Uncut (Unexpected Book 4) (61 page)

Fuck, I have to go to L.A. They’re going to be there at the premiere. I rub my face and lean against the desk to support myself, as the pain flows through my body. The lingering ache never leaves me, but sometimes it becomes a full-blown hurt that prevents me from functioning. Soon I’ll have to deal with the pain, the loss, and what I did to myself.
What I did to them.
One day the news of them marrying and having children will hit the Internet and if I don’t work this through before, it might kill me.

If only I could go back in time. If only for one minute I could let myself be selfish and . . . but I won’t. They wouldn’t forgive me for being a prick, a fucking coward. Would they?

“Thank you,” he says one more time. “After everything I did, you’re the only one who’s here by my side.” His voice cracks a bit at the end and my eyes dart to his. He’s quiet now, studying his hands. But if I’m not mistaken, he almost looks remorseful.

“For now, at least until you get better, Father.” He’s been this way for the past few weeks since I brought him back from the hospital. Thanking me for bringing him food, handling his medicine, or trying to help him with his company. “I’m heading to the lawyer’s office. Call if you need me.”

He opens his mouth, closes it, and just nods.

I’m tucking my shirt inside my slacks, lecturing myself about tonight—what to expect and what I shouldn’t do. Thinking through the list of allowed questions that Pria handed the press. None include Thea, but I’m ready in case they ask about her.
Stay cool; this isn’t your first time on the red carpet
. But this is the first time my name is not only part of the credits, but is under producer and director. The interviews . . . Who the fuck am I kidding? I’m freaking out because Tristan fucking Cooperson will be at the after-party. When I booked the Black Out for this and other events, I believed we’d be together forever. Now . . . I’m about to see him for the first time in months.

I lean forward, grabbing the edge of the sink with both hands as I stare at the mirror, gathering my equilibrium.

You’re searching for a new life. Let the past go. His presence shouldn’t affect you. It’s over.
Closing my eyes for a couple of beats, I find the energy, the strength to face him. I find it in her. She’s in my heart, regardless of how close or far we are from each other.

With that last thought, I finish dressing and head to face this new role. It’s only a few hours—walk the red carpet, smile for the cameras, answer a few questions, and then watch the movie. Afterward I’ll make an appearance at the after-party for an hour or so and my duty is over.

As predicted, the entire premiere shit was a breeze. People loved the movie, and the Oscar buzz began while walking the red carpet. It would be pretty cool, but I won’t hold my breath until it’s official. On our way back to the limo, things weren’t as smooth. And now . . . fuck I should head home. I walk alongside Pria and Jacob when we enter the nightclub. Scott, Tristan’s assistant, greets us and directs us to the VIP area where my parents are already sitting.

“You sure you’re okay?” Jacob asks, and I nod. “You almost pounded a reporter, bro.”

Yes, an unlucky bastard who asked the wrong question.
“Are you and Ms. Levitz looking for another man?”

Mason reached forward and stopped me before I did something stupid, but it had been an ongoing trend, asking about Thea. Most were harmless questions, but they reminded me of her. The woman I love who is far out of my reach for now.

As we arrive at the VIP section, I spot him. Exchanging pleasantries with my parents, who treat him as if the man is part of the family. I let that go because I know he needs it, even though they are part of what he left behind.

“Decker.” Tristan focuses his eyes on Jacob with a curt nod. “I received your email. Maybe we can sit down in a couple of weeks when I travel to Seattle.”

“Sure,” my brother says, shrugging and moving away along with Pria who gives Tristan a quiet hello.

“Tristan,” I greet him.

“Matthew.” Another cold look. Another curt nod. “You came alone?” He looks behind me, expecting something or someone to appear.

I don’t know what pisses me off more; the fact he won’t look me in the eye, or the fact he is so eagerly scanning the area for Thea. “She’s not here.” I grit my teeth.

His eyes finally meet mine, if only for a second before darting away again. “Of course.” He straightens, buttoning his suit jacket. “Enjoy your evening,” he says to the entire table, not acknowledging me any further, before disappearing back into the crowd.

