Twisted Minds (22 page)

“Kira, please, let me explain,” I pleaded, but she shook her head, pressing her lips together and running out of the room.

Fuck. Kira had been lying in my arms yesterday, but today everything had changed. For a moment, I’d glimpsed a future with her, but now there was nothing left.

Kira knew everything. The world—or at least mine—really was over.

Twenty-Five

A Total Shit Show

It was the worst fucking vacation ever.

I’d come here to get away from my screwed up life back in the city, only to screw things up even more than they already were.

Now there was someone else involved—someone I actually gave two shits about. Someone who I could maybe see myself having some semblance of a relationship with. And now I had gone and fucked everything up.

Honestly, I wasn’t even sure who I was anymore or who I wanted to be. When I’d first arrived in Ripley, I was the guy in the article—arrogant, womanizing, and entitled. Hell, I knew it and I didn’t care what anyone thought of me. But now, I couldn’t tell you if I was still that same person.

A part of me had changed in the time I’d spent here. In the time spent with a family, with my best friend, with a girl I was pretty sure I liked more than any other girl I’d liked in my life. Except, once again, Cassidy Turner had spread her poison, and this time it was my life she had ruined.

It made me sick when I saw that article, as though those people thought they knew me. As if they had a fucking clue why I did the things I did or what went through my head. They didn’t know that being around Kira, and the Walshs, had changed something about me.

Just because it wasn’t visible to the human eye, didn’t mean it wasn’t there. Just because it wasn’t possible to explain it with words, didn’t mean it wasn’t real. That’s what I had to convince Kira of.

Yesterday, she’d left the house quickly after confronting me, and had been gone all day. When she’d finally arrived home, she’d gone straight to her room and locked the door. Today was my chance to finally speak to her.

The fact I was even searching the house for her was crazy. This wasn’t me. I didn’t chase after girls or explain myself to them, yet this was proof I wasn’t the same Nathaniel James that had left the city. I just had to make her believe in me.

“Hey, Joe,” I called out, when I opened the door that led to the garage and found him in there alone.

The garage was a goddamn mess. No wonder no one ever parked their car in here. It was packed with stuff from floor to ceiling. Boxes stacked against the walls, each with their own labels. Sporting equipment—skis, longboards, racquets, even a ping pong table—had been squeezed into the small space. Maybe the Walshs’ were secretly hoarders. Maybe that was their only vice—they had too much fucking shit.

There was only a little bit of room closest to the door with a large workbench and various other tools; otherwise it was in complete disarray. Joe was currently standing behind the bench, appearing puzzled as he stared at large planks of wood that had been placed atop it.

“Oh, hey, Nate,” he said, glancing up. “What can I do for ya?”

“Do you know where Kira is?” I asked, trying to appear casual as I leaned against the doorframe. “No one else seems to be home.”

“Finn and Cassidy went to the store with Theresa to pick out paint.” He motioned at the pieces of wood in front of him. “The back fence has some gaps in it, so we’re gonna tear it down and rebuild it.”

“And Kira?” I prompted.

“She should be down in the basement,” he said, scratching his head. “She’s going through some of her old things before she leaves for college.”

“Okay, thanks, Joe.” I turned to leave, but he stopped me.

“Nate?” When I turned back around, he was watching me with keen eyes. “Is everything okay with you and Kira?”

Stumped by his question, I simply shrugged in response. If I told Joe about the things I’d done, he would see me in a completely different light. The Walshs’ had been so gracious since I’d stepped into their home that if they found out about any of this, it would ruin our relationship forever.

“Hmm,” he mused, his hazel eyes scrutinizing me. “You’re a good guy, Nate. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. ‘Kay?”

“Thanks, Joe.” I nodded, my throat feeling constricted.

“Ya know, Kira’s also a great gal. Even though she’s our baby, she’s also a woman now and she can make her own decisions about her life.” My heart shot into my throat as he spoke. I had no idea why Joe was bringing this up, but I had strange suspicion it was because he was coming to the conclusion that Kira and I were involved in some way. “I hope you find her.”

