Uncut (Unexpected Book 4) (23 page)

Snapping myself out of my reverie, I push my family out of my head. I spread my blanket and set my laptop on top of it. I’m almost done typing the manuscript. Next week will be dedicated to editing it and discussing with Matt where he wants to take the book. A long sigh leaves my chest at the thought of Matthew Decker. Damn that man and his sexiness. That charismatic man, that smiles every time he sets his eyes on me. There’s not a moment when he isn’t sweet, yet, his sex-on-a-stick persona makes my entire body go all quivery for him.

Matt and I have spent every night together for the past two weeks. The bond we’ve created makes me want to risk getting hurt. My brain comprehends that Matt is a lot of fun to play with, but he’s not the settling kind. Though, it’ll be nice if, just once, I could let myself dream of something else. Believe that someone would want to keep me. That if I open my heart and let someone inside, I’ll be loved—forever.

A small, multi-color, floral ball rolls over my computer, pulling me from the thoughts. I glance up finding the beautiful smile of a toddler who watches me close before bending to retrieve the ball.

“Is this yours?” I lift the ball and hand it to her.

“Mine,” she says, her bright blue eyes glimmering while grabbing it with her chubby hands.

A man approaches us. “Willow, pumpkin. Come back.”

“I’m sorry.” A beautiful woman with blonde hair and a baby bump joins the tall, good-looking man.

“It’s all right.” I stare at the whole picture and smile at them. “She’s cute. Beautiful.”

“Thanks.” The mom grins, watching her husband pick up her daughter. Her eyes shine; life is perfect for her. “Let’s go. Again, thank you.” They wave at me and leave.

As I watch them, an ache forms in my chest, a bigger hole digs inside my heart. The mom and dad continue playing with the girl who laughs as they toss the ball at her and she lets it drop. She claps and her uneven piggy tails wiggle with every laugh.

If only one day that could be me. It’s too late to have that with my parents, but I have time to be like that woman. A wife. A mom. Part of a family that goes out and has fun. During my daydreams it happens. Those are the times when all is possible. The moments I’m free to be the happiest woman. In real life . . . my own insecurities don’t let me dare. Maybe someday I’ll stop yearning, or one day it’ll happen.

The moment my phone rings, my eyes turn to it and my lips do what they always do when I see, hear, or think about Matt. Smile.

“Hey,” I answer.

“Where are you, Butterfly? I’m at your place and no one is answering the door.”

“Working, at the park. You want to join me?” I blurt out without giving it a second thought.

“Would love to. Text me the location, and I’ll be there soon.”

My gaze shifts back to where the happy family plays. I shake all previous thoughts and focus on typing. Matt’s voice sucks me into the world he has created. That’s my biggest escape in life—books. While growing up, before my life turned ugly, I spent my free time reading. I wish I had continued on that route and not the self-medicated one that I followed. None of it matters. Instead I concentrate on Nix, escaping into Matt’s fantasy world. Losing myself inside his genius mind.

Space-cars, telepathic sex scenes, and a pretty hot morphed being entertain me for a while. I’m almost done with chapter twenty-three, when one of my ear buds loosens. That’s when I hear an amused male voice. “I couldn’t help but notice you’re alone and in need of feeding. Is this seat taken?”

I nod, meeting his smiling eyes, and stop the recording. “That was fast.” I look at him, drinking him in. A navy blue, tight T-shirt wraps his broad, muscular chest. My entire body buzzes with excitement but I tame it right away. I forbid myself from swooning, even when he sings like an angel, writes the best books I’ve ever read, and looks like a sin that I want to commit.

“It wasn’t.” He sits next to me setting down a brown bag. “I went by a few places and bought some food. Sounded like we’re having a picnic while we work.”

“How do you do it?” He reels me in by his gestures, sweet words, and that freaking smile I now love. “Say the perfect thing, do something that’s just . . . right.”

He quirks a crooked grin, and my heart flutters. Damn him. Why does he have to be so adorable? “You make it easy, Butterfly.”

Heat flushes my entire body as his eyes caress me with his deep stare.

“Things are about to slow down at Silver Moon. On your first night off, what do you say about going out on a date?”

“I'd only go if you're ready to date, remember?”

“That's why I’m asking,” he whispers, leaning close to me. “Be my date, Butterfly.”

Those three words startle me:
be my date.
I’m not sure if he hears me gasp, because his stunningly clear blue eyes sparkle, and the corner of his lips tilt slightly as they await my answer. A date, is he crazy? Does he have any idea who I am? I guess I made sure he doesn’t, because he wouldn’t understand. His family wouldn’t understand.

Just say no and keep your personal life apart. Next time don’t invite him to spend time with you—at all.

“How about we play a game called: I’m your editor and we work on your manuscript?” I moderate my shaky voice. I feel stupid, behaving like an insecure child. Maybe that’s another issue to work with my shrink. Start living and stop second-guessing every action. Wiggling in my seat, I steer the conversation to a safer subject. “Tucker shouldn’t go to the Delta quadrant—it’s a bad idea.”

“It was just a question,” Matt reassures me, touching my hand. “Is the idea of a night out with me so terrible that you almost had a heart attack?” I shake my head, and our gaze locks.

