Twisted (20 page)

Phoebe put her hand on his arm. “Henry, I’m really sorry.”

“Where in the hell is she all the time when she says she’s with you?” His eyes were darting between the two of us. The anger was apparent in his voice. I was sure he had a pretty good idea. He just didn’t want to admit it to himself yet.

Phoebe shook her head, letting her hand fall away. “I don’t appreciate her using me as an alibi. But I honestly don’t know where she’s been. I guess that’s something you need to ask her. I just thought you had a right to know that she hasn’t been with me.”

Henry shook his head. “I thought we were friends, Phoebe. Or at least we used to be. I can’t believe you waited this long to tell me. You should have told me when you first realized something was up.”

“What’s going on?” Hailey asked as she skidded to a stop at our little group.

I motioned toward Henry who was fuming.

Phoebe looked helplessly at him, raising her palms in a gesture of defeat. “I didn’t know for sure. Not until just now. I’ve called her out on a few things but she
always
had an excuse. She never once asked me to cover for her. I would’ve told her exactly what I thought of her lying to you. You deserve better than that,” she said softly, her eyes filling with tears.

“Olivia’s finally busted,” Hailey decided.

“So it’s true?”  Henry’s eyes bounced to Hailey but he turned his attention back to Phoebe. His voice was tense with anger. “My girlfriend is cheating on me? Is that what you’re trying to say?”

Phoebe hesitated but Henry was looking at her intently. “I think there’s a good possibility.”

Henry took the sunglasses from her hand.

“What are you going to do?” Phoebe asked.

“I’m going to find Olivia so I can find out exactly what she’s been up to,” he said as he stormed off toward the parking lot.

Phoebe watched him walk away. Her lips were trembling and her voice was shaking. “He’s mad at me for telling him.”

I gave her a tight, encouraging hug. “No. He’s mad at Olivia. Even though she hasn’t admitted it, we both know it’s true.”

Meet me at the park at 4:00.

It was written on a tiny piece of paper folded under my windshield wiper. I had almost missed it. In fact, I had gotten into my car before I noticed it through the windshield. I knew it was from Ben. Even if I hadn’t recognized his handwriting from all of our Lit assignments, I still would have known it was from him.

Phoebe was so upset about Olivia and Henry she’d gone straight to her own car to head to practice. The lot was mostly empty by the time I got to my car so I wasn’t under close scrutiny. I had plucked up the tiny note and not opened it until I was settled back into my seat. I wanted to talk to Ben but the fact that he was now asking me to meet him did not seem like a good sign.

I had half an hour but I went to the park early. I assumed we would meet under his tree. When I got there he wasn’t there yet but that was okay. I walked down the path to a more secluded area and found my own spot under a tree.

I knew I needed to tell Remy about the doll. But I knew if I didn’t go home for a while she would have left for Jeff’s. I would buy myself just a little more time. It had been threatening. There was no doubt about that. I was afraid that she would not stick to our agreement of one week. But dealing with the principal, and whoever else she was going to need to speak with, seemed so overwhelming at the moment.

Ben had been right to tell me I was turning his life into chaos. I’d had no idea how quickly things were spiraling. He had spent the past year becoming a living ghost. Rarely seen or heard or even acknowledged. He had tried hard to fade into the background just to get by. And now, because of me, his life was brimming over with the gossip and rumors he had worked so hard to squelch. I could see by the haunted look in his eyes he was mentally reliving his worst nightmare over and over again as the horrible pranks jerked him back to the past he seemed unable to escape.

What had I done to him? I had wanted to be his friend. I had wanted to get to know him. I had wanted to be there for him, to help him. For a while, I thought I had succeeded. He was changing. The change was subtle. I could feel it more than I could I see it. Something inside was shifting, softening. But what good had it done? Now, because of me, he was reliving a past no one should have to go through once, let alone twice. I was making him miserable at school and at home as well. Somehow, in my stubborn desire to help him, I had ended up hurting him.

I wanted so badly to turn things around but I didn’t know how. It was so unfair, all of these people getting away with hurting someone so innocent. He’d already paid, emotionally, for a crime he didn’t commit. And they just wouldn’t let it go.

The moment I had seen the note, I knew what Ben had wanted. The meeting time came way too soon. I pulled myself from the secluded grove and made my way to Ben when he appeared. He was sitting, knees pulled to his chest, arms crossed and resting on his knees when I reached him. There was no book in sight. He was looking out over the river. He didn’t look my way as I approached.

