Undeniably Yours (12 page)

It was a warm kiss that tugged at her insides and heated her skin, but a quick one. He didn’t push it. “Thank you, Beth.”

“Merry Christmas. And thank you right back.”

He stroked the side of her face, then dropped his hand. “You really get me.”

“Thank you for keeping this sweet and simple.”

“You mean rather than buying you everything in the mall like I wanted to?” He winked, flashing his dimples at her. “I must get you, too.”

He did. “So what’s next on the Kowalski list of Christmas Day traditions?”

“Sex with the neighbor.”

Laughing, she pushed herself to her feet. “Nice try.”

“Cheesy action movies and more food.”

His hand was warm in hers as she made a pretense of helping him up. “That’s my kind of holiday.”

Explosions, laughter, car chases and more cinnamon buns. It was one of the best days she’d ever had and leaving that night—rather than succumbing to his charm and falling into his bed—was one of the hardest walks she’d ever taken.

February

The baby wanted a bacon cheeseburger. Sure, Beth knew it was still too early to really be playing the baby cravings card, but she wanted a bacon cheeseburger and she didn’t intend to feel guilty about it. Screw the salads.

At this time of day—about an hour before people starting come in for a beer and
SportsCenter
—her favorite end of the bar would be deserted.

She’d grab a stool, inhale a heaping plate of too many calories—what was a bacon cheeseburger without fries, after all—then retreat back to her apartment where she’d spend the rest of the night hiding from the harsh February weather.

She was surprised to find Kevin already keeping one of the stools warm, his nose in a book. As always, the small jolt of desire mingled with regret caught in her chest when she looked at him.

He was such a good guy. She was pretty sure if she made a list of all the good things about Kevin and a list of qualities she was looking for in a man, there’d be a lot of overlap. If she was honest with herself, the list would probably be a close enough match to win a game show.

The problem was just what she’d feared, though. At the top of the list of the ways he made her feel was safe. Safe and taken care of and not alone while going through a pretty major life upheaval. And it was because of that she couldn’t trust her emotions where Kevin Kowalski was concerned. Nor could she trust his—he wanted a child and she was giving him one. That might be enough in his mind, but not hers.

But she couldn’t stand around staring at the back of his head, so she pasted on a friendly smile and walked over. “Whatcha reading?”

His head jerked up and he slapped the book closed before laying it face down on the bar and resting his hands across the back cover. “Nothing.”

“Come on. I love books.” She craned her neck and could make out the distinctive cover pattern. She should. She saw it on her bedside table every night. “You’re reading
What to Expect When You’re Expecting?
”

His cheeks turned as red as the Patriots T-shirt he wore. “So?”

“So…I think it’s sweet.”

“How sweet?” He leaned close, his dimples framing the naughty grin he flashed at her.

“Not that sweet.” She shoved him upright again before giving her order to Randy. When the guy not only didn’t write it down, but barely paid attention, she realized it might be time to cut back on the Jasper burgers.

Kevin tapped the cover of the book. “So when they take the baby’s tabloid picture, do we want to find out if it’s blue or pink?”

“Tabloid picture?”

“Yeah, you know—the fuzzy black-and-white picture of what looks like an alien head?”

“You mean the ultrasound.”

He shrugged. “Yeah, that. According to the book it’s almost time for one. Isn’t that how they tell the sex of the baby?”

“My appointment’s Tuesday, but a lot of time it’s too early or the baby’s not in a good position.”

“Tuesday as in three days from now?” She nodded and popped open the can of seltzer Randy set in front of her. “When were you going to tell me? What time’s the appointment? I need to know so I can make sure I’m covered.”

“You want to go with me?”

His look went beyond annoyed and well into seriously offended. “Of course I want to go.”

She should have guessed he’d want to go, and not just because his name was also on the checks made payable to her doctor. He’d want to go because he wasn’t the kind of guy who’d miss his baby’s first picture.

There hadn’t been a conscious decision on her part not to ask him. It just seemed so…intimate, which was ridiculous, of course. They’d made love, which was a lot more intimate than his sitting next to her while a woman ran an ultrasound wand over her naked stomach.

“I’m sorry,” she said, and meant it. “It’s an early appointment, at eight-thirty, which means leaving at eight, so the bar shouldn’t be a problem.”

“I’ll be waiting in the hall. So, if it’s not too early and the baby
is
in a good position, do you want to know?”

