Under the Peach Tree (13 page)

Momma May was in a great mood that next morning. I was awakened by the sound of gospel music exploding through the radio. I got dressed and headed downstairs and found her in the living room dancing in place. She didn't hear me come into the room over the radio. I took a seat on the coach and watched until she grew tired.

“Good morning,” I said, watching her jump, scaring her half to death. Her laughter was childlike.

She took a seat on the couch. “An old lady's gotta find a way to work out.”

I nodded, half listening. I had a lot on my mind due to Dante's weird departure. I couldn't stop wondering if I had done something wrong. Putting this morning's episode behind me for the time being, I focused on what I wanted to talk to Momma May about.

“Momma May,” I began, but I quickly choked on my words. “Dante said I should talk to you about God, because I can't come to terms with”—I took a breath before continuing—“with everything.”

She nodded, sitting back comfortably on the couch. “Well, let me ask you this, do you believe in God?”

I sighed, lowering my head. “I don't know.”

“What do you think makes you question His existence?”

“I don't know. I guess because I was never given the opportunity to have a personal relationship with Him. I never got to experience Him firsthand. I had to hear about Him through Faith.” I sighed. “And I feel like, if God loves me, why did He give me such a messed-up life?”

Momma May nodded. “God works in mysterious way, baby. I can't begin to give you an answer, but I can give you some insight based on what I've been through.” She sighed, sitting back in her seat. “After I lost my sight, I felt lost and alone and there was no one there to guide me. How could I find a place to live if I couldn't see? Everything became a dark place.

“I used to love to draw, but how could I draw if I couldn't see what I was drawing? I'd lost everything, but God picked me up. He told me to have faith in Him and He'd be my eyes. He'd guide me to where I needed to get. I fought with Him, not wanting to submit to His will, wanting to rely on my own failing strength. ‘God!' I said. ‘Why me?' Do you want to know what He said? He said, ‘Why not?” I didn't understand what He meant for a long time.

“After the mayor beat me blind, I walked for three days straight, not knowing where He was taking me. But faith is walking blindly on God's path, relying solely on Him. I questioned Him along the way. Fought with Him, denied Him, but I didn't leave His path. Eventually a young man named Curtis Baker found me passed out and dehydrated. He took me in, fed me, gave me water, and nursed me back to health. He was a preacher. A fine speaker. He was after God's own heart. That's the kind of man you want, one after God's own heart.”

I thought about what Dante once told me, how he compared himself to David because David was after God's own heart. The thought warmed me inside. I thought I knew a good man. I thought John was one, and maybe he was, in his own way, but he wasn't after God's own heart. He was for himself.

“Do you know how it felt when I had my first born, knowing I'd never be able to look at her face, see her smile, see her take her first step? I didn't even know what Curtis looked like. I didn't get the chance to have those memories. I started doubting God again. He said a just man falls seven times. And girl did I fall. I'd get depressed and blame God. I thought it was His fault. He could've stopped the mayor and his wife from finding me. He could've provided me shelter like He did to so many men in the Bible. But He didn't. I felt unloved.” I understood exactly what Momma May felt like, to be unloved.

“I thought being blessed was living a great life with no problems, no pain. But I was wrong. Being blessed is exactly the opposite. I think I know why God allowed me to be blind. I was too proud, too exalted. I didn't stop and just listen to Him and His will. So He put me in a position where I had no choice but to rely on Him. It was the best thing He could've ever done.”

“So you think He purposefully blinded you so that you'd be obedient? I thought He gave us our own will.”

“He does. See, God knows our moves before we even make them. He knew that the mayor and his wife were out to get me. He didn't interfere with their will. God doesn't stop an angry man from hurting the innocent. Afterward, He lifts the innocent and weak up and makes them stronger. He brings good out of even the worst situations. People blame God for their misfortune, but they forget to praise Him once He brings them out of it. It's not God's fault. That's what I learned. The only thing He did was picked me up and gave me a better life.

