Tyrell (20 page)

“Nothing?” She act like she surprised or something.

“Nah, same ol' same ol'. What ‘bout you?”

“Just school. Nothing special.”

I know she gonna get mad, but I gotta ask her, “You get any more of them letters from that dude?”

Her hands stop in the middle of a braid. “C'mon, Ty. Don't start.”

“What that mean, that he still writing you or what?”

She start braiding again, but hard and tight now. “Ow.” That shit hurt. I try to move my head, but she got my hair in a grip and I can't go nowhere.

“Stop moving,” she say. “Or this braid is gonna be crooked.”

I sit back. “I'm just saying, I don't want nothing bad to happen to you, you know? I'm trying to do my job as your man.”

She lean over and kiss the side of my face. “I'm fine.”

She make everything sound so easy, when it ain't. When she finally finish the last braid, she say, “There's more food. Are you ready for seconds?”

“Nah, I ain't all that hungry, but I could go for some more of that pie. I swear, your moms gonna make me fat.”

She laugh. “One big piece of pie coming right up.” She leave the room and, without even hardly thinking ‘bout what I'm doing, I grab her schoolbag off the floor and start searching it for letters. If she ain't gonna tell me what's going on at that school, I'ma find out my damn self.

Novisha bag got all kinds of sections and pockets with zippers and shit. I start with the big section, taking out her notebooks and shaking them out. Then I go through the small pockets and find a letter right away, folded up real small. I open it, and all it say is, “You know you want it.” Damn. This nigga getting raw now. How he gonna talk to my girl like this?

When I get to the last pocket, I pull out some kinda small notebook that got
ASSIGNMENTS
on it. I flip through to see if she got any more letters stuck in there, but there ain't none. But then I see what she be writing in that notebook. Damn. It's another goddamn diary.

I open to the last page:

I don't know what to do about Jamal anymore.

That's all I get to see before Novisha rip the diary out my hands. “What are you doing? I can't believe you're going through my stuff!” She drop the plate of sweet potato pie on the floor, she that mad.

“How many diaries you got?” I ask her. I ain't screaming or nothing, but I'm talking kinda loud. “What you need that one for?”

“Shh.” She roll her eyes at me. “You have no right going through my bag.”

I lower my voice ‘cause I don't want her moms or pops to hear us, but she ain't the only one that's heated. “Answer my question. What you need another diary for?”

“For privacy, what do you think?” She holding the little diary real close to her body now, like it's a football or something. “I need a diary that nobody else is gonna read.”

“Nobody else, like me?”

She nod. “Yeah.”

“Let me see it,” I say. “We not s'posed to have no secrets from each other. Ain't that what we said?”

“Well, what about the party you're throwing tomorrow night? You didn't tell me about that.”

Fuck.

“I live right here. In Bronxwood. You think everyone is gonna know about a big party and I'm not gonna find out?”

I can't believe this shit. “Who told you?”

“Everyone. But the first person was Patrick. He talked to me about it like I already knew. And Cal and his brothers have been telling everyone. I heard two girls talking about it yesterday at the laundromat.”

“Why you ain't say nothing?”

“Because I wanted to see if you would tell me yourself. And you didn't. So, if you can keep things to yourself, why can't I?”

She got me. I don't know what to say to that one. “I ain't tell you ‘cause I know all you gonna do is worry ‘bout me. I was gonna tell you after the party was over.”

“Well, don't think about calling me from jail. I'm not your mother. I won't go through that with you.”

She take her little diary and leave the room. A second later I hear her talking to Troy all nice and friendly. I don't know how she do that. Just flip like that. ‘Cause me, I'm pissed. Pissed that she keeping that diary from me. Pissed that she know ‘bout the party. I mean, I ain't saying it's right, but sometimes a brotha gotta keep shit to hisself. But what a female need to keep secrets for? There ain't no reason for that. Never.

It take me ‘bout ten minutes to cool myself down a little. I sit on the chair for a while just telling myself to relax, but inside I'm boiling. I don't get what's going on between me and Novisha. Things is definitely changing, and I just want everything to go back to how they was before.

