Undercover Professor (13 page)

Lucy laughed at Drew being called
the kid
. “Yeah, it’s hard to work and go to school at the same time. I should be done in a few weeks, if I can get one professor to sign off on an internship. He’s being a stickler about the requirements, even though I work full-time. I can’t get him to budge.”

“Oh, that’s a shame. Maybe if you talked to him, face-to-face? Sometimes that helps, when someone’s being stubborn.”

Lucy shook her head and the doors swooshed open. She matched her slow steps to Susan’s. “I tried that. Three times. He won’t even meet with me. But hopefully I can wear him down. Otherwise I need another semester.”

They paused at the mailboxes and Susan pulled out her key. “Good luck, Lucy. Good to see you again.”

Lucy waved and hurried out the door, ready to shrug off reality for just a few hours and indulge in her book, some coffee and a comfy chair at the coffee shop.

When she returned, the workmen were finishing up installing her own washer and dryer.

“What the hell is this? I didn’t buy this, it must be a mistake.” She stared at the gleaming machines. So many bells and whistles, they probably folded and put everything away too.

“Here’s the work order, ma’am.”

She looked it over. Signed and paid for by Drew. Of course.

That A-hole. Thinking he could bribe his way back into her good graces? “No. I can’t have this here, get rid of it. There was a mistake, this isn’t mine.”

The workmen all stared at her uncertainly, like she was insane. Why would anyone get rid of a brand-new washer dryer combo?

The elevator swooshed open and Becca came in from a long shift, her scrubs rumpled and her hair twisted up into a messy, adorable knot on the top of her head. She must have been crying. Her face was pink and puffy and the tip of her nose rosy. The workmen sucked in their guts as one and stood up straight.

“Hi, Lucy. What did you buy?” She sniffled and gave a wobbly smile.

“I didn’t buy it. Dr. Asshole bought his mom one and got me one too,” she gritted out.

“Great, I have a load of scrubs ready to go, I’ll be right over and we can watch last night’s shows, okay?” Their tradition to watch the previous night’s TV together, since Lucy had class and Becca worked a long shift.

“I can’t keep it.”

“Oh, honey. Don’t be an idiot. Of course you can keep it.” Becca rushed off, and the workmen let their guts back out before ignoring her feeble protests as they packed up to go.

A moment later, Becca hurried down the hall with a load of scrubs, dressed in sweats, her face scrubbed clean.

She dodged a few workmen, shooing them out. Lucy stood uncertainly, realizing she was losing the battle, but she didn’t have the energy to fight. Not with Becca looking so genuinely upset.

“Rough day at the coal mines?” Lucy gently asked as Becca loaded in the clothes.

“Yeah. I lost one.” She sighed, a soft, genuine heartbreaking sigh. “I’m glad I don’t have to leave the apartment tonight, I just can’t face real life right now, you know?”

Becca knuckled at her eyes, trying to be subtle. But she had been fighting for that little sick baby for a few weeks now.

Lucy’s own world came sharply into focus. Fighting about a dryer, a gift from someone she had once loved, was petty and stupid. Not when someone was suffering from real heartbreak. Someone noble and true and who had a heart as big as a Buick. If keeping a washer-dryer set would help make Becca’s life a little easier, then she would keep it.

“I’m so sorry, Becca.”

Every time her cousin lost a baby, she took it to heart. And Lucy knew that there was nothing she could do to help. Other than just be with her.

Becca nodded. “Yeah. We’re all having a rough one, aren’t we? How are you doing?”

“Fine. I still can’t get in to talk to that professor. I stake out his office hours, and I swear he knows when I’m around to dodge me.”

“Other than that?”

She meant how was Lucy’s heart. “Fine. Just fine.”

Becca nodded with a sad smile. “You will be soon. Give it some time. Want to have some alfredo tonight for dinner?”

