Ultimate Baseball Road Trip (105 page)

As was also the case in Cubbie Land, there are too many fine LoDo watering holes for us to do them all justice in this format. But here are a few of our favorites.

1520 20th St.

http://jacksonsdenver.com/

This enormous warehouse hangout offers three first-level barrooms as well as an outdoor patio at street level and another on the roof. The bar predates the ballpark by nearly twenty years and has long been a favorite of Denver sports fans. Jackson’s may be your best bet to catch an out-of-town game on the big screen via satellite. It is also a fine place to check out tipsy hard-bodied females, to score All You Can Drink specials on Thursday and Friday nights and to have a pregame brunch on Saturdays and Sundays.

1962 Market St.

This is the first place we visit whenever we’re in LoDo. Preexisting the ballpark by many decades, El Chapultepec (literally, “the hill of the grasshopper,” according to Kevin, who otherwise can’t speak a lick of Spanish) combines dirt-cheap Mexican with live jazz in the wee hours. Josh favors the beef burrito and green chili, while Kevin goes for a smothered burrito and bottle of Fat Tire. You’ll get a kick out of the autographed pictures hanging in the barroom of famous visitors like Branford Marsalis and Bill Clinton.

Kevin:
Seems time they put our picture on the wall. We plug this place enough.

Josh:
Yeah, that will always be the dream.

1925 Blake St.

This is our second-favorite place to grab a bite before a game at Coors. For our money, the comic canine’s best offerings are the delicious Chicken Parm sandwich, the Ellis Island (prosciutto, roasted red peppers, fresh mozzarella, basil, and pesto parmesan), and the Staten Island (smoked turkey, fresh mozzarella, basil, and pesto). As for the hilarious hyena’s motto: “Eat well, play ball, take naps”? We say, what else is there in life? Oh yeah, “watch ball.” How could we forget?

1946 Market St.

www.lodosbarandgrill.com/denver_home.php

This warehouse hangout offers cheap eats and a rooftop patio with a view of the ballpark. But we have time to talk about the park later. Let’s get back to the food. From steaks and seafood, to barbecue platters, to burgers and hoagies and Mexican, there’s a great variety here. Josh recommends the Buffalo Fries, while Kevin gives two thumbs up to the Denver Burger—a half-pounder that comes topped with avocado, fried onions, roasted red peppers, Jack cheese and Ranch dressing.

2220 Blake St.

www.breckbrew.com/food/pubdenver.html

The Breck Brew serves an authentic taste of the Rockies. Kevin enjoyed the Avalanche Ale, an amber with a cleanas-Colorado finish, while Josh preferred the Oatmeal Stout, which tasted like a blend of dark-roasted coffee and semisweet chocolate. The menu features a variety of burgers and chicken sandwiches, and Southwestern specials like burritos, and tamales. They don’t sell tamales at the Coors Field concession stands anymore, so this might be your last best chance to get one while you’re in town.

1634 18th St.

www.wynkoop.com/

Aside from being Denver’s oldest brewery, Wynkoop also bakes its own bread daily. How earthy-crunchy is that? The “big-mouth burgers” and “two-fisted sandwiches” are trademarks. Meanwhile, billiards, darts, and the on-site comedy club keep patrons in good spirits. According to Kevin’s fine palate, the Railyard Ale and Union Hub Light Ale are engineered for perfection. Josh waited until Kevin had drunk more than a few of each and had progressed past his “beer window” before challenging him to a game of darts.

Josh:
So tell me about your “beer window” theory again.

Kevin:
There is a very narrow span of time, when you are a better dart player, pool player, trivia player, writer, lover—you name it—after a few brews.

Josh:
And then what happens?

Kevin:
Never anything good.

2301 Blake St.

www.blakestreettavern.com/

When Josh is feeling homesick and in need of fellow Red Sox fans with whom to watch the East Coast games, he heads to The Blake. Just a block north of Coors, it provides a fun, open atmosphere for pregame and postgame revelry. And the games from around the league are always on. The Green Chili Fries and Barbeque Pulled Pork Sliders are winners too.

