Twice Loved (15 page)

I listen in as Noah and Tate talk shop. Pride fills me at how serious Noah is taking his job. He’s such a jokester and when he takes something serious it surprises the hell out of me. Steve would be proud of our son. Steve would be proud of both our kids right now. Despite losing their father they were moving on with life. Staying involved in their normal activities at school. Living like two teenagers should.

Tate stopped for beer on the way to my house and he makes himself at home placing it in my fridge. A knot forms in the pit of my stomach. I’m not sure why Tate is making me so anxious. I’m worried about every little thing. I’m over thinking and analyzing each detail. It’s time to be free. I have to stop stressing over this.

“Mom, Jodie and CJ are coming over too.”

“Oh?” Turning to face my daughter, she is still busy prepping food for the afternoon.

“Yea we figured we’d invite a friend over even Haley and Jake too.”

“You invited Haley and Jake too?” Surprise crosses my face. I’m simply amazed by my kids right now.

“Yep I did good huh?”

“Yea baby you did. Anything I can help you with?”

She is stirring what appears to be spinach dip. “Can you cut up bread to bake in the oven?”

She nods her head in the direction of a French loaf on the counter. I grab it along with a knife and cutting board and get to work. I’m slicing the bread when a presence comes up behind me. The way my body begins to tingle I know it’s Tate.

The doorbell rings.

“I got it.” Noah says before taking off.

“This is nice.”

“Hmm…” I have stopped slicing because I tremble a little from his nearness.

“Being here with you and your kids. I like it.”

“Oh. Yea it is nice.”

Weird but nice. I leave out the weird part so I don’t offend Tate. I’m just not use to being around my kids with another man.

“Relax Princess. I’m not going to ravage you in front of your kids.”

Oh well damn! I mean that’s comforting. I should be ashamed of myself.

“I’m here the party can start.” Noah’s buddy CJ enters the kitchen with the exuberance of a seventeen year old. This kid with his dark hair, dark eyes, and dark skin is something else. Sometimes I’m not sure him and Noah being friends is a good thing. I’m honestly not sure which one is the bad influence.

“Hey CJ this is my friend Tate.”

“Oh I met him the other day when Noah stopped by the garage.”

“Really? I didn’t realize you were with Noah that day.”

CJ bounds up beside me reminding me of a puppy full of energy. “Of course I was. I don’t know who I’m going to hang out with when he starts working.”

I laugh. CJ has plenty of friends besides Noah. The two boys have been friends since they started middle school and have a strong bond.

“We are going to head out to the pool.” Noah calls out while jerking his head at CJ. CJ follows Noah out into the backyard and suddenly the kitchen grows quiet. Olivia is still quietly working. Tate stands to my side as I go back to slicing the bread. Once I’m done I place it on a baking sheet and preheat the oven.

The doorbell rings again.

“I got it.” Olivia exits, leaving Tate and I alone in the kitchen.

“Maybe next time Brandy will get to come hang out with us too.”

It’s hard to miss the wistfulness in his voice as he talks about his daughter. I know he’s missed being around her. LuAnn’s behavior didn’t help his case there.

“That would be good.” I don’t know what else to say. I’m sure Rachel would let Brandy come with Tate if she knew it was at my place but the lines between student and teacher would blur for sure.

Tate leans close to me. My heart rate surges. His face is right in front of mine. I turn to face him. Our eyes lock. His head dips down and his lips lightly brush across mine. The butterflies fluttering in my stomach have been replaced with birds flapping their wings. It’s a new but not all together unwelcome sensation.

“Get a room you two.” I jump away from Tate like I have been burned. Haley and Jake enter the kitchen. Haley’s playful voice does nothing to tamper the fire burning inside me.

Jake has a smile on his face but doesn’t say a word. He heads straight for the fridge and begins shifting things around to make room for the drinks they brought over with them.

“Haley go home.”

She laughs at me. She walks up beside me and plants her hand on her hip “Okay men out of the kitchen go outside and do something manly.”

The men laugh but grab beers and head out the back door. Olivia and her friend Jodie enter the kitchen right after the men exit.

“Hey Jodie.” I greet my daughter’s best friend.

