Un-Connected (7 page)

“What’s your concept about the expenses,” I
asked. “For example, if I fixed something myself and saved some money by doing
it, would I get extra pay? Or are you going to do some work so we would each do
the same amount to maintain the business side of another truck?”

It was an interesting prospect, but it
concerned me that it might ruin our friendship. I saw horror stories as a CPA.
People with the best intentions would get in a situation where the company lost
money, then both partners found fault with the other, and they weren’t friends
any longer.

“Friendship for me has to be more important
than the money, but partners also need to plan well enough that neither one
gets hurt financially,” I told Deb.

And thinking to myself especially with her
and me.

“A big part of it for me was to refuse to
have debt as much as you can.” I went on. “I have seen all kinds of things
where IRR, internal rate of return
,
was analyzed and how to make the
most money from the lowest possible investment being highly leveraged.

But I have seen those things get upside down
and go bust especially in a slowing economy. But if we pay cash and if things
go well, then we would have lower overhead and a greater profit margin than
most others. If things don’t go well, then we don’t have a note to pay after
the company quits turning a profit or goes out of business. That is unless we
have a lot of equity or capital somewhere to cover your loan. Most people
don’t.” I paused.  “I don’t.”

”What do you think of me buying into the
truck we’re driving?” I asked.

“That wasn’t what I was talking about.” She said
and changed the subject.

So we drove on for several weeks without the
issue coming up again. She and I were more than friends now, and I got to
collect on the kiss. I had to get her cornered to do it. But she didn’t protest
too much.

One evening Deb suggested we get a motel
since we got to our drop early and had a lot of free time in the afternoon and
evening. We could each have a bigger bed and a real TV of our own. That sounded
great because usually in a truck stop we had to watch what everyone else wanted
to watch.  And we would go eat somewhere besides a truck stop restaurant.

“Sounds good to me,” I said.

We checked into the motel about three in the
afternoon. She started teasing me about the attire I was wearing when she first
saw me. She asked if I had a swimsuit, and I didn’t. She said we needed to go
shopping.

 When the lady says we need to go shopping, we
go shopping, and I got a swimsuit.  We both got some other clothes that were on
sale. I made a substantial wardrobe upgrade from the least expensive jeans I
had been wearing to some much nicer ones that didn’t cost much more because
they were on sale.

At the checkout I got in line and was
standing back from the person in front of me.

Deb stood behind me. “Why don’t you move up?”

“Sometimes, when I get in line and am close behind
someone, they looked back, and their eyes are below my shoulders. Then they
look up to see how tall I am. They sometimes kind of recoil from me and even
move forward, bumping into the person in front of them.  Then they try to keep
more distance from me but not run into anyone.  So if I stay back a little, it
is easier for them to have room.”

I shrugged. “It isn’t easy being big. I’ve
found most people were more comfortable if I stayed back. And if I get too far
back, then some small woman will slide into the line in front of me. Then she will
often turn around toward me and ask, ‘Oh, are you in line?’ Anyway this
distance has worked best for me and is the best compromise I‘ve found.”

Deb laughed and stepped in front of me. “Oh,
are you in line?”

Then we went to eat seafood. It was very
good. She preferred Italian, but it didn’t look like there was a good
restaurant where we were. So she reserved her choice for another day and a
better location.

When we got back to the room, she suggested
we go swimming or go to the hot tub.

“Sounds good to me. I normally like the hot
tub better than the swimming pool.” I said.

“That’s fine.”

 When we got to the hot tub, she took off her
robe and stepped in. Phew, this girl had the curves. I started talking to
myself. Why did I get so busy with business and get so afraid of the black SUV
that I quit living? I didn’t quit eating or sleeping. She wore a bikini, and
the top had a front showing off some heart stopping cleavage.  She was well
built and showing it off. Man, had I been blind! She was beautiful.

I sat beside her, and we talked about the
interesting things that had happened that day. I found her hand and held it.
She accepted my hand, and her grip equaled mine. Not firm as a handshake but
still deliberate.

She turned toward me a little more. “What do
you think of me?”

It was easy for me to say she was my new best
friend. It sounded strange for it to come out of my mouth, but for the last
three months at least, it had been true. I guess she felt I was moving too
slow, and she had been waiting on me.