When I come out the room, Troy say, “Look, Ty.” He still at the computer. “I'm doing Spanish.”

Novisha is kneeling next to him, but she don't look up at me. She just stare at the screen like she don't wanna face me.

“That's good,” I tell Troy. I stand over him and watch him for a couple minutes. The voice on the computer is calling out colors in Spanish, and Troy gotta click on the picture that match the color.
Verde,
turtle.
Amarillo,
sun.

“You're learning so fast,” Novisha say. The diary is right there on the floor by the desk. Man, she really protecting that shit.

“I wanna learn really,
really
fast,” Troy say. “My girlfriend can talk good Spanish.”

Novisha laugh. “Oh, you have a girlfriend, huh? That's so cute.”

“And when I grow up, I'm gonna marry her.”

“Wow. Is she pretty, your girlfriend?”

“Uh-huh. Pretty
and
beautiful. I never saw any girl as pretty as her.”

Oh, shit. I'm now getting who Troy talking ‘bout. “Finish playing the game,” I tell him real fast. “'Cause we gonna hafta leave soon.”

“But I want the church girl to hear me talk Spanish.”

Novisha look at me, hard, like she ‘bout to accuse me of something, but she ain't sure yet. “The church girl?” she ask Troy, still looking at me. “The girl you and your brother went to church with on Sunday?”

“Yeah, her.”

“And she's very pretty?”

“Yeah,” Troy say. “When she smiling, she is
real
pretty. But she cry when she get scared. That's why Ty has to sleep in her room, so she won't get scared all by herself.”

Novisha look at me with the widest eyes I ever seen. It's like
she don't know what to think or do. Finally she grab her diary, stand up, and run to her room.

I follow after her. “It ain't what you thinking,” I tell her when I get in her room. I say it real low ‘cause the door still open.

“You lied to me, Ty. You said she was ugly, and now I find out she's pretty and you're
sleeping
with her!” Novisha is whispering, but she screaming at the same time. I don't know how she do it, but she good at it.

“I ain't sleeping with her. I'm just sleeping in her room ‘cause she all alone. She got two separate beds and I don't be touching her or nothing. And she a religious girl. A church girl.” Novisha still looking real mad, so I keep going. “The girl was scared to be alone, so I'm just, like, her guard dog or something, you know. And I don't even got a bed in my room. They only got two beds in there, so where I'm s'posed to sleep? On the floor? With the roaches?” There still ain't no change in her face. Man, I'm screwed. Then I start talking faster, and can't stop myself no matter what. “And she is ugly. She fat and she got acne all over her face, and she got braces. And she Puerto Rican. You know I'm only into sistahs. I mean, you. You the only sistah I'm into. You, with your fine self. I don't want nobody but you. Nobody.”

“Ty, I wanna be alone. Can you just leave me alone?”

“A'ight. That's a'ight. But you gotta believe me ‘cause I ain't lying. There ain't nothing going on between me and that ugly girl. Honest. I'm innocent.”

Novisha put her hands on her hips. “Are you wrongfully accused?” She trying to be smart now. “Just like your father?”

“Nah,” I say. “That nigga guilty. I ain't.”

She sit on her bed and she look like she ain't even hearing me. She tuning me out.

I don't know what to do, stay or go. But I ain't gonna just stand there like some punk, so I just say, “I'ma call you tomorrow, a'ight?”

She still don't say nothing, so I walk out the room. If she think I'ma beg her to talk to me, she could forget that shit. I'm out. The good thing is my moms is ready to leave too. She thanking Ms. Jenkins for dinner and getting Troy to do the same thing. All of a sudden she know how to act.

And my moms is holding a whole sweet potato pie wrapped up in foil. Man, we gonna have pie for days. If them roaches don't get at it first. And I don't know how, but Ms. Jenkins got her ex-husband to drive us all the way back to Bennett, so least we ain't gonna hafta get on the train.

