Undercover (7 page)

Jenny shrugged. Crowds and planes weren’t all that exciting. The lovely feeling spreading through her body was a different matter; he was caressing her back. She glanced up with a smile playing on her lips, and found him looking back. A moment later he pulled her close and mumbled something indecipherable, “
ya soskucheelsya
.”

“What did you say?”

He pressed his lips against her temple. “I have missed you. More than you know.”

The statement made treacherous tears well up under her eyelids. She wanted to ask him to never go away again, to stay with her always, but swallowed it down.

“What would you like to do, my sweet? Make love? Go out to dinner?”

Jenny smiled and rubbed her nose against his. “Yes. And in that order would be nice.”

*****

Alex’s journey had been long and followed an eventful few weeks. He stayed up for well over two days, and when he relaxed, holding Jenny in his arms, he struggled not to fall asleep. He didn’t travel across the world to sleep the time away, but he was so tired.

Her head rested on his shoulder and she stroked his chest.

“I like that.”

She purred, “Good.”

It felt good, and her body was warm and comforting. As much as he tried to stay awake, his eyes fell shut. He didn’t even realize he was sleeping until he woke up from her trying to free herself from his grip. Where was he again? Oh yes, hotel room. Nothing to worry about.

Jenny kissed his cheek. “Go back to sleep lover, I’ll be right back.”

He leaned on his elbows. “No, I cannot sleep now. I must take you to dinner.”

“Don’t be so stubborn, handsome. Lie down and close your eyes, I’ll be right back.”

A warm and perky breast pressed against him for a moment, and going back to sleep should have been the last thing on his mind. He didn’t mean to; he planned to get up and get dressed, but the sight of Jenny’s body bathed in evening sunlight followed him into a dream instead. He didn’t wake up again until the door made a soft beeping noise an hour later.

Jenny came in with her arms filled with paper bags from a Chinese restaurant, and stopped just inside the door. She said, “Oh wow, you’re sexy.”

“Oh yes, nothing like a man who can’t keep his eyes open.”

Her laughter sounded so bright and pearly it made him smile too. “Well, you’re awake now.”

*****

The drive home took much longer than usual. They made up reasons to stop and look at things, just for fun, and Jenny enjoyed every second. Eventually, she pulled in on a driveway lined by snowy trees and parked in front of a two storey colonial house. She had picked the light yellow color herself, and painted over the old brownish nuance with great care. A white veranda stretched around it and she wished it was summer.

Alex eyed the large building with a wry smile. “Oh, you did not lie. It is huge.”

“Yeah, it’s lovely in summer, but wintertime kinda sucks. I’m sorry ‘bout that.”

She turned the car off and leaned back in the driver’s seat, pulling a hand through her hair, “It will be a little cold right now, but I’ll get some fires going, and it will be better.”

It didn’t seem funny at all to her. One day when she was at work, John went to the pub instead of making a fire in the furnace. The household water miraculously survived, but the radiator system leaked like a sieve. She had a couple of electric heaters to keep the temperature above zero, a kerosene heater, and wood stoves. The place was livable, but only with a considerable amount of work. Alex laughed. “You know… when I grew up, we sometimes needed to wear our coats to bed because there wasn’t any gas to heat the rooms. It will be alright.”

She wasn’t so sure. He reached out to caress her hair. “Don’t worry about it.”

Good advice, but hard to follow. She
was
eager to show him everything, to share her life with him. They started out in the kitchen, and Alex poked the old wood stove. It was a large thing with four burners and large baking ovens, and would hold huge quantities of wood. “Why don’t you use this one? It would make the place warm in no time.”

“There’s a problem with the chimney, and I’m afraid to go up on the roof.”

She should have taken him to the apartment in town instead; that would at least have been warm, but it was so small. There was just enough room for her and the cat.

To Jenny’s relief, Alex took everything with extreme calm, and working together, it didn’t take them long to start fires in all her stoves. The house was beautiful with high ceilings, old wooden floors, and big windows. Once they got the heat up, it was cozy too.

