Under the Wire (38 page)

Hell. He'd been fine. Alone. On his own. No one to answer to. No one but himself to be responsible for.

He'd been just fine.

Hadn't missed the hassles of parenthood. Hadn't missed the headaches. Hadn't wanted any of it.

And now he wanted it all. And he wanted Lily, too. But that was another issue. One he'd tackle when the time was right.

He let out a breath through puffed cheeks. Paced some more.

Forever passed.

Then an eternity.

What was taking so damn long?

His back was to the door when he heard Lily call his name.

And he suddenly wished he had more time. Time to prepare for the worst. Time to prepare for the best.

He made himself turn around . . . couldn't make himself look at her. Couldn't bear to see sorrow or, worse, pity or regret.

He tucked his hands in the hip pockets of his pants. Slowly entered the room.

And on a heavy breath, sought his son's eyes.

Oh God.

Adam's eyes were red—like he'd been crying.

Oh God. Oh God.

Manny hated knowing that he was the cause for the boy's tears.

Manny didn't know what to say. Wasn't aware of anything going on around him. Saw only his son on the bed. Saw only Adam's tentative and hesitant gaze searching his own.

"So," Adam finally said, his voice rough, his chin a little wobbly. He was trying his damnedest to be cool, but Manny could see the kid was every bit as wired as he was.

"So," Manny said, and damn, all he could do was wait.

"You're ... you're my dad, huh?"

Manny compressed his lips.

Nodded.

Watched.

Waited.

Adam's eyes filled up and Manny realized his own were burning, too.

"Cool," Adam said after another eternity had passed.

A lump the size of Ramanathan's stolen howitzer lodged in Manny's throat. Along with a relief so huge it crammed his chest to bursting.

"Yeah," he managed, and smiled at his son. "Very cool."

Two days later

"Come on, Mom. Don't go all taz on me."

Lily swallowed back the urge to scream. She was not supposed to
go all tai
?

"But why, Adam? Why, after all that's happened, would you want to stay here?"

Adam had been released from the hospital yesterday. Lily had booked them a room at Mahaweli Reach on the banks of the Mahaweli River, just outside Kandy.

It seemed like the perfect place to rest and regroup after Adam's ordeal and before they caught their flight home tomorrow. They were sitting under the shade of a colorful poolside umbrella—Lily and Adam, Manny, the Garretts, and Darcy—surrounded by trailing vines and flowers, sipping sweet fruit drinks and rehashing some of the events of the past few days, filling in the blanks for Adam.

What he'd been through—what the Muhandiramalas had endured—made Lily's stomach clench with horror. And now Adam was telling her he wanted to stay here.

She turned to Manny, looking in support in what was sizing up to be a major argument. He and the Garretts had also decided to stay an extra day while they tied up a seaman's chest full of loose ends concerning their role in both Adam's rescue and the successful joint assault on the larger force of insurgents at Wahala-purha.

Their conclusions about the SASL had been right on the money. Had Manny and Lily not found the howitzer, had Dallas not risked his life seeking out Ramanathan, and had Darcy and Ethan not found the information on the militant group online and pieced it all together, there would have been a full-fledged war raging between the Tamils and the Sinhalese that would have been devastating.

There had been mention of national recognition for the part they had all played not only in the Muhandiramalas' rescue, but also in uncovering the intended coup. Even Kavith was to be honored. And the joint Tamil/Sinhalese military op was being hailed as the most encouraging sign of putting the civil war to bed in the history of Sri Lanka.

"Did you know about this?" Lily asked when Manny didn't join her in her argument. "Did you know he intends to stay?"

When Manny gave her a blank look, then cut a glance at Adam, Lily had her answer.

"I can't believe you sanction this."

Unable to sit still, Lily rose, walked toward the courtyard rail. Far below, the rain forest and the snaking path of the Mahaweli flowed—a thin blue ribbon amid a lush sea of green.

"I signed on to do a job, Mom. I want to finish it."

Adam's voice was strong. Determined.

And Lily knew she was fighting a losing battle. That didn't keep her from trying to lob one more argument.

"Adam—"

Manny's hand on her arm stopped her. She'd been so focused on Adam, she hadn't realized Manny had moved in beside her.

"Let's take a walk." With a firm but gentle nudge, he guided her toward the far end of the courtyard.

"I can't let him stay." Realizing it sounded like a plea, she reined herself in. She was frustrated and scared— yes, scared. "I came so close to losing him."

"
We
,"
Manny said with emphasis. "
We
came so close to losing him."

She swallowed, nodded. "And yet, you seem to be on his side on this."

