Uncle John’s Fast-Acting Long-Lasting Bathroom Reader (63 page)

The Niu, or coconut palm, was one of the most useful of all. The coconuts contain food and as much as a quart of fresh water each—important during long canoe trips. Each tree provides lumber or shade, and as many as 100 coconuts a year for 75 years (which, in times of drought, may be the only source of fresh water). The palm fronds were woven into hats, baskets, mats, and other useful items.

BRANCHING OUT

Some of the other canoe plants that Polynesian’s brought with them when they made Hawaii their home:

•
Awapuhi kuahiwi:
the fragrant leaves were used as a spice and also to treat tooth and stomach aches. Known as “shampoo ginger,” it contains a natural soap still used in herbal shampoos today.

•
Ipu:
a gourd with a hard shell that was used to make bowls, storage containers, and drums.

•
Kalo (also called taro):
roots were used to make the starchy Polynesian staple
poi
; juice from the stems to make red dye.

•
Awa:
its sedative properties were used to make the intoxicating drink (
kava
).

• Ohe:
(Hawaiian bamboo) used to build houses, furniture, bridges, ladders, fishing poles, and irrigation troughs. And young shoots can be eaten.

•
The Kukui tree:
it can reach 60 feet and is used for lumber, and it produces candlenuts, which are edible and contain an oil used to fuel torches. The bark and flowers are medicinal.

•
Ohiaai trees:
(mountain apple) they bear a sweet oval-shaped fruit, and the bark and leaves had medicinal uses.

•
Pia, uala, and uhi:
three tubers that were cooked and eaten like potatoes. The uala was especially helpful because it grew well in poor soil and drought conditions—and was used as fish bait.

•
The olona tree:
inner bark was woven into cloth, ropes, and fishing nets.

•
Olena:
roots were ground into powder for a spice (today it’s used to give curry its yellow color). Also used as a medicine and fabric dye

•
The kou tree:
an evergreen that grows up to 40 feet tall, it provided timber, and the flowers were used to make leis.

•
The hau tree:
soft wood was used to make the canoes’ buoyant outriggers; bark fibers were were braided into rope.

•
The ulu tree:
(breadfruit) light wood was used for drums, canoes, and utensils. Sap was used to treat cuts, or as a glue; even as chewing gum.

•
The milo tree:
its sap had no flavor, making the wood perfect for food containers.

•
Ape (“ah-pay”):
its huge, heart-shaped leaves were used medicinally, mostly for fever.

•
The wauke tree:
bark was pounded into sturdy white cloth known as
tapa
. Dyed brown, red, yellow, and orange (with dyes made from other plants), it was used to make clothing.

•
Ki:
considered the most sacred of all Hawaiian plants, it was planted around homes to keep evil spirits away. The leaves were used to wrap food, thatch huts, and make sandals and hula skirts. The root was used to make
okolehao
, an alcoholic beverage similar to brandy.

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ALOHA

If you’re lucky enough to visit the Hawaiian Islands, make sure you get to the Hana Maui Botanical Gardens on Maui or the National Tropical Botanical Garden on Kauai (Uncle John loved it). They have specimens of nearly all the canoe plants, which may give you a better idea of just how much the Polynesians influenced the islands’ flora. And you can even see some of the rare native plants (the ones that the canoe plants have now nearly wiped out).

Ancient Egyptian kids played with toy hedgehogs.

SUCK WIND, GOOFY FOOT!

More Hawaiian pidgin words and expressions to impress the Haoles with
.

Brah:
Brother, bro

Huhu:
Upset.
No huhu
means “Don’t get upset.”

Haah?
What? Could you repeat that?

Garans
(“GAY runs”): For certain; guaranteed

Buddahead
(derogatory): A Japanese person (from Japan)

Kotonk:
A Japanese American

Make
(“MAHK ay”): Dead

Shibai
(“She BUY”): B.S.

Bukbuk:
A Filipino. Also known as a
Manong
.

Like beef?
“You wanna fight?”

Li dat:
Like that

Ehu:
(“EEwho”): A native Hawaiian with red hair

Kukae
(“Koo KAI”): dog doo

Funny kine:
Odd or unusual

Ahanakokolele!
(“Ah ha na ko ko LEH leh!”): You should be ashamed of yourself!

Kay den:
Okay then

Geev um!
Go for it!

Haole
(“HOW lee”): A Caucasian

Haolefied:
A Hawaiian who begins to act like a Caucasian has become “haolefied.”

Brok da mout:
Taste’s good.

Haad rub:
A hard time.

No shame!
Don’t be shy (nothing to be ashamed of)

Goofy foot:
A surfing term for someone who surfs with his right foot forward instead of his left, which is more common.

Go benjo:
Go pee.

Fut:
Fart

Futless:
Confused, frustrated

Suck wind!
Go take a flying leap!

Suck rocks!
Suck wind!

Da kine:
Any object you can’t remember the name of.

The first
Encyclopedia Britannica
, published in 1771, was only 3 volumes long.

BRI SURVIVAL GUIDE

On
page 251
we shared some of the survival tips we’ve collected from the books in our BRI library. Here are a few more
.

E
ARTHQUAKE
• If you live in an area that’s prone to earthquakes, you can earthquake-proof your home by fastening all large bookshelves securely to the walls. This is especially important in bedrooms where any large piece of furniture may fall on a bed.

• If you feel your house shaking heavily, crouch under the heaviest table you can find—the closer to the center of the house, the better. Interior doorways may also protect you if there’s no other option, but keep away from windows.

