Under Ground (22 page)

I’m not sure how I feel about
this. Of course, I knew she didn’t really love my father. After
all, marriage was forced upon her. But a part of me has always
wanted to believe that love was involved as well. It pains me to
hear for a fact that it wasn’t. This is a lot to swallow. My
mother’s new attitude is hard to take in. I don’t quite understand
it, and I don’t know what to think of it. I’m not sure I can trust
her.

“I believe that William likes you.
I truly do. He isn’t a bad man and—”

I have to cut her off because I’ve
truly had enough of hearing how William might be a good match for
me. “Mother, I am not going back to William.”

This is the first time I've stood
up to my mother like this. She looks at me as if truly seeing me
for the first time, and different emotions pass through her
eyes.

“William attacked me, Mother. If
Chi hadn’t walked in that night, William would have raped me. He
knows I ran away willingly, and he can destroy my life whenever he
decides to do so. If I go back to him, I will never be
safe.”

“I tried to protect you, Thia. All
those years, I know I was harsh, but I only did it for your own
good. I thought that once you were married, you might finally be
out of harm's way. But I realize now that it is too
late.”

This is too much to take in. All
those years, my mother never did anything to show that she cared
about me. My feelings, my thoughts, they didn’t matter to her. My
value has always resided in the profit I could provide my parents
through an advantageous marriage. I’m wondering if this is a trick
of some sort. I want to tell her about Chi, his story and his
parents, but I’m worried she might betray me. The little girl
inside me wants to believe I can trust my own mother. I want to
have faith that she truly did mean to protect me all along and that
she loves me. I've always wanted to believe it, but I’m not sure I
should.

“If William demands to see you, I
believe it is best to pretend for the time being, for your own
good.”

My heart aches.
Was Mother
lying tonight? Did she pretend to care just to protect her own
interests, as always?
Of course, she did.

I speak up. No one's making
decisions for me anymore. “Mother, I need to find Chi. I'm leaving,
and no one else can know about it.”

She blinks at me a few times and
exhales a sigh of defeat. “I will think about it, Thia. But if you
are to leave, I want Walter to escort you. I do not want you
walking the streets alone like some vulgar wench. It's too
dangerous. I need time to process all this and ponder your request.
Your security is what matters most to me. It seems I can no longer
protect you and your life with William is deeply compromised. All I
ask in return is that, in the meantime, you keep on pretending and
that you do not reject him.”

Her voice is sweet and I believe
she means well, so I comply—for now.

She pulls me to her chest. I’m so
baffled that tears rise to my eyes. My whole life, I’ve been
waiting for this—a kind, loving gesture from my cold mother. Then
she pulls away slightly, too quickly. I want to hold her longer.
She wipes my eyes with the palms of her hands.

“Always remember, Thia, pretense
and silence are a woman’s only protections in this
world.”

She stands up and heads toward the
glass doors. She opens them, casts one last glance my way, and
walks out. She calls Emily and asks her to help our cook prepare
dinner. My father will be back from work soon, and I still need to
face him. But I know now that what I told the officer will remain
between my mother and me. She will act her part as she does so
well, and my father will believe I was kidnapped.

Chapter 26

That
evening,
the news is filled with images of Chi getting
arrested. The authorities need to reassure the population that the
criminal is no longer at large and that the situation is under
control. Everyone celebrates my getting home safely and away from
the dangerous psychopath who kidnapped me. Chi is now a pariah.
Even if I find him, it will be difficult for us to hide. It turns
my stomach just to hear the things they have to say about him on
TV. I'm dizzy with thoughts racing through my mind. Someone tipped
off the authorities about our location. I thought it was one of
Oliver’s neighbors, but based on what the officer said, that isn’t
so.
Was he trying to confuse me and create chaos in the
Underground? Or is it possible someone informed them from the
inside?

If the Underground has spies among
the authorities, then it’s also possible the authorities have spies
among the rebels. If so, the attack on the camps could be
jeopardized and things might turn sour quickly. I have to get to
Taylor and let him know what I've learned.

***

The next
day,
William calls our house to speak with my mother. He
asks if I may come over and see him. My mother acts as if nothing's
the matter as she tells him I’m quite shaken and that it would be
nice of him to come over here to visit me instead.

It doesn’t take long for him to
arrive. The doorbell rings and Emily lets him in. I’m sitting in
the living room, pretending I'm reading a book, and I don’t move. I
really don’t want to see him, and I don’t plan on making much
effort. He walks into the living room. I don’t want to face him,
but I remind myself that I have to pretend.

I look up. His face is
expressionless and cold, quite typical of him. Whatever he may be
feeling is hidden behind that wall of ice he built between himself
and the world. He comes to sit on the couch by my side, and Emily
closes the door behind him.

My mother isn’t far. I can hear
her rummaging around in the office next door. She doesn’t have
anything to do in there. She’s just spying on us, to make sure
everything is going smoothly.

William holds my gaze, and a
flicker of emotion crosses his eyes—a spark of resentment mixed
with relief.

“Are you well?” he
asks.

“Yes, I believe I am.”

Silence settles in. I can’t return
the courtesy of his question after what I did to him. And I don’t
want him to see how affected I am by what happened to Chi. But I
don’t need to wait long before he starts talking again. And once he
opens up, it’s as though he can't stop. His words spill out and his
feelings start pouring through for the first time since I met
him.

“I’m just trying to understand,
you see. I’m trying to figure it out, but I just don’t get what you
see in him.”