She tried not to make it sound accusatory, but she heard the accusation just the same. So did he. Along with a hint of something else.

"Look. I'm sorry if I sound irritated. Maybe even a little ... God, this is hard to admit... possessive of him."

She dragged a hand through her hair as the south wind picked it up and licked it around her face. "I've . .. well, it's just always been him and me, you know? I've never had to share him before. Never had to consult with anyone on decisions about his welfare."

Manny said nothing. He simply waited.

She shook her head. "Manny, I'm thrilled the two of you are bonding. I am. I look at Adam when he looks at you and ... the joy I feel in his joy ..." She felt those damn tears well up again and blinked them back. "It's a wonderful thing to watch."

"But the transition from single parent to one of a pair— that's not so easy," he concluded, leaning a hip against the concrete rail and crossing his arms over his chest.

She gave him a tight smile. "No. Not so easy."

"What do you want me to do, Lily? Do you want me to tell him I think he should go back to the States with you?"

She squinted against the sun, then met his eyes. Dark eyes. Beautiful eyes. Earnest and truly seeking.

"I want you to tell me what you think he should do," she admitted, drawing her gaze away from his because she had so many questions that had nothing to do with Adam. Questions about the two of them. About what happened next.
If
anything happened next.

"He has something to prove, Lily. To himself. To you . . . even to me."

"He more than proved himself these past few days."

"Agreed. But he has to put a period on the end of that sentence. He thinks that if he leaves, he's running."

She tucked a handful of hair away from her face. "He told you that?"

He shook his head. "He doesn't have to."

She breathed deep of floral-scented air. Looked out over the valley again. "I don't know...."

"There's something else at play here. Have you noticed how he reacts when Minrada's name comes up?
The way he looked at her the day she visited him in the hospital?"

Lily snapped her gaze to Manny. "Minrada? He's got a thing for Minrada?" She shook her head. "She's lovely and all, but. . . my God, she must be five, six years older than he is."

One corner of Manny's mouth tightened. A smile of sorts. Of satisfaction. Maybe even pride.

"You find that amusing?"

"Yes,
querida.
Amusing and satisfying to know that my blood runs strong in his veins. Adam, too, appreciates the allure of an older woman."

She could happily dwell on the implication of that declaration if she let herself. And she would. Later. When they weren't talking about her child.

"He's just a boy."

"Who survived with a man's wit, a man's cunning. A man's bravery. Not a boy, Lily. He is not a boy any longer. I know. I have been where he has been."

As a sixteen-year-old soldier/spy for the Contras.
Yes,
Lily realized. Manny knew exactly where Adam had been.

"Maybe . .. maybe that's what's bothering me the most," she confessed after a long moment. She wanted her little boy back. But Manny was right. After all Adam had been through, all he'd survived, he would never be a boy again.

"I'd give anything .. .
anything,
if he hadn't had to lose his innocence this way."

"He's strong, Lily. He'll be fine. He'll be fine because you've done an amazing job raising him."

She took some small comfort in Manny's approval. And yet...

"I'm staying with him," Manny said quietly.

When she searched his face she saw that he'd given it a lot of thought.

"I want... hell. I've lost so much of him. I want to get to know him better. And since he's determined to stay, it'll make me feel a helluva lot better to be here with him."

"Yeah," he added sheepishly when she wrinkled her brow. "I talk a good line, but you aren't the only one with reservations about him staying on by himself."

Lily supposed she ought to breathe a sigh of relief over Manny's news. He was staying behind with Adam. Manny would make certain their son stayed safe.

And she was relieved. And disturbed, yet again, by the reality of this new shared parentage. What Manny said, what he did, mattered. Held weight.

"Lily? It's only six more weeks."

She gathered herself, met Manny's concerned eyes. "Okay," she said, and accepted that she may have gotten her son back, but that nothing would ever be the same between them again.

She forced a smile, hoped it didn't look as pained as it felt. "Okay. He can stay."

Manny held her gaze for a long moment. A moment in which she sensed he wanted to say something more. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking on her part, because he finally nodded.

"He'll be all right. Come on. Let's go let the poor kid off the hook. He's probably thinking we're about to arm wrestle to settle this."

Like she could possibly win in a test of strength.

Or a test of will.

She smiled because that's what Manny wanted her to do, and walked with him to tell Adam the news. On the one hand, it wasn't right to leave him hanging. On the other hand, it looked like Lily was going to dangle in the wind for a while yet where Manny was concerned.

Now that Adam was safe she'd had a lot of time to think about Manny. About Manny and her.