“And now I have a praise and a testimony far greater than the pain I once had. Hope, don't blame God. Look at what He's done for you. He gave you a new home, a new family who loves you, a new Hope. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell me that you're the same girl who was starving, hungry, and helpless. You can't. Even I see the growth in you, and I'm a blind old lady. God has brought you through.”

When I exhaled, it felt like the weight of the world lifted off of my shoulders. It felt as if I had been holding my breath for a lifetime. When I inhaled, the air was cool and crisp. I felt a strange, satisfying sensation spread through my chest. It felt like spring, like pure light and spirit coursing through me. I fell from the couch onto my knees and began crying. I lifted my hands and screamed, “
Jesus!
”

“Yes, yes, yes!” Momma May praised. “Oh, Lord, oh, Jesus, bless this child who needs you more than ever. Show her the way to you, Father. In Jesus' name, allow her to see your love. Allow her to be saved by the blood of Jesus! Oh, Lord Jesus! Yes! Allow your holy spirit to rest upon her as you forgive her of her sins. And as you forgive her, allow her to forgive those who've sinned against her. Allow her to place her past behind her and move into her destiny, Lord! Thank you, Jesus!”

We stayed that way for what seemed like hours, crying and praising God as I finally accepted Him into my heart.

 

 

Dante didn't come around for a few days. I felt anxious without him near. It was almost like I used him as a crutch. Whenever I was bored, I'd pick on him. Whenever I was happy, I'd laugh with him. Whenever I needed to busy myself to keep my demons at bay, I'd do housework with him. Momma May didn't have anyone to play checkers with, and so I had to learn. After a few games, I got the hang of it.

“How can you play checkers when you can't see?” I hoped my question didn't offend her.

“You see the dots on the pieces? It's brail. Dante got it specially made for me. Plus I memorize my moves. I know which pieces are mine and which are his. You'd be surprised to know all the things you can still do when blind.”

I smiled. “Dante is faithful to you.”

“When his mom died, he was lost. God used me to help him find his way again,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Why he ain't been around lately?”

“Dante's mom passed away around this time a few years ago. He doesn't take it so good. He does this every year, but he usually comes around after a few days.”

I nodded, relieved. “I thought I did something wrong.”

And then it occurred to me. Maybe Dante slept in my bed that evening because it was he who didn't want to be alone. When he woke up, he realized it was the day his mom passed away and rushed out of my room.

“No,” Momma May said. “That boy admires you.”

“You think?” I asked, smiling.

“Oh, I know. You're all he talks about when we're playing checkers.”

I laughed and decided to change the subject. It was an awkward conversation to have with an old woman. I also wasn't ready to accept the possibility of Dante liking me.

“How did his mom die?”

“Suicide.”

I gasped, knocking over all of the checker pieces. I bent over, picking them all up, shunning myself. “I'm sorry,” I said. “You was gonna win anyway.”

“Hey, Momma!”

I hadn't realized Norma was on the porch until she spoke. I looked up at her, noticing her relaxed and almost happy smile. There was still something unnerving about her but I couldn't put my finger on it. I placed all of the checker pieces on the board and stood.

“Hope, can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Yeah,” I said and then turned to Momma May. “I'll be back.”

Norma led the way into the kitchen and took a seat. I sat across from her and waited for her to speak. I didn't forget about the last conversation we had, the one where she admitted to placing a second mortgage on Momma May's home. I wondered how long she had before the home foreclosed. I hoped Dante had already paid it off. How could she do that to her own grandmother? How could she go behind the most amazing woman's back and steal her identity to get a mortgage? But then I remembered the things I did to my momma, how I slept with her man. I wasn't the one to judge.

“Dante came by with a check to pay off the mortgage. They're processing the lien release and said it would take a few weeks to a month to be free and clear,” she said.

“And you're telling me this because . . . ?”

