Unclaimed (16 page)

Chapter 14

Lincoln

My head hurt.  My pulse beat in my skull with every movement I made.  The light was killing my eyes and my stomach was seriously revolting.

After
Pru’s dramatic exist from my house last night I drowned my sorrows in a bottle of tequila.  It might have been more than one.  I wasn’t really sure.  I didn’t remember much.  I was glad.  I was sure I was pretty pathetic.  I was lucky I didn’t end up in the hospital or dead but for once I was thankful for a hangover because it gave me something else to do besides think of Pru and the complete devastation on her face.  The devastation I put there.  I couldn’t think at all.  I could barely function.  I had never found so much comfort in a hangover before.

It ha
d been a rough twenty-four hours.  Approximately twenty-four hours ago I told Pru I loved her, and meant every word.  I did love her.  I do love her.  Then I met her parents and let our world come crashing down around us.

I let her parents get to me. 
I knew what they were trying to do and let them.  They found every insecurity I had with myself and with my relationship with Pru and they pointed it out.  They made me see the truth.  I was not good enough for Pru.  I had always known that.  I just chose to ignore it.  They made me admit what I was doing to her.  I was holding her back.  I would eventually destroy her, make her hate me.  Things were better this way.  She’d understand someday.

End result, I broke up with Pru the s
ame day I tell her I love her.  I was an ass.  I hated myself.  I wanted to die.  I deserved this hang over.  I’d probably have another one tomorrow and the day after.

I miss
ed Pru.  I wanted to call her and beg her forgiveness.  Apologize for all the horrible things I said until she took me back but how could I do that when I know her parents were right.  I didn’t deserve her.  Just look at how I treated her in the span of one day.  Pru could and can do so much better than me.

I would
never be good enough for her.  I was a bastard son of a rock star.  My whore of a father wouldn’t even claim me.  He openly took credit for four other bastards but not me.  I was not even a speck on his radar.  Not even good enough for my own father.  Why did I think I deserved someone as wonderful as Pru?

I was
poor.  How could I forget?  Her parents found every opportunity they could to remind me of that.  I was a tattoo artist and struggling business owner, nothing more.  I would never be able to shower her in jewels and buy her fancy clothes like she’s accustom too.

She co
uld do so much better than me.  She deserved someone better than me.  Someone that could give her everything I couldn’t.  For that reason I needed to stay away from her.  I needed to control myself.  I loved her, yes, but I loved her enough to know that I was not good enough for her, that she deserved better than me.  So I was not going to call.  I was going to man up and let her go.  It’s what was best for Pru.  I needed to think of her and not my selfish need to be with her.

She might hurt for a
while but she’d get over me.  It shouldn’t be that hard.  She’d meet someone else, someone that could give her everything I can’t.  She’d be better off someday.  Just the thought of her being with someone else made my already turning stomach rebel even more.  I’d probably be sick if I had anything left in my system to throw up but thankfully I don’t.

I was
not really in the mood to be out and about but it was Friday that meant lunch with Mom day.  I knew she was going to pick up on the fact that I was off and hung over as shit but I didn’t want to blow her off just as much as I didn’t want to deal with her.  I loved her but I was not in the mood for anyone.  I wanted to get another bottle and drink the ache in my chest away while I laid in bed and inhaled her lingering scent from my pillow.  But I didn’t.  I got out of my car and walked the block to my mom’s shop.

I was sure
I looked like a mess even though I didn’t take the time to look in the mirror before I left the house.  My hair was worse than normal since I didn’t even try to get it under control.  My eyes were probably blood shot but I hid them behind sunglasses, which I didn’t plan on removing anytime soon.  I was wearing my slacks from last night, the first t-shirt I grabbed off the floor, and flip-flops.  I didn’t even know if it was clean.  I didn’t care.  I could smell the alcohol leaking from my pours and it nauseated me.  At least I took the time to brush my teeth.

Mom was
sitting at a large table behind the counter with two other women laughing and arranging flowers.  I recognized them, Helen and Bridget.  Helen had been her best friend for years.  She worked at the shop.  Bridget was another friend and co-worker.  The three of them had been arranging flowers together for as long as I could remember.

“Oh…Lincoln,” my mot
her chuckled when she saw me.  “Rough night?” she asked as they laughed at me under their breath.

I m
ust look worse than I thought.  I looked down again just to confirm that I was fully dressed.  I was.  Essentials covered, check.  Sunglasses on indoors, check.  Hair worse then normal, check.

“You have no idea,” I said as I walked over and hugged my mother
and the other two women, who were surrogate mothers to me before dropping into an empty chair next to her.  None of them bother to point out the fact that I probably still smelled like tequila.

“Drink too much?” Helen asked
.  She was trying to hide her smile by looking at the flowers she was arranging.  They all found my misery too amusing.

“Yep.”
I folded my hands on the table and laid my head down and magically a bottle of water appeared in front of me.

“Drink up,” my mother
ordered.  There was a smile in her voice.  She found my hang over amusing.  “We’re going to do lunch in.  I’ve got a lot of work today.”

“Okay.” 
I don’t think I could actually eat anyways.  I should have stayed in bed.

“Where’s that beautiful girl of yours?” my mother asked
.  My mother loved her almost as much as I did.  My mother wasn’t going to like my news but I had to tell her.

“Don’t know,” I said
.  “We broke up,” I explained.  Best just to be out with it.  My mother gasped like I just told her the world was ending.  Maybe it was.  Mine was.

“When?  Why? 
What happen?”

