Unbreak Me (19 page)

When Connor stepped outside, he paced the path a few times before taking a walk around the block. He needed to clear his head, get some perspective, figure out what he was going to say once Molly faced the cold, harsh truth—he had allowed Marissa to come on to him. He was a stupid fool.

His phone rang, pulling him from his self-deprecating thoughts. “Hello!”

“Connor, we need to talk.” Bruce sounded desperate.

“I’m in the middle of something, can’t it wait?”

“I’ve got some information about the leaked info, but we can’t do this over the phone.”

Connor’s heart began to race. The timing was all wrong. How could he just run off to meetings about a deal that had destroyed his reputation in corporate finance? Molly was his main priority, but he also knew that salvaging his career and reputation was important.

“I’m not interested, Bruce. My life is a mess and that fucking merger is the last thing on my mind.”

The phone went dead. Connor popped it back into his pocket and looked up at the bright June sky. Life had an awful knack of turning the tables when you least expected. It frustrated him, angered him, made him think he no longer had control. No matter what he did, had or loved, he couldn’t hold on to any of it. It left him convinced that he was finally losing the plot and maybe Molly had been right after all—he should have jumped.

Shaking his head, he tried his best to throw the incessant depression to the far reaches of his mind. Anything was better than experiencing the dreaded pits of despair. That dark place so few came back from. He didn’t need it—not then, not ever.

A coffee with a few extra sugars boosted his lulling mood, then it was back to Molly.

Molly was awake and drinking some water through a straw with the aid of Regina when Connor came back into the room. Glancing over at him, she waved, before closing her eyes briefly. She looked so unwell and trying her best to appear okay—just to make everyone feel better.

“How’s my girl doing?” Connor asked as he walked over to the bed, kissing her on her forehead.

“Well, she feels tired,” Regina replied as she brushed Molly’s hair from her face. “But she wants to talk to you.”

Connor’s heart skipped a beat.
Oh God
, he thought, his anxiety on the verge of exploding.

“Sure,” he said as he smiled at Regina.

“Regina was telling me how you’ve been here almost every day and night,” Molly said, sounding wearier by the second.

Smiling, Connor sat on the bed, looked over at Regina and nodded. “That would be right.”

“She also said that you are taking care of things—” she tried, then lost her breath.

Connor knew what she meant. “Like I told Regina, I look after my own. You needn’t worry about those things.”

“But… I don’t want to be indebted to anyone.”

“Molly, I love you… Aren’t I allowed to help you?”

Molly glanced at him before her eyes moved toward the window. “What kind of day is it?”

“It’s gorgeous. Do you want me to pull the blinds back?” Regina asked.

“Yes, please.”

Regina moved to the window, drew the blinds open, letting the magnificent rays of light beam into the room. Molly smiled. There was something so beautiful in the way her eyes lit up whenever she saw the sun. A radiance overcame her and Connor couldn’t help the tears welling in his eyes.

He’d done this to her. He’d taken her away from all that she loved. He was a selfish bastard and hated himself.

“How about I go and get myself a coffee?” Regina suggested, making it obvious that she wanted to give them some time together.

“Are you sure?” Connor asked in desperation.

“Absolutely.” She met his gaze, giving him a stern look. A look that warned him not to hurt Molly—again.

Regina closed the door as she left, leaving Connor alone with Molly, and the guilt swimming to the surface.

Smiling, Molly patted the bed beside her, gesturing for Connor to sit.

“How’s the head?”

“Like the worst hangover, but times that by a million, and you’d be nowhere near close.”

“Well, you did kinda hit your head hard, not to mention you’ve had surgery.”

“You look like you haven’t slept in ages,” Molly remarked as she touched the back of his hand.

“I’m exhausted, not gonna lie,” he replied as he wrapped his fingers around hers. “You took priority.”

“Is that all?”

“Not entirely.”

“I know… I had the weirdest dream. It was more like a nightmare,” Molly said, not once taking her eyes off his hand.

“What kind of dream?”

