Unbearable (the TORQUED trilogy Book 2) (44 page)

“Tyler, go over there.”

Instantly, his body tenses and his hold on me grows more secure. He shakes his head, unsure if he should. “Raven,” Tyler says under his breath, “we should stay out of it.”

Sophie’s friend doesn’t say a word, or deny the accusations. Instead, she brings her beer to her lips, as if that’s going to distract Sophie. My brother’s life is definitely more fucked-up than mine.

Rawley laughs, taking a step toward her, sipping his beer. His voice lowers, but I can still hear him from our place ten feet away. “Hey, I had to get it somewhere. She puts out.”

Sophie huffs out a breath and throws what’s left of her beer on him and then pushes him as hard as she can. “You’re such a fucking asshole, Rawley!”

Rawley absolutely hates to be pushed. Believe me, I’m his twin and if you ever want to set him off, push him off the edge of a bunk bed.

Soaking wet from the full beer down the front of him, he stumbles for a moment and then throws his beer at the fence, the plastic red cup breaking on impact. He straightens himself out and grabs the neck of his shirt and rips it off, throwing it at her feet.

“Pick it up, Sophie,” he says slowly, rough with anger, the muscles in his body tensing with each word. His jeans hang low, showing the tattoos across his lower stomach. He points to the ground. “It’s where you left my heart, so go ahead, pick the fucking thing up.”

Tyler and I exchange a look. He glances around to see where Nova is and she’s thankfully not paying any attention to this, nor would she understand what’s happening.

Sophie looks down at the shirt, and then to Rawley. “I’m not picking it up. I won’t. Fuck. You,” is her answer, tears streaming uncontrollably down her face. “You’re being a dick tonight. Just leave.”

I’m so pissed at my brother for treating her like this I have a mind to run over there and junk punch him.

“Don’t’ go and try and act like a goddamn victim in this Sophie! You did this. You fucking did.” He shakes his head, an annoyance in his glare. “You created this monster. That’s on you. I did everything I could to make you….” His jaw tightens, his muscles tensing. “You threw it back in my face. You broke me.
You
fucking broke
me
so this shit’s on you. Pick up the fucking shirt,” he says again, his voice thick with tears.

“Jesus Christ, no! I’m not picking it up!” she screams with everything she has, causing everyone to stop in shock when she slaps him across the face.

He growls out a forced breath, stepping toward her, anger shaking his body.

I’m suddenly afraid Rawley is about to do something really stupid and I push Tyler forward. “Tyler,
do something
! Don’t let him touch her.”

I would have never pegged Rawley to lay a hand on a girl but he’s not in his right mind and there’s no telling what he’s about to do.

Tyler moves toward Rawley, his hand on his shoulder. “That’s enough, man. Walk away from her.”

“This is none of your business,
Tyler
.” Scrubbing his hands over his face, Rawley drops them and faces Tyler. He looks at him with pleading eyes and mournful shoulders. You can see the defeat in his whole body. “You know… I know you think I fucked your girl. That’s why you hate me so much, isn’t it?”

Tyler doesn’t say anything at first, he just shrugs his shoulders. But then he mumbles, “I don’t hate you, Rawley.” His lips barely move over the words, as though he’s attempting to keep them between the two of them. “I may not like the way you act, but I
don’t
hate you.”

“Yeah, well,” he spits to the side, unknowingly near my feet, “I didn’t fuck your girl. I’m not Sophie. Maybe she fucked Berkley and knocked her up.” His glare slices to Sophie. “Or did you take Berkley on vacation with you and show her how to be a cheating whore.”

Unable to stop myself, I cry out, “Rawley, stop it!”

He cracks a sarcastic smile my way. “Raven, stay out of this.” And then he glances at Tyler. “You don’t get to tell me how to handle myself. You led my sister on for months.” He then shoves Tyler back. “Fuck you.”