She hadn’t really thought about it yet. “Do you?”

“I don’t know.”

“I don’t either. What if it’s wrong? Sometimes they are and then you’re all set on a name and you buy a bunch of pink or blue and then…surprise! It’s all wrong.”

“Have you thought about names?”

She shook her head. “It’s too soon to choose names. Bad luck. But maybe if we find out the sex and it’s a girl, knowing ahead of time would give you time to come to terms with it.”

He looked offended again and swiveled on his stool so he was fully facing her. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“If it’s a girl, I’d rather you get over the disappointment now.”

“I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl. As long as it’s healthy, I’ll be over the moon.”

“But you’re always saying him and his and calling it the little guy. It’s pretty obvious you want a son, Kevin.”

He leaned in close and smiled. “I only say that because it flusters you. You roll your eyes and smile at me and it’s very cute.”

She pushed him back upright again as Randy set her burger down in front of her. “I think I want it to be a surprise.”

“Then we’ll tell the doc we don’t want to know.” He snuck one of her fries. “You might want to avoid the bar Sunday, by the way. I can have the kitchen send up a burger for dinner, but it’ll be rowdy as hell down here. And packed.”

She slapped his hand when he went for another fry. “Why? What’s going on Sunday?”

The look he gave her was a cross between horror and disbelief. “Seriously? It’s Superbowl Sunday. Only the single most important day in football.”

“Are the Patriots playing?”

“No, they got knocked out. But it’s still the Superbowl and people still want to watch it with other sports fans, so it’s a banner day for Jasper’s.”

When he went for yet another fry, she slid her plate to the right. He should be ashamed of himself, trying to steal fries from a pregnant woman like that. “Thanks for the warning. I’ll probably stay in and read.”

“There’s something else, too. We usually do this thing—Pop and Evan and my brothers and me—where we go up north for a long weekend of snowmobiling. Just the guys. Usually in the middle of February after the Superbowl’s over and things at the bar are calm, so not this Thursday, but the next. Leave Thursday, come home Monday.”

“Okay.”

“So…are you okay with that?”

She swallowed the bite of burger she’d taken and washed it down with some seltzer. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “There’s no cellphone reception up there, so you won’t be able to reach me.”

“Then I’ll call Paulie. Or one of the many other numbers you programmed into my phone. I swear, the only number you didn’t put in is the National Guard’s.”

“Okay.” Was he pouting? It looked like he was pouting. “Just wasn’t sure how you’d feel about me being gone that long.”

“Kevin, if you wanted a woman who’s helpless if she doesn’t have your strong shoulders to lean on, you should have slept with the redhead at your brother’s wedding.”

“There was a redhead there?” He gave her the look that never failed to make her feel all warm and squirmy inside. “Promise me you’ll call Paulie or Ma if you need something.”

She promised, then made a point of eating her cheeseburger so maybe the conversation could be over.

A four-day break would probably be good for them. He needed a vacation from hovering and she needed a vacation from being hovered over. And she could use a break from the tension that came from her body not being totally on the same page as her mind when it came to not sleeping with him.

“Will you miss me?” he asked, probably hoping to distract her from another French fry grab.

“Hey! You’re stealing food from your baby. You realize that, right?”

He laughed so loud he drowned out the television for a few seconds. “Honey, that baby’s not starving. At the rate you’re going through Jasper burgers, his—or her—first word will probably be ‘moo.’”

She picked up the hefty pregnancy book and whacked him in the arm with it. “Smartass. Just for that—no I’m not going to miss you.”

“Oh, I bet you’ll think about me once or twice.”

She shook her head, but when he winked and started walking his fingers toward her plate again, she thought he was probably right.

***

Paulie was working an excruciatingly slow Tuesday lunch shift when Kevin and Beth walked through the front door. Finally. She tossed her towel on the bar and beckoned them over. “Well?”

Beth beamed. “The ultrasound went really well. Everything’s perfect.”

“I’m happy to hear that.” She folded her arms and glared at Kevin. “Not that I worried a lot when you left for a test at eight in the morning and here it is one o’clock and I’d heard nothing. It’s not like I was afraid something had gone wrong or anything.”

The bastard flashed his dimples at her, as if he’d forgotten she was totally immune to them. “Sorry. We went out for breakfast after and then went to look at cribs and stuff and then it was almost time for lunch so—”

“Whatever. So did you find out what you’re having?”