Comfort food. Lucy went into the kitchen and started prepping the ingredients for the dish. She glanced at the Rolling Stones poster from the corner of her eye and realized she was famished for the first time in a week. She hadn’t eaten a proper meal, subsisting on coffee and meal-replacement bars while she tried to ignore her emotions. She picked up the poster and slid it in the space between the washer-dryer unit and the wall of her closet before going back to the kitchen and opening a bottle of white.

* * *

“Hey, Lucy?” They sat on opposite ends of the couch, big bowls of pasta balanced on pillows on their laps, feet up, facing the TV. Becca had been abnormally quiet for most of the prep. They both needed he silence, and she was deep inside her head too.

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry if I ever got between you and Andy. I mean Drew.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I know you have a rule about not dating people who dated family members. Because of Kevin. Which is an absurd situation to start with, but whatever. I just wanted you to know, Andy and my relationship, it was nothing. Absolutely nothing. I was living it out in my head. So I hope you don’t think I’m upset that you were with him.”

“Hmm.”

“I mean, maybe a little, when I first found out. But then I saw how perfect you were together. And how wrong I was for him.”

“Hmm.”

“I just wanted you to know.”

“Hmm.” Lucy tried not to encourage the conversation.

“Good. Glad we cleared that up. Because on the same lines...” She drifted off, poking at her pasta with a piece of garlic bread.

“Hmmm?”

“Remember Dell?”

Lucy barked out a laugh. “Yeah, I remember Dell, why?”

Becca looked at her helplessly. “I couldn’t help myself. I took over the gaming system, and he was with all those little kids, and he was so tall, and they were so tiny, and my heart just melted.”

Lucy stared at her cousin, not knowing what to think. “You and Dell? Dillweed?”

“Yeah. We’ve been out on a few dates now. And Lucy?”

“Dillweed... I can’t believe it. What?”

“Lucy, I think he’s the one.”

“Becca, you think everyone’s the one.” Her words came out unexpectedly harsh. Not at Becca and Dell being together, because she had no claim on Dell. That had ended, in fact it had never even begun. “You thought Andy was the one. You thought Luke was the one. Remember Luke? With the punk-rock hair and the band?”

Becca stroked a lock of hair she had dyed bubble-gum pink, now grown out about three inches.

“Yeah. But this is different.”

“You say that every time too.”

“I know.” Becca glanced down. “But this time I mean it. He’s a good guy. A really good guy. He loves kids as much as I do and he’s so gentle. Even though he’s so big, he’s just so gentle. With me and with those kids. And he’s really good in bed. Like,
really
, really good.”

Lucy thought for a moment. Maybe this time it would be different for Becca. And no doubt, Dell was a great guy. Just not right for her. But maybe perfect for Becca. The more she thought about it, the more obvious it was.

“I hope you both find happiness. Of course you don’t have to worry about me being upset. But thanks for telling me. I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you right away too.”

Becca grinned at her. “I know you would have told me, sooner or later. I just get so caught up in my own life sometimes, I take over. I know.”

“You’re my best friend, Becca. You deserve every happiness. I love you, you nutball.”

“I love you too. And I want you to be happy.” A troubled frown crossed her face as she turned back to her dinner and the TV and Lucy’s heart twisted.

Happiness didn’t seem like an option these days. But just making it though the day without sobbing helplessly was the best she could do.

* * *

A few days later, just as she was recovering from the 5 p.m. rush at the store, she got a letter from the university. From the desk of the aggravating professor, congratulating her on completing her course studies, and alerting her he had signed off on the internship. He indicated her diploma would be sent in a few weeks. She suspected Drew had something to do with the professor’s change of attitude, but didn’t care.

A package arrived. The book she and Drew had talked about the first time they met, with the spaceship captain and the sexy four-armed interpreter. No note, just the book, wrapped up.

She sank into it in her spare time and she was surprised that she was able to enjoy it so much, considering the source.

