Underestimated (30 page)

words spilled out just below my ear.

I didn’t know how to respond. I knew he wasn’t

saying it like Drew had when he would make me tell him

to fuck my pussy or tell him that I wanted him in my mouth,

or sick shit like that. It was more attentive toward me, but

I still didn’t know what I wanted. Well, I knew what I

wanted I just knew that I couldn’t say it out loud.

“Touch me.”

What? Where the hell did that come from?

Dawson slid his hand down my body and across

the silk of my panties. I moaned and thrust my hips into

him. I knew I was wet, and he could feel it through the

cloth, but I didn’t care. I wanted to take them off anyway.

He moved his fingers around the elastic on my right leg

and I felt faint. Holy mother of Pearl, did he feel good. He

slid me out of my panties and continued his task. I finally

worked up the nerve to release him from his own

constricting jeans, and moved my hands to between us. I

didn’t let the contact of our lips break. I needed that

distraction.

I worked my hand up and down him while his

continued pleasing me, beneath him. It was a small step,

but I felt proud. I wished I could get enough nerve to tell

him to do that thing that he did so well with his tongue and

mouth, but I would surely die of embarrassment.

“What are you thinking right this second?” he

whispered to my lips.

“I don’t know, Dawson,” I panted with a heavy

breath.

“Yes. You do. Tell me what you need, Ry?”

“I can’t. I just need for you to do it.”

“I can’t read your mind.”

“I beg to differ. You’re always reading my mind.”

“And I think I know what you want, but you have to

tell me. I want you to be open with me, and I want to give

you your every desire.”

We kissed some more, and I was hoping he was

done with that request.

“Tell me, Riley.”

“I want you to go down on me.”

There. I said it.

I meant to say that he was already doing everything

right, but for some reason those words just fell right out of

my mouth.

“That’s my girl,” he smiled with one more kiss as

he made his way ever so torturing down my body.

We both moaned at precisely the same time. Drew

could have never made me feel like that. The orgasms

weren’t even the same. Orgasms with Drew were just that,

an orgasm. With Dawson they were a mixture of emotions,

love, sensations, feelings, senses and affection, all tangled

up in one.

As soon as I felt Dawson sensually slide his finger

into me, I let go, clinching the sheet and arching my back

from the release.

Dawson made his way back to my lips and then

moved to my side.

Um...What are you doing?

I was puzzled briefly as he pulled me close and

whispered that he loved me.

“I love you too, but don’t you have something to

finish?” I bluntly asked. We hadn’t had sex yet.

“You did finish. I’m sure of it,” he smiled.

“You didn’t.”

“I don’t need to. This wasn’t about me.”

“Bullshit, Dawson. You have a hard on.”

Dawson laughed at my boldness. “I wasn’t

planning on taking care of me. I want you to know that I

will always take care of you without asking for something

in return.”

“Okay. That’s just great,” I said, feeling my anger

evolving.

“What. Ry?”

“You. You’re not a God damn shrink. Stop trying

to fix me. That’s the stupidest thing I have ever heard of.

Why couldn’t you have just made love to me? Why do you

have to go and investigate everything?”

“You’re mad because I am trying to show you that

I am here for you?”

I blew out a puff of air and dropped back to the

bed. It was over. I didn’t want to have sex anymore

anyway, and if he brought up one thing about finishing my

story, I swore, I would punch him.

He didn’t. He never said another word. He

snuggled next to me and wrapped his arm around my

waist. I presumed he didn’t know what to say. I didn’t

know what to say. I just knew that I was tired of the

constant Dr. Phil attitude. It was driving me crazy.

***

“You okay?” Starlight asked as I dropped the refill

of the Styrofoam cups for the second time.

I wasn’t okay. I had a horrible headache, and just

wanted to go home to my couch alone. I didn’t want

Dawson there, and just wanted to be alone. I knew he had

planned on coming there. We hadn’t spent a night apart in

months, but I needed a break. I needed to breathe without

him up my ass.

“Yeah. I’m fine, just fighting a headache is all.”

Starlight walked over to the shelf and looked

through the different teas. She filled my peace mug with

hot water and seeped the teabag.

“Drink this. It’s lemon balm, it’ll help. I have some

good news for you, well maybe. I hope it’s good news

anyway.”

Star stopped talking when a tourist couple came to

pay for their novelty items, coffee and Danishes. I thanked

them after ringing them up and turned back to Star.

“Drink,” she said first, wanting me to drink the

herbal tea. “I just got the schedule for the next swap meet.

We’re going to Vegas, baby,” she said excited.

I was actually excited this time. We had such a

great time when we went the last time, once I relaxed and

knew that I wasn’t going to run into Drew, that is. I thought

that Dawson and I needed a break.

“When?” I asked.

“March.”

Great, that was almost four months away, a whole

winter.

“I can’t wait,” I said, trying to sound excited. She

talked on and on about it, and was going to make hotel

reservations right away to insure we got closer to the expo

this time.

“Why don’t you go on home? I’ll close up.”

I looked at the clock, and it was almost three. I

knew she wouldn’t be overwhelmed with customers, so I

took her up on her offer and left, stopping at the grocery

store on my way.

“Hi,” I answered my cellphone.

“Hey, you still mad at me?”

“I’m not mad at you, Dawson.”

“I’m sorry, Ry. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“It’s fine, Daw.”