In the evening, they sat in front of the massive stone fireplace by the TV, having dinner and drinking wine. The cat tried to steal food from Alex’s plate, Jenny admonished it to behave, and he grinned, “It is a cat. It will not listen to you.”

Holding her feline friend close, she murmured, “At least you’re not angry with me for leaving you alone yesterday, are you, Belinda?”

Belinda probably roamed around the house all night, searching for imaginary mice, or curled up next to an electric radiator. She drew courage from it to ask a scary question. “How long can you stay?”

He looked away. “I’ve taken three weeks of shore leave. I can probably stay longer if you still want me, and I can leave earlier if you want to get rid of me.”

She reached for his hand. “I don’t want to get rid of you, okay? I want you to stay.”

He nodded, but didn’t look convinced. The subject was better left alone for now; he’d figure it out for himself eventually. She worried so much about him not wanting her, and never expected him to be thinking the same thing.

As the evening turned to night, Alex dug out an old record from her collection. “Would the lady care to dance?”

Gifted with two left feet, that did not sound appealing. “I… Uh… I don’t know… I never really…” She wasn’t making any sense, and tried again, “I never do that, so I’m probably terrible at it.”

He made a face that clearly said she was silly, and took her hand. He spun her around, laughing softly, and held by his strong arms, the risk of stepping on his feet or falling seemed smaller. Alex smiled, looked deep into her eyes, and murmured, “Let’s try this, shall we.”

They danced slowly, the light from the fire illuminating the room with a warm glow, and after a couple of minutes he stopped to kiss her. They were soon making love on the thick rug instead.

*****

Jenny took a couple of day’s vacation; their time together seemed much too precious to be wasted. They stayed at home the next day, not really doing anything except for a trip down to the village for supplies. She beamed when they walked through the store side by side.

She had plenty of books, and Alex fell asleep on the sofa with a half-read thriller open on his chest. They made dinner together, shared a bottle of wine, and had a good time. It seemed almost magical.

Late that night, she rested in his arms, wondering if he was happy too. He murmured, “This place is a piece of heaven on Earth.”

It didn’t take long for her to drift off to sleep, into sweet dreams, but she woke up a couple of hours later. Her lover tossed and turned in his sleep, mumbling in Russian. She didn’t know what to do, but she didn’t want to leave him all alone with whatever it might be, so she ran her hand gently over his arm. He woke up immediately, and sat straight up in bed, as if he had a spring in his back. Jenny fought her way up to sitting beside him, saying, “Lover.”

He didn’t look at her, and she tried, “Alex, you had a nightmare. It’s okay.”

He stared at her blankly for a second. When he shook the dream and returned to reality, he pulled her close and held her hard, entangling one of his hands in her hair.

After a few long moments, he eased his grip a little and mumbled, “I’m sorry… I’m sorry to wake you up.”

She leaned lightly against him. “Don’t be sorry, there’s nothing to be sorry for. Do you want to talk about it?”

*****

Alex knew it was his past coming back to haunt him now when he was finally relaxing, after a lifetime on the edge. He felt Jenny in his arms, she was solid and warm and smelled good, but he still saw images of people long since dead on the inside of his eyelids, and he
really
did not want to talk about it.

It was just a dream and the dead weren’t coming back to claim revenge on him by wringing her out of his fingers, but the feeling of doom was difficult to get rid of. When he killed that particular woman, the one who was pulling Jenny down into the water with her in his dream, she hadn’t been a corpse swollen from a long time in water. She was a pretty girl with dark hair and blue eyes, not greenish and rotting with algae in her hair. She didn’t have one milky eye staring unseeingly into nothingness and one socket filled with worms, and she wasn’t dressed in rotting rags.

She had been a living breathing fifteen-year-old girl, one that died by his hands, and that made it all worse. The rest was just morbid details filled in by his own subconscious, but the very thought of the abomination from his dream touching Jenny filled him with dread. He wasn’t too worried about bringing misery over himself; he deserved it. She did not.