It was on the tip of my tongue to offer him the money to buy him out of the Silver Moon, but I didn’t. I hate to say it, but I need him. No one knows how to manage a bar better than him. There’s no fucking way I’m selling my part. That bar belongs to us: Thea and me.

The bad boy has grown. Something inside him has changed, matured. And it wasn’t just the tuxedo that made him look so goddamned delectable. No. Underneath that sexy, classy exterior is a wiser man. My heart felt it, just as it ached by his proximity. Fuck, to think that once I had him. I rub my hands over my face, trying to clear the image of him from my mind, but it isn’t working. The reality is that he’s moved on without me. Not only him, but also Thea. They are in a different place. A happy place where I can’t reach them. Where I shouldn’t reach them. I should just let them be. They deserve their happiness. A knock on the door takes my attention away from my thoughts. Pins and needles shoot through my heart, as I wonder if it’s him behind the door. “What?”

Disappointment floods my veins when the door opens, and Pria appears behind it. “Sorry to bother you. Do you mind if I borrow your computer?” She shows me a flash drive. “It won’t take me long, I promise.”

I rub my eyes and rise from my seat. “Aren’t you supposed to be with Jacob?”

She doesn’t respond. I guess I’m her least favorite person. The entire Decker family must hate me, though the patriarchs showed me affection just now.

“I’ve never seen this picture.” She lifts the frame on top of my desk. “You look happy,” she says softly, and her eyes move toward mine. “It’s taking them a while to find their footing again, you know. Why did you do it?”

I shrug. “I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Breaking up with them when you still love them.” She shows me my favorite picture, the one at Christmas that AJ took of the three of us. Thea is in the middle; Matt and I are hugging her and she’s hugging us. Kissing her right on the corner of her lips. “So again, why did you do it?”

I tighten my jaw at her question. The answer is so fucking complicated. I knew Matt was famous, but I never considered how much until that day. Same with Thea. My sister did though, and like her, there are thousands of people that’ll take the chance to make money off them. I set my priorities straight. Never again will anyone talk about Thea like they did because of her past,
or
because of me. If I could help it, no one would talk like that about my sweet girl ever again. Matt adores her, and I thought I was doing the right thing.

Because
I love her. Thea’s my hard limit.
I swore to protect her. Simply put, I did it because I love them. Reality struck, and as I predicted she got hurt the most, but I had to save her from further judgment. Since that night when I made the decision, I haven’t discussed it with anyone. In everyone’s mind, I’m the fucking asshole who left them. Or at least, that’s how I made them feel. I fucked it up. It doesn’t matter. The two are set to be happy. At the end of the day, I didn’t sacrifice anything, because their happiness is my own happiness. But wait, did she just say
it’s taking them a while to find their footing
? That can’t be possible; they’re supposed to be happy.

She reaches for my hand and squeezes it. “You still love them.”

I shake my head. “Pria, don’t build sandcastles in your head. That stage of my life is over. Maybe I should get rid of that picture.”

She shakes her head. “You can erase the material objects, Tristan, but can you erase what’s seared deep inside your soul? You think you’ve done them some sort of valiant favor, but you haven’t.” Without another word, Pria turns and exits my office.

I sit and stare at my once-again closed door, and try to ignore the crushing feeling in my chest. I should be used to it by now.
No, not even an exorcism could remove them from my soul and heart.
You can’t stop loving the loves of your life, not when they are what keeps your heart beating. They altered me, changed me to my very core, and I’ve become a better version of myself because of them. A version I never envisioned would exist, but for months it became real. I feel a strong and sudden need to apologize to them, to become a selfish bastard and forget what trouble being in a triad will bring to Thea. How hard it would always be for all of us. How we would always be under the scrutiny of the public eye. How people would not understand. How they would judge us. Would it be worth all of that? Another glance at our picture brings a sliver of hope to life.

And then there’s my biggest niggling fear: if I put myself out there—if I try—would they give me a second chance?