 “There are some obvious things I know.
You’re smart and pretty. And I know you are loyal and responsible and
dependable.” Then I paused.

“Is that all?” She asked.

I knew this answer needed to be a better one.

“Do you like me?” She persisted.

I asked myself if I Iiked her as if I were in
high school or middle school where you send notes.  I was about to blow it but
I couldn’t move faster at the moment.  She had taken me by surprise.  “Yes, I
like you very much.” But I could see that wasn’t what she was fishing for.

I stammered and stuttered and said it was
obvious I cared for her very much. I thought I loved her, but my emotions were
on a roller coaster, and I couldn’t be sure.

“You are my best friend!” I said and after a
long pause, I sighed. “And what about you? How do you feel about me?”

She rose a little from the water and turning
toward me, she kissed me on the forehead.  Her top was out of the water and her
amazing cleavage was in my face.

“I love you,” she said. “But I don’t want to
rush you or force you to say you love me.”

My heart was beating a hundred miles an hour.
“I do love you,” I blurted out. “When you said you loved me, I was elated. I
wanted to say I love you. Not because you said you loved me exactly, but
because I now recognize my love for you is really there. My heart answered your
love with I love you, too.”

I wanted her. Desire was rising.

I kissed her on the mouth. It was a slow,
warm, and wet kiss where we melted into each other. Well, things changed again
that night.  Nearly any man would say he loved her when he had seen what I
saw.  But to really mean it would not be true.  But for me it was.

Chapter
6

Deb’s Story

My heart was pounding so hard.  I was afraid
I wanted her too badly and we were moving too fast for me to handle it well.  Self
control was getting harder.

“I do love you, Deb.” I said. “I think I have
known it for awhile.  My life is so surreal that I don’t trust my feelings that
much.  Fear is a part of every day but it is less so when I’m with you.  For a
long time I was afraid of you dumping me or turning me over to someone.  Now
I’m afraid of losing you.  I’m afraid something will happen and you won’t want
to be with me anymore.  I can’t imagine anything right now except driving with
you.  That is so foreign to where I was two years ago but things are so
different now.  I needed to change to stay alive and I guess I have done it. 
And I couldn’t have without you.  Thank you.  You are my best friend.”

I got another sweet kiss for that speech and
if I were a smarter man I would have given another speech to see how long I
could make that work.

We sat quietly for several minutes.  I could
feel her arm against my arm and her leg against mine.  My emotions were
shooting through the roof.  It is amazing what touch means to us.  If we don’t
have a connection with someone then the touch doesn’t say much.  But when we
love someone or have feelings for them, a touch can send shock waves through
us.  It seems to be a spiritual connection when our emotions are involved. 
Every time she touched me or I touched her it was electrifying.

“Can we get dressed and go get desert and
coffee.” I asked.  “I want to talk to you and to know more about you.” 

I couldn’t talk to her well with her in that
bathing suit and us sitting side by side touching each other from ankle to
shoulder.

I was beginning to think I wanted to marry
her.  But this was so fast for me.  I felt like I was still in the twilight
zone.  I didn’t want to have sex until I was married but I did want her badly. 
I was very conflicted.

“Sure, that is a great idea.” She said.

She got out of the water and put on her robe
while I watched.  She had beautiful legs and was stunning from head to toe.  I
was done.  She had my heart in her hands.  But I couldn’t get out of the water
without embarrassing myself.

“Aren’t you coming?” she asked.

I blushed.  “I can’t get out of the water
right now.  Can I meet you at the room?”

She blushed a little and chuckled.  “That
will be fine.  I don’t want to leave the door unlocked while I’m in the shower
so give me about ten minutes.”

I waited what seemed like ten minutes and I
was able to get out of the water and not be embarrassed if someone saw me.  I
headed to the room and when I knocked she opened the door.  She had clothes on
and semi dry hair.  She would normally dry her hair and put on makeup while I got
a shower and got dressed.  That had been our motel routine for several months. 
It would be harder now.

We went to a restaurant that had a lot of
desert choices and good coffee.  We ordered and then while I was holding one of
her hands I told her that I wanted to know more about her especially to fill in
all the blanks about her life. 