He felt Jenny move a little in his arms and knew he was holding her too tight, but it was difficult to let go. He had killed a lot of people in his life, not all of them in the call of duty, and if his mind was going to replay the deaths of every one of them, claiming their revenge on him in his sleep, it was going to take some time.

“Lover…”

Her whisper helped him regain control and he forced himself to relax the crushing grip. He buried both hands in her hair instead. “You’re really here, aren’t you?”

She nodded, but wouldn’t meet his gaze. He was acting crazy, he
knew
he was acting crazy, but being normal was so difficult. Then, she drew a deep breath and lifted her face. “I’m here.”

The words were comforting. “Can I… Can I hold you?”

She blinked and frowned a little, and he wished he could think of something reassuring to say. Something that didn’t come from the verge of a mental breakdown. Nothing at all came to mind, and he expected her to yell at him, at least a little. Jenny just bent forward to press her lips against his. “Of course.”

Lying down took all the self control he could muster, but feeling her curl up against him made it worth the effort. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close, and even managed to smile when she ran a hand over his chest. “I’m happy you’re here.”

Should he tell her the truth? Probably not. She might
think
she wanted to know everything about him, but telling her about the dream would be self-serving. He whispered, “I love you.” This, at least, was a truth he could share.

Her warm body pressed against his was heavenly, and he wouldn’t exchange the weight of her head on his shoulder for all the tea in China. It still took hours before he went back to sleep.

Chapter Nine

When Jenny woke up again, pale rays of sunlight played on the wall, and the bed next to her was empty. She made a fire in the bedroom stove, put on a robe and slippers, and went downstairs. The house felt empty. Knowing she was alone didn’t stop her from peeking into a few of the rooms, just to doublecheck.

She put the kettle on, fed the cat, and moseyed into the bathroom to brush her teeth. Where could Alex have gone, and how did he get up without waking her? The car was still in the yard. They weren’t within walking distance of anything, and she had an almost paranoid notion of something from his dream coming to claim him in real life.

Back in the kitchen, she lifted the cat up on her shoulder, poured herself a cup of tea, and plodded back towards the stairs. Unless he vanished in thin air, he’d show up eventually. The front door opened as she passed it and Alex stepped in, looking quite happy. “I’ve been out running. It’s possible to run around the lake.”

Unexpected. Going for a run early in the morning, in the bitter winter cold, might be a normal thing where he came from. At least as normal as walking around with a cat perched on one’s shoulder…

“Yes. Yes, it’s possible, but it’s eight miles around the lake.”

The information widened his smile, and he smacked a kiss on her cheek. “That’s perfect. I need to stay in shape. I’ll just run upstairs and take a shower, and I’ll be right with you.”

“No, love, it’s cold down here. I’ll bring breakfast up.”

They had breakfast in bed, and it was very cozy. A lock of her hair fell down over her face, and he lifted it away. “Can we have another day like yesterday?”

She kissed his hand, “Absolutely.”

“You know, I’ve seen you have lots of big trees lying behind the barn. I could make them into firewood.”

That sounded like much too much hard work, not to mention exposure to the elements. Too much outside could not be healthy. She didn’t know how to tell him no, so she tried, “It’s cold outside.”

He shook his head ever so little. “No, not really.”

The look on his face moved her, and she leaned closer to kiss him. He made love to her with more passion than she expected, almost desperately, and he did go out afterwards, creating quite a pile of firewood in the barn. She wasn’t used to men really
doing
anything. He shrugged her words off with a little smile, claiming it was good exercise.

Jenny made fires to keep the chill outside, and later she cooked lunch and went out to get him. Even doing dishes together seemed like fun. This was what being a couple was supposed to be like. Equals, doing things together. Compared to her earlier relationships, this was quite a revelation. She mentioned it, casually, and Alex shrugged. “I wouldn’t know, this is my first.”

Luckily, she held the silverware right over the drawer, and dropping it didn’t make too much noise. “What? Didn’t you even have a teenage girlfriend?”

He leaned against the counter with a smile tugging at his lips. “Women, yes. Something like this, no.”