunction
drives me to these
habits
147
of her liking. I thank
my stars, I am
happy.
I will be
strange
,
stout
148
, in yellow
stockings, and cross-gartered, even with the swiftness of
putting on. Jove and my stars be praised! Here is yet a postscript:
Reads
‘Thou canst not choose but know Reads
who I am. If thou
entertainest
152
my love, let it appear in thy
smiling. Thy smiles become thee well: therefore in my
presence
still
154
smile, dear my sweet, I prithee.’ Jove, I thank
thee. I will smile. I will do everything that thou wilt have
me.
Exit
Sir Toby, Sir Andrew and Fabian come out of hiding
FABIAN
I will not give my part of this sport for a pension of
thousands to be paid from the
Sophy.
158
SIR TOBY
I could marry this wench for this
device.
159
SIR ANDREW
So could I too.
SIR TOBY
And ask no other dowry with her but such another
jest.
Enter Maria
SIR ANDREW
Nor I neither.
FABIAN
Here comes my noble
gull-catcher.
164
SIR TOBY
Wilt thou set thy foot o’my neck?
165
SIR ANDREW
Or o’mine either?
SIR TOBY
Shall I
play
my freedom at
tray-trip
167
, and become thy
SIR ANDREW
I’faith, or I either?
SIR TOBY
Why, thou hast put him in such a dream that when
the image of it leaves him, he must run mad.
MARIA
Nay, but say true, does it work upon him?
SIR TOBY
Like
aqua-vitae
173
with a midwife.
MARIA
If you will then see the
fruits
174
of the sport, mark his
first approach before my lady: he will come to her in yellow
stockings, and ’tis a colour she abhors, and cross-gartered, a
fashion she detests. And he will smile upon her, which will
now be so unsuitable to her disposition, being addicted to a
melancholy as she is, that it cannot but turn him into a
notable
contempt.
180
If you will see it, follow me.
SIR TOBY
To the gates of
Tartar
181
, thou most excellent devil
of wit!
SIR ANDREW
I’ll
make one
183
too.
Exeunt
running scene 10 continues
Enter Viola and Clown
[
Feste, with a tabor
]
VIOLA
Save
thee, friend, and thy music. Dost thou
live by
1
thy tabor?
FESTE
No, sir, I live by the church.
VIOLA
Art thou a churchman?
FESTE
No such matter, sir. I do live by the church, for I do
live at my house, and my house doth stand by the church.
VIOLA
So thou mayst say, the king
lies by
7
a beggar, if a
beggar dwell near him, or the church
stands
8
by thy tabor, if
thy tabor
stand
9
by the church.
FESTE
You have said
, sir. To see this age! A
sentence
10
is but
a
cheveril
11
glove to a good wit. How quickly the wrong side
may be turned outward!
VIOLA
Nay, that’s certain. They that
dally nicely
13
with
words may quickly make them
wanton.
14
FESTE
I would, therefore, my sister had had no name, sir.
VIOLA
Why, man?
FESTE
Why, sir, her name’s a word, and to dally with that
word might make my sister wanton. But indeed, words are
very rascals since
bonds
disgraced them.
19
VIOLA
Thy reason, man?
FESTE
Troth, sir, I can
yield
21
you none without words, and
words are grown so false, I am loath to prove reason with
them.
VIOLA
I warrant thou art a merry fellow and car’st for
nothing.
FESTE
Not so, sir, I do care for something. But in my
conscience, sir, I do not care for you: if that be to care for
nothing, sir, I would it would make you invisible.
VIOLA
Art not thou the lady Olivia’s fool?
FESTE
No, indeed, sir, the lady Olivia has no folly. She will
keep no fool, sir, till she be married, and fools are as like
husbands as
pilchards
32
are to herrings: the husband’s the
bigger. I am indeed not her fool, but her corrupter of words.
VIOLA
I saw thee
late
34
at the count Orsino’s.
FESTE
Foolery, sir, does walk about the
orb
35
like the sun, it
shines everywhere. I would be sorry, sir,
but
36
the fool should
be as oft with your master as with my mistress. I think I saw
your wisdom
38
there.
VIOLA
Nay, an thou
pass upon
39
me, I’ll no more with thee.
Gives money
Hold, there’s expenses for thee.
FESTE
Now Jove, in his next
commodity
41
of hair, send thee
a beard!
VIOLA
By my troth I’ll tell thee, I am almost sick
for one
43
—
Aside
though I would not have it grow on my chin.— Is
thy lady within?
FESTE
Would not a pair of
these
have
bred
46
, sir?
VIOLA
Yes, being kept together and
put to use.
47
FESTE
I would play Lord
Pandarus
of
Phrygia
48
, sir, to bring
a
Cressida
48
to this Troilus.
Gives more money
VIOLA
I understand you, sir. ’Tis well
begged.
FESTE
The matter, I hope, is not great, sir; begging but a
beggar.
Cressida was a beggar.
53
My lady is within, sir. I will
conster
54
to them whence you come. Who you are and what
you would are
out of my
welkin.
I might say ‘
element
55
’, but
the word is over-worn.
Exit
VIOLA
This fellow is wise enough to play the fool,
And to do that well
craves
58
a kind of wit:
He must observe their mood on whom he jests,
The
quality
60
of persons, and the time,
And, like the
haggard
,
check
61
at every feather
That comes before his eye. This is a
practice
62
As full of labour as a wise man’s art,
For folly that he wisely shows
is fit
64
;
But wise men,
folly-fall’n
65
, quite taint their wit.
