Under Pressure [IAD Agency] (Siren Publishing Classic) (16 page)

Hell, he found himself stripping his memory for funny stories just to hear her laugh. Exhaustion had finally taken over as they had watched the dawn break. He had held her in his arms, secure while they sat watching the night fade as the morning light turned the sky a pale gray.

He silently cursed, wishing he could spare her the pain and anguish she was feeling. He had felt the rage rush through him like a tidal wave when he had accessed the police file of the attack shortly after he had first found out. The team had only been told the basic details of what had happened, but he felt the slice of pain when Bella flinched through the telling. They had access to the police file as well, but he had asked them in private not to discuss what they had read in front of Bella. He knew she wanted to know everything that was going on, but if he could save her some pain, then he would do everything in his power to do whatever it took.

He had done his research well. He had pried into her past, wanting to know everything he could about her life.

Maybe it was an invasion of privacy, but he didn’t care.

He would tell her later what he had done. He simply wanted to know everything he could about Bella. Every piece of information he could arm himself with would help him protect her now.

At least that was what he kept telling himself. Deep down he knew the truth. He just wanted to know everything about her.

He had some restructuring to do. Brett was due back any day, and Jason had already distributed most of the pressing IAD work to available agents. Mac Securities clients would have to be notified of any possible delays, but everything seemed to be covered for the time being.

He was pushing everything nonessential aside. Unless the world was in jeopardy of being destroyed, he wouldn’t rest until he had Victor Dane’s blood on his hands. Nothing else mattered except castrating and killing the bastard who had hurt Bella.

Jason couldn’t help the satisfaction that filled him knowing that Bella was where she belonged. In his life. In his apartment.

In his bed.

The last few days had been hard on her, and she looked so small and alone in his large tub. Well, she wasn’t alone anymore. He silently padded over to sit on the side of the tub and watched as bleak whisky-colored eyes opened to meet his.

“I’m not going to quit teaching. I can’t stop living my life. I don’t want him to win.”

His eyes were guarded, expression blank giving nothing away. He wanted to argue. No, he wanted to order her to stay home locked up tight where he could wrap her in his protection night and day.

But he knew he couldn’t do that. She would never agree.

Jason sighed. He knew she wasn’t going to give in, and he couldn’t blame her. “Darling, I know. We’ll find some way to keep you safe at the school, and I promise you, he won’t ever touch you again.”

Her eyes filled. “I don’t mean to be difficult. After all you’ve done…I’m sorry…so sorry.”

Completely baffled, Jason turned off the jets and reached out to her, lifting her easily into his arms and pulling her onto his lap as if she weighed no more than a feather. Her tears sent him into a slight panic. “What’s this? What do you mean, love?”

“I told myself not to cry. I hate crying. All this trouble, all for me. I’m sorry. Everyone’s life disrupted.” She hiccupped. “I hate that everyone has to do all this because of me. I don’t deserve you. I’m a freaking mess! How can you stand me? I can’t even stand myself half the time. I feel so weak. I hate that everyone has to take care of me. I’m getting you all wet,” Bella wailed, unable to control her sobs now that the dam had broken.

Jason cupped her face in his hands. “Shh, sweetheart. Oh, love, you aren’t. We’ll get through this you’ll see. Having you, Bella, having you in my life is a blessing. Darling, you aren’t weak. You are one of the strongest women I know. How you’ve survived everything you’ve been through. I can’t even begin to understand what you’ve gone through. I’ve worked with men wounded in combat that haven’t handled it with the grace and strength you have. Weak? Hell no, baby, you’re a survivor. But no one can do everything alone, lass. No one expects you to be able to handle all this by yourself. Let me take care of you, let me help you. I don’t want to control you, I just need to protect you. I do this for a living. Let me do this for you. I’ll do anything to keep you safe because I want you with me. I need you with me. Don’t cry, love.”

