Undeniable (A Country Roads Novel) (24 page)

“A few years later Keith Reynolds came into town for a job interview. She’d gone out one night and met him. He was sweet and charming and exactly what she thought she wanted. Your mother wasn’t a one-night-stand kind of girl, but she’d had one too many drinks and she went back to his hotel room.

“She didn’t know he was married. He wasn’t wearing a wedding ring and he never alluded to it. He claimed he was in town on vacation. I don’t think he realized just how small Mirabelle was when he came down for the interview for principal. Apparently, he only came down to try to up the ante for another school he was trying to get hired at. He’d never planned on moving here.”

“How did Mom find that out?” Grace asked.

“Well, Keith left without a word. Your mother found out she was pregnant a month later. Two months after that, Keith Reynolds moved to town with a wife and a son who wasn’t even two years old. She told him, not because she wanted him to leave his wife, but because she wanted him to know she was going to have his child. He told her he wanted nothing to do with either of you,” Lula Mae said sadly.

Grace’s eyes burned and she looked down at the table as her tears fell and ran down her cheeks.

“She didn’t want you to ever doubt that you’d been wanted,” Lula Mae said, putting her hand over Grace’s. “She wanted you enough for two parents, and so did your grandfather and I. There was never a moment that you were looked at like a mistake. She felt that if you knew who your father was, you’d think that.”

“She was right,” Grace said thickly.

“Grace.” Lula Mae said her name softly. Grace looked up into her grandmother’s warm loving eyes.

“Your mother loved you from the second she found out about you. She never regretted having you. Not once. Not ever. You were a gift to her. She always looked at you that way. In the end, you and Brendan healed her broken heart. It was the two of you, and she never doubted her life with the two of you in it.

“She went through a lot of heartache, but for her, it was always worth it to have her children. And she never looked back on her decisions with regret. She loved you, and leaving the two of you when you were both so young was the hardest thing she ever had to do.”

Grace flipped her hand so she could hold her grandmother’s. She squeezed lightly and her grandmother repeated the gesture.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Gracie. But your mother asked me not to, so I followed her wishes. There were a lot of times I went back and forth on it. Especially when you asked me straight out, and I hated lying to you. But it was what your mother wanted.”

“I understand.” Grace nodded. “It still hurts, but I understand. Especially now.”

“Especially now what?”

“It hurts when you find out someone doesn’t want you, that someone doesn’t love you. A father is supposed to love his child, and when he doesn’t, it’s painful. Sometimes not knowing is better.”

“Grace?” Lula Mae asked.

“I thought that finding out about my dad was bad. It didn’t even break the ice.”

“Sweetie, what happened?”

“Jax doesn’t love me,” she said, and bit her bottom lip in an attempt to keep it from trembling.

“What are you talking about?”

“Last night…we…we broke up. It’s over. We’re over. I always thought when I finally got him I’d get to keep him. That he’d be mine. But he went into the relationship knowing there would be an end. I wish I never knew what it was like to be with Jax. I wish I didn’t know what it felt like to
breathe
with him beside me. But I know now, and there’s no going back.”

No going back ever, and it was going to torment Grace for the rest of her life.

The news that Keith Reynolds was Grace’s father spread around Mirabelle like wildfire. And as was typical of Bethelda Grimshaw, she poured fuel on the fire.

Grace couldn’t escape the knowing looks wherever she went. Some people looked disgusted, like the confirmation that her mother had slept with a married man made Grace less of a person. Others looked at her with pity. Grace didn’t care for either sentiment. Really she didn’t care what anybody thought of her. People were entitled to their opinions, and she was entitled to think they could shove those opinions right up their asses.

The constant ache in Grace’s chest was just as bad a week after she and Jax broke up. She’d had to learn to just deal with the pain, because it wasn’t going anywhere. She ventured out only when it was absolutely necessary. She hadn’t seen him since she walked out of his house. There was no doubt in her mind that the first time she saw him she was going to fall apart, and she had absolutely no desire to deal with that.

She’d hung out with Mel, Harper, and Preston on alternating nights, but she knew she wasn’t much company. They didn’t want her to be in her apartment all by herself every night. So to stop their loving but annoying babysitting routine, she’d started working late at the café. This worked out well for Grace for another reason. It meant she was at the café for less hours during the day dealing with people and their stupid looks.

On the Saturday night that was one week and two days after the breakup, or the day Grace’s heart had been ripped out, Grace was making two dozen cupcakes for Annie Madison’s son’s second birthday. Apparently Carson loved trains, so Grace was taking up time laying tracks on every cupcake. The kids at the party weren’t going to pay much attention to the details, they were all under the age of five, but Grace needed a distraction.

She finished decorating at nine and cleaned up her mess. She was drying the last cupcake tin when there was a knock at the side door. Grace turned around to see Shep on the other side.

For one fleeting second her stomach had flipped; she thought Jax might be on the other side of the door. It was a stupid thought. He wasn’t going to be stopping by ever again.

“Hey, stranger,” Grace said as she unlocked the door and pulled it open wide enough for him to step inside.

“Hey, Gracie,” he said, giving her a sad half smile as he pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head. “What are you still doing here?”

“Staying busy so I don’t go crazy,” she said as she pulled back and walked over to the tray of cupcakes. “You working tonight?” she asked as she put the cupcakes into a box.