“I figured you'd want some peace of mind and I figured we could keep this between the three of us, pretend it never happened,” she said with a hushed voice.

“But it did happen.” I sighed. “I ain't a snitch. I am gonna tell you how I feel, though.”

“I don't need backlash from a child.” She snorted.

“It ain't backlash, it's the truth. And you should feel bad that a child would even feel the need to tell a grown woman about herself. What does that say about you? Momma May could've lost everything she spent her life trying to build. It ain't nothing but the grace of God that allowed Dante to pay the loan off.”

Norma gave me a puzzled look. “So you believe in God now?” She almost laughed. I wanted to hit her, but the good Lord stopped me.

“I do. Well, I'm getting there,” I told her. “Thanks to Momma May. And don't try to turn this around on me.”

Norma stood up, clutching her purse close. “Look, I gotta go to work. I'm late. I don't have time for this.”

“Yup.” I watched her storm out of the kitchen. She was the type of woman who would never learn from her own mistakes.

Momma May and I spent the rest of the day bonding. She told me stories about her husband while I brushed her long silver hair. She had some good memories. Some were so funny I fell to the ground in tears, laughing. And then she told me about one of the best days of her life: her wedding day.

“I was so nervous,” she began. “One of our friends had sewn me a nice, beautiful dress, but at that time I was pregnant with my first, and so the dress didn't fit. My husband told me to cut a big hole in the belly.”

“Did you?”

“No! Half the things that came out of that man's mouth was nonsense. My wedding dress was a gift from God, but I'll tell you about that story later. Did I ever tell you that I've been living in this house since we married? We lived a good life together. We had two beautiful girls and couldn't ask for more. He was a great father, always there for his family. A true man of God.” Her eyes saddened. “When he passed away, I didn't know how I'd manage. I spent many months fasting and praying. I thought our church we built would fall apart, but God didn't let that happen. I took my husband's place and became the pastor. I didn't think people would follow a woman, but they did. I got our church back on its feet and kept preaching the Word of God. People came from all over the country to hear the blind woman preach.”

“How did he pass away?”

Momma May closed her eyes, revisiting the memory. “Car accident, Christmas of 1978. He was hit by a drunk driver coming home from a late night at the church. I was sitting at home with my grandbabies, wrapping gifts for friends and family. They wanted to open one present, which was a tradition passed on to them from their parents. I told them to wait for Grandpa to come home. There was a knock on the door. The girls jumped up, excited, thinking it was Grandpa, but I was thinking why would he knock when he had a key? I got up and went to the door. It was the police. They told me about the accident, said my husband died on the way to the hospital.

“Losing the love of your life is the hardest thing one will ever have to go through. I felt like I lost half of myself. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. God took away my true love, but He brought new ones here. You and Dante ain't the first kids to come to my doorstep. From the eighties until now, God blessed me to be able to help out kids who were around your age. They'd come to the church, lost and needing love, and God allowed me to shower them with it. It was my calling, to love those who knew no love. God is an awesome God.”

“And you're an awesome woman,” I told her. “I'm so grateful for everything, Momma May.”

“Don't thank me, baby. Thank God.”

 

 

Dante showed up the next day, looking happy, greeting us like he hadn't been missing for days. I understood why he did it, but it hurt knowing that he hadn't told me. He shut me out. I'd opened up to him about my life, my past, and he couldn't even let me in. Maybe I didn't deserve it or hadn't earned it. I couldn't expect him to open up to me just because I confided in him. But I was still disappointed.

“Hey, Hope.” I turned away from him, ignoring him. “What's wrong?”

“I'm gonna get something to drink, you want anything?” I asked Momma May.

“I'm fine, baby,” Momma May replied.

I stood up, bumping Dante's shoulder as I went inside. He followed. I went to the refrigerator, dramatically swinging the door open. I grabbed a can of soda and shook it up. Dante stared at me like a lost puppy.

“Hope, what did I do?”