Twenty One (Love by Numbers Book 2) (24 page)

Liv and Nate look anxious and confused but it is not my place to let them know what’s going on. That choice is for H and him alone.

“Fancy some last minute shopping with me Em?” Liv’s voice breaks the silence surrounding us all.

I place my hand over Jake’s, still resting on my thigh, “Yes I’d love to get out for a little while, plus I’m running low on a few items that I need to pick up.”

Jake’s eyes are firmly fixed on H when he responds, “Give me your list and I’ll pass it on to Nina, she’ll pick up whatever you need.”

I squeeze his hand gently, “I’d like to go, give you guys a chance to talk.” My voice is low but still loud enough for H to hear.

“Great,” Liv hesitantly interrupts, “I’ll just go and grab my bag from the room, then meet you back here in say fifteen minutes?”

I nod and give her a small smile. She kisses Nate gently on the side of his head and slowly leaves the private dining room.

“Y
ou need me to pick you up anything?” I ask the guys in general.

H just shakes his head and goes back to staring into space, Nate replies with a “I’m good thanks” and Jake appears not to have heard my question.

In a slightly louder voice, one that I attempt to inject some calm into because I seriously want to knock their heads together, I address them all again.

“Listen guys, you all need to talk, you only have a few hours left together and things need to be discussed. I don’t claim to know where any of your heads are at right now but what I do know is that you are all here for each other. Don’t bottle shit up because it’s tough to talk about. Trust me, that’s one thing that I do know about first hand and it only makes things worse.”

I stand, rousing Jake from his inner thoughts and walk around the table towards H. He looks surprised when I bend down to wrap my arms around him in a tight hug.

“You’ve got this H. You know why I know you’ve got this? Because what you are going through right now is not funny.
Cancer is not funny.
But you know what? Laughter is the best medicine and you are the one person I know that has that in spades.” I lean back slightly to look at his face and he smiles his first genuine smile for days.

“Let him be there for you. Let him be whatever it is that you need. Take from him H, he wants to give you everything that he is, don’t stop him from doing that. You both need it; it’s what will pull you through this and make you stronger than you were before.”

Then I kiss him gently on the lips before placing my palm on his cheek. “You’ve got this, it takes balls to fight testicular cancer and from what I’ve heard, yours are massive.”

He laughs at my joke and for that brief second I know that everything is going to be okay.

“I can see why he loves you.” His smile is small but happy, “You really are something else Jules.” I don’t have time to react to his words as in the next second I am lifted up into a tight H bear hug, my feet dangling a few inches from the floor.

I giggle and struggle out of his arms, dropping to the floor with a thud.

“Now that we have that sorted out, I’m off to make sure Liv doesn’t spend hundreds of pounds on tacky souvenirs. Talk, okay?”

He nods once at me, following it up with a small salute and I turn back towards Jake who is staring over at me like he has just realised that I am his entire universe.

The look on his face is one of awe and love and in this moment I know that he is it for me. I will never want another man.

He holds his hand out to me, standing as I approach him, to wrap me up in his embrace.

“I fucking love you.” he whispers into my neck. “Sometimes I think there is nothing you could do to make me love you more and then.….. “ He places a soft kiss directly behind my ear, right on my pulse point, causing that ever present electricity between us to race down my spine and settle in my toes. “…then you do something that exposes every part of you to me, every inch of your heart, every piece of your soul and I feel like I am filled to bursting, like my heart may bust right out of my chest. I am in awe of you and I am never,
never
letting you go.”

A loud, exaggerated cough breaks the moment. “Jesus Jules, break a man’s heart why dontcha? Not two minutes ago you were in my arms, kissing my lips. I never pegged you for a floozy.”

“H … “ Jake growls, “…call my girl a floozy again and you won’t need to go and get treatment, I’ll remove them for you.”

I turn my head to look at H. He’s standing there with a smug smile plastered all over his face, and when he notices me looking at him he winks before picking up a piece of cold bacon from Jake’s plate and popping it into his mouth.

I shake my head and roll my eyes. I am both happy to have H back and overjoyed that our guys are finally going to have a much needed talk.

Turning back to Jake, I kiss him chastely, “You’ve got this.” I breathe onto his lips, “I’ll see you in a few hours okay?”

He kisses me back and then allows me to walk away, never tearing his gaze from me as I head towards the elevator. I flick a small wave over my shoulder as I disappear around the corner, relieved that I’ve opened the doors of communication between them all and hopeful that H will let Jake stand by his side, no matter how far away he is. They both need it.

The weight of that uncomfortable breakfast lifts from my shoulders with every step I take and allows my heart to tell me that everything is going to work out fine.

M
inutes later I’ve grabbed my bag, piled my hair haphazardly on top of my head in a messy bun and made my way to the foyer to meet Liv.

I need to milk every minute out of the next few hours. It could be weeks before I get the chance to spend time with my bestie again.

Her huge smile as I walk out of the elevator to meet her says she is also determined to do the very same thing.

W
aking up in her arms has to be the best, feeling, ever.

H
olding her while she sleeps, watching the way her eyelids flutter with the dreams that she escapes to in slumber, fills me full of peace and contentment.

This is the connection I’ve missed all my life.

I’ve wasted years fucking and discarding; burying myself in women whose names I now cannot remember.

This, right here, is how I want to wake up every day for the rest of my life.