“Hi Ms. Lori and Ms. Haley.” The blonde hair girl that has been friends with my daughter since elementary school is so bubbly. She was an awesome friend to my girl during Steve’s illness and since his passing. The kind of friend I wanted for Olivia to have.

“Mom you and Aunt Haley go outside. Jodie and I got this.”

Haley and I share a look of surprise. We don’t let it stop us from grabbing drinks out of the fridge before heading outside. The sun glistens off the pool and my grass is still a dark rich green. My flower beds are blooming with a rainbow of color. The teenage boys are in the pool. The grown men are sitting under an umbrella table. Beer in one hand a cigarette in the other. The two have huge grins on their faces. It makes me wonder what they are over there talking about.

Haley and I make our way over to two lounge chairs in the sun. Stripping our sundresses off and settling into the chairs in our bikinis. Yep that distracted the two men. Suddenly the conversation they were having is halted as both men gaze at us. Internally I’m smiling. Eat your hearts out boys! I turn to Haley to see unlike me she is openly smiling at the guys.

“Our men got distracted.” Her lighthearted voice makes me smile. I can’t stop myself now.

The laughter rumbles out of me. “I noticed.”

An advantage to wearing sunglasses is that you can look at someone and they are never sure if you are looking at them or not. Thanks to that I’m sitting here staring at Tate. He and Jake are back in conversation and I watch as Jake high fives Tate.

Bastard probably telling him about last night. I’m not stupid those guys at the garage share everything with each other. And when I hung out there last year they shared with me too. Sometimes more than I wanted to know. I learned enough about their sex lives I could write a book or four.

“Did you have fun last night?” Haley turns toward me as she speaks softly.

“It was amazing.” I can’t keep the joy to myself even if I tried “Well until LuAnn showed up and then called nonstop this morning.”

“What did that crazy stalker bitch want?”

My eyebrows arch at her question and if I wasn’t wearing sunglasses she would see me looking at her like she was a moron. “What else? Tate!”

“She is a fruit loop.”

“Yea she wasn’t happy when I answered his phone this morning.”

Hand up glasses pushed up on top of her head. Haley sits up looking at me like I’m the crazy one. “Wait did you just say he let you answer his phone for him?”

“Yea why?”

“That’s huge!”

I push my glasses up on my head turn to face her exasperated. “It’s not a big deal. He wouldn’t answer and I got tired of her calling nonstop.”

“Girl you are lying to yourself. You know how private he is about his damn phone.”

I sigh. Haley’s right. I’m in denial. I don’t want to admit to myself. If I admit that Tate is trying, I’ll fold and give him full access to me again. I remember all too well Tate making sure the phone was angled where I can’t see who he was texting or what he was saying. Constantly locked and in his hand like it held state secrets. History shows he was up to no good.

When we were together I tried not to let it bother me. I didn’t dwell on it if I could help it. As long as he wasn’t on his phone while we were having sex I was content. Can I believe that now and for the future he was going to be open?

Why is he messing with my head? I asked him not to do this to me. Yet, here he is doing it anyway. It was time for me to face reality. There is no way I could be with Tate without emotions being involved. I love him that hadn’t changed. I’ll always care about him.

I have to decide now how much of him I can handle before my shattered heart completely crumbles. How long can I be near him without really being with him before it’s too much? Last night and this morning already prove that he’s going to keep working his charm on me. I have to build stronger walls to keep Tate out of my heart and my head.

“Haley, I get it. It don’t mean anything though. This is just fun.”

“Right… like he’s not trying to win you over.” She plops back down in her chair pulling her sunglasses over her eyes.

She’s annoyed with me, she can get over it. She’s over the moon with Jake and wants everyone to be that happy. The only reason it’s so easy with Tate now is because he was not new he was as familiar as Steve was to me.

“He can try all he wants it won’t work.” I’m not sure who I’m trying to convince. It doesn’t matter. It’s the truth. I wanted nothing more than fun with Tate this time.

Commotion from near the backdoor distracts me as I watch Olivia and Jodie bringing out trays of food. The girls set up everything on the picnic table on the patio right outside the door. They bustle back in and immediately come back with more trays. The girls have set up a good spread of food for all of us.