I can see where this is going instantly when Rawley shoves Tyler and he immediately stands his ground.

Red rushes out of the house, Lenny following him and that’s when I see Nova. I want to run to her, shield her from the destruction that’s her uncle but I’m relieved to see Lenny has her.

“What’s going on?” Red asks, coming to stand between Rawley and Tyler. “Don’t do anything you’re going to regret.”

“Regret?” Rawley’s glare moves to Red. “All I have is regret so what’s one more thing?” And then he pushes Red, his hands on the center of his chest. “Stay out of it.”

It does nothing to stop Red because he’s big as fuck and Rawley doesn’t have any size on him, only they’re right back in each other’s faces. “I’m serious. Back off, Rawley. You don’t want to do what you’re doing.”

“I’m so sick of your shit!” He jabs at his shoulder, another warning to back up.

Red heaves in a heavy breath, scowling at Rawley. “You push me again, you little fucking asshole, and I’m gonna fuckin’ deck you.”

“Go ahead! Do it! You know you want to!” he screams in his face, hollow eyes lingering to Mom before slowly shifting to Red. “All you’ve done is look down on me and tell me how to live my life, and I’m fucking sick of it. You’re not perfect. Just because Dad left you the business doesn’t mean you’re Dad. You never gave a shit about me before. Why do you care what I’m doing now?” His voice bellows through the backyard, loud and threatening. I take a step back because his intensity is scaring me. I’ve never seen him like this. “I get it. You’re the good guy. The honorable one everyone looks up to and Raven”—he flicks his wrist my direction—“she’s the brains. Going to college like Mom and Dad wanted. You both have it all figured out. Then there’s me.” He raises his arms up, turning slowly. “The
fuck up
!”

My eyes brim with tears, my heartbeats fast and heavy at the same time. What happened to my brother? Where’d he go? This vulnerable boy screaming at everyone with hollow eyes and the indifferent glares, isn’t Rawley. He used to be carefree and loving, cracking jokes and be the life of the party. Now he’s fucked-up and broken.

Rawley parts his lips, intent on saying more, but then it passes, and his eyes dart around the yard and to his shirt at Sophie’s feet before locking with Red. Throwing his hands up in the air, his shoulders shake, his body trembling and those bloodshot eyes wavering in their control. His hands fall to his head as he turns around and faces everyone, including our mother. I’m really hoping he notices Nova before he says what I think he’s going to say.

Red lurks near the fence, a foot away, because I think we all knew this was coming. Everybody watches, waiting to see what Rawley’s going to do next.

He throws his arms up again, and screams, “None of you know a goddamn thing! None of you know what my days are like or what I’m going through!” he cries, choking on his words. “Every day I’m judged on everything, but no one takes the time to help me. They just tell me what I’m doing wrong. All I’ve ever been is the youngest Walker boy, the fuck up. You know what, fuck you for thinking you know a goddamn thing, and ignoring it.” Taking the cooler of drinks next to him, he picks it up and throws it across the yard, luckily missing everyone in the way. “Fuck all of you!” he screams at the top of his lungs, his voice breaking and body shaking. He’s crying now, it’s obvious, but I can’t tell if it’s from anger or sadness. Maybe both.

Mom nudges Red’s shoulder, tears flowing endlessly. “Red, do something.”

He looks back at Mom with disbelief. “What the hell am I supposed to do?”

Seeing him come apart like this, I feel like I should know how to reach out to him, but there’s no stopping him. The moment comes when he finally notices Nova, crying against Lenny’s chest as she ushers her inside the house. She heard what he was saying.

He snorts, his head dropping between his shoulders, shaking remorsefully. “Most of all,
fuck me
.” He knows what
he
did. He knows Nova witnessed him at his worst and it’s something he can never take back.

As he’s walking away, Sophie grabs his hand. “Rawley, please don’t do this,” she begs. He lets her hold his hand for a second, his chin trembles and he swallows. Their heartache can be seen between them. If they could change this, they would but neither can.