“Yeah, but we weren’t that busy so I left.”

“Not busy? It’s a Saturday,” Grace said, looking at him skeptically.

“All right, so it was busy. Austin is working tonight and my dad said they could handle the crowd.”

“And you just happened to drive by and see the light on?”

 “I figured you were either going to be here or at your apartment. I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“I haven’t seen anyone.” She pulled the refrigerator door open and slid in the cupcakes.

“Yeah, I figured.”

It was taking everything in her not to ask how Jax was doing. Not to ask if he was struggling as bad as she was. Paige had told Grace about the fight between Brendan and Jax, though Brendan wouldn’t have been able to hide it considering he had a bruised cheek and a cut above his left eyebrow. Grace hadn’t heard how Jax fared. Brendan was furious with Jax, and as of the moment the two of them weren’t on speaking terms. So the only person she could really get news from was Shep, but in the end knowing wasn’t going to help her, so she kept her mouth shut.

“You done here?” Shep asked.

“Yeah.” Grace nodded, turning to look at him.

“You have plans for tonight?”

“No, but I don’t really feel like going anywhere. Not in a seeing people type of mood.”

“I know. I was thinking we could hang out at your place,” he said.

“Will there be alcohol involved? Because I could really use some tequila.”

“Already in my car,” he said, giving her one of his customary Shep grins. “You got any spare cupcakes?”

“Sure do.”

“All right, I’ll meet you at your place.”

“You know, you really don’t have to spend the night babysitting your best friend’s pathetic sister,” she told him.

“First of all,” he said, taking a step forward, “you are not my best friend’s pathetic sister. You’re
my
pathetic friend. And I hate seeing you like this. Second of all, I’m not going to be babysitting you. I’m going to get drunk with you. And third of all, I might have my own sorrows to drown, so you won’t win the award for most pathetic of the night.”

Grace rolled her eyes and was surprised when the first genuine smile she’d had in days curved her mouth up.

“Ready? One. Two. Three. Shoot,” Shep said right before they licked the salt off their hands, threw back a shot of tequila, and picked up a wedge of lime to suck.

It was after midnight and they’d had more shots than Grace could remember. She’d stopped counting after five. They were currently sitting on her sofa, her coffee table being used as a bar and for cupcake wrapper disposal.

“So why are you sad and pathetic?” Grace asked, looking over at Shep.

“I didn’t say sad and pathetic.”

“You said pathetic. Pathetic is way worse than sad. So tacking that on doesn’t make it that much different.”

“I suppose you’re right.” He studied her for a second before he turned back to the movie playing on TV. It was one of those ridiculous guy comedies, but as there wasn’t a love story in it, she was fine with it playing. Grace was pretty sure Shep wasn’t going to answer her, but after a moment he cleared his throat and turned back to her.

“Before my grandfather died he told me I needed to stop messing around.”

“With women?”

“With my life,” he said, shaking his head sadly. “He told me that my grandmother changed him. That loving her, and being loved by her, was the best thing that ever happened to him. He said that settling down in life isn’t about settling, but about being with the one person that makes waking up every day a gift.”

Grace’s eyes were watering. Damn Shep and his philosophical insights into life.

“Have you ever had that?” she asked, blinking hard.

“I thought I did once.”

“Hannah?”

“Hannah.” He nodded. “But she wasn’t mine to keep, at least not at the time. She’s the girl that I’ve compared every other girl to. Because she’s the only girl I’ve ever loved.”

“Why didn’t you ever go after her?”

“I didn’t want to hold her back.”

“That’s stupid.”

Shep laughed. “It was almost twelve years ago. I was a different person when I was eighteen. She’s probably a different person now, too. Most likely she doesn’t even think about me anymore.”

“But you think about her,” Grace said.

“Yeah, I do. And I love the girl that I knew all those years ago. It’s quite possible I’m holding on to something that doesn’t exist anymore.”

“If that’s the case, then I’m screwed,” she said, closing her eyes.

“No, you’re not, Grace,” Shep said softly.

“You still love Hannah after twelve years,” Grace said, opening her eyes. “And you only had her in your life for a couple of months. Jax has always been in my life and I’ve loved him since I was six. You think you could be holding on to something that doesn’t exist anymore. But Jax doesn’t love me, so I’m holding on to something that never existed. So you tell me, how am I not screwed?”

“Well, when you put it like that.”

Grace laughed, unable to stop herself, and after a second the laughs turned into sobs.

“Shit, Grace,” Shep said, pulling her into his arms and letting her cry on his chest. “He’s an idiot.”

“Everyone keeps saying that. Yet I’m the one who feels so stupid.”

“I wish I could tell you something that would make you feel better.”

“You don’t have to,” she said, shaking her head. “Thanks for being here.”

“Always, kiddo,” he said, kissing her hair.

Jax still couldn’t sleep the whole night through. Every night, he’d wake up searching for Grace, desperate to pull her into his chest, but she wasn’t there. More often than not, he found himself curled around the pillow that still smelled like her. But it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t anything in comparison to her.

God, he missed her.

He missed the little things. Walking into the bathroom after she showered, with the smell of her soap lingering in the air. Driving in his truck, her hand in his while she hummed along to the radio. Coming up behind her while she was cooking and pressing his nose into her hair. Kissing the hollow of her throat. He missed her smile, her laugh, the sound of her voice.