His words seemed to dismiss me, and I turned to leave again, but paused of my own accord. “Uh, I can come back and help you once I’m done talking to her.”

A smile stretched across Joe’s weathered face. “I look forward to it ol’ boy.”

With that, I turned and left him, making my way in the direction of the kitchen; the door leading down to the basement was just off to the side of it.

Pulling it open, I stole down the stairs and entered the large space below. I’d never been down here yet, but it was no surprise the Walshs’ didn’t store anything down here; it was completely crammed with who knew what.

Kira was sitting cross-legged on the floor, sifting through a large cardboard box in front of her. To her left appeared to be a pile of things she was either keeping or throwing out. A pair of tiny denim shorts and a turquoise halter top covered up the parts of her that my eyes ached to see.

Kira.

She was the only ray of light in this shit storm. Somehow, I had to make her see the truth. Yes, I was all kinds of fucked up. Yes, I was a complete scumbag. Yes, there was so much wrong with me. But the one thing I knew was how strongly I felt for her. How she made me want to be better.

“Can we talk?”

My voice sounded strange in the contained space. Kira jerked her head around and jumped to her feet as though it was some kind of defense mechanism.

“Get away from me, Nate,” she warned, her lips pursing. She wasn’t happy to see me.

Of course, I didn’t listen. I wasn’t here to listen. I was here to make her listen.

“Please, hear me out.” There was a level of pleading in my voice that was unfamiliar to me, yet here I was hoping that somehow it would appeal to Kira.

“What is there left to hear?” She threw an arm in the air. “You’ve slept with hundreds of women. You keep a creepy as fuck list about all of them. And I guess I’m just one of the many fools on that list.”

“That’s not true,” I started to say, but she held up a hand to stop me.

“I don’t care, Nate. You played such a well thought out game. You made me believe that all the things Cass had told me about you weren’t true. You acted like you cared about the people at the church, but my first impression of you was spot on.”

Wait, what? Cass?

“What did Cass tell you about me?” I asked, stepping closer to her.

“Pretty much everything that the article said.” Her eyes roamed over me as though I was repugnant.” “That you were an entitled, rich playboy who used women for sex.”

Cass was one to talk. I assumed she had conveniently left out the part about trying to sleep with me while Finn was in the next room. If I was as immoral as everyone thought I was, I would’ve slept with her without a second thought.

“It doesn’t matter, anyway. I’m the stupid girl who went against all reason.” Kira sucked in a shaky breath, and that’s when her eyes gave way and the tears began falling down her face. “I did things with you, Nate, I let you do things to me that no one else has ever done before.

My heart crumbled. Whatever bravado I usually tossed around, whatever arrogant confidence I usually held, completely disappeared as the mess I’d made dawned on me. Kira was strong-willed, spirited, caring, kind, and I had completely broken her down.

Not just her, either. So many women, over so many years.

The selfish part of me had never stopped to think for a minute how many women I had hurt in the process of my philandering ways. I’d never thought about their feelings, never even considered for a moment how my actions had affected them. I’d never even bothered to be nice about it because I didn’t give a fuck.

But this girl—even in her most broken moment, she was teaching me something and opening my eyes to the misogynistic pig I really was. Maybe that article hadn’t been too far from the truth.

I was all those things, and worse.

“Kira, I am so sorry,” I said, stepping forward to touch her, desperate to abate the crying. “I know how fucked up my actions were. I see that now, but I want you to know that whatever I feel for you is real. This feeling, it’s like a rush of ecstasy shooting through my body. It’s like light, it’s like joy. It’s something that’s hard to explain, but I feel it every time I’m with you.”

“Words,” she shot back, stepping out of my reach. “Simply words, just like the words in the pages of your journal.”

Speechless, I continued to stare at her. There was nothing I could say to her to make her see me differently. Her mind was set on the Nate of the past, not the Nate who was standing in front of trying to appeal to her.