In the car, Troy is ‘sleep before we even get to the Bruckner. Me and him is in the backseat and he got his head on my shoulder. While my moms and Mr. Jenkins talk ‘bout how much Bronxwood changed and all that, I'm just thinking ‘bout the way Novisha looked right before I left. She looked like she was through with me. And that look hurt.

And I'm thinking ‘bout that little diary she got. Who the fuck is Jamal? He the guy that be writing them letters to her? And if the fake diary is for her moms to read, and this new diary is for her own privacy, then who she writing that diary on her desk for? The one that was s'posed to be her real diary? She just been writing all that shit for me to read? ‘Cause that would be fucked up.

By the time I get back to Bennett, I ain't in no mood to mess ‘round with Jasmine. To be honest, I ain't even in no mood to be with her. But I go to her room anyway ‘cause I don't know what she gonna end up doing if I ain't there. I know how she feel ‘bout being alone. And I don't want her ending up with none of them other dudes just ‘cause I ain't feel like being with her.

The thing ‘bout Jasmine is that she don't even see how upset I am. From the second I get to her room, she busy runnin' her mouth, like she been waiting for somebody to talk to. “I called Reyna today,” she tell me, climbing on the bed, “and I asked her if she's ever gonna come back for me or is she just gonna abandon me like I'm nothing? And you know what she said? She said to me, ‘I'm not abandoning you. I want you here, but I'm not gonna force you to be with me. And I'm not gonna let you force me to leave my new boyfriend.' Can you believe that? She said, ‘He's a really nice guy, and I like him.'” Jasmine shake her head. “She just met that guy. How does she know he's a really nice guy?”

I take off my jacket and throw it on the chair. Then I sit on the bed and take off my sneakers.

“I mean, you should of seen the way he looked at me, Ty. Real nasty. But the only thing Reyna said was, ‘I'll protect you, Jasmine. I'll make sure he doesn't do nothing to you.' Does that make any sense to you? I have to live there with a guy she has to protect me from?”

“What ‘bout Emiliano? When you gonna ask to move back in with him?” Really, I don't know why I'm asking her questions when I know that's only gonna get her talking all night. But at the same time, I can't just sit there and not say nothing. No matter how mad I am.

“I'm gonna ask him tomorrow,” she say. “I have to. You know what, Ty? Today, after I got off the phone with Reyna, Mr. Mendoza comes up to me and says, ‘I know you here alone. All I have to do is pick up the phone and call ACS and they're gonna put you in foster care.' And you know what I said to him? I said, ‘If you trying to get me to disrespect myself again, forget it. I got money now and I got a job, so go—' I don't know how to say it in English, but it's like, go screw yourself. And he just walked away and that was it. You think he's gonna call ACS on me?”

“He just trying to scare you so you give him some.”

“I know, but that's not gonna happen. I hope he has a good memory, because that's the last time he's gonna see me naked.”

“Good.”

“You think Emil's gonna let me stay with him? I'm kinda scared to ask him. Why would he put up with me when he's not even gonna get Reyna back?”

“It looked like he really care ‘bout you,” I tell her. “He ain't gonna want you in the system, and he ain't gonna want you living with no guy that pro'ly wanna get with you.”

“I know. I was hoping Reyna would figure out this new guy is a jerk by now, so we could go back home. But she still thinks he's a good guy. So Emiliano's gonna have to know she got somebody else. He's gonna be so sad. But I'm gonna talk to him tomorrow at lunch and see what he says. The only thing is, my time is running out. They're moving us out of here on Monday, right?”

“Yeah.” Damn. Why she had to remind me ‘bout that fuckin' job-training program they sending us to?

“If Emil doesn't want me, I'm gonna be forced to move in with Reyna. Because as soon as those EAU people see that I'm here alone, they gonna stick me in foster care anyway.”

“Me and Troy was in the system and you don't want that.”

“Were you in a group home or a regular home?”

“A regular home with a lady that made a living off her foster kids. She had, like, six of us. All the kids was little ‘cept for me. I was eleven, then the next kid down was, like, five. She ain't want me there, but the city try not to split up brothers. Being there was hard, know what I mean? So if you got a choice, go stay with Reyna, and just sleep with a baseball bat under your bed or something.”

