Undeniable (3 page)

‘Thank you,’ I say, taking the pad and aiming to do my best strut as I walk off.

Then he calls after me, ‘Mind the gap!’

There’s a cleaner in the kitchen so I read the order while I am waiting to get to the hot water. You would not think that there could be so many different types of coffee order. I
don’t know how I am going to keep track of which cups have sweetener, no sugar, skimmed milk, regular milk.

The girl who plays Jas has written
I’d love a hot chocolate and cream but I shouldn’t lol
. And that is all she’s written. So am I supposed to make her that?

Someone called Fred has written what looks like
Crrnnwap
so I am not really sure what to do there either.

The last order on the list says,
Spencer Black – Coffee, my place, tomorrow?

Gabi has joined the conversation.

Gabi:
Hello boys!

Mia:
Hello!

Nish:
LEAVER. You are dead to us now.

Rosie:
He

Rosie:
He

Gabi:
What??

Rosie:
I am in Nish’s room and she keeps pressing

Rosie:
enter

Rosie:
when I

Rosie:
try to typ

Mia:
I’ll smack her, just a min.

Nish:
Good luck reaching me from your house!

Gabi:
What’s the goss, please?

Nish:
You have left, Mia is going to France, nothing happens here and Rosie and I are going to kill ourselves. Today I even looked through uni
applications – ugh.

Gabi:
I’ve been hanging out with famous people.

Rosie:
Sounds amazing :) Tell us all.

Gabi:
Today was mental! I had to get coffee for EVERYONE and then lunch for EVERYONE and photocopy all this stuff and tidy all the rehearsal rooms and
go out and find a stuffed mouse.

Gabi:
So the famous people.

The one who plays Jen seemed nice (unless it was a trick), Jas is not geeky in real life, Johnny Green is FIT. Gay Ben is ALSO FIT.

Rosie:
Which one is Johnny Green?

Nish:
He plays Harry! OMG. Rosie, your mum needs to get a TV. Tell her you’re going to turn out weird and get bullied.

Mia:
Can we rewind a second to ‘stuffed mouse’??

Gabi:
It was a prop! So what have you all been up to while I’ve been photocopying and emptying the bins?

(Correct answers are ‘nothing’ and ‘missing you’.)

Mia:
Nothing. Missing you. Eating.

Nish:
We went to a party. Mia kissed Jamie a lot. Many people tried to kiss Rosie.

Gabi:
Still going well with the Foxmeister general, eh?

Gabi:
;)

Mia:
Pipe down.

Rosie:
No one tried to kiss me!

Nish:
Saw Max there – ignored him, obvs.

Gabi:
You don’t have to ignore him. Was he okay?

Rosie:
He seemed like he was doing really well actually.

Gabi:
Oh right.

Gabi:
So I think you guys should visit me – LADS’ NIGHT OUT! Except for Mia ‘I love going on holiday’ Joseph. :(

Nish:
This weekend?

Rosie:
Let’s reinstate Crazy Friday! I think my sister can lend us some of her friends’ IDs for the night.

Gabi:
YES!

Rosie:
Imagine Crazy Friday in London – we might be able to go to a real club instead of having to make do with Spanky’s!

Mia:
Don’t knock Spanky’s – without it we would have never been able to see Gabi fall off a table into a bin.

Gabi:
I am glad you enjoyed it. I seem to remember at the time you all pretended not to know me!! Not as bad as Max though who filmed it and put it on
YouTube like the lovely boyfriend he is.

Gabi:
I mean was.

Gabi:
I will see you guys on Friday then. Au revoir, Mia, have fun being a frog!! Must dash – Granny says dins is ready! LOVE YOU ALL.

Mia:
Pretty sure that’s racist.

Gabi has left the conversation.

So I’ve been best friends with Mia Joseph since birth because we were born in the same hospital. Mia often points out that isn’t ‘accurate’ because we
weren’t born on the same day and didn’t meet until later, but I say it to be
symbolic
and because I sometimes forget.

We actually met in primary school and Mia was really quiet and had an eye patch. I was obsessed with her and followed her everywhere. I’ve always quite liked grumpy people. In Year Two we
sat next to each other. She never really spoke but I used to make up for it by talking to her non-stop. Then one day, when we had to draw pictures of our favourite animals, Victoria Fraser laughed
at my picture of a cat and Mia threw an apple at her head. She got into loads of trouble for sticking up for me and her mum got called in. But she was going to be called in anyway because Mia had
drawn a picture of a shark eating a man. Anyway, shortly after that Mia asked to be moved because I was distracting her from her work. But I could tell she liked me really.

We went to the same secondary school and so went through our first boysnogging and stalking experiences together. Not
actually
together, although quite often Mia would tell me and Max to
stop kissing when she was there because she was ‘trying to watch the film’ or it was making her ‘want to vomit’.

After GCSEs we both left school to go to the college in the next town. Mia because there were all these options she wanted to do, like Photography. Me because I sort of failed some of my exams.
But I did get to do Events Management and they are more flexible with me working at Radleigh than school would have been. Although the lecturer did notice when I fell asleep in class after
I’d worked till closing time the night before. I thought I’d covered it up by wearing sunglasses, but then I snored.

In the first week of college we met Rosie and Nish. Rosie is beautiful and boys always fall in love with her. She has cool afro hair that on me would look mad, but on her looks all quirky and
like a model. Nish is really posh and was at private school until her parents split up and couldn’t afford the fees. She took a while to get used to the college, like when she asked us what
house she was in and sat down in the canteen thinking someone would serve her. She’s also friends with Jamie’s ex, Cleo, which was a bit awkward for Mia at first. We’ve become a
gang of four over the last year and it’s been awesome. In terms of friends I’ve had the best year ever. Other stuff, not so much.

