Undaunted Love (PART ONE): Banished Saga, Book 3 (11 page)

“Well, they don’t keep this place runnin’, do they? It’s my Missy who does,” A.J. said. “And I enjoy seein’ my favorite kids.” He reached down to steady Anne as she almost fell over.

I heard faint music in the distance and knew I wanted to be on the boardwalk as they marched the animals through the streets. “Mr. A.J., I’ll be back soon,” I said with a breathless smile as Nicholas jumped up and down with excitement.

“Take your time, Missy. I plan on watchin’ the entertainment from up here.” He tottered over toward the windowsill to stare down at the streets becoming more crowded by the minute. I brought his chair to him, and he sat with a groan.

“There, you won’t miss a thing,” I said as I patted him on his shoulder.

“Have fun!” he said with a broad smile as I grabbed Nicholas and Amelia hauled Anne to her hip. We emerged onto the boardwalk to find it filling with townspeople vying for a place to watch the circus come through.

“I wish we weren’t so short,” I muttered, as we tried to push our way forward.

“Here, Clarissa, let me help you.”

I jolted and then turned with a faint smile at Gabriel’s presence.

“I was just coming to see if you were planning to watch the spectacle when I saw you emerge.” He plucked Nicholas from my aching arms and put him on his shoulders.

“Ouch, Nicholas,” Gabriel said as he untangled the child’s fingers from his hair. “Hold on to my shoulders.” Gabriel gripped Nicholas’s legs as he turned toward the street. The sound of lyrical music became louder with each passing minute.

“Do you hear that, Nicholas?” I asked.

“It’s a calliope,” Sebastian said as he joined us. “Gabe, missus,” he said to both Amelia and me. “Can I take her?” he asked as he reached for Anne. Anne was already holding her arms out for him, and he smiled as he held her high for a moment before snuggling her to his chest. He smiled as Anne patted him on his cheeks.

With Gabriel’s and Sebastian’s help, we maneuvered until we were at the front of the crowd. Amelia and I stood in front of them, able to see the passing animals. “Look!” I said, pointing down the street to see the slow, ponderous walk of the elephants. “They’re enormous.”

“I never thought to see such a creature,” Gabriel said as he caressed my arm.

For a moment, I leaned into him. The animals passed, the elephants leading, followed by the wagons pulling cages filled with prowling felines. Spotted leopards and lions. One large male lion sat with his paws crossed, watching us as though bored, his gold mane framing tawny eyes. I jumped as he opened his jaw, roaring at us. Nicholas shrieked with glee, gripping Gabriel’s hair again.

The last horse-drawn wagon approached, a small stream of black smoke curling toward the sky from its rear. The music, a mixture of church organ music and a high-pitched lyrical squeal, approached. Soon it was so loud we would not have been able to speak had we tried. Two prancing gray horses pulled the brightly painted red-and-gold-colored wagon containing the calliope. Panels on the side of the wagon were folded up so that we were able to see the interior and the gleaming brass organ-like calliope, with the woman playing the keyboard at the front of the carriage. A small engine at the rear provided the steam for it to play.

As it moved away from us, Gabriel turned toward Sebastian, Amelia and me with a broad grin. “I hear they’ll raise the circus tent in the empty field across the river. If we rush there, we can watch them as they raise it.”

I bit my lip. “I don’t know that I should be away from work that long.”

Gabriel looked up toward the depository. “Old man!”

Mr. A.J. poked out his head. “Yes, young’un?”

“I’m stealing my wife away for the afternoon.”

“’Bout time, Sonny. Bye, Missy.”

I heard Mr. A.J.’s faint cackle as I turned to face Gabriel. “I have a job, Gabriel. This is unseemly.”

“To spend an afternoon with your husband?” He reached forward and traced the edge of my jawline. “Please, Clarissa.”

“Please, Auntie!” Nicholas said as he bounced on Gabriel’s shoulders.

I smiled as I watched Nicholas. “All right.” I reached for Gabriel’s arm. “Let’s hurry. I want to see those elephants in action.” I reached up, and Gabriel closed his eyes, but I stroked Nicholas’s head instead. I heard Gabriel sigh and met his gaze after he opened his eyes, filled with longing and sadness.