“Or a gun.”

“Word.” I take off my pants, throw them on the chair, then slip under the covers. Jasmine say she gonna stay up for a while reading in bed. She laying on her stomach, on top of the blanket, showing off that nice, big ass in them sexy black panties. Yeah, she got my attention, but at the same time, I'm too tired to deal with females right now. Novisha wore me out today. I ain't got nothing left for Jasmine.

So I just pull the blanket over my head and turn away from her. I'm trying not to think ‘bout nothing, but it ain't easy. I'm still pissed that Novisha feel she gotta keep shit from me. Like, she got some guy stalking her, but she doing everything she can to keep me outta it. But that shit ain't gonna work no more. Monday afternoon I'ma be waiting outside that school, asking everybody who the fuck Jamal is. And when I find that nigga, I'ma kick his ass and tell him if he even look Novisha way again I'ma be back. It's time to put a end to this already. Then maybe me and Novisha can go back to the way we was before all this started.

“Was it really that bad in foster care?” Jasmine ask, like that's all she been thinking ‘bout all this time.

I take the blanket off my head and turn over to look at her. The book she reading is closed, and she just staring at the wall in front of her. “Yeah,” I tell her. “It was bad. I mean, living with people that don't really want you ‘round. And me and Troy, we had other problems you ain't gonna have. Like, when we was s'posed to have supervised visits with my moms at the agency, she used to hardly ever come, and Troy would be crying and everything. And when she did come, she was depressed all the time.”

“That's terrible.”

“I know. She was just outta it, you know. And she ain't get it together ‘til my pops got outta prison. He the one that got her to show up to the visits every week. And he got her to take them parenting classes and go to counseling like the court told her to. And my pops even took a legit job, installing floors and carpets, just so the court would see he had a job and let him get me and Troy outta the system. We was in there for a year and a half, and my moms never did what she had to do to get us back. But five months after my pops got out, we was home. Just like that.”

“Why can't your mother do anything by herself?”

“She don't know how,” I say. Then I tell Jasmine how my moms and pops started going out together when she was fifteen and he was twenty-one, and how they got married a week after she turned eighteen, just ‘cause she wanted to get away from her mother. And I could understand why too. I mean, my grandmother was alright to me and Troy when she lived with us, but she was real hard on my moms, always criticizing her and calling her stupid and shit. My moms said that when she was growing up, all she wanted was to get away as fast as she could. “Before they got married, my pops promised to take care of her,” I tell Jasmine. “And he did, ‘cept for when he was locked up. But she never learned how to take care of herself. Or us.”

“And your father's been in prison three times?”

“Yeah. The first time he got locked up, my grandmother was there to help us out. The second time, my grandmother wasn't there no more, so we lost our apartment and ended up in a shelter. Then me and Troy got put in foster care ‘cause my moms used to leave us alone at night. And now I'm trying to make sure that don't happen again. I'm trying to keep my moms together, ‘cause this time, they ain't gonna find no lady that's gonna put up with no fifteen-year-old foster kid in they house. ‘Specially no boy. Me and Troy definitely gonna get split up. Now he pro'ly be a'ight, but me, I'ma be in some group home having to kick ass everyday. And I ain't going down like that. I'ma be gone.”

Jasmine get up off the bed to turn the light out. Then, when she get under the covers, she start kissing on me, trying to get something going. But I'm through. Only way I'ma feel better is to be out cold. Sleep.

“What's the matter, Papi?” Jasmine ask. “You go visit your girlfriend and now you don't like me?”

“It's nothing to do with you, Jasmine. I'm just tired, that's all.” I'm kinda mumbling now.

“You and Novisha still fighting?”

“Something like that.”

“You wanna talk?”

“Nah.” I turn back over and cover my head with the blanket again. Talking ain't gonna do nothing. I gotta figure this out for myself.

Only thing that keep me going is I know, if everything work out the way I want, this the last week things is gonna be this fucked up. By next week my family could be in our own apartment again, and me and Novisha could be back where we was before. Tight.