The way he’s talking to me makes me want to do whatever he wants. Today he loves me. Dad doesn’t love me often, but if I do what he wants, maybe he’ll stay that way for a longer period of time.
“Kiss him, on the lips?” I swallow back the bile in my throat. Kissing Mr. Lambert made me puke afterward. That is why I have to drink some of Mom’s Vodka. It makes it easier.
Dad tilts his head to the side as he fixes my hair and lowers my top so it shows more cleavage. “There, you look much better.” My eyes land on my breasts, which are getting bigger, and I fear I will pop out of the tight shirt. “Aggie, this is different. You’re growing up and someday
Sophie Knows It All
will end. It’s time for us to search for new roles, make sure you don’t end up like every other child star—jobless at twenty.” Dad kisses my cheek. “You understand, darling?”
“Of course, Dad. You and Mom depend on me to continue supporting the house.” I pull down my tight denim skirt that barely covers my ass. I am almost five nine and they fail to notice I need bigger clothes. “What do you want me to do?”
“Whatever he wants, darling. He might have to touch you. He likes to play with pretty girls like you.” Dad adjusts my skirt back to where it was. “He’s allowed to kiss you wherever he wants. Just be a good girl and do as he says and everything will work out. You’ll see.” He holds my face with his hands, but his eyes aren’t tender. They have that furious bitterness to them. “Take it as practice for any future auditions or scenes for when you’re a grown up. Your face and your body are what’ll keep that career going. We have to let them taste it before they buy it.”
I swallow when he touches the handle of the door that reads Carl Winston.
“Carl, it’s great to see you.” The heavy man sits behind a huge desk. He moves his gaze from his computer and removes his glasses to look at me. “She’s a beauty, isn’t she?”
Carl runs his beady eyes over my body hungrily. “Indeed, if I’d have known, I would’ve arranged for a different place and a longer length of time.” The man rises from his chair holding a white envelope that he hands to my father. “The NDA is there. Minors are a delicate matter. The script will arrive tomorrow at your house. I hope the check covers what we discussed.”
My father snatches the envelope and in a rush, pulls the papers and reads through them, then holds up the check. $20,000.
“This isn’t the amount we discussed, Carl,” Dad sneers.
“The movie contract is for two hundred. That check is for the next two hours. Pick her up on time. I have a meeting right after with Gabe Colt. I don’t want witnesses.”
Dad seems to accept that as he shakes Carl’s extended hand. “I believe we have everything covered. Enjoy, you’re the first.”
I hold my stomach and the tears as the memories of that first time finally push through the shadows of my memory. Nausea hits the back of my throat as I realize I’ll never be able to run away from my past. I move my bracelets and stare at the number, trace them slowly and remind myself that tomorrow is changing to two-zero-three-zero.
The driver stops the car, steps out, and opens my door. “We’re here.”
Where is here?
I’ve no idea where he’s dropping me off. We’re in front of a fancy skyscraper made out of steel and glass. This reminds me of the times my father would send me with the driver to whoever I had to visit. Where is the Vodka this time?
Don’t let anyone get near you. Stay strong.
I check the streets and sigh with relief. This isn’t far from the bar. I can walk back.
His gray eyes stare at me. “I was told to drive you here.”
I nod. The debate between leaving without a word versus at least saying thank you doesn’t take long. I turn my head slightly toward the back and look at Matt’s parents. My face heats up with shame as they both stare at me. “Thank you for everything.” Soon they’ll know, and I doubt I’ll be welcome again. Then I give a general scan and say, “Good night.”
“Appreciate the ride, sir.” I get out of the car and pull my phone to find the map app.
“Joe, the concierge, will open the door for you.” The guy taps my arm. I lift my gaze and I can see concern in his steely eyes.
I recognize Matt’s doorman Joe but head in the other direction. I just need to be home right now. Ignoring him, I take a second glance around. The cool night makes me shiver, and raindrops begin to fall. If I hurry, I might get home slightly wet, not damp. I check my phone and the map is set. I click start and Google Maps tells me to walk straight about ten feet before taking a left.
A sense of loss washes over me along with the rain. As the moisture blocks my sight, two male bodies flank me. My limbs begin to tingle as the air thickens, and my lungs are having trouble exhaling and inhaling. “Thea, you’re going in the wrong direction, sweetheart.” The soothing voice of Chris Decker speaks to me. “It’s almost midnight, and it’s pouring.”
My stomach is squeezed by a strong fist. The nausea hits my throat, but I continue.
Just make it home. Don’t lose it in front of Chris fucking Decker.
“Then I better hurry,” I stammer. “I don’t like being out late . . . walking . . .” I can’t finish talking. My body folds as my insides can’t hold anything any longer. Food, bile, and the demons of the past are splattered on the floor.