Jason carried her to the bedroom and laid her down on the large bed. He quickly stripped off his wet clothes and climbed in next to her, pulling her into his arms and settling the covers over them both. He loved how she melted into him, giving him her complete trust. Her tears bathed his chest and broke a heart he didn’t know he still had. He pulled the cover over them both, holding her as the tears poured out of her.

He held her close as her sobs receded.

He held her close as her eyes drifted shut and her breathing evened in sleep.

He held her close because he couldn’t bear to let go.

* * * *

The nightmare gripped Bella around the throat, and she struggled to surface as memories assailed her in the darkness. She screamed. The memory of pain so close she could still taste the blood. Drenched with sweat, she screamed again, her throat raw with fear, eyes blind. Twisting and bucking she cried out as she fought the shaking hands that gripped her firmly. She could hear Jason’s voice and fought to find him in the void of her terror.

Her screams stopped, turning into whimpers. Shudders wracked her body as she clawed her way from the dream back into reality. Bella’s breath came out in sharp gasps as she battled to force air into her lungs. She shoved the nightmare back, held onto the sound of his voice.

Jason.

She could smell him, the spicy, sexy scent of him, close. Offering safety. Gripping the body that held her close, she clung to him and buried her face into his neck, just breathing him in.

Son of a bitch.

Nothing could ever compare to the sheer terror Jason had felt when he had snapped awake to the sound of Bella’s screams. Reacting instantly, he wound his arms around her flailing body and held tight. The devastating pain he heard being ripped from her was utterly petrifying. Never had he flinched in battle, always a cool steady hand in every combat situation he had been in. None of that shit mattered right now.

Jason was terrified.

Right now Jason was shaking like a leaf in the wind, and he was chilled to the bone. Her pain, her anguish had become his own. The glimpse into her nightmares had destroyed him. Soothing words spilled from his lips. Unknowing what he said, as long as they gave her comfort.

For fuck’s sake, get it together, man.

It was still night. In the darkness, Jason pulled her chilled body against him. Wrapping himself around her, he ran his hands down her back, trying to will her pain away. Bella burrowed into him.

“I’m okay…I’m okay…” she repeated over and over. She was fighting the tears, determined to regain control. Minutes faded as she finally calmed. Deep embarrassment swamped her.

Whispering “I’m sorry,” she tried to pull back, putting a hand on his chest to push away. Muscles flexed beneath her hand, and she found herself trapped underneath the large body of a very pissed off male.

In the moonlight, she could see his face, fierce and savagely beautiful. “Never, never apologize to me for having a nightmare,” Jason snapped in a cold, commanding voice.

“Umm—”

“I’m not finished.” His voice was as sharp as a knife. “I’ve things to say, and I will bloody well say them now. Never apologize for what that animal did to you. Let me be here for you, damn it. Don’t hide it from me. I will not accept you pulling away from me after that.”

He could hear the words that were spilling from his mouth, but he couldn’t seem to stop.
Jesus
, was he crazy?

He gulped in a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to calm his own frantic heartbeat. “Christ, I’m sorry. I’m being an ass again. I dinna mean to snap at you. I don’t deal well with being…scared. Just let me hold you, love. I need to hold you. Please just let me be here for you.”

Bella wound her arms around him as he rolled over to his side, pulling her into his secure embrace. His body was rock solid, pure muscle wasn’t that comfortable to lay on, but the immense warmth of his body helped chase the last of the chill out of her body. His leg trapped hers, and he curled up as if he were trying to shelter her with his very being. Her head rested over his heart, listening to the strong powerful beat calmed her more than anything she had ever known. One of his hands came up to stroke her hair, and the other remained wrapped around her middle like steel, holding her to him.

“Bloody hell that was a bad one, wasn’t it?” He could feel her nod.

Jason held her tight to him, wanting to absorb her into his own body where he could keep her safe. “Don’t ever hide from me, okay? We can get through this together. You just have to let me help you. I handled this badly, but just know I want to be here for you. Love, I need you to let me.”

