Read Uncle John's Ahh-Inspiring Bathroom Reader Online

Authors: Bathroom Readers' Institute

Uncle John's Ahh-Inspiring Bathroom Reader

BOOK: Uncle John's Ahh-Inspiring Bathroom Reader

our books are the greatest I have ever read. The eternal struggle for reading material has finally been quenched!”

—Tucker J.

“Thank you for the
Bathroom Readers
. I no longer have to read the backs of my shampoo bottles. My husband and I read so much in the bathroom that we refer to it as ‘the study'. ”

—Charissa A.

“I've constructed a special shrine for my
Bathroom Reader
s. I heard that people spend about ten months in the throne room during their lifetime. I'm sure, thanks to you, I'll spend a couple of years.”

—William F.

“I want to thank you for the reply to my email. Even though I feel that my life is as exciting as they come, I was tremendously pleased when I checked my email and found that it was a personal reply. It makes me love the BRI even more.”

—Steve S.

“I found your website very commodious—quite easy to get a handle on. Frankly, I was bowled over, flushed actually, and almost fell off my stool when I discovered that Vol. 6 was not the end of your roll. I could barely keep the lid down! And the new books seem to have twice as many sheets as the prior ones—a seemingly endless supply of two-ply reading if ever there was one! Thank God there's Uncle John to float us through tough times.”

—Uncle Harry Jr.

“I love the
Bathroom Readers
…I take them everywhere I go. Before I found the BRI, I was unpopular with the ladies; now that I'm a walking font of knowledge, they can't keep their hands off me. Thanks!”

—Dwayne R.

“I was shopping and saw your book for the first time. I love trivia so I just threw one in the basket and continued shopping. I thought it would look good in the bathroom.

“Well, I started to read it and found myself looking forward to going there. Then I started taking it with me to the den. Now, I read it to my husband, and I share your stories with friends. I love the laughter. I love the way you make my mind hungry for more knowledge.”

—Debora K.

“Your books are such a CLASSY collection of information. I have become one of your bigger fans. You folks are GREAT!”

—John D.

“I love your material. I now have three of your books. Guests coming to my place can't wait to use the facilities because of your books. In fact, I'm thinking that I might change the color scheme of my bathroom so it doesn't clash with your books.”

—Darren McK.

“Just wanted to tell you I live to read your next book…love you guys! Thanks!”

Missy H.

“I just wanted to let you know that I think the
Bathroom Readers
are fantastic! My husband got me two for my birthday. And then, being the terrific guy that he is and knowing how much I loved this kind of book, he continued to buy them for me until I owned every one. It's almost as though these were books written especially for me.”

—Dafna H.

“Thank you for making something that makes me want to read. I have a short attention span, but the
Bathroom Readers
keep me reading. I'm on my third book! They're the only books I've been able to read start to finish. I just want to say thank you, and please, don't stop making books.”

—Michelle F.

Uncle John's


By the
Bathroom Readers'

Bathroom Readers' Press
Ashland, Oregon


Copyright © 2002 by the Bathroom Readers' Press (a division of Portable Press). All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.
“Bathroom Reader” and “Bathroom Readers' Institute” are registered trademarks of Baker & Taylor.

All rights reserved.

For information, write

The Bathroom Readers' Institute
P.O. Box 1117, Ashland, OR 97520

Cover design by Michael Brunsfeld,

San Rafael, CA (
[email protected]
BRI “technician” on back cover: Larry Kelp

Uncle John's
Ahh-Inspiring Bathroom Reader

by The Bathroom Readers' Institute

ISBN-13: 978-1-60710-462-9

E-book edition: November 2011


“Once you can accept the universe as matter
expanding into nothing that is something,
wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.”

—Albert Einstein

“Parliamentary Manners” by Scott Feschuk, Paul Mather, and Peter McBain as “Ask Miss Parliamentary Manners” in the
National Post
: This Week In Review, April 27, 2002. © National Post. Reprinted with permission.

