Underestimated (40 page)

shortly after, and he pounded hard and fast into my ass for

I don’t know how long. I knew it was over when I heard

him moan loudly and steady himself deep inside of me.

I woke in the morning fully clothed in what I went

to bed in. Did I dream all of that? Was it all just a

nightmare? I tried to notice how I felt down below, but I

couldn’t assuredly tell. It felt a little off, but I didn’t know

if that was just me being paranoid or not. I grabbed the

bottle of pills to see if they had been switched. They

hadn’t. It was the same little blue pills that I had been

taking for over a month, the ones that Dr. Tharp had

prescribed when he released me.

I showered and pulled on a pair of jeans and a knit

shirt. I went into the kitchen, and Marta had eggs and toast

ready for me sitting on the table in the kitchen.

Drew came in shortly after wearing a smile,

dressed in his expensive suite.

“Good morning,” he said, kissing the top of my

head.

“Good morning,” I replied. I didn’t want to be a

bitch if I had imagined the nightmare that I was almost sure

took place the night before. I was trying like hell to

convince myself that the incident in the car was just a

fight, and not dwell on that either.

Drew ate with me and then disappeared to his

office. I needed out of that house. I needed to go

someplace where I could think.

I walked right into his office, purposely not

knocking. I got the same dirty look for barging in.

“Could you leave us please,” I asked Derik,

standing in the same stuffy clothes as Drew.

He blew out a puff of air as if he was saying, in

your dreams.

“Go, Derik,” Drew demanded.

He left, but gave me a look that I wasn’t sure of. It

was somewhere between a warning and a vengeful

expression. I didn’t care.

“I need a car today,” I spit out. I thought Drew was

going to fall off of his chair.

“You need a car?”

“Yes. I have to get out of this house for a while

before I go crazy. I did drive before, didn’t I?”

“Not really. You were driven to where you wanted

to go. Don’t you remember what happened the last time

you drove?”

“No, Drew. I don’t. I don’t remember any fucking

thing,” I smartly replied. How dare him.

“Where do you want to go? I will have Derik drive

you.”

“I don’t even want to be in the same room with that

man. I want to go alone. I do have a driver’s license,” I

stated. I did have a license. My hair was blonde in them,

and they were good until my next birthday.

“You don’t like Derik? You liked him before,” he

reminded me. I rolled my eyes.

“Maybe I did, and maybe I didn’t. I have a feeling

that my whole life before the accident was nothing but a

lie.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, Drew. Can I take your car or not.”

“How long are you going to be gone? Where are

you going?”

“I have no idea, but I am not twelve. I think I will

be fine.”

“Why don’t you go to Lennox Park?” He suggested

and stood to take his keys from his pocket.

I knew where that was. I don’t know how I knew,

but I did.

Chapter 15

I knew I was being followed. I could see not only

Derik but also Drew in the rearview mirror. I didn’t care.

They could follow me all they wanted. I had nowhere to

go. I did take Drew’s advice and went to the park. I

walked the red brick path around the park and sat at a

bench. I watched the kids play and run around. It felt good.

I smiled at their innocent happiness as they ran and yelled

happily.

I knew Drew and Derik were somewhere close,

but I wasn’t going to even look around for them. I didn’t

care. I needed to figure out what I was doing. I couldn’t

stay with him. Maybe I could talk to Mr. Callaway. He

seemed to be amiably concerned about me. That would be

fine had I known where to find him or how to call him. My

cellphone had one number in it, Drew’s. Why did I not

have other friends? Why didn’t I know anyone else? Why

hadn’t anyone come by to check on me?

“Dawson,” I whispered out loud. Who was

Dawson and why did I feel lost without him? I wasn’t sure

about anything, and sitting there amongst a bunch of

strangers was doing nothing for my memory. I may as well

give up and live with the cards that I have been dealt. I got

up and started walking through the park again. I didn’t

look up and kept my head down. The red brick went into a

big circle around the park, and I walked, following it back

to where I started. If I could only follow the path back to

where I remembered who the hell I was I would be a

happy camper or would I. Something told me that I didn’t

want to know who I was before.

I stopped and looked up at the building across the

road. ‘Lennox Library,’ I knew that building. Well maybe

not knew, but it did seem to be ambiguously familiar. I

walked off the path and into the drought infested grass. I

could hear the crunch underneath my sneakers as I walked

across the dry grass.

I pushed the crosswalk button and waited for the

sign to tell me that it was my turn to cross. I went into the

building, and for some reason I knew to go to the second

floor of the massive library. I didn’t know what was on

the second floor, but I knew I had been there.

“Can I help you find something?” a lady asked

from behind a desk after I just stood there.

“Do you know who I am?” I asked. It was a dumb

question but worth a shot.

“Excuse me?” she asked as if she hadn’t heard me.

“Never mind,” I said and walked to the nonfiction

section. I had read so many of those books, and I knew that

I had gotten them from right there in that library.

Why does it even matter Morgan? It’s not like

you’re going to remember anything of any importance

anyway. Who cares if you used to check out books there?