“Let’s go,” Sebastian said as he held out his elbow for Amelia.

We made our way across the wooden bridge spanning the Missoula River. The walk was farther than I had thought it would be, and I was tired by the time we arrived thirty minutes later. We had passed a new neighborhood on the other side of the river and finally approached a large meadow. The tall field grass had been trampled with the arrival of the circus, and swallows flew overhead, diving and swerving to catch the insects stirred up by all the commotion.

A small army of circus employees worked to erect a multitude of tents in a wide oval shape. A few of the employees ushered those of us who had ventured across the river to a small area deemed safe.

One man, who appeared to be a foreman, let out a series of whistles, and a stream of men appeared with sledgehammers. They worked in unison, battering enormous stakes into the ground. Finally they raised the main pole, and I gripped Gabriel’s arm as the pole swayed for a moment or two until it stood perpendicular to the ground. At another whistle, a sea of canvas was laid out on the ground and hitched by pulleys to the main staff. Soon the canvas covered the main tent area, and men were rushing to the point of each stake to place a smaller pole for support.

I glanced at Gabriel, seeing him attempt to understand everything that was occurring and smiled. I leaned into this arm and felt him sigh with contentment as he reached up to grip my hand.

“Have you ever seen anything like it?” Gabriel asked with wonder.

“Never. Let’s see the circus come to town every year,” I said.

Gabriel watched me, searching my eyes. “Yes, every year.”

CHAPTER 12

“AMELIA,” I SAID, as I knocked on her back door. I poked my head in to find her staring into space. “Are you all right?”

She started at my voice and presence in the kitchen. “Rissa! Forgive me, I hadn’t realized the time.” She moved to rise, but I placed a hand on her shoulder, keeping her in her seat. I glanced into the living room to see Nicholas playing on the floor with a set of tin soldiers.

“Is Anne asleep?” I asked. At her nod, I said, “Then let’s chat for a bit. We haven’t had a chance to catch up in a while. Our errands can wait.” I studied her, noting her distracted air. “What’s upset you, Amelia?”

She glanced into the living room, noting Nicholas’s deep attention to his toys. “Mr. Carlin came for dinner the other evening.”

“Sebastian came for dinner alone?” I hid my smile when I saw how distressed Amelia was.

“Yes, a week ago. He hadn’t realized our plans to meet here had been canceled. He’s a favorite of the children and stayed for dinner.”

My eyes clouded as Amelia became more upset. “Did something happen?”

“He kissed me!” Amelia whispered. At my delighted smile, which I tried to bite back, she glowered at me. “Stop that right now, Rissa. You know nothing could come of it.”

“I know no such thing.” I spoke in an equally soft voice to prevent Nicholas from overhearing. “Your Liam’s been dead for over a year. You’ve a good man interested in you, one who genuinely cares for your children. Why should nothing come of it?”

“He’s only interested in me for the children.”

“That’s nonsense, and you know it. No man courts a woman for her children.” I watched as she traced patterns on the tabletop. “What scares you, Amelia?”

“I’m terrified to care again. To love again. I couldn’t handle losing another man.” She raised tormented eyes and met mine.

“I would think it would be equally hard imagining a life lived alone, with no one to share the joys and burdens of life.” I clasped her hand. “I can only imagine what you’ve suffered, but I know you to be a brave woman, and I hope you can trust in finding happiness again.”

I studied her for a moment, as she seemed to become more upset as our conversation continued. “If you don’t want a relationship with him, tell him. It’s not fair to lead a good man on. Are you interested?”

“More than I should be. I think I ruined it though. I told him that I was flattered by his kiss, and he became upset.”

I giggled. “I’ve seen Colin in a snit enough times over a woman to know that no man likes to think a woman’s flattered. Flummoxed maybe, but never flattered.”

“I was caught off guard. I’ve never kissed any man but Liam, and Seb was so gentle. Not at all like Liam, who was like a wildfire.”

“You’ll always miss Liam, as you should. But live the life you have ahead of you rather than attempting to remain in your memories.”

Amelia nodded. “The same applies to you, Rissa. Don’t let the past dictate your future.” I nodded, and we sat in quiet companionship for a few minutes until Anne’s cry rent our peace.