“You fucking asshole!”

Finn’s voice made both of us spin towards the basement stairs in alarm. There he was, standing at the base of the stairs, his chest heaving in anger, his face scarlet as he stared at me. Cass was standing slightly behind Finn, his frame obscuring her petite figure, but I could see enough of her face to notice the malevolent glint in her eyes.

“Finn, what’s going on?” I asked, choosing to tread carefully.

I was already so drained from my argument with Kira that I wasn’t sure I could handle whatever Finn was about to throw at me.

“Why don’t you tell me, asshole?” Finn took several angry steps towards me, as Cass followed after him. “Cass just showed me this!”

He thrust his phone in my face, and I stared at the screen, trying to figure out what I was seeing. My heart sank. Fuck. It was actual pages from my journal. How the fuck could this have happened?

Then I looked at it even closer. It was the entry I’d written after Kira and I had had sex for the first time, just before my journal had disappeared.

I’d been working harder than I ever have to get Kira to sleep with me, and even though I knew it was inevitable, I didn’t think it would as incredible as it actually was.

She is so beautiful that I’m worried spending too much time with me will taint her. Thinking about her comes so naturally to me, and all I want to do is see her naked body again.

Fuck. Finn knew I’d slept with his sister. I was so beyond screwed.

Somewhere behind me, I could feel Kira shifting closer as she tried to read what was on the screen too.

“Finn, let me explain,” I began, keeping my voice calm.

“There’s nothing to explain! You slept with my sister!” Finn shoved me hard in the chest. “Even after I fucking told you not to!”

In the four years that I’d known Finn, I had never seen him this mad at me before. We’d disagreed and gotten into arguments about all kinds of things over the years—it sort of came with the territory of being roommates who were best friends—but this was on a different level.

“I’m sorry.” I held my hands up in surrender, so he knew I wasn’t going to shove him back. “We had a connection and one thing led to another. I wasn’t trying to piss you off. I wasn’t trying to hurt her.”

And that was the goddamn truth. The last thing I wanted was for Kira to get hurt, but it seemed like it was too late now. She was staring at me, her lip curled in disgust as though I was a stranger to her.

“I’m sorry,” Cass squeaked from behind him. “I wasn’t trying to cause any trouble. All your journal entries are on Flash Feed and I felt like Finn had a right to know.”

My eyes turned to Cass, who was smirking at me. “You bitch!” I pointed at her. “You set me up!”

Cass gasped and covered her mouth with a hand, cowering behind Finn in fake fear as though I would hurt her. “Nate, I would never do something like this to you!” The gleam in her eyes said otherwise.

That conniving snake. If she was lucky, she would get out of this without me ruining her miserable life.

“Don’t put this on her!” Finn shoved me again, his face turning red. “You watched my sister undress from your car! You fucking piece of shit!”

“He what?” Kira stared at me in disbelief.

Oh, fuck. I’d completely forgotten about the entry I’d first written when I’d gotten here. That wasn’t even the worst of it. I wondered how much more Finn had read.

“Yeah!” Finn yelled, his bands balling into fists as though he was seconds away from swinging at me. “It’s all in there! Every single twisted thing he’s ever done is on the internet for the world to see!”

“You were spying on me?” Kira’s eyes were wide as she studied me, repulsion etched on every inch of her face. “I would never have let myself feel anything for you if I’d known what a sick person you were.”

My heart snapped in half as she told me this. I wasn’t sure if I was more devastated by Finn’s anger or Kira’s disgust. Either way, I could probably narrow this down to the worst moment in my life. My journal entries were splashed all across the internet, and now my best friend and the girl I had feelings for thought I was scum of the earth.

Maybe I was.

“I warned you about him.” Cass stepped forward, placing a comforting hand on Kira’s shoulder. “All I wanted was for you to be on your guard, to be smarter than the women that came before you. I wish you’d listened to me.”