Wait…I had an e-reader. I remembered Drew taking it

away from me. Why would I come to the library if I had

access to millions of books right at my fingertips? I took a

deep breath and ran my hands over my face and pinched

the bridge of my nose. I had a horrible headache that

seemed to be getting worse the more I tried to figure out

my life.

I was just exiting the building when my cellphone

rang.

“Are you okay?” Drew asked. Who else would it

be? I only had one number.

“Yes. I’m fine. I’m heading back now.”

“Did you have a nice time?”

“Yeah. I’ll see you in a little bit,” I replied,

agitated as hell.

Drew must have believed me and knew that I was

coming home. The car that I was sure they had followed

me in was parked in front of the house.

Once again I barged right into his office. I tossed

his keys and left without a word. I pretended not to notice

the screen on his computer and walked in and right back

out. I had a headache from hell, and couldn’t process what

I had seen just yet. I went right to my bed and lay across it

holding my head. I wasn’t about to touch the bottle of pills

again. I would deal with the pain.

The sound of the white phone on the nightstand

was deafening and echoed through my head. I was annoyed

that I had to move to answer it.

“What?” I answered. I didn’t know who it was. I

didn’t care.

“Are you okay?” Drew asked.

“Fine, I just have a horrible headache and want to

rest a while.”

“Why don’t you take a pain pill and sleep a little.”

“I am never taking those pills again,” I assured him

and myself.

“Why?” he asked. I didn’t know if I had imagined

the whole thing the night before or not. I really didn’t

know, but I wasn’t taking the chance.

“Because they make me have horrible nightmares,”

I retorted, hung up and lay my head back into my hands.

When I woke a couple hours later, my head did

feel better. It wasn’t entirely gone, but at least it wasn’t

pounding like it had before I had fallen asleep. I didn’t

move. I lay in the same position that I had for the past

couple of hours with my face buried in my hands.

I knew that I had to revisit what I had seen in

Drew’s office. I knew that there were cameras in this

room. I didn’t get a close look, but I knew this room was

on that screen. I wondered if my bathroom was under

surveillance as well. I had a good feeling that it was. That

was how he knew that I couldn’t get out of the tub that first

day that I was home. That was how he knew to come and

take the e-reader from me, but why? What was on it that he

didn’t want me to see? That was how he knew that I was

pleasing myself the other night. Why was I on constant

surveillance? Were there always cameras in here or was it

just since my accident and he wanted to be able to see that

I was okay?

For some reason, and I wasn’t sure what that

reason was. I knew that this had always been my room and

Drew, and I never had slept together. What the hell was

going on? Why couldn’t I just remember? Damnit, I

wanted to remember. I needed to remember.

I pretended to stay asleep when Drew opened the

door and sat on the side of my bed. He ran his hand up my

arm and shoulder.

“Morgan,” he softly spoke.

I moaned and removed my hands from my head.

“Feel better?” he asked. His hand brushed across

my breast and my stomach as I rolled over. I ignored it.

“Yeah, I think so. Sorry I was a little testy earlier.

It wasn’t you. I just had a horrible headache, probably too

much sun.” I had no idea what my plan was, but I knew I

had to keep Drew at bay, at least until I knew whether my

fears were real or not.

“It’s okay. You’ve been sleeping for quite a while.

Why don’t you come down and get something to eat.”

I smiled and sat up. I wrapped my arms around his

neck and his wrapped around my waist. I could tell he was

taken aback. That was what I was going for.

“Do you love me, Drew?” I asked, running my

fingers through the back of his hair and along his neck.

“What kind of question is that? Of course, I love

you. You’re my wife.”

“You never tell me,” I said, pulling away and

touching his bottom lip with my finger. That took him by

surprise too.

“I guess we’ve just never had that kind of

relationship. You have never been one to say it either, but

we both know.”

He moved my finger away from his lip. He didn’t

like the intimacy with me. Hmm… I pondered.

I kissed him next. I mean, I seriously kissed him,

holding the sides of his face and shoving my tongue into

his mouth. I pulled myself up to my knees, forcing my body

closer to his. He pushed me away and looked at me totally

stunned. I had just knocked the wind out of him, rendering

him speechless. I couldn’t let it stop me. I didn’t know

what I was doing. I had no plan, but I knew something

wasn’t right. I didn’t belong with him. Something was

missing. I knew that he didn’t operate this way. I could

feel it.

I brought my bare feet to the floor and stood

directly in front of him. He still didn’t speak. I don’t think

he was able to. I wrapped my arms around his neck once

again, and his stayed on the knees of his dress pants. I

softly kissed his lips and moved down his neck. I didn’t

really mean to become aroused. I was only trying to take

charge, something that I was sure I never did before. I

don’t know how I knew that. I just did. I was, however,

becoming aroused. His expensive cologne and sexy

physique was undoubtedly causing me to become instantly

wet.

I moved my hands to the top button of his dress

shirt and slowly worked my way down while my tongue

and lips teased his neck and occasionally his lips. By the

time I got to the third button his hands were on mine.

“What are you doing, Morgan?” he asked, trying to

regain the control. I wasn’t having it.

I pulled my hands out of his, not taking my eyes

from his. I liked being over him. I felt like I had a little

more power with him having to look up to me. My heart

and nerves would have argued. There was such a rush of