Bella turned and pressed a kiss directly over his heart. He in turn kissed the top of her head and pulled her closer. The heat of his body seeped in and melted the bitter cold she always felt when coming out of the nightmare. His protective embrace comforted her just like the reassurance given with his words. Time passed as she counted the beats of the strong heart beneath her head.

“Do you hear that?” His voice was soft, a deep rumbling of sound that touched her very soul.

She kissed his chest again. “What, your heart?”

“It beats for you now.”

Touched beyond belief, she felt hot tears slowly trickle out of her eyes to slide down to his chest. Her throat closed up, but she forced herself to give him the only thing back she could think of. “I heard you calling me,” she said softly. “You pulled me back, out of the nightmare. I just had to find you. I heard you, and I knew you would keep me safe. You…you make me feel safe.”

Jason felt his own eyes mist and closed them in defense. Jesus, what was wrong with him?
Fuck
, he loved her. Those words, so simple, so bravely spoken had torn down the last of his defenses. Bella’s eyes fluttered closed again, words slurring with exhaustion as she burrowed into his heat. “I need you. I hate needing you so much. Hold me until I sleep? Don’t let go, okay?”

“Never,” he vowed, pressing a kiss on the top of her precious head. “I’ll never let go.” He held her, safe in his arms. He lay there listening until the sound of her breathing evened out and her body relaxed in slumber.

As he did every night, he waited for her to slide into sleep safely before he let himself follow, hoping that the nightmares would leave them both in peace.

Bella’s eyes opened slowly as early morning light filtered into the room to her body burning with heated desire at the feel of Jason’s hard body against her back.

She shifted slightly and sighed with contentment at the feeling of Jason’s arms tightening around her, holding her to him. Sometime in the night she had shifted onto her side with her back to him, but he had followed, his arms surrounding her with his body curved over her, protecting her even in sleep.

The nightmares had stayed away. Anytime they tried to drag her under, Jason had easily put her at ease, murmuring softly to her the moment she had stirred. During the night, if Bella’s body had tensed, panic had faded as she heard Jason’s soothing voice in her ear, calming her.

For a brief, selfish moment Bella wished everything in her life was normal. That when she woke, she could go out without a guard, that there was no crazed stalker out there wanting to kill her. Unfortunately that was her reality. Being watched all the time made her feel like she was living in a fishbowl, but if that was what she needed to do for Jason and her family, then she would endure it.

Jason had explained what had happened to his family, and her heart broke for him. She couldn’t imagine what she would do without her family. It helped her understand why he had emotionally closed himself off. But she knew he cared for her. With every touch, every look she could see it, feel it. Every day she felt the barriers around his heart breaking, letting her in more and more. He treated her like the most precious thing to him. She knew that he just wanted to protect her, but Bella was determined on living her life.

Now, in the early morning light, things felt normal. She felt…happy. She was where she belonged, with the man who owned her heart.

One of his large hands cupped her breast as his fingers played over her pointed nipple. Each stroke caused heat to shoot between her legs, and she felt herself pool with cream, her body preparing itself for him, only him.

“Bella…” Jason’s soft whisper caressed her ear. Bella could feel his steel-hard erection on the crease of her ass, and she pushed back, delighted to hear his low groan of desire. His hand cupped her breast as he nuzzled his face into the side of her neck, sliding his other hand lower to play with the soft damp curls at her entrance. Her stomach clenched as need ate at her. Dazed with passion, Bella pushed back against him, wanting to be as close to Jason as possible.

“Are you awake, love?”

In response, she sighed in agreement and opened herself to him. Lifting her leg, she hooked it around his muscular thigh, rubbing her foot up and down his calf in sensuous strokes. In one fluid motion, Jason pushed his huge cock into her tight wet, sheath from behind and she let out a low moan at the exquisite pleasure.