“Hey,” I said as I slid down beside him.

He glanced at me but didn’t say anything. I noticed he looked worse than I had ever seen him. He looked tired, sad and far too jaded for someone of only seventeen. I felt my heart pinch painfully in my chest, feeling responsible for his latest misery.

“I’m sorry,” I said before he had a chance to say anything.

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault,” he said flatly.

I wanted to make things easy for him, since I had failed so miserably at everything else I had wanted to do for him. I knew what he was going to say. I had intended on saying it for him. But as I sat next to him, I couldn’t get the words out. I felt my throat constrict and my eyes began to burn. I concentrated on pushing the feeling away. All Ben had ever asked of me was that I stay away. I didn’t. And now he was paying the price.

After a long silence he finally said the words I was dreading. “This isn’t working. Us…being friends, or whatever…it’s just not working.”

I nodded.

“It’s for your own good,” he said softly. “I mean it. I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I swear I’m not.”

“I know you’re not,” I said quietly, willing the first tear not to fall.

He nodded. “Good, because I need you to talk to Mr. Schroeder. I want you to tell him you want a new partner. You can tell him that you feel uncomfortable with me. Say whatever you need to.” I opened my mouth to protest but he cut me off. “With Alec in that class,
especially
with him in that class, it’s important that you keep your distance from me. Mr. Schroeder will understand. I know he’ll be more than happy to let you join another group.” I started to shake my head, to tell him I couldn’t do that. “Please, Maya. If you care about me at all, you’ll do this for me.”

“
If
I care about you?” I asked in a voice barely above a whisper. “Do you have any idea, any idea at all how I feel about you?” Ben looked at me, keeping his face carefully blank. “I would do just about anything for you. I think I’ve made it pretty clear how I feel. But what about you?”

“What about me?” Ben cautiously asked.

“How do you feel? About me?” I demanded.

He looked away and the feeling of defeat was almost overwhelming.

“It doesn’t matter how I feel,” he finally said.

“It matters to me.”

“It shouldn’t,” he quietly argued.

I didn’t say anything. My emotions were bubbling over from misery into anger.

“What do you want me to say, Maya? That from the moment I picked you up off the road I thought you were the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen? That when you kissed me, it was amazing? That I can’t stop thinking about it? About
you
?” He let out an exasperated huff of air as he threw his head back and closed his eyes. “The few times that I do see you during the day…it’s the only thing I look forward to. Is that what you want to hear?”

“Only if you mean it,” I nearly whispered.

“It doesn’t matter if I mean it. Because saying it? It just makes it worse. It makes it even harder.” His eyes were begging me to understand.

“If you mean it, then don’t do this!” I pleaded.

Ben shook his head. “None of that matters! It doesn’t matter because I am
not
going to let anyone drag you through even half of the hell that I’ve been through! That’s exactly where you’re headed and I’m not going to let that happen to you!”

I clenched my jaw shut. He was determined and I knew better than to think I could get through to him in that moment.

I took a deep breath and waited several minutes before speaking, waiting to see if he would say anything else. He didn’t.

“I can’t make you out to be someone you’re not.
Especially
not to Mr. Schroeder,” I finally said.  

“Please,” he asked. His voice was as quiet as mine. “It’s not that I don’t want to work with you because I do. I hate asking you to do this but I worry about you all of the time so if you don’t want to go to him, I will. I’ll tell him the truth. I’ll let him know that I think it’s in your best interest not to be paired with me. I know he’ll agree. Things are getting worse with Alec. This is the only way I know to stop him. If he sees you’re not my partner anymore, hopefully he’ll assume you came to your senses and leave you alone.”

“What about you?” I asked. “If I get a new partner, what happens to you?”

He shrugged. “He’ll probably have me work alone. It’s what most of my teachers have me do anyway.”

I didn’t know what to say so for a few minutes, I was quiet again. I knew I wouldn’t be able to change his mind. It was set and it wouldn’t budge. And maybe I was being selfish, wanting him to be my partner. It was part of the reason everything had begun to spiral out of control. I hated, absolutely hated what he’d have to say to Mr. Schroeder. But I knew I wasn’t going to talk him out of it.

My heart was spinning in my chest. I’d already given up talking to him the few times a day I saw him. Now I was being asked to give up the one piece of time I did have with him. Lunch, today, had been an accident. A mistake. But giving up being his Lit partner was going so much further than that.