• The danger isn’t over just because the shaking has stopped—get outside immediately. The quake may have weakened the foundation, and an aftershock—which can happen at any time—could cause the house to collapse. If you have time and know how to do it, shut off the main gas valve to protect your home from fire. (Afterward, don’t turn it back on yourself; have the gas company do it.) Don’t light any matches, lighters, camp stoves, or flares after an earthquake.

• If you’re outside when a quake hits, find open ground. Stay away from buildings and power lines. Assume any downed line is active, whether it’s sparking or not.

PLANE CRASH

In a 2005
Time
magazine article entitled “How to Get Out Alive,” Amanda Ripley writes:

We tend to assume that plane crashes are binary: you live or you die, and you have very little choice in the matter. But in all serious plane accidents from 1983 to 2000, over half the passengers lived…And some survived because of their individual traits or behavior.

The key is to know beforehand what the escape routes are and then to not hesitate when the time comes to flee—but not to panic, either. Here are some things to keep in mind:

• Put down the magazine and listen to the flight attendant’s safety instructions, especially about emergency exits. You may think you’ve heard it all before, but different planes have different escape methods. Numerous studies have shown that people with a mental plan of escape are much more likely to make it out alive.

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• Plane crashes almost always start with a sudden movement, so keep your seat belt fastened at all times and only move throughout the cabin when absolutely necessary.

• Many who survive the initial crash are killed by fire because they hesitate to get out or try to collect their belongings first. Leave your carry-on items behind and
get off the plane
.

• Once you’ve escaped, get a safe distance from the plane but stay close enough for rescuers to find you.

• If the plane crashes in water, don’t inflate your life vest until you are safely out of the plane.

• Finally, think twice before you grumble because you can only afford to fly coach—sitting in the rear of the cabin is your best chance of surviving a plane crash.

Real-Life Example:
On March 27, 1977, a Pan Am 747 was preparing for takeoff when a Dutch KLM jet mistakenly tried to land on the same runway, causing a horrendous collision and slicing off the top of the 747. One Pan Am passenger, 70-year-old Floy Heck, froze in her seat and had no clue what to do next. But her husband, Paul, who’d survived a house fire as a boy, had been studying the escape routes and calmly urged his wife to get up quickly and follow him. As they made their way to the nearest exit, Floy noticed that several passengers were just sitting there, dazed. Sixty seconds later, the plane was engulfed in flames. Only 61 of the 396 Pan Am passengers—including the Hecks—survived. A total of 583 people on both planes were killed, making it the worst civil aviation accident in history.

CAR CRASH INTO WATER

• To decrease the risk of the car going into the water in the first place, never park facing water; always try to park parallel to it. If you do have to park facing water, use the parking brake.

• When you hit the water, try to roll down a window. Although this will make the car sink faster, it will give you an escape route. If you don’t get a chance to open a window (or can’t because they’re electric), then wait before you try the door. Opening it too soon will cause an onrush of water that could potentially injure you. Let the car fill up with water until it’s almost full, then the pressure outside will be equal to the pressure inside and the door should open easily. If neither the doors nor windows will open, try kicking the center of the windshield.

Abraham Lincoln’s grandfather, also named Abraham, also died from a gunshot.

• If you can’t escape, turn on all the lights to increase your chances of being spotted from the surface. Look for a small air pocket to help you breathe.

CAR CRASH OFF A CLIFF

• If you have time, move out from behind the steering wheel, which could crush you on impact. A quick mover may be able to fasten the other seatbelt before the car hits anything. However, if your car has an airbag, stay put.

• Clasp your arms around your body so they don’t dangle.

• Keep your eyes closed to protect them from glass.

• Cars don’t automatically explode like they do in the movies, but that is certainly a risk, so after impact quickly get yourself and any other survivors a safe distance from the car.

SNAKEBITE

A lot of misinformation has been spread about what to do after getting bitten by a poisonous snake. Actually, the wrong treatment can potentially be more harmful to the victim than not treating it at all. Not only that, it can put the rescuer in danger, as well.

What
Not
to Do

• Don’t try to suck the venom out—it can enter your bloodstream and poison you.

• Don’t put any ice on the wound—it will make it more difficult to remove the venom.

• Don’t cut around the wound—it may cause infection.

What
to
Do

• Carry a snakebite kit in your first-aid kit when you’re out hiking, or keep one at home if poisonous snakes live in your area. The kit has a suction device and instructions on how to use it.

• Unless you are 100 percent certain that the bite didn’t come from a poisonous snake, assume the snake was poisonous and get to a hospital as soon as possible.

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• If you don’t have a snakebite kit, wash the affected area with water (and soap if you have some).

• Immobilize the bite; keep it below the heart to decrease blood flow. Wrap a bandage or cloth between the heart and the bite, no more than four inches away from the bite. Be careful not to tie it too tight—cutting off the blood flow could damage an artery or limb. You should be able to fit one finger between skin and bandage. Loosen the bandage for about 30 seconds every five minutes.

• Try to get a good look at the snake so you can describe it to the doctor. Take special note of the head: most poisonous snakes have triangular heads that resemble a shovel. If possible, capture or kill the snake and bring it with you to the hospital.

STREET ATTACK

• When walking at night, stay in well-lit areas and travel with friends whenever possible.

• If you feel that someone is following you with ill intentions, speed up and listen carefully for the footsteps of your pursuer. If he speeds up too, start running and shouting as loudly as you can, drawing as much attention to yourself as possible.