Chapter Thirteen

“Ladies and gentlemen, may I present Dr. Andrew Sullivan.” The announcer cleared the stage for him. He took a deep breath, putting his head down to close his eyes and listen to his breathing for a second.
Life is what you make of it.
Now was his time to make his life right. Lifting up his head, he walked out to thunderous applause. The sides and back of the room were packed to standing room only, people sitting in the aisles.

He nodded his acknowledgement and began his presentation.

The stage setup was simple, but he knew it would make an impact. A chair, a TV, a gaming system. He carried up a cup of water with him and two of the model girls skipped out behind him to pose on the stage. The crowd hooted and hollered. He smiled at the girls before turning back to address the crowd.

“Thank you. Thank you so much. I really appreciate everyone coming out. Thank you Jena, Julie, for joining me up here.”

The crowd settled down, ready for his wise words of advice. His witty observations, his tips and techniques. He looked over the room, seeing so many hopeful faces.
I can’t let them down.

“I’m afraid there might be some misunderstanding in today’s topic. And I’m afraid I’m the one who misguided you. Truth be told, I was a bit misguided myself. But I’m here to be honest with you. Not give you a line of bullshit.”

He walked through the presentation, starting with the factual evidence. Photos of his survey subjects and their comments flashed up on the wall behind him. The photos of the girls got hoots and whistles, as he knew they would.

He put up photos of guys, with split screens of their avatars. He put up photos of the girls, with split screens of their avatars. He quickly established that it was a made-up world, everyone made fabricated images of themselves, because it was fun, and it was pretend.

“Here’s the breakdown, gang. You want to know what women want?”

The crowd leaned forward, nodding and shouting yes.

“Well, I can’t give you the golden key. Because there
is
no golden key. Women want what you guys want too. They want someone to love them for themselves. To accept them just as they are.”

The cheering and jeering slowly died down as his words sank in.

“They want to be respected, they want someone who respects himself enough to care about his appearance. And I’m not talking a pretty boy. Nobody asked for that. They did ask for general hygiene. But I don’t need to tell you that, your buddies probably already do. Listen to them.”

The crowd laughed, and he felt the mood of the room changing. He steadied himself with a sip of water. Now came make-or-break time. Things could turn ugly. Hopefully the crowd would follow him.

Drew took another sip of water. Consulted his notes. Put them down for a more conversational feel.

“To illustrate my next point, please take a look at what I have up here on stage with me. A flat-screen TV and a gaming system, a nice chair and a rug. Teddy, please join us.” Teddy, one of his students, hopped up on stage and took his place at the chair. A slightly chunky guy, short, who looked just like any other guy in the room. The models draped themselves over him, and he grinned at the audience, giving them a thumbs-up.

Drew laughed at Teddy’s clowning. “Okay, so we have our ‘average’ gamer, Teddy. Who is one of my students, by the way. But now it’s time for this to get real. And as lovely as Jena and Julie are, they aren’t real. They are part of the illusion that I’m going to break down. Jena is a mother of twin three-year-old boys. She does this modeling part-time and she’s in school part-time. Julie works in the administrative office of a car dealership.”

The ladies took their cue, unwound themselves from Teddy and left the stage.

He flashed up photos of them, in their everyday life, in everyday garb. Neither of them had a hint of cleavage showing. The crowd murmured, and Drew felt their confusion in the low sound of people shifting in their chairs.

“What do we have here? Teddy and his avatar.” He flashed up an image of Teddy’s avatar, a large muscle-bound gladiator. A few of the ladies in the audience hooted.

“Women want someone well rounded. Listen, if all you do is go to work or school, and come home and game? You are not well rounded. You have
got
to turn off the system and do something else. Just for a bit.”

The crowd laughed a little uncomfortably. He plowed forward, hoping to save the speech. “Look at what we left on stage. Teddy and a gaming system. That’s it. Now, say Teddy starts to branch out a little bit. He discovers a few authors he likes, and he starts to read some great books.”

Drew gestured to some of his author friends to join them on stage. They brought up folding chairs and sat in a conversational semicircle.