Something usually goes wrong when the designers of new ballparks opt to install local landscape displays beyond the outfield fences. These either end up looking really artificial (See: Anaheim, Styrofoam Monstrosity) or really corporate (See: Detroit, Auto Maker Batter’s Eye). But at Coors, the centerfield fountain and rock garden provide a classy organic touch to the park. The display includes not only the spring, but Navajo sandstones, granite-marbled river boulders, spruces, piñon pines, mahogany trees, and gamble oaks. To appreciate this unique ballpark oasis, we recommend taking a stroll out to center field on the first-level concourse, which allows fans to look down into the area and abutting bullpens. We thought it was pretty neat that there’s no wall separating the visiting bullpen from the rock area.

Kevin:
All they need now are a few rattlesnakes.

Josh:
Some mule deer might be nice too.

Kevin:
No, that would be going too far.

The Rockies had not yet retired a single one of their former stars’ uniform numbers as of this book’s printing. We would like to suggest that after two decades of National League play, it’s time for the franchise to honor a few of its finest.
Iconic “Blake Street Bombers” like Larry Walker (No. 33) and Todd Helton (No. 17) would seem to be great players around which to build an all-time alumni roster.

Josh:
They should probably wait for “The Toddfather” to retire first.

Kevin:
The Astros built statues of Bagwell and Biggio while they were playing.

Josh:
Yeah, but those are the Astros.

Kevin:
Meaning?

Josh:
Never mind. The last thing I need is hate mail coming my way via Houston.

No, we’re not talking about the type of grass former and current big leaguers like Bill Lee, Dmitri Young, Tim Lincecum, and Elijah Dukes have all admitted to smoking at one point or another. We’re talking about the type that grows in the outfield. In Denver, it can be warmed up by an elaborate system of underground wires. The system is capable of melting away any snow that accumulates on the Coors lawn during the late-arriving spring. The lawn is also equipped with a drainage system that can handle up to five inches of rain per hour … or five feet of freshly melted snow.

The gray warning track—as opposed to the red infield dirt—consists of 90 percent crushed lava and 10 percent red clay. We applaud the Rockies for not taking the easy way out and installing a porous rubber warning track, such as the kind that appears at too many big league parks these days.

Behind the batter’s eye on the first-level concourse, a long mural depicts a landscape that is uniquely representative of Colorado. The mural includes images of red rock formations, like the ones at Pike’s Peak in nearby Colorado Springs, and the kind you probably remember from the old Road Runner cartoons. Also pictured on the mural are Navajo tepees, buffalo, railroad cars, miners at work, brick buildings under construction, and Mile High Stadium. This is a well-done tribute to the state and its history, and we suggest taking a pregame stroll to check it out. For those who need a nutritional incentive, plan on picking up a bag of Kettle Corn when you get there.

The exact point in the Upper Deck where the elevation reaches 5,280-feet above sea level contains purple seats. All of the other seats in the top deck are forest green. To sit exactly a mile high, then, aim for any seat in Row 20. If you’d like to be
more
than a mile above the ocean waves, then aim for Row 21 and higher.

Coors Field offers traditional ballpark grub, local fare like Mexican, and Rocky Mountain Oysters. The items we tried were consistently good.

These deep-fried balls of horror may be a Denver trademark and featured item at the stand behind Section 144, but we don’t recommend them. You see, Rocky Mountain Oysters are Colorado’s cruel joke on the rest of the world. Rocky Mountain Oysters are one of the reasons a book like ours is a road trip necessity. But we’ll explain …

After making a bathroom run, Josh returned to the seats with a cardboard tray loaded with food.

Kevin:
Did you get me some of those oysters?

Josh:
I sure did.

Kevin:
Wow, they’re deep fried and they come with cocktail sauce! I just love deep fried oysters. They’re huge. These are the biggest oysters I’ve ever seen!

Josh:
And to think, they’re available so far from the ocean.

Kevin:
They sure are meaty. And tasty. Mmm … these are great. Are you sure you don’t want one?