“You…and someone else… I just can’t make it out. It’s so hazy that when I try to see, the focus is so blurred that I close the door. It repeats over and over and then I’m back home, in the small damp kitchen, and I’m watching my parents shoot up. The smell of smoke is so strong that it literally burns the back of my nose. I close the door, and when I turn around, it’s you…again, with someone else.”

Connor’s stomach heaved. He knew what she was trying to figure out. He just didn’t know how to tell her the truth.

“Who do you see me with?” he asked.

“A woman I’ve never seen before. But she’s on her knees…” Molly’s eyes filled with tears. “But it’s not a dream, is it? It’s real.”

Nodding, Connor validated her suspicions. “No, it’s not a dream.”

“Oh God—” Molly cried. “I knew it… I didn’t want to believe it, but I knew it.”

Snapping her hand back, Molly covered her face and sobbed.

“Molly, I swear on my life it wasn’t how it seemed,” Connor pleaded with her. “You walked in, assumed the worst, and you were right in thinking it.”

“She had your cock in her hand… You were aroused.” Molly said the words with so much venom Connor closed his eyes, trying to stop the tears.

“She came on to me, tried to seduce me, knowing you and I had just made love… She got me at the right moment.”

“And that makes it fine?”

“Of course it doesn’t.”

“So, what am I meant to do?”

“Forgive me, know that I would never do anything to hurt you. Jesus Christ, I’d die for you.” Finally, he couldn’t hold it in. The tears fell, an ache in his soul crushed him from the inside, and he swore he’d never be complete if she’d never forgive him.

“I can’t… Not yet. I don’t know.”

“Molly, I love you. Isn’t that enough?”

“Sometimes love is never enough.”

Connor stood, looked out of the window, knowing that the woman he loved was rejecting him. Nothing could compare to the devastation that ran through his body. He thought she had died, only to have her survive and cut him off without a second chance.

“Just know that I am sorry. I never intentionally set out to cause you pain. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.” Connor turned around and looked at her. His sweet, beautiful Molly.

“Connor—” she tried.

“It’s okay, Molly. I understand. Just take care of yourself.”

Connor bent, kissed her on the lips, and inside, he screamed knowing this was their goodbye.

Chapter Thirty

Two months had passed, and recovering from such an ordeal was hard. Molly never realized how tough it would be. Simple things like going to the bathroom without losing balance, to eating a meal without feeling nauseated, right down to coming to terms with the loss of Connor—so many things had changed, and fast. Then there were the mood swings, the depression that had wormed itself back into her life, causing many sleepless nights, and days spent gorging on ice cream and watching reruns of Jerry Springer.

No matter how much she thought, how much she wanted to call him, her pride stopped her.

She was insistent that she wasn’t going to become one of those women who let a man get away with any kind of indiscretion. That wasn’t who she was. Coming from such a toxic environment as a child made her more acutely aware of the dangers that lies and deceit brought. She couldn’t live with that, and no matter how much her heart tried to talk her head into contacting him, she stubbornly refused.

“Will these dizzy spells ever stop?” she asked Dr. McGraw on a routine check-up. Sitting up from the small examination gurney, Molly’s head spun.

“Molly, you are still recovering from a serious brain injury. You need to be patient,” he said as he wrote in her notes. “How’s the mood?”

“Peachy!”

“Molly!” Regina chided her. “She’s like a difficult teenager.” Regina gave Dr. McGraw a look that said she was at the end of her wits.

“Are you taking the medication prescribed?”

“The happy pills? Sure, they’re working wonders. Everything is just dandy.”

Molly felt exasperated. She was frustrated, pissed off and on the verge of saying to fuck with it all and leaving. Yeah, leaving would have been a choice if it hadn’t been for the ridiculous check-up appointments, talking things over with the shrink—whom she was convinced was only there to ply her with drugs and send her on her merry way.

“Molly, if we need to up the dosage, it can be done.” McGraw looked at her.

“Honestly, I was thinking of coming off them all. To be honest, I’ve forgotten to take them a few times. No big deal, right?”

Putting down his pen, Dr. McGraw rested his hands together on his desk. “Molly, I know that things are difficult right now. There is a lot going on. But the medication prescribed is to help you, not debilitate you any more than you are already. You need to cooperate with us, to get you back to your old self. Brain injuries can have lasting effects on you. There is no doubt about that.” Sitting back on his chair, he raised his eyebrows. “What do you want out of life?”