“Okay, I grew up in New Jersey.” She said.  “My
dad was a school teacher most of the time I was growing up.  He would buy a
little old house of some kind and work on it in his spare time.  When it was
“ready” as he called it then he would sell it.  After he had done five or so,
he quit teaching.  When I got old enough I started helping him.  I started out by
cleaning up and painting but soon learned other things like wall papering and
wood flooring.”

“There was this tile guy, Butch that dad
would hire to do tile work.  When he was doing a job I would help him.  One day
he said he would teach me and I could do dad’s work.  I asked him if that
wouldn’t be cutting himself out of work.  Sure he said but he was as busy as he
wanted to be and he knew I could learn it and dad would make more money.  He
was really nice.”

Eventually I got good enough I did dad’s work
and even helped Butch on a few of his big jobs where he wanted help. 

            One
day I had a lady realtor call me.  Linda had a listing with a really badly
beaten up family room.  She wanted to know if I would consider giving her a
quote to fix it up.  She had told the owner it would be hard to sell with that
room so rough.  They agreed and told her to get bids.  I asked her if she
didn’t want to get my dad to bid.  She said it needed a woman’s touch.  “Men
don’t often get the finish as nice as a woman would.”

I told dad and he laughed.  I told him that I
didn’t want to go around him.  He kissed me on the cheek and thanked me.  He
said it was too small of a job for both of us to make any money and it was
about time I did some jobs on my own anyway.”

            “I
cried.  I told dad I wasn’t trying to get away from him and I wanted to work
with him.  He said he wanted me to as well but he said he could take smaller
jobs that he had been turning down.  He said we will work together some and
separate some.  It won’t mean you don’t love me.”

            “So
I pulled myself together, got a tape measure, legal pad, pen and camera and
went to see this family room.  It was awful and that is being kind.  Someone
had glued something to one wall and then tried to take it off.  There were
patches of torn up drywall and patches of adhesive still on the wall.  It had a
masonry fireplace that was coming apart.  It had wood flooring that was buckled
and ruined.  The ceiling had some awful old texture that I can hardly
describe.”

            “I
took measurements and pictures and asked her if I could think about it.  I said
this needed some real help and I wanted to do something nice.  Linda said she
couldn’t wait to see what I would quote.  I asked if she had a budget.  She
said not really just don’t let it get too pricy.”

            So
I worked with dad for a couple of days while I was thinking about it.  I told
dad what it looked like and he just shook his head.  “Why do people do things
like that?” he asked but didn’t say any more.  It was my project.  He never
gave his opinion unless I asked.”

            “One
day I asked him to please step in if he saw I was getting in trouble with
something and he said he would but he never did.  Later I asked him about it
and he said I knew what I was doing and hadn’t needed his help.  Besides some
jobs truly need a woman’s touch.” He said with a little chuckle.

            “After
about a week I knew what I wanted to do but it would require covering the
drywall on the one bad wall as well as the ceiling.  I quoted an embossed tin
ceiling with those old fashioned metal squares.  There were some really neat
ones that were brushed nickel.  If the budget was too tight for that then I
could back up to primed ones and we would paint them whatever color we wanted
and save some money.  I found some old barn siding that we could put on the
wall.  We would have to knock off some of the high places that still had
adhesive on them but we didn’t have to do much else for prep.” 

“I got a brick mason and we went over ideas
about making the fireplace more attractive and functional.  He would rebuild
the fireplace and put a new stainless flue in the chimney.  He would rebuild
the damper and make the brick mantle more ornate than it had been and put down
a marble hearth.  I gave Linda the quote and she was ecstatic.  She said that
room would be the highlight of the house and would really help it sell.  She
said it would be great to take the worst room in the house and turn it into the
best one.  In fact she thought they could raise the price they had intended to
ask by my bid amount.”

            “Long
story short the owner loved the idea and I got the job.  Dad helped me with the
wall.  I got the metal ceiling installed and the flooring replaced.  It was
really nice when I was done and like the agent said it was the nicest room in
the house.  She was really happy with the job and became one of my best repeat
customers.  They raised their price by the amount of my bill and the house went
under contract in eight days.”

            “Linda
gave me a lot of work after that and over time I began to do renovations that
were a quarter of a million dollars.  I was doing some really nice stuff and
had a good group of subs.  I was really doing well and that lasted a few
years.” 