“Where are you?” he asked, when he heard a car

horn blow, figuring that I wasn’t at the shop.

“On my way home, I left early.”

“Why? You okay?”

I rolled my eyes. I loved that he cared about me. I

loved that he loved me, but his constant badgering was

almost more than I could take. I couldn’t forget my past

because he wasn’t about to let me. If he wasn’t

continuously asking me if I was okay, he wanted to talk

about it, or me talk about it rather.

“Just a little headache, I’m going to go home and

take a nap.”

“Okay. I’ll bring supper home.”

“Dawson, can I just be alone tonight?” Why did I

just ask him permission to be alone? I was a twenty six

year old woman. I didn’t need his permission.

“Please don’t push me away, Riley.”

“I’m not, Dawson. I am still going to marry you,

and I still love you. I just need some alone time.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. I’ll talk to you later.”

I put the few groceries away and lay on my couch.

I didn’t really have a headache anymore, but I was feeling

a bit of, I don’t know, self-pity, maybe. I did doze off and

slept for all of twenty minutes before Lauren’s key

unlocked my door, and she let herself in.

“Ry?” she called.

I raised my hand for her to see that I was on the

couch.

She bounced around and sat in the chair.

“Watcha doing?”

Really?

“I was trying to take a nap,” I stated the obvious,

sitting up.

“Are you sick?”

“No. Tired.”

“What are you doing for supper?”

“Do you think about anything but food?”

“Yeah. Sex,” she smiled.

I smiled too. “What are you doing tonight? Let’s

order Chinese and have a girl’s night.”

“I don’t think Dawson is going to fit in,” she

teased.

“He’s not invited,” I replied.

“Uh oh, did you guys have a fight?”

“No. Not really. I just told him that I wanted to be

alone tonight. I feel like he is suffocating me.”

“Did you talk to him about it?”

“No. I am tired of talking about it,” I said, not

talking about the same thing that she was talking about.

Lauren and I wrapped ourselves in warm fuzzy

blankets and sat on the back deck with a twelve pack of

beer. It was just what I needed. The November sky was

dark and cloudy, kind of like my mood, but laughing about

silly stuff with Lauren pulled me right away from my self-

absorption. We only made it outside for about an hour and

were freezing. We ordered Chinese around seven. Lauren

flirted with the poor delivery boy something fierce. I

couldn’t help but laugh at her.

She didn’t stay long much after that. She woke too

early, and it was getting close to her bedtime. I found

myself alone and damnit if I didn’t miss my sheriff. I was

surprised that he hadn’t called, but I was sure that he was

trying to give me my space.

I showered and cuddled up on the couch as I

flipped on the television. I channel surfed for a while,

never landing on one certain show. I took a deep breath,

giving in and dialed Dawson.

“Feel better?” he asked on the first ring. I smiled. I

loved him so much, and wished then that I hadn’t been

such a prune. He would have been right there with me had

I not decided to go all dark on him.

“Yes, and I am sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?”

“I don’t know. For being such a pain, I guess.”

“You’re not a pain, Ry. I love you just the way you

are.”

I snorted. He shouldn’t love me. He shouldn’t love

me at all. He should have run the other way as soon as we

met.

“Well, I feel like a real idiot now.”

“Why?”

“Because, I am going to bed alone.”

“I will be there in twenty minutes,” he said. I could

see his smile through the phone.

“You will?”

“Unless you don’t want me to.”

“I want you to.”

***

Maine. It was freezing, and I was tired of being indoors.

Dawson and I spent a lot of time looking at wedding

magazines and planning our little wedding, and I freaking

loved it.

The week after New Year’s, I had gotten out of the

shop later than usual. Star was off visiting her daughter,

Moonie in Australia. I wanted to go with her. I was sure

she was warmer than I was. I locked the backdoor and

scraped the ice from my windshield.

Nine degrees? Really?

I cranked the ignition and my old car didn’t like the

winter either. It wasn’t starting.

I did the only thing I knew to do. I called Dawson.

“Hi, baby. You on your way? I’ve got a pot of

chili, homemade bread, and a warm cozy fire waiting for

you.

“That sounds amazing, but my car won’t start.”

“What’s it doing?”

“This,” I answered and cranked the key again,

holding the phone for him to hear.

“Hmm, sounds like the battery. Go back inside

where it’s warm. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

I did as I was told and watched out the front glass,

waiting for Dawson.

I leaned in and kissed him as soon as I got into the

warm car. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I called Charlie. He’s going to

come over in the morning and take a look at it for you.”

“You’re my hero,” I teased. He was my hero. I

didn’t know where I would be without him. I didn’t even

like to think about it.

I think Dawson could have won a chili cook off

contest with his chili. It was the best chili I had ever

tasted, and my Grandma Joyce made some pretty good

chili. I was so full. I couldn’t eat another bite. I tried to get

him to let me clean up, but he refused and made me go

soak in a hot tub while he did it.

We sat in front of the fireplace and made out like a

couple of teenagers. Dawson hadn’t asked about my

escape since we had gotten into the argument on

Thanksgiving. It had been weighing on my mind though. I

wasn’t having the nightmares and Drew didn’t haunt me in

my sleep. It wasn’t that. I just felt like it was something

that was important to Dawson. Something that he wanted

me to share with him. I felt like I owed it to him. He had