Beth shook her head. “We want it to be a surprise.”

“Prepare to be overwhelmed with mint-green stuff, then. Or even worse, yellow. Oh, Kev, you’ve got that brewery rep coming in a half hour to go over his new product line.”

“I hope he’s bringing samples because I could use a beer. Who knew there were so many different kinds of cribs? And don’t even get me started on carseats and strollers. I’m going to need a spreadsheet. Or a pie chart.”

“It’s not that bad,” Beth said. “And I have to get ready for work. I had to switch to get this morning off, so I’m working the supper shift tonight, until closing.”

“I’ll pick you up.”

“I can walk, Kevin. It’s good for me. If the weather turns bad, I’ll take a cab.”

“At nine o’clock? I’ll pick you up.”

They were still arguing as they walked away and Paulie shook her head. Cute couple, even if they were trying to pretend they weren’t one.

While she understood where Beth was coming from, as far as not getting married because of the kid, it was clear to everybody in a hundred-foot radius they had some serious chemistry going on. Instead of fighting it, she should just go with it.

She was making a list of which supplies needed replenishing after the Superbowl bash when her cellphone beeped to let her know she had a new text message. As hard as she tried to stop it, she felt herself smiling when she saw it was from Sam.

Miss me?

Like she was going to give him the satisfaction. Speaking of fighting chemistry…
Not really.

I miss you. What are you wearing.

Nothing. I’m naked. Bob says hi, btw.

The phone rang almost immediately, Sam’s name flashing in the caller ID window. “Hello.”

“By Bob, you better mean that stupid Battery-Operated Boyfriend acronym.”

“Hi, Sam.”

“Tell me you’re not in bed with some guy.”

“Okay. I’m not in bed with some guy.”

She could practically feel his anger vibrating through the phone. “Dammit, Paulie, I’m in Germany and I’m supposed to be meeting a few very important investors for drinks in a few minutes. Don’t screw with me.”

“I’m working, dumbass. Who has time for a roll in the sheets at one in the afternoon?” She leaned her hip against the bar, trying not to dwell on how much she’d missed hearing his voice over the last couple of months. Email and text messaging weren’t the same.

“I’ve got a few more days in Europe and then probably a week to ten days closing some deals in Boston and making some arrangements to be away for a while. I probably won’t be back in New Hampshire for a couple of weeks.”

“Take your time.” He needed to make arrangements to be away for a while. How long was he planning to be around? “No need to rush on my account.”

His low chuckle seemed to vibrate from the phone, through her hand and to parts of her body that felt sorely neglected of late. “I’ll see you soon, Paulie.”

“Yeah, whenever,” she forced herself to say and then she snapped the phone closed.

It annoyed her the way her pulse seemed to quicken when she thought about Sam Logan. Sure, he’d been great in bed five years ago. And sure, she’d come within about twenty feet of rose-petal-strewn aisle of marrying him, but that was a long time ago.

And the underlying problem—her discontent with being Paulette Lillian Atherton—remained. She wasn’t going back to being that person, even for Sam. And Kevin had been right about the situation. While it was fun hanging out here in her world, Sam hadn’t left her parents’ world. Eventually, if she let him in, he was going to want to take her back there.

There was no way in hell that was going to happen.

***

The Annual Guys-Only Sledding Trip—of Doom, of course—was usually a highlight of the year for Kevin, but this time he couldn’t get his head in the game.

He usually lost himself in the feeling of skimming over the packed snow. The wind rushing past his windshield. The sheer adrenaline rush of flying over a frozen lake. The smell of two-stroke exhaust. But all he could think about was Beth.

He should have kissed her goodbye.

She’d played it so cool, telling him to have a good time and bidding him goodbye with a cheerful wave like he was a casual acquaintance she was wishing
bon voyage.
He should have gone back and kissed her until she wrapped her arms around his neck and begged him not to go.

Instead, he’d let her act like it was no big deal. Just a bunch of guys flying through woods at seventy miles per hour—or more if nobody was looking—in the snow. Icy corners. Fallen trees. Thin ice. Assholes coming around corners on the wrong side of the trail. There were a hundred ways he could get hurt and she hadn’t even seemed concerned he’d come back in one piece.

He slowed down for a notoriously sharp and icy corner he normally would have slid through sideways and heard the machine creeping up behind him. If he could hear Pop, he was too damn close. It was dangerous to be right up on his ass like that.