“Lunch is served.” Olivia announces to all of us.

The boys jump out of the pool dripping all the way over to the table. They fill plates moving off in to the shade to eat. I watch them as they sit and talk with one another young and carefree. It warms this mother’s heart to see her children so happy even such a short time after their father’s death. We can and will make it together through this season in life as a family with a few good friends thrown in.

My eyes gravitate toward Tate and hold there. I love this man. I shouldn’t but I do. I’m playing with fire and I’m sure to scorched.

Chapter Seventeen

The afternoon goes by quickly. Everyone has a good time just hanging out by the pool. The ease the kids accepted Tate into our lives, still surprises me. I never dreamed they would be so comfortable with him. I’m still not sure if that is a good or bad thing. I should probably stop worrying about it. All I could do is take it one day at a time, it was the only way to handle this.

I can’t let myself think about a future with Tate. I don’t trust Tate to be the man he claims to want to be, his past makes it hard. I won’t ask him to change because that would never work. It would only work if he freely chose to change his old habits. I am not naive though. I’m aware of who he is and as long as I keep that in mind I can handle being with him. No surprises, no risk of being hurt by him.

Tears pool in my eyes. I’m not sure why they are there. It takes me by surprise. I wipe at my eyes discreetly. I hope no one can see that I’m crying. However, someone is watching me closer than I realized.

“Why are you crying?” Tate’s smooth voice whispers by my ear.

“I don't know.”

“You don’t know?” I shake my head because honestly I don't know why I’m crying. It hit me out of nowhere.

His eyes scan my face. He searches for something as his eyes lock on mine. The tears build up again. It's all too intense. “You need to stop crying beautiful.”

Beautiful? I don’t recall him ever calling me that before. He thinks I’m cute. He’s never thought I was beautiful. He’s even said sexy but beautiful never. He’s left me speechless.

“I hate to see you cry.” His hand swipes a tear off my face.

I want to turn from his touch but I can’t. I don’t even care if others are watching us right now. I’m frozen in place. Does he think I want to cry like this? I hate crying especially in front of others. It shows weakness. I’m so use to being the strong one in my family. It’s hard for me to let go.

“I can’t take it if you hurt me again.” What the hell? What am I doing?

“Princess…” Tate pulls me in his warm embrace. His strong arms give me the freedom to crumble.

Peace envelops me as I stay in his embrace. Tension leaves my body. This is right. This is how it should feel to be in the arms of the man you love.

“Does this mean what I hope it means?” Tate’s ask me hopefully. Tate pulls back gazing into my eyes again. They pierce me like a knife. I hold my eyes steady. I nod my head I can’t speak right now. “Thank you Princess. You won’t regret this.”

“I’m going to try.” whispers out of me.

Tate’s lips meet mine. It’s just the two of us. The whole world ceases to exist. His kiss deepens I open my mouth to him. Our tongues swipe across each other in a bid for power. He wins. He always does. I’m caught up in kissing Tate and he is just as lost to it as I am. It’s not until a throat clears nearby that we break apart

“Um that was a nice kiss and all but I think you made Olivia and Jodie uncomfortable.” Haley is the voice of reason.

“Oops.” I chuckle. Tate grins at me as Haley walks over to where Jake is sitting.

“Does this mean I can call you my girlfriend again?” A brief pause as I consider his question.

“Yes… because I’m not sharing you this time around. It’s just the two of us.”

“That’s all I want… you.”

I smile at Tate “Good that’s all you can have if you want this to work.”

It’s time to give this a try to see if he can do it. I am not going to be able to fight him. Or pretend I am not still in love with him. I might as well give him a fair chance. It’s the only one he is going to get so I hope for his sake he doesn’t blow it.

He takes my hand and leads me over to the table Haley and Jake now occupy.

“You two together again?” Haley asks bluntly. No sugarcoating shit with her.

“Yea…”

“Finally!”

Leave it to Haley to say it like it is. She’s right though. It was stupid to keep fighting when I love him. If I was going to be with him I might as well go all in. I was trusting him once again. I just hope this time I didn’t end up hurt. I wanted us to work.