Out of everything he could have
said, I wasn’t expecting this. I thought he was going to tell me
our union was officially over. But instead, his voice is shaky with
obvious jealousy.
Is it possible he may have liked me the whole
time? And that his actions were fueled by more than just
pride?

“I just don’t understand. What
does he have to offer you?" His voice rises. "You are my promised
fiancée. We are to be together! He has no right to be with you! Do
you understand? What he did was wrong! And I want to know why you
let him.”

He sends me a reproachful look
filled with pain. I didn’t know it was possible, but I actually
feel pity for him. All this time, I thought I was a burden on
William, something forced upon him. Now, it's as though I’m facing
a little boy who’s been looking for love his whole life but doesn't
quite know how to gain it. And I understand how he feels. I
remember the cold look on his mother’s face. I wonder how much
affection he actually got from her.
Is it possible he never got
any at all?

But no matter what William's
feelings may be, there is nothing I can do to soothe him. He still
thinks of me as his property, and I won't put up with it anymore.
He's been influenced by society for too long. He can’t see things
my way. He lied about Chi kidnapping me and he didn’t do it to
protect me. He did it because he truly believes I belong to him and
he wants me for himself. I'm his thing, a toy he takes for granted,
some prize he never made the effort to win and never even deserved
to begin with. And this is his revenge against Chi—to be here with
me while Chi is locked up. Of course, I wouldn't have expected him
to act any differently. His exposing us was the only reaction I
could have expected from him, but it drives me crazy to know that
Chi is in danger because of him. It infuriates me that William
would think I’m his to keep and that I shouldn’t be allowed to make
a choice for myself.

“I left with him because he cares
for me, William. For the first time in my life, someone actually
showed me that I mattered. He shows me respect, and he treats me
like a person, not like an object!”

“Is that what you want? For me to
treat you like an equal? But don’t you see? I shouldn’t have to!
You are mine, Thia, and you owe me love and respect.”

And just like that, any pity I
felt for him is gone.

“You just don’t get it, do you?” I
exclaim, my voice rising. “That’s exactly what I’m talking about.
Chi would never talk to me like that. I don’t owe you love! You
can’t force someone to love you, William.”

“Actually I can! And I demand that
you show me respect! It’s the least you can do after running away
with that scoundrel.”

I can’t help myself; my slap
across his face occurs before I can stop it. The sound of it
resonates across the room as the marks of my fingers appear on his
cheek. William grabs my wrist in a tight lock, hurting me. He
forces my arm behind my back as he snarls viciously, “You will show
me respect! Do you understand me?”

That’s when my mother walks in.
William releases my hand instantly, and Mother acts as if she
hasn't noticed the marks on his face or the tension between
us.

“Oh, William, how wonderful to see
you! Thia has been quite shaken by this whole tragedy. I think she
might need some rest now if that's all right with you. But please,
do come and visit her again soon. It’s always such a pleasure to
see you,” she dismisses him quickly. She's quite rude in her haste
to get rid of him. Though my mother is good at pretending and her
voice melts like honey, I can hear the scorn grinding behind her
teeth.

William nods slowly. His face has
recovered its emotionless façade. He takes a step toward me and
grabs my hand. He squeezes it hard as he pulls me to him. He bends
over and kisses me. I wince as his lips brush against mine. A cold
shiver runs through me when his breath blows against the skin of my
cheek. He holds me tightly against him and puts on a show for my
mother while whispering in my ear, “I’m not giving you up, Thia!
Chi will soon be out of the way for good, and I’ll make you mine.
What you want doesn’t matter! Remember I’ll always be the one in
control and I can break you, just like this!” He snaps his fingers
in my face and I cringe.

He pulls away and smiles at me—a
grin devoid of any human warmth—before he inclines his head and
wishes my mother a good rest of the day. My mother's eyes have
narrowed, now shooting imaginary bullets right through William's
back as he walks out.

I sigh in relief when he’s gone.
I'm still shaking and his words spin inside my head. I don’t know
what he has in store for me, but I can no longer be a part of this.
I have to find Chi, and time is running out. I have to act, and I
have to do it tonight.

If anything happens to Chi, I will
never forgive myself and a part of me will die with him. It has
taken me too long to realize this, but I'd rather be homeless and
risk my life than live without him. I explain my plans to Mother
and her eyes sadden.

"Walter will take you wherever you
need to go," she says.

"Mother, I don't need help. I can
do this on my own. There is no need to endanger Walter, really," I
protest.

"Walter is coming with you, or you
shall find yourself locked inside your bedroom, Thia."

"Fine, Mother."

I know she means well. I go
upstairs and start packing. Mother will help me. I know I can count
on her now. However, I don’t want her to get more involved than she
has to. I don’t want my decisions to destroy any more lives around
me.

Mother knocks on the door and
walks in without waiting for my answer.

“So, you truly are leaving, then?
Are you sure this is what you want?” she asks. “You can always
choose not to go. It's not too late. We can still have the wedding
if you want to.”

A few days ago, I would have taken
this to mean that she didn’t care about me and that she only wanted
to protect her assets. Now, I understand that there is true concern
for me hiding behind her cold words.

“Yes, Mother. I want to do this.
I've made my choice. I’m leaving tonight.”

“How are you going to reach Chi?”
she asks.

“I can’t give you any details,
Mother. I don't want you in danger. For now, I just need to reach
the Underground.”

“So, it’s true then. There is a
rebellious group and Chi is a part of it. I’m not sure how I feel
about that, Thia."

“Mother, I can’t spend my life
with William. You may not realize this, but he means to destroy me
and he wants Chi dead. I can’t be his wife, and we can’t trust
him.”