Slowly, he lets go of her hand, shoulders shaking, head bent forward, his breathing uneven and broken. “
Sophie
, this is what I do. I fuck up and I leave.” He wipes his eyes with the bend of his elbow. “You should know this by now.”

Pushing past her, his shoulder bumps into hers as he storms out the back gate to where I assume he’s parked. Beck follows.

I want to go after him, maybe talk some sense into him but Tyler grabs my hand. “Raven… don’t.” I’m torn when Tyler pulls me in. On one hand, I want to check on Rawley. On the other, I know what Tyler’s about to say.

Tyler’s eyes fall to mine, to my lips, then back to my eyes. “You need to take your own advice here. All your life you’ve taken on his mistakes for him. You need to let him handle this one on his own.”

As hard as that is to hear, he’s absolutely right. I can’t fix Rawley. He’s going to do, and be, who he wants. He’ll call Sophie tomorrow. I know he will. He’ll promise and swear and warn, but in the end, it’s up to her to stop what’s happening and put an end to it. It’s up to him to change.

TYLER AND I go back to his place after the barbeque and it’s nearing three in the morning but neither of us can sleep. Once in his room, we lie staring at one another, the lingering smells of campfire and fireworks on our skin.

“Do you really think Rawley was the one who slept with Berkley?” I don’t know why I ask him, but I want to know if that’s what he thinks. The Rawley I know, my sweet vulnerable but brooding brother, would never do that.

“No,” he admits. “I doubt it was him. Rawley may be going through some shit, but he’s not immoral when it comes to family. I may not like the way he’s acting, but six months ago, he could have said the same about me, and he wouldn’t have been wrong.”

“True.”

On his back now, he stares at the ceiling. “I know you said you won’t be staying in Eugene this year but….” I smile when he pauses because I know what he’s going to ask. I told him that when I came home for the summer in May. It’s only an hour drive and not unmanageable so I’ve decided to live at home this year and save some money on housing. “Will you move in with me?” He turns his head to me when the last word is spoken, waiting on my answer.

At first, I’m stunned by his question, but then again, maybe I’m not. The time we’ve spent together since his accident has truly given us the strong foundation we so desperately needed and it’s also brought us together as one.

“Does D want V living with you permanently? Once you ask her to move in….” I let out a slow whistled breath. Moving my leg, I slide it up over his. “She’s here for good.”

“It’s want I want more than anything.” His left hand grasps my thigh as he rolls to face me. “I want to wake up every morning so D can be with V.”

“This conversation is getting weird.” I sit up in the bed wanting to make sure he’s being serious. “Do you really want me to move in with you, Tyler?”

He doesn’t move from his place, his hands moving behind his head as if he’s completely relaxed. “You practically live here already. It’d make sense.”

My stare goes to his tattoos, his chest, and then his eyes. He’s right, it would. But I can’t just move in because it makes sense. I want to move in because he sees our relationship is heading in the right direction and feels we’re ready for the next step.

“Are you sure we’re ready for this? It’s a big step. Are you scared?”

His face grows serious. “I’m scared of not being enough for someone like you.”

I’m not sure where he’s going with this. “Like me?”

“You’re just… you’re you, if that makes sense. You’re strong and independent. You don’t need a man in your life to be okay. That makes me have to be so much more to keep you.” His eyes dance around my face gauging my reaction.

I don’t say anything because a year ago I wouldn’t have been able to agree with him. But in the time we’ve been slowly working on building our relationship, I’ve also been spending time strengthening my self-worth. Never again will I allow Tyler or anyone else to make me feel less than who I am. And never again will I allow myself to accept less than I deserve. So yeah, I know I don’t need him, but I want him and that’s all that matters to me. And I know he wants me too, but I can also tell he senses my apprehensions in all this. I want this to be what he wants verses what we should or need to do.