“Ben?” he glanced over at me, his mouth looked so grim. Angry creases were etched around his eyes. “I don’t agree that it’s for my own good. I just want you to know that if it were my choice, I wouldn’t stay away. I don’t care about the gossip, except for how it affects you. I
hate
that.” I blinked back my tears, giving my words a chance to sink in. I wanted him to know I meant them. “I’m not going to argue with you anymore because I feel like I’ve already caused enough problems.” I stopped to sniffle, feeling like a silly girl for it. “I hate what I’ve done to you. I wanted to make things better. I just made them so much worse. I just wish everyone would leave us alone.”

He took my hand, hesitating only a moment before he slid his arm around me instead. He was leaning against the tree and I curled up, leaning into him. I wrapped an arm around him and held on to him as tightly as he was holding me, hating the knowledge that this could be the last time. The tears that were building behind my eyes felt like a deluge waiting to pour down my face. I managed to keep them to a light trickle.

We sat that way for a long while. Then I broke the silence, hating how I sounded like I was begging, which I supposed I was. “Why does this mean we can’t see each other at all?” I asked.

I felt his body tense but he didn’t respond.

I tilted my head up to look up at him. “Why should everyone else be able to tell us what we can and can’t do? There are so many people who are just hateful and horrible. Why should they be able to make us feel like we can’t be together?” I felt him tense. “No, I’m not trying to argue with you. Just hear me out. Please?” He nodded. “Couldn’t we still see each other outside of school?”

He closed his eyes again and leaned his head back against the tree. I was instantly contrite. I hadn’t wanted to make this hard on him and yet I was. Repeatedly.

But then he looked at me again and his eyes didn’t look as angry. It made me hopeful and in spite of the guilt I felt only a moment ago, more words tumbled out. “Please, Ben. We can still see each other. It’s just not fair that they can keep dictating what you can and can’t do.” I paused, searching his eyes, wondering if I was winning him over. “No one else would ever have to know,” I whispered.

“Maya…” He said my name softly. He lowered his head so it was close to mine.  I could feel his breath on my neck. 

“I meant what I said at lunch today. We could meet at my house. Or the spot on the river that we went to. It was secluded. If you meant what you said and you do really want to be with me—”

He leaned closer to me, putting an end to any coherent thought I had. The arm that was around me pulled me even closer to him. His other hand reached out and slid into my hair. I leaned into him and closed my eyes. A moment later his lips lightly brushed against mine. I barely moved. I was afraid to do anything more than accept the soft, light kisses he gave me.

“
Maya
!” Ben said sharply, cutting me off, pushing me away. “You need to leave,” he told me.

His words were so sharp it took a moment for me to comprehend them. I sat there, unmoving. I must have pushed him too far. “Ben, please—”

Realizing I was too dumbfounded to go anywhere, Ben jumped to his feet. “I shouldn’t have kissed you. I am so sorry,” he said, looking like he meant it but looking fearful as well. “We’re done. You need to stay away from me.” He turned and started walking but after several steps he turned to look at me again. “Maya, be careful okay? Please.”

I watched him leave, angrily swiping at the sudden gush streaming down my face.

I sat there, feeling like the chisel that had been picking away at my heart had just been jabbed to the hilt. I blinked back my tears. When my blurry vision cleared my eyes rested on someone across the river.

Alec. He was sitting on a park bench. His legs were sprawled out. His arms were loosely crossed at his chest. When our eyes locked, he gave me a prissy little finger wave.

I gave him a one fingered wave in return.

I had no doubt he had seen it all.

I also had no doubt it would be Ben that would pay.

***

I had barely put my car into park when Phoebe slid in next to me.

“Talk,” she commanded.

I looked at her with raised eyebrows.

“I saw you take a note off your windshield and then you disappeared. I called your cell but you didn’t have it on. You didn’t return my calls even though I left like six messages. I drove by your house last night after practice but all of the lights were off. Where were you? What’s going on?”

I had left after I spotted Alec. I couldn’t go home. I didn’t want to face Remy. I wasn’t ready to tell her about the doll. I knew I wouldn’t be able to hide that something was wrong. If I tried to tell her about Ben, I’d turn into a sobbing mess. I knew then she’d cancel her plans with Jeff and I didn’t want her to do that. Instead, I’d driven to the spot by the river where we’d seen the swans. I tried to pull myself together.