‘Cheer up – you look like a slapped arse,’ says Granny, ripping open a packet of naan bread. When she says, ‘Dinner is ready,’ she means, ‘The takeaway has
arrived.’ I think Grandpa used to cook for her. She said she’d teach herself, but it’s been a few months and she’s managing to avoid it by going to restaurants and getting
takeaways. She tosses a bit of the bread at me. ‘How was your day?’

‘Good! I put the chairs out and made coffees and wasn’t too stalkery to the famous people.’

I feel a bit like I’m forcing myself to be cheerful. I had a really fun day and yet all these glum feelings keep creeping into my brain. What’s wrong with me?

Granny grins warmly. ‘Fab! You’ll get yourself doing something interesting in no time. It’s a long old slog, but do it with a smile.’

I hear her voice change slightly. She must have noticed that I’m looking down at the table and not wolfing down my food like normal.

‘You miss him?’ She’s leaning in to try to see my face, but I still don’t look at her. Usually I’d be chatting away. I always spent hours on the phone to Granny,
telling her all about any rows I’d had with Max or things that stressed me out at school.

But she doesn’t question the silence. She leans back in her chair and breathes out a sympathetic sigh. ‘You’re still allowed to be sad, even if you’re the one who did the
breaking up.’

Just the tone of her voice feels like a hug.

Gabi:
Are you still there, Mia? Are you asleep? If so please wake up.

Mia:
Hello! Yes. Still here and awake. Meant to be packing. (Actually sitting next to empty suitcase while watching
Casablanca
again.)

Gabi:
I’m having a sad moment. I look like this: :(

Gabi:
You know films have colour in them now? You should try watching one.

Mia:
What’s up?

Gabi:
How did Max seem to you?

Mia:
It was hard to tell. He was being all outgoing and cheerful, but too much, I thought. Like he was putting on an act. How are you feeling about it
all?

Gabi
: I don’t know. I miss him so much. But then I think I just don’t want him to move on before I do. I don’t want him to be
depressed, just not happy without me! Am I awful?

Mia:
No, you’re normal. It’s only been a month since you broke up! Do you want me to call you?

Gabi:
Yes, please.

I get up super early for my third day because I am going to meet Mia and Jamie for a coffee before they get their train to Paris. It also means I will be at work early, so I
can have all the rooms looking lovely before everyone arrives. My enthusiasm lasts right until I get to King’s Cross – so, about half an hour – and my eyes start to droop. I am
really not a morning person. If anyone says that they are then I’m suspicious of them.

I’m waiting outside a café in St Pancras Station. It is posh and has a French name, so Jamie probably chose it.

It feels like the first time since I got here that I’ve had a moment to stop and think. I’m actually feeling really nervous about going in to work. I think that’s why
I’ve been alternating between being manic and mopey. I’m always more mad when I’m nervous. When I have my shifts at Radleigh I never worry. I know exactly what I’m doing.
And Julia was always saying how impressed she was. She said it wouldn’t be long before I could go for a job like wedding planner or something. That was really exciting – especially when
I was imagining planning my own wedding with Max.

I feel a bit stupid now.

‘Hello.’ Jamie is standing in front of me. Frowning as usual. His hair has grown out recently and he’s got a beard. I am going to have to warn Mia that he’s letting
himself go. Max grew a moustache for a bit last year because he said he felt comfortable that he could experiment and I would still love him. I told him that was absolutely true, but that I’d
heard people saying he looked like a sex offender. It was only a bit of a lie – when I said, ‘I heard people saying’, I meant, ‘I thought’.

‘So you don’t work for me any more,’ says Jamie.

‘I never worked for y— MIA!’

I run past Jamie and grab Mia in a big hug. Even though it’s only been a few days since I saw her, there is a lot of high-pitched squealing. When we turn back, Jamie is wincing.

‘I’ll get the drinks.’

He brings over some teas while Mia updates me on all the local gossip (very little) and I tell her more about my job. Jamie sits down and listens to our conversation for about a minute and then
says he’s going to try to find a wine list.

‘There
will
be wine in France,’ Mia says, laughing a bit.

‘If I am supposed to be getting on a train with members of the public then I’d prefer to be drunk,’ he mutters back.

‘Are you planning on being a knob for the whole summer?’ She is trying to do a stern face but I can tell she wants to smile.

The corners of Jamie’s mouth twitch into a grin. ‘I prefer you when you’re angry, Joseph.’

‘Can you two stop being so happy, please?’ I snap.

When they go, and they think they’re out of sight, Jamie puts his arm round Mia and kisses her on top of her head. I know it’s stupid to be jealous, but everyone
goes on about how great Mia and Jamie are together. Especially now he’s got his flat – it makes them seem all grown up. Everyone thought Max and I were silly kids when we said we were
going to get married.

I miss being kissed.

‘Don’t you know it’s rude to stare?’ says a voice.

I look up in surprise. It is the train guy who has a line in the show. Spencer Black. With his stupid hat.

He’s looking at me expectantly, perhaps because I didn’t answer the note he left on the coffee order. Asking me out. They’d started the read-through when I gave him his coffee
so there wasn’t a chance to say anything then. But he glanced at me with crooked eyebrows and I felt a jolt. Which I quickly tried to forget because that is really not what I want to be
dealing with at the moment. He was hanging around at the end of the day, maybe to talk to me, but I barged past like I had to leave really urgently because of something important.