At this point, Josh burst into a fit of hysterical laughter, a fit so severe that he nearly wet himself. Actually, he did wet himself a little.

Kevin:
What? What’s so funny?

Josh:
You’d be unbeatable on
Fear Factor.

Finally, Kevin started to put two and two together. He examined what he was eating, then retraced Josh’s steps and found his way to the stand behind Section 144. After waiting in line for a moment, he leaned forward to ask the girl behind the counter what exactly Rocky Mountain Oysters are.

Blushing, the girl replied, “Bull nuts.”

Kevin:
Do you mean “bull” as in a male cow and “nuts” as in testicles?

The girl nodded.

If you can get drunk enough to try these, God bless you. Otherwise, steer clear of them. And for the record, the only way Josh could earn Kevin’s grudging forgiveness was by buying him four pints of Fat Tire Ale after the game. And even then, it wasn’t until the road trip car rolled into Phoenix a few days later that Kevin let go of his grudge.

According to the vendor with whom we spoke, the Rockies sell about twenty-five orders of Oysters per night.

The foot-long Rocky Dog comes topped with sautéed peppers, sauerkraut and onions. We were very satisfied with it, but what would you expect? It’s a Hebrew National.

There are also several other types of hot dog available at the Top Dogs stands throughout the park. These include the Denver Dog (green chili, shredded cheese, jalapeño peppers), Tucson Dog (red chili, shredded cheese, sour cream), New York Dog (sauerkraut, peppers, onions, spicy mustard), Rockies Bacon Blue Dog (blue cheese crumbles, bacon bits, chopped red onion, blue cheese dressing) and Chicago Dog (tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers, celery salt, relish).

We bought a bag of sweet and salty
Kettle Corn
from a stand in right-center and were glad we did. Josh nearly splurged and bought the three-foot-long bag. But the smaller one, for half the price, turned out to be more than enough for the two of us.

Coors Field may not be home to the spiciest
bratwurst
in the big leagues, but it’s surely home to the biggest. This grilled behemoth is a meal in and of itself.

The
Mesquite grilled chicken
from the Fanfare stand is tenderized in a subtle but unique marinade. It ranks right with the best ballpark poultry sandwiches in the Majors.

Blake Street Burrito
offers a chicken burrito that rates pretty high on our big league burrito barometer, but nowhere near as good as the burrito at El Chapultepec (Note to management: Did we mention we’re still waiting for you to put that autographed 8-by-10 of us on the El Chapultepec wall?).

The
Roundin’ Third
stand serves a tasty homemade meatball sub and made-to-order pizzas.

And here’s something we haven’t seen at too many parks: a stand on the third base side offers a full range of
gluten-free options.
They serve a burger on a gluten-free bun, a chicken sandwich, brownies, and even gluten-free beer.

The
Famous Dave’s
stand on the outfield concourse serves not only barbecue but
chocolate covered bacon.
We weren’t brave enough to try it, though. Another stand, behind Section 223 on the Club Level, serves chocolate-covered bananas, strawberries, and marshmallows.

Predictably, Coors and Coors Light are the featured beers at Coors Field. But don’t despair. A brewery at Coors Field actually produces an award-winning craft beer right on site. The Blue Moon Brewery at the Sandlot, behind the right-field stands, is accessible from within and outside the stadium. This is where Blue Moon was invented and is where they still mass-produce the stuff. Blue Moon, in case you haven’t guessed, is owned by Coors. But don’t hold that against it.

Denver is home to many transplants from other parts of the country. It took us nearly three innings to find someone in the crowd who was born and raised in Colorado—and it turned out to be the fluffy team-mascot Dinger, the triceratops. Owing to the low percentage of truly “local” locals in town, the fans don’t bleed Rockies Purple quite the same way the fans in St. Louis bleed Cardinals Red or the fans in L.A. bleed Dodger Blue. We got the impression that most folks leave Coors happy as long as the Rockies and their opponents hang a few crooked numbers on the board. Great baseball may not always be on the agenda, but games at Coors are hardly ever boring. So sit back and enjoy the barrage of homers. It’s the Rocky Mountain Way.