A small sigh leaves her lips before she pushes herself closer to me. My dick reacts instantly to the way her thigh presses tantalisingly close to my balls.

I want to wake her, want to drown in her and forget every painful part of last night but I don’t. I don’t want to disturb my sleeping beauty and have reality crashing down on us.

I absentmindedly draw patterns on her soft, smooth skin, watching the tiny goosebumps that appear with my touch.

Her eyes open slowly, she greets me with a blissful smile and I physically ache with the need to be inside her.

Almost like she senses my need and with few words passed between us, she uses her entire body to make mine sing by making slow, sweet love to me.

Her lips, her hands, her mouth and finally the sacred warmth between her thighs, all used to cleanse me of my hurt, my worries and even my sins.

She doesn’t
fuck
me, she
worships
me.

She uses not just her body but her soul to make love to me; flaying open my ribs and exposing my pathetically weak heart to her touch; filling it, nourishing it, until it beats only for her.

This woman owns me.

So I owe it to her to tell her everything that happened last night even though it’s not my story to tell.

“H
has cancer.”

The words feel like acid on my tongue, stripping away at the soft flesh of my mouth.

Instead of shrinking away at my words, she offers her comfort freely. Even when I push her away because she dares to tell me that H is right, she still comes to me, offering herself up as a crutch to support the weight of my pain.

I can’t leave him; I need to see him through the fight of his life. The fight
for
his life.

My life though, it has other plans; plans that do not involve physically being there for H.

It is only when Emmy tells me how cancer touched her own life, when it took away her beloved Grandmother, that I leave the room with hope.

Words like, faith, friendship, courage and strength are ringing in my ears.

Words spoken by a woman that I will never have the chance to meet but one I know is partly responsible for moulding
my
woman,
my
Emmy, into the amazing person she is now.

I use these words to gain the strength to go to breakfast, ready to tell H that I will be there for him every step of the way, even though I cannot leave with him.

All of that goes out of the window the second we walk into our private dining room.

H sits at one end of the table, with Liv and Nate at the other. The silence is so thick and fraught with tension that you could cut it with a knife.

It envelopes everything and everyone in a cloud of unease so dense, I find it hard to breathe.

I
don’t have the words or even the guts to find them, so breakfast passes in this state of disquiet.

The girls both attempt small talk but it isn’t until Liv leaves and Emma forces us all to face the big fat elephant in the room that the veil of disquietude lifts.

The cloud of unease disperses and I see right before me, how precious my girl is.

The way she embraces H, not afraid to poke at him while chasing off the devil he carries on his back with her light, is just awe-inspiring.

She is
my
guiding light and in this moment she shines it on us all. If I could take her and make her mine right this second, I would. Instead I sit in awe of this girl who has dealt with more in her short life than most; who refuses to let her past define her and who freely gives herself to others without expecting anything in return.

She astounds me.

She captivates me.

She has woven her luminous spell over my previous dark and selfish heart; creating light where there once were shadows.

Even when she leaves us to spend the morning shopping with Liv, her vibrancy remains, allowing us all to talk openly for the first time, about a subject most men would never want to address.

“W
ell H, you heard the lady, it takes balls to fight cancer, are your nuts big enough for the job?”

“You have cancer?” Nate pales; looking over at H is disbelief.

H nods once then smiles over the table at me, “I guess we will soon find out my friend but if they’re not, I’m guessing I can ask for an upgrade to supersized when they fit me for implants.”

Nate still looks shell-shocked but H’s reply causes me to burst into spontaneous laughter, “Only you would think of asking for bigger balls.”

He shrugs before replying “Why miss an opportunity to get a sack the size of Santa’s? The chicks are gonna go crazy for my new and improved nadgers, just you wait and see.”

We spend another half hour or so picking at our now cold meals, while discussing everything that H shares with us.

After surgery he needs a single dose of chemotherapy followed by a short course of radiotherapy. He will then have more tests to determine if the treatment was successful.

He seems more himself when we leave the dining room to go and take a swim in the hotel pool. This becomes more obvious by the rate his banter increases; he even dares to take the piss out of Nate’s loud and frankly awful swim trunks purchased for him by Liv. Something even most of my own brothers would never dare to do.

The worry I have for my friend is still there; as is the guilt of being unable to go through this ordeal with him. He assures me time and time again that he understands and I promise to get back to visit him any chance I have.

The rest of the morning passes in a blur of belly flops, cannon balls, swan dives and a pool full of annoyed hotel residents, wondering why three grown men are acting like a bunch of teenagers in such an exclusive setting.

My thoughts, why the fuck not? You have only one life, take that stick out of your arse and live it.

W
e are just ordering lunch in the hotel bar when Liv and Emma arrive back.

Something isn’t right, even though they both put on a show of nonchalance, something happened on the shopping trip this morning.

My Emmy is transparent and wears her emotions openly for all to see and I can see my girl is unhappy about something.

“Are we talking about this here or would you like to finish lunch and talk back in our room?”

She pops a piece of fruit in her mouth and without meeting my eyes responds, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, let’s just enjoy this last meal with our friends. Did you and H sort everything out?” Her smile is tight and doesn’t reach her eyes.

“I think we need to talk about this now. I’m not bothered if we do this here in front of everyone or back in our room but I won’t have something upsetting you when I can probably do something about it.”