“Let me introduce you to some of my favorites.” He ran down the line quickly. Two fantasy writers, a mystery writer, a suspense writer and an überfamous comic book creator all stood. The crowd cheered for some of the bigger names.

Excellent, he had them interested again.

Drew jumped back in. “Now, nobody sits in silence gaming, do they? So Teddy here decides to pursue some of his favorite bands. He starts to go to a few concerts, to branch out. The next thing you know, you’re interacting with people. Your family and friends can talk to you about things other than just gaming.”

A small group of his students came up and Teddy moved across the stage to join them.

“And maybe there’s someone special in that group. Please meet Anna. Another one of my students.” A petite brunette separated herself from the crowd and stood next to Teddy.

“Now you have something in common with her. She likes to read.” They walked over to the authors and engaged in faux conversation.

“She likes some of the same music and you guys have a connection, other than just with the computer screen.” Slowly all the people on the stage filtered off, except Teddy and Anna.

“Do you see what I’m saying, folks? Nobody is telling you
not
to play the online games. But you came here today looking for me to tell you how to get chicks, right?”

The crowd murmured their agreement.

“If you’re hoping to find someone special, you have to get out from behind that computer. Figure out what you like to do, other than just gaming. And do it.”

“Thank you, Teddy, Anna.” They both exited the stage, leaving Drew alone in the spotlight.

“But most of all, we all want someone to love. Nobody is perfect. And we all want someone in our corner, rooting for us, come hell or high water.”

He felt the cameras close up on his face and he tried to not show his heartbreak. “Someone who engages us in the real world, not just online. Because that’s what life is about.”

He looked over the crowd, not seeing any of the faces because of the bright spotlight, but knowing they were there. “Life is meant to be lived. Not hide behind books, or games, or jobs, or careers. Life is meant to connect with people. If there’s one thing I can impart to you. Our online lives are a lie. A very pretty, very well-crafted lie.”

The room went silent.

“Here’s my own personal confession.” He put up a photo of Jessica Dunn. “I hurt this woman playing the game and she didn’t deserve it. I’d like to take this opportunity to apologize to her publicly for any pain I caused her.”

Lucy, blurry around the edges, grinning at him, the wind blowing her hair all over, came up on the wall. Taken the day of the Apple Festival, before he took her home and made love to her for the first time.

“And here, ladies and gentlemen, is my penance for putting way too much emphasis on the game. Women are much, much smarter than we are. You think you’re being sneaky? Don’t even bother. They already know.” The crowd gently chuckled and he felt the tension relieved from his chest the tiniest bit.

He paused and took a deep breath.

“Because I wasn’t honest, I lost the best thing I have ever had the dumb luck to stumble upon. The best thing, the one thing that meant everything. We shared a love of books and a love of music. We liked the same beer and she made me laugh harder than I have with anyone else. The one person who loved me just because I was me. And I couldn’t see it until it was too late. By the time I figured out how amazing she was, how hard I fell in love with her, she had already figured out what a fraud I was.”

He felt the cameras up close on his face, zooming in on his pain and heartbreak.

“When I started writing this article, I was going to write it differently. I wanted to help guys get lucky. Give them the secret pass into a girl’s pants. Well, there is no secret. I can’t help you with that. Because I found something so much more amazing, so much more worthwhile.”

“True love.” He paused and his voice cracked. He rubbed a hand over his face, before he looked up at Lucy, laughing at him joyfully from the photo.

“Be kind, to yourselves and to others. Value your friendships, both online and off. Don’t take it for granted like I did. Figure out how to make it work. And don’t ever, ever put anything in front of it.”

He clicked a button, and Lucy’s photo faded to black as he walked off the stage in silence.

He didn’t expect the speech to go well. He expected them to revoke his Comic-Con pass and make him a laughingstock. The lonely professor who wore his stupid heart on his stupid sleeve. The silent room proved his utter failure. But he didn’t care. This was more important. His own public penance.

Todd stood, his mouth gaped open, his phone halfway to his ear. Drew shrugged helplessly, mouthing the words, “I’m sorry.”