“Last night because I’m the bastard son of Russell Ko
le who doesn’t even claim me.”  I didn’t mean to say it but it just came out.  I have held onto this secret for years but now it was out there.

My mother gasped and covered
her mouth.  I didn’t look up at her.  I didn’t want to see her expression.  I never talked to my mother like that and I didn’t want to see her face since I just told her I knew her biggest secret.  At least I think it’s her biggest.

“How….” My mo
m was stumbling over her words.  “How…how do you know?  When?  How?”  At least we didn’t have to talk about Pru now.

I pushed
myself up so I was sitting.  This wasn’t a conversation I ever wanted to have, especially today, but now that we’re having it I probably shouldn’t be laying on a table during it.  I ran my fingers through my hair and took a deep breath.

“I found a box of letters i
n your closet when I was nine.  My friends and I were playing that hallway game.”  Hallway was a game where you closed all the doors in the hall and someone hides in a room then you jumped out and scared each other and chased people down to tag them.  It was a combination of hide-and-seek and tag.

“Why did
n’t you tell me?” she asked.  I saw the hurt in her eyes.  I picked up the bottle of water and chugged it.  I needed to hydrate a little before I started drinking again.  I was pretty sure that this day wasn’t going to get any better, probably worse before it was over.

“I had asked about my father a thousand times and you
always avoided the question.  I figured there was a reason that you didn’t want to tell me so I just stopped asking.  I knew who he was and he wasn’t around so clearly he didn’t want me.”

“You just stopped asking one day and I thought you had just gotten over it, lost i
nterest like little boys do.  I thought it was odd but never really questioned it.”

What little boy loses inte
rest in his mysterious father?  The more she refused to answer my questions the more curious I had gotten.

“Why didn’t you just t
ell me?”  Why the big secret?  I had wondered that for years.

My mother sighed. 
She did not want to have this conversation.  I didn’t know when but her friends quietly scooted out of the room to give us some privacy.  I wondered if they knew.

“I didn’t tell you at first because I didn’t know how and then I figured you were better off just not knowing.”

“Well, I knew.  I knew for years and I watched him run wild around the world with his ridiculous wife and all his mistresses, even all his children.  I watched him take care of all his other children but for some reason not me.  He didn’t want me.”  I was angry now.  My father always made me angry.  Why me?  Why was I so different from all his other kids that he didn’t get to know me, that I didn’t get any attention?

“Oh Lincoln, is that w
hat you think?”  My mother looked like she was on the edge of a nervous breakdown.  I just shrugged.  At the moment I held no sympathy for my mother.  She had kept my father’s identity from me my entire life.  I was mad at her too.

She took a deep breath. 
“Well it’s probably time I told you the whole story.”  It was past time.  I could tell she didn’t want to and part of me didn’t want to listen but I didn’t move from my stool and let her tell her story.  It was way past due.

“I m
et your father in high school.  He was that wild bad boy, in a band type.  I couldn’t help but fall in love and he loved me too.  He really did.  Then he got signed.  He left Grass Valley for bigger and better things.  We tried for a little bit but it clearly wasn’t working so we went our separate ways.

“I had no idea I
was pregnant when we broke up.  And when I found out I was so lost.  I was dealing with the heartbreak of losing your father and then I was trying to cope with the idea of being a single teenage mother.  It was so hard. I had every intention of telling him but I procrastinated, next thing I knew you were here.

“R
ussell was all over the press.  He was wild, always had been but he was being more so than normal: partying, women, drugs, alcohol,” she was rolling her hand in circles like the list went on and on.  “He was fully embracing the rock star lifestyle.  And why shouldn’t he.  He earned it.  There was no room for us in his life.  So I didn’t tell him.”  She took a deep breath before she went on.

“You weren’t even one yet when Russell showed up on m
y mother’s door step to see me.  I finally told him about you.  I didn’t have a choice.  He saw you and was able to put the pieces together.  He was instantly angry that I had kept you from him.  I didn’t blame him.  We fought and he left.

“He showed up the next day
with a giant engagement ring.  He proposed and told me he was buying me a house and he’d take care of me.  He loved me and wanted us to be a family.  I said no.  I knew Russell wouldn’t want to play house for long.  It didn’t suit him.  There was no room for us in his world.  I couldn’t subject you to that kind of life style.  I wanted you to have a normal life.  I told him I didn’t want anything from him and if he loved you, loved me at all he’d stay away and let us be.

“He did. 
He stormed out of my mother’s house and let you have a normal life.  Four months later he married that Lottie woman and popped out a few kids with her.  I never regretted what I did because I’ve watched those kids go through hell.  Russell never grew up.  He’s still out parting and playing with different women.  He got married and had two kids but all the while he had women on the side.  You know that two of his illegitimate children are nearly the same age as his two legitimate ones.  Then he had those two younger ones.  The only reason I’m sure that he doesn’t have more is because I’m pretty sure he got fixed.”

I just stared
at my mother.  She was looking off in the distance seeing some other time, lost in her memories.  This was not exactly the story I had been expecting.  My head was hurting worse now.  I knew it was only a matter of time before that water I just downed came back up.

“I told him to
stay away and he did… mostly.  Lincoln, I love you and I was doing what I thought was best for both of us.  Sometimes I regret it but not when I see those other children plastered all over the news.  I should have told you.  I never thought that you believed that he didn’t want you.  I didn’t have any idea you knew.  I thought that you just didn’t care.”

“What little boy doesn’t ca
re about his father?” I asked.  My head was hurting even worse now.  I could feel my heart beat behind my eyes. I knew my vein at my temple was ticking.

She finally looked over at me an
d shrugged.  She doesn’t have an answer to that.