“Then the housing bust came.  I had trouble
collecting my last jobs and in one case only got about seventy cents on the
dollar.  I lost big time on that job.  I had paid all my subs and had paid for
the material.  I had collected all the other jobs and had saved my money so I
was ready to do something else but didn’t know what.”

            “Not
long after I started doing my own jobs I ran into a guy named Larry I had dated
in high school.  He and I dated about nine months after that and got married. 
I was crazy about him.  I knew he loved me but in less than two years I learned
he loved women generally, not just me.  My dad heard about it before I did.  He
came by a job I was doing and didn’t say much.  But I had a big pain hit the
pit of my stomach.  I knew my dad and he wasn’t happy about something.  I about
threw up.”

            “He
took me to lunch and he told me he had heard Larry had a girl friend.  One of
his friends had seen him with someone else.  So dad had his friends go on the
lookout.  In about three weeks they found out he had a somewhat regular
girlfriend and would pick up a new friend now and then.  Then dad went to see
for himself.  He didn’t take pictures but it was Larry all right and he saw him
with two different women.”

            “I
was so shocked I didn’t cry immediately.  Dad asked me if I were okay.  I told
him that were it not him telling me I wouldn’t believe it.  I sat in silence
for several minutes with my head spinning and my stomach churning.”

            “Are
you okay?” Dad asked.

            “Yes,
it is just hard to imagine.” I said and sat there in silence.  Dad was so kind
he just sat there with all the patience in the world.  Then it hit me and I
started to cry.  Dad came around the table and sat by me and put his arms
around me.”

            “After
a while I began to get my emotions under control.  I told dad I needed to go
see my job once more for the day and then I would like to go to his house.  He
said sure.  He would go there now and tell mom I was coming.”

            “He
paid for lunch and sat there until I left.  Everything was fine at the job so I
went to their house.  Mom had been crying.  I hugged her and she hugged me.  We
sat in the living room and listened to some music for about an hour while we
both made mascara streaks run down our faces.  Finally I called Larry.  He
answered in his normal cheerful tone.  I spoke as calmly and as normal as I
could and asked what time he would be home for supper.  He said about 6.30 so I
said, “see you then” and hung up.”

            “I
thanked dad and mom and told them goodbye and went home.  I sat in the living
room wondering what would happen next.  I wanted our marriage to work.  I
didn’t know what I had done wrong but one can always be a better mate.  I
started thinking about all the things I could do better.  That made me more
depressed by the hour. 

He came home about the time he said he would. 
He was surprised to see me in the living room instead of the kitchen.”

            “What’s
wrong?” he asked.

            “I
couldn’t answer immediately but took a deep breath trying to get started
without crying. “You have a couple of girlfriends is what is wrong.” I said.  With
tears in my eyes I asked him why he had cheated on me.” 

“At first he said it wasn’t true.  Then I
told him dad and some of his friends had seen him with the women.  And I told
him where he had been seen and what the women looked like.  They will take
pictures if you need them to, I told him.”

            “His
hands started shaking and then he admitted it.  He sat down close to me and said
he was sorry.  He said he got lonely sometimes when I was at work and he had
free time during the day.” 

            ““Will
you stop seeing other women and work with me to save our marriage?” I asked
almost pleading and almost challenging.  I couldn’t control my voice as much as
I wanted to.”

            “I
love you and don’t want to hurt you.  I don’t want to see you cry. Let me hold
you.” He said.

            “No,”
I replied.  “You haven’t answered my question.  I want to hear you say you
won’t see any other women.”

            “I
can see you are upset.  Why don’t we go eat somewhere and talk about it?  You
know I love you.  I don’t want to see you cry.”

            “If
you don’t want to see me cry then quit cheating on me.  Tell me you won’t cheat
on me.  I’m willing to forgive you if you will say you will quit.  If you won’t
tell me you will quit then I know you won’t.  If you won’t quit then you don’t
care about me.”

            “I
do care.  I don’t want to hurt you.  That proves I care.  I don’t want you to
cry.”

            “I
will cry if you cheat on me.  I love you and I haven’t cheated on you.  I want
you to love me and not cheat on me like you promised when we got married.  If
you can’t do that then you really don’t love me.”