“I no longer know. I once had it all planned out, but I fucked up, screwed up my life, and now I’m a walking, talking time bomb waiting to go off, and there’s not a damn thing any of you can do about it. So if you’ll excuse me, I’ve a date with my sofa, a gallon of cookies ’n’ cream to devour and my main man, Springer.”

Molly got up, rested her hand on the back of the chair, before walking out of the doctor’s office.

Regina was busy apologizing to the doctor, who in turn seemed content in knowing that everything Molly presented with was natural, brushing it off.

“Give her time.”

Time?
Molly thought.
Fuck time.

Regina didn’t say a word as she drove them home. She looked angry. But Molly was oblivious to any of the stress she was causing. Maybe she was being selfish, but in her own little world, Molly was convinced that her actions were justified. What kind of favors had her existence done for her? She was constantly battling a war she was never going to win. Why bother anymore?

As they settled in their apartment, Molly switched on the television, giving Regina the silent treatment. She wasn’t interested in being spoken to like a child. She wanted to be left alone, allowed to sink into herself, where she felt the safest.

A few hours passed, when a knock at the door made Regina jump. Molly, on the other hand, was glued to the TV. Her eyes glazed, completely immersed in the show.

Jenna walked over to the sofa and sat down next to her. Regina sighed as she picked up her bag and left.

“I don’t need babysitting.” Molly didn’t once take her eyes off the screen. “So do me a solid and fuck off.”

“It’ll take a lot more than that to rattle my cage,” Jenna said as she rested her feet on the small coffee table, taking the spoon from the tub of ice cream and helping herself to a huge mouthful.

“I hate you.”

“So does my fifteen year old. I’ll get over it.”

“Fuck you!”

“Is that it? Is that all you’re capable of?”

Throwing the ice cream at her, Molly got up from the sofa, almost stumbling as one of her dizzy spells washed over her. Balancing herself against the wall, she inhaled a few deep breaths before walking to her room and slamming the door behind her.

“Sleep well, kiddo, I’ll still be here when you wake up!” Jenna shouted from the living room, enraging her even more.

Lying on the bed, Molly lifted her phone, looking through it, then came across some pictures of Connor. Her heart sank.

Why did it have to hurt so much? Why couldn’t she just have hated him, moved on and forgotten about him?

She couldn’t. She loved him. Probably always would. But her pride stopped her from doing anything about it. Her stupid, selfish arrogance stood in the way of her happiness and she wasn’t strong enough to push it out of the way and take control of the situation.

As Molly drifted off to sleep, tears lined her face, her heart ached.

* * * *

Days seem to merge into one for Molly as she slowly became a shadow of her former self. There was no getting through to her. Nothing. No one could make her see that she had something to live for. Instead, she was happy to wallow in her own little pity party, and she was the guest of honor.

Then, out of the blue, she made a decision.

“I’m leaving.”

Regina was just finishing up making them eggs, when she stopped in her tracks and looked at Molly. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve decided that I need to move away from here. Away from everything that reminds me of my past.”

Setting the plates on the small kitchen table, Regina couldn’t hide her shock. “Where are you going to go?”

“I don’t know… Somewhere that isn’t here.”

Molly chopped the egg in half with the side of her fork, before eating a small portion.

“Molly, that’s a big decision,” Regina said as she glared at Molly.

“I know, but I’ve been giving it a lot of thought. I need to leave.”

“What about your follow-ups with Dr. McGraw? Your rehabilitation has only just begun.”

Sighing, Molly sipped some of her juice, again taking another mouthful of egg.

“I can’t lie, I’m worried about you,” Regina admitted as she reached across the table. “I don’t want you to make rash decisions because you’re angry with the world.”

“Gina, I’m not angry with the world, I’m pissed with my life,” she shouted. “And only I can change it, right? Isn’t that something Aggie instilled in me? That I am in charge of my own destiny?”

“Yes, but you hadn’t had brain surgery back then. Things have changed.”