Not terrible. Dreamy—maybe in another life with a different Thea. I push my lips to opposite sides, but the smile never appears. “It’s not that, it’s just—”
God, Thea, you’re more articulated than this. What is it about him that twists your tongue?

“I get that you’re shy and all. How about we work on that first and then move to the next level? In the meantime, we can continue getting to know each other,” he says casually.

I nod and offer him a weak smile. “That sounds like a plan.”

My lungs sag with relief. Crisis averted. For today anyway.

T
hat was the opposite of casual and smooth. Thea is making me lose my touch. Yesterday I serenaded her. Other than saying,
I loved the song,
she didn’t say one fucking word. Usually women throw their underwear at me when I sing to them, and men beg for at least a touch. Thea seems to want to jump out of her skin before she goes anywhere with me in any kind of romantic setting. Her overly nervous reaction when I asked her to go on a casual night out between friends speaks volumes.

“So, let’s hear it.” I play with her long hair. “You had a terrible first date, last boyfriend was an ass, and you’ve sworn off men? Are you into chicks? Because if that’s so, you hide it pretty well.”

She chuckles. “Um, no, I’m not into chicks.”

Thea bites her lip, then lowers her eyes and lands them on her laptop, saving her work and shutting it off. Fixing her long skirt, she hides her colorful toes. She continues with synchronized movements until finally her neck cranks just enough to return her attention toward me.

“My life is . . . complicated, Matt. There’s a part of me . . . of my past that—” she says. It’s as if she is speaking to some stranger. “I just can’t go there, okay? How about we talk about the book. I have some comments about the first chapters I’d like to go over with you.”

“What? No.”

Thea jolts. “No?” She frowns.

“I’m Matt, your friend.” I push her stuff out of the way and take her hand with one of mine and lift her chin with the other. “Come on . . . I’ve made my way through your barriers, remember? It was fucking hard. I worked hard to demolish it and made it through. You don’t need to shut me down again.” I drop her chin and kiss her hands. “Please?”

She laughs. “You’re sweet and silly. I’m not trying to shut you down, but there’re things about myself that I hate. Stuff I’d rather not tell anyone. Ever.”

“That’s honest.”

Sweet and sexy Thea flashes me a genuine grin and I’m a goner. I could never find anything that would make me have a negative opinion of her. She’s smart, kind, vivacious, beautiful, and the best quality, funny. Whatever it is she’s hiding, it doesn’t matter.

“That’s as much as I can give you, Matt.”

“Promise me something.” She raises her eyebrows at me in anticipation of my question. I release her hands to open the bag of Thai food and start setting the cartons on top of the blanket. “That you’ll let me earn your trust. Someday, you’ll tell me your uglies. And hopefully by then, you’ll let me take them all away.”

Her answering grin gives me hope. “My uglies?”

“Yeah, the ugly things—shit you’re ashamed of, the things you believe make up the worst side of yourself.” I hand her a pair of chopsticks then offer her one of the boxes. “Pad Thai?” As she accepts it I continue. “One of my uglies is that I’m dyslexic.” She frowns. “I’m ashamed of it. I shouldn’t be, but I hate it and I hate people’s reactions to it when I tell them. My parents worked hard to help me overcome my disability. But that doesn’t mean that people outside my family treat me like I’m an ignorant who can’t read and has no idea what he’s doing, just because I do stuff differently.”

“That’s not an ugly thing.” She lifts her hand caressing my jaw. “Just means that you’re amazing and brave because you’ve had the strength to overcome it. And look at all you’ve done despite of it.” She sighs audibly and looks past me. “My family is pretty messed up, Matt. They’re bad people. You wouldn’t like them one bit, and I’m afraid you wouldn’t like me if you knew them.” Her eyes are overflowing with sadness, but she doesn’t let one tear fall. Now I get why she doesn’t speak about her family; they seem to be the thing that makes her sad. “You’re my first friend in a long time, and I’m not ready to lose that yet. Can you let me have that, my friend?”

I slide over a few inches, closing the gap between us. Carefully I pull her into my lap and embrace her. “BFFL,” I whisper, while pressing her against my chest, trying to push the sadness away. I hate when she loses her smile, even for a minute. “Best friends for life, Butterfly. That’s what we are. No matter what, you’re part of my life. Do you understand?” She nods, burying her head in my chest. “But I mean it when I say that I want to take you out—and more. We can table it for now, though, and just stick to BFFL.”

A day or two tops,
I think to myself.

I smirk, because the feeling of having her close, having her in my arms, fills my heart with joy. Thea fills a void I didn’t know existed and it’s hungry for more. There’s just something about this violet-eyed girl. Maybe it is the whole happy thing that she has going on most of the time. Or that sincere smile. Her natural look. Her fascinating way to expose and yet hide herself behind the tattoos and flouncy clothing.

I’ve always believed there are people in our life who are so important that they morph our needs.

Our pathway.

Our life.

They become the must-haves in your life. Aside from my family, I haven’t met anyone who should be part of that group. Not until Thea. Thea Dennis was becoming my must-have. If only I can figure out how to keep her forever. Like her, I don’t want to lose my friend, but I want to have her in my arms forever as more. Much more.