“How to Toilet Train Your Cat” by Karawynn Long, found on her website

“Buried Treasure in the U.S.” from THE PEOPLE'S ALMANAC © 1975 by David Wallechinsky and Irving Wallace. Reprinted with the kind permission of the authors.

Here are a few books the BRI's Throne Room would be empty without:

Lies Across America
, by James W. Loewen, and author of the bestselling
Lies My Teacher Told Me
. Copyright © 1999.

An Underground Education
, by Richard Zacks. Copyright © 1997 by Richard Zacks.

Joke Stew: 1,349 More Hilarious Servings from Today's Hottest Comedians
, edited by Judy Brown. Copyright © 2000.

It's a Conspiracy!
by the National Insecurity Council, Copyright 1992 by Michael Litchfield; published by EarthWorks Press.

What's the Number for 911?
by Leland Gregory III Copyright © 2000. Andrews & McMeel Publishing.

A special thanks to some regular readers for submitting good stuff:

Max L. Israel

Sera Kirk

Gavin Sheehan

Joel & Wendy McNeil

Dean Bliss

Mike Schuster

Adam Brucker

Jonathan Gewirtz

Charles Surine

Roger Shaheen

David Whitman

Dee & Kellar Smith

Chris O'Rourke

Joe Gayeski

Janet K. Behning

Patte Rosebank

Aaron Allermann

Glen & Janese Granholm


The Bathroom Readers' Institute sincerely
thanks the people whose advice and
assistance made this book possible.


Gordon Javna

John Dollison

Jennifer & Zipper

Jeff Altemus

Jay Newman

Julia Papps

Thom Little

Sharilyn Hovind

Michael Brunsfeld

Janet Spencer

Lori Larson

Sam Javna

Jim McCluskey

Maggie Javna

Jeff Cheek

Jesse Clark

Sharon Freed

Jess Brallier

Bryan Henry

Gideon Javna

Angela Kern

Allen Orso

Georgine Lidell

Dylan Drake

Bernadette Baillie

Paul Stanley

Jenny Baldwin

Barb Porsche

Paula Leith

John Javna

Mike Nicita

Claudia Bauer

Hazel Daniels

Teri Morin

William Coleman

Pat Perrin

Mustard Press

Scarab Media

Porter the Wonder Dog

Sydney Stanley

Marley & Catie Pratt

Thomas Crapper

KBRX Radio, for their part of this insanity: Scott Poese and Nicole Kennedy, Dog House Morning Show

“My life has no purpose, no direction, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?”
Charles M. Schulz

Hiya Sophie! Hiya Jessie!


Because the BRI understands your reading needs, we've divided the contents by length as well as subject.
a quick read
2 to 3 pages
for those extended visits, when something a little more involved is required
for those leg-numbing experiences



Uncle John's Medicine Cabinet


Uncle John's Stall of Fame

Space Bathroom Alpha

Plumbers By the Hour

Pit Stops on the World Wide Web

Bathroom News


Number Two's Wild Ride

How to Toilet Train Your Cat

Pay As You Go



Urban Legends

“A Good Example Is the Best Sermon”


*Buried Treasure



Wedding Superstitions

Happy Holidays

Future Imperfect

Domino Theory


Roll the Dice

Your Food Persona



Penny Wise


When the Big One Hit

After the Quake: The Heroes


After the Quake: The Fire War

Does Your Couch Have Hairy Paws?



15.4Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub

Other books

Enigma Black by Furlong-Burr, Sara
Whispers by Rosie Goodwin
Plus None 2 by Emily Hemmer
Timberwolf Hunt by Sigmund Brouwer
Fuck buddies by Klaus, Shirin
The Nature of Ice by Robyn Mundy
Someone to Watch Over Me by Yrsa Sigurdardottir
Person or Persons Unknown by Anthea Fraser