He’s back, that man who made me do things I never wanted. Martin Levitz. He called it “work.” But, in actual fact, he whored me around. My own father.
I’m not her. I will never be her again.
He can’t touch me. He can’t sell me. I hate him.
I hate him.
He hates me. That’s why he let all those things happen to me. I won’t go back there. I’d rather die right here on this sidewalk in the face of humiliation than ever succumb to those demons again.
I
tap the wheel while waiting for the light to change green. I’m only a couple blocks away from the house. Fucking traffic was a killer after the concert.
Thea isn’t answering her phone, and something tells me she’s not okay.
“I swear, one more red light and I’m abandoning the car.”
“I told you walking would’ve been faster,” Tristan says. “Hey, aren’t those your parents?” Tristan taps my arm, and his other arm is pointing at the opposite sidewalk. “There she is. She’s sick?”
I look both ways, press the gas pedal, running the light and make a U-turn almost hitting the median strip. “Fuck, what’s the matter with you? Are you trying to get us killed?”
I don’t listen to him.
Have to get to our girl.
Both my parents stop when I call after Thea. Her body stiffens and my heart screams that something is very wrong.
“What are you doing out here?” I yell as soon as I catch up to them. I take off my leather jacket and wrap it around a shivering Thea. “You’re freezing, baby. Why aren’t you at my place?” She doesn’t answer. In fact, she seems completely vacant. Her eyes are watching her phone, which is dripping with vomit and rain. “Pops, Dad?”
They shake their heads and shrug, indicating they’re just as clueless as I am, but don’t say a word.
“We’re going to take you home.” I draw circles on her back while helping her walk toward the car. Her legs try to fight me, but they’re too weak to win. My parents don’t say a word during the short walk, but both look concerned. Either they’re about to lecture me, or they’re worried about my girl. “Need a lift?” They both nod. “Let me drop Thea and Tristan first, then I’ll drive you.”
Tristan is already behind the wheel, his eyes focused on Thea who hasn’t responded to me yet.
“Dad, you go with Tristan.” I open the back door. “I’ll ride with Thea and Pops in the back. She’s too cold.” I adjust her seatbelt before settling in and hug her against me. There’s no resistance, but her body isn’t molding to mine either.
“In two hundred feet take a . . .” The screen of her phone goes black.
“My phone died,” her soft voice murmurs. “I only have my keys. The keys to a place that won’t exist anymore. I don’t belong anywhere.” Her silent sobs are killing me. “I never belonged. He took everything away from me. Everything.”
Who the fuck is she talking about?
I glance at Pops, who’s watching Thea with that helpless fatherly look that he gave AJ when he had no fucking idea what to do to calm her. It’s hard to do anything when I don’t know why she’s crying. The phone has nothing to do with the frozen woman I found in the streets. The apartment might be only a smidge of what is going on inside her head.
“You want me to take your parents?” Tristan questions as he parks in front of the building.
“No.” I unbuckle her. “Let’s settle you guys in, and I’ll drive them later.”
Tristan helps me with Thea. My parents join us and we go up to my place. My parents stay in the living room, while the three of us go to my room.
“She needs some clothes.” I point toward my drawers. “Please hand me a pair of sweats, a T-shirt. Let’s try to keep her warm. Did she drink tonight?”
“Not a drop, Matt. She was okay when she climbed into that car, I swear.”
I take off my jacket, unbutton her Polo, and she runs to the corner. “Don’t touch me, please don’t touch me.” She cries louder. “I’m not her anymore, you can’t use me.” Thea folds in half and she’s puking all over the floor.
Tristan and I look at each other not knowing what to do.
Fuck
.
“Butterfly, calm down. You need to get out of those clothes.”
“No. I know that’s not right. I know. Please don’t touch me.” She dry-heaves. “He can’t make me do it again. I can take care of myself. I can.”
Pops enters the room, approaching her cautiously like one would a wild animal. “Sweetheart, can we help you? Your clothes are soaking wet and you’re cold.”
She hugs herself and shakes violently. “Don’t touch me.” She starts crying again. “I’m not her, she’s gone.”
“Call Pria. She can help.” Pops takes a few steps back. “Tell her to plan on staying for the night.”
Pria? No, I can call my sister. She’d do anything for me.
“AJ?” My dad shakes his head.
“Call Pria,” he responds. “It’s late, and AJ can’t be out so late. Gracie needs her.”
MJ: I need your wife, please.
JC: What, why?
MJ: My girl is having a bad episode—nervous breakdown. Pops thinks she can help.
JC: I’ll take the bike. See you in a few.