The crowd sat silent for a few seconds and then broke out into thunderous, foot-stomping applause. Drew was pushed back up to the corner of the stage by Teddy and Anna. They dragged him back up and the crowd leaped to their feet, screaming, hooting and hollering.

People swarmed him, wanting to talk about his studies and his thoughts. Drew smiled.

If he had an effect on just one person today, he had done something good.

* * *

Spring bloomed in Portland. The semester was done and Drew’s career had launched higher than he or Todd had imagined. His article in
Wired
magazine was a monstrously big hit, and he soon had a bidding war from some of the top-selling ladies’ magazines. He could pick and chose from the options spread in front of him. Everyone wanted to know who the mystery woman was who broke his heart. He declined comment, hoping Lucy wasn’t too mad about her photo being splashed on a JumboTron through most of Comic-Con. No way could he release her name.

Fame felt different now. Empty. He tried to make sure he conveyed his sincerity in every interview and every article.

* * *

It was a warm spring afternoon and Drew stopped into the Sports Authority to see if his replacement watch battery was in yet. He had a dive trip tentatively scheduled in a month as a small break from the publicity circuit. His thoughts drifted back to Lucy, as they inevitably did, even though it had been nearly two months. Sure, he could have taken his watch to another store, but he liked the burn in his gut when he saw the green polo shirt and black pant uniform Lucy sometimes wore.

They had talked about diving in Australia. He could picture it so clearly, both of them relaxed, enjoying the warm weather down under as the northern hemisphere suffered under chronic colds and flu.

Her freckles would get darker, her skin would take on a darker golden hue, even though she used sunscreen religiously. Her hair would streak from all the saltwater and he would get a goofy-looking sunglass tan.

He couldn’t seem to stop the torture from his own mind. It was like picking at a wound, never letting the scab heal over.

“Hmm...hang on, sir. I need to put a new hinge on this band, yours is getting a little loose. Do you have a few minutes?” the girl in the uniform green polo shirt asked him politely. He stared at her for a second, startled to see her upturned nose and blue eyes instead of Lucy’s chocolate-brown eyes and sideways grin.

“I don’t want it to fall off while you’re diving,” she explained uncertainly.

“Yes, of course. Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention. I’m going to look around the store, I’ll be back.”

He wandered off, burning time, not in any rush to get home. He went to a water fountain in the back of the store. Turning he glanced into one of the offices. A ’70s poster of Mick Jagger and the Rolling Stones sat propped against the wall. A big crack ran down the middle of the glass, separating Mick from the rest of the band.

His heart thudded loudly in his ears and he gripped the doorway for support. The name plaque announced Lucy Benoit. Regional Manager.

The office was empty. He ventured a few steps in and the light lavender scent teased his nose like a whisper. Barely noticeable around the scent of new soccer balls and shin guards. Like a memory his heart would never forget.

He glanced around, unable to stop himself from walking farther in. Random, generic office furniture, a computer on the desk, and filing cabinets. A photo of a youth soccer team decked out in the same green T-shirts the employees wore.

Next to it was a framed degree. He smiled, pride filled his chest and he rubbed at his collarbone. She did it. Because she could do anything. She was amazing. She was brave and kind and perfect.

A bunch of wedding planning manuals scattered across the desktop, with sticky notes poking out on pages. He stared, unable to turn away and end the pain. An eternity passed as he studied the books. His heart started and stopped, started and stopped. An eternity full of pain, heartbreak and yearning. His missed opportunity.

He had forced himself to stop calling her after the washer and dryer were delivered. She never answered, and he never left a message. But somehow he thought that nothing would change. If he gave her some space she would come around. And to be honest with himself, he was terrified to push harder than a book and a washer and dryer. His pride, his ego, demanded he wait a little bit before he crawled back to her again. They would patch it up and pick back up, clean and simple.

But somehow they would be together. She would see how much he loved her, and she would contact him. He thought a month would be enough time.