***

“YOU CONFOUND ME, CARPENTER,” Mr. Pickens said as he glared at Gabriel, his mouth clamping down on his imaginary pipe.

“Listen, old man, I came to see Mrs. McLeod. I appreciate your concern, but it’s misplaced. And I’ve had about all I can take with advice right now.”

“Missy’s runnin’ an errand with the loverly widow.” A.J. waved his cane around as though to indicate somewhere in the town’s vicinity, causing Gabriel to dodge backward a step to avoid a blow to his chest. “I figured you’d finally found sense. Gave up on that tomfoolery notion ’bout courtin’ and married my Missy last year. Thought you’d spend your time canoodlin’, not arguin’.” He stomped his foot and cane at the same time, causing the books to rattle.

“Mr. Pickens, it’s none of your concern.”

“It ain’t my concern when my Missy’s actin’ like she’s got the hay fever to hide her broken heart? Ain’t my problem when anyone with sense”—A.J.’s cane hit Gabriel’s chest with a thump—“could see the woman just needs a babe to love? Now what’re you doin’ about it?”

Gabriel flushed red and inhaled until his chest was full, as though he were the bellows at Colin’s forge. After a moment he breathed out and sank onto an overturned crate, holding his head in his hands. “It’s difficult for a man to admit that some things are beyond his control.”

“You blamin’ Missy?”

“No, not at all. We’ve just been unlucky. And, as the months pass, she becomes more …”

“Haunted, McLeod. Haunted. I may not know my fancy words, but I know when a woman’s still runnin’ from her past. Seems Missy’s havin’ trouble stayin’ ahead of hers.”

“You’re a perceptive old goat, aren’t you?” Gabriel asked.

“When a man has been married as long as I was, he knows to look for the signs. An’ Missy ain’t done tryin’ to defeat her past.”

“I can’t kill him.”

“Who said anything about killin’? Find some other way. And gettin’ into bar brawls ain’t the way.” He thunked his cane again when Gabriel flushed. “Show that woman of yours that you’ll protect her, even from sly insinnuendos. Townsfolk ain’t always as nice as we’d like.”

Gabriel shook his head as he watched Mr. Pickens. He held up his hand to stop A.J.’s onslaught of advice. “Insinu—
insinuation
?
Innuendo
? Which did you mean?”

“Both, I guess. Seemed a good sort of word. Now, pay attention, young’un. You gotta let Missy know yer still happy to be married to her. Only a damn fool storms away from a pretty woman on his anniversary.” He thumped his cane down. “Thought this generation had more sense.”

Gabriel bit back a startled laugh and shook his head. “I need to reconsider if you really are a good influence on my wife.”

“Nothin’ to consider. I’m the only one out of the three of us showin’ any sense.”

“Old man, this is advice that would be better shared with Clarissa.”

“Never forget fear makes us irascible, young’un.”

“
Irascible
or
irrational
?” Gabriel asked.

“Both,” Mr. Pickens said. “Yer near as good as my missy at figurin’ out my words.” His almost toothless smile faded as he watched Gabriel. “I already gave Missy my advice on men. Now listen up, Sonny. Here’s mine for you.” He glared at Gabriel, although a hint of male kinship lit his eyes. “Don’t let Missy think yer disappointed in her.”

“How could she imagine that? She knows I don’t care that her cooking is edible at best. Or that she is not great at sewing.” Gabriel leaned forward to hear any wisdom Mr. Pickens could impart.

“There’s nothing worse than wanting a child and then not having one. The want eats away at the soul,” Mr. Pickens said, a haunted look crossing his face. “My Bessie did no end of trying to shield me from her grief when she failed to …” He waved his cane around. “And I was almost too much a fool.” He clamped his jaw shut as he shook his head, as though pushing away the memories. “Don’t be like me, Sonny.”

***

I WALKED DOWN MAIN STREET past Gabriel’s shop, and continued on past saloons and other businesses toward the small first-floor rooms Ronan rented. It was within the same block as the workshop so he could travel easily from his home to work daily. A warm breeze ruffled my skirts on this early August day, nearly two weeks after my anniversary.