Underestimated Too (2 page)

“Marta, please don’t do this. This has nothing to do
with you.”

“This is the second time this month, Morgan. That’s
two too many for me. I’m not sure I can sit around here and watch this
escalate. Is this how you want Nicholas to see you?”

“Marta. You’re out of line. It’s none of your
business.”

Marta nodded, smiled a weak smile, and turned to
prepare our dinner. I walked away. Was she right? Did I really want my baby to
see this? Walking into the bathroom, I shook my head at my reflection. I had a
black eye—again. Marta was right. This was twice in one month. Was it always
going to be this way? No, no it wouldn’t. We were going to counseling. We’d get
through this. We had to.

I wondered what Celeste and Alicia thought the next
day when I declined a shopping excursion and lunch. Did they know? I had a
pretty good hunch they did. I hung out upstairs with Nicholas most of the
morning. Drew was quiet and worked in his office most of the morning. It wasn’t
unusual for him to do that after an incident. He buried himself in his work,
trying to hide behind distraction.

After laying Nicholas down for a nap, I went to
Drew. I hated this. I hated the tension and the wall he placed between us. Opening
the door, I walked around his desk without so much of a glance. I took the
papers, saturated in graphs from his hands, and moved in front of him.

Drew wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his
head in my lap. “Let’s go to the beach house next week,” he suggested without
looking up.

“Okay.”

Drew stood, crushing my mouth with his. I know it’s
really messed up, but making love to Drew after one of his episodes brought us
closer. The emotions, the feelings, and sensations shared between us were
surreal. I don’t know how else to explain that. We became one.

Drew unbuttoned my shirt, kissed my bare shoulder,
and slid the strap of my bra down my arm, exposing my breasts. He cupped them
both, kissing and sucking his way down my chest, to my nipples and to my
stomach.

“Lay back, baby,” he whispered.

Raising my hips, I let him slide me out of my pants.
“You’re so fucking perfect, Morgan,” he said in a quiet lecture type voice,
studying me with his eyes and caressing me with his hands. Letting my head drop
over the desk, he wrapped his hand around my throat and slowly slid it down my
trembling body.

“I love you,” he whispered, dropping to his chair. I
couldn’t even say it back. I was having a hard enough time trying to remind
myself to breathe. Knowing that his over qualified tongue was moments from my
throbbing sex, I dropped my knee, opening myself for him.

Drew spread me more and ran his fingers up my wet
folds. I shuttered and moaned, wanting more. Feeling myself being spread with
his fingers, he held me open and sucked lightly on my throbbing nub. Drew
sucked and licked while his finger violated my ass, moving in and out.

Just when I was right there, standing on edge, ready
to topple over, he stopped. Ugh. I hated when he did that. I only hated it for
a second. I forgot all about it when he stood and slid his rock hard cock into
my throbbing pussy, and he began circling my clit with his thumb. I came so
hard, I felt like I was falling. My walls constricted over and over around him
as my world felt faint. Pumping faster and harder, Drew fell with me, dropping
his body to mine.

“Tell me you love me, Morgan.”

“I love you, Drew,” I panted, coming down from a
glorious high.

“Tell me I don’t deserve you, but you love me so
much, you’re always going to be here.”

“Drew—”

“Say it, Morgan. I need to hear you say it,” Drew
begged desperately.

“You don’t deserve me, but I love you so much. I’m
never going to leave you, Drew.”

“Promise me.”

“Drew. I promise.”

I remember that day like it was yesterday. There was
so much desperation in his voice. Drew rarely showed emotion. He did that day.
He showed more emotion than I’d ever seen from him. The despairing hold he had
on me, the worry in his eyes, and the frightened tone scared me. I wasn’t sure
what he was trying to say. Was he telling me that things would get worse? Was
that why he needed me to promise him?

I could handle Drew, this Drew anyway. The amazing
times we had together as a family outweighed the bad by tons. I don’t expect
anyone to understand that. Any other normal female would have left a long time
ago.

Drew never hit me once during my pregnancy. He never
touched me until Nicholas was three months old. Alicia and I put together a
little birthday party for Celeste, inviting a hand full of people. I got a
little drunk that night and acted like a fool with Alicia. Celeste was
laughing. Drew was not. It wasn’t like we were doing it while the other guests
were there. It was only us four. Alicia changed the station to some hip-hop
with a deep base beat.

We grinded into each other to deep thump, thump,
thump. Alicia could move.  I was impressed and laughed at her popping her hips.
Thrusting the air while she tromped her feet, she held my hips, teaching me her
trendy dance moves.

“Don’t be mad at me,” I whispered to Drew after the
song. I could tell he was upset, but not that upset. He removed my arms from
around his neck and gave me a look. Whatever. He was standing right there. It
wasn’t like I was grinding all over some guy. It was Alicia for Christ sake.
Well, hell. I wouldn’t be getting any tonight, and boy did I ever need it.

“What is your problem?” I asked Drew, sliding out of
my heels. Ah, my toes loved me. I wasn’t even expecting it. I’d bent over
rubbing my aching feet when I caught the blunt of Drew’s knuckles. I was
stunned. I truly believed Drew would never hit me again. It had been so long, I
rarely even thought about it.

“You like rubbing your pussy all over Alicia?” he
asked, pulling me up by my hair.

“Drew, are you serious? We were just messing around.
You were right there.”

“Shut up, Morgan. Don’t you fucking speak a word.”

I didn’t say another word. I was seeing the Drew
that I hadn’t seen since before my accident; the Drew that terrified me. All I
could think about was Nicholas. I was afraid he’d hurt me, like really hurt me,
and I wouldn’t be there for him. What if he hit me hard enough to cause my
brain to bleed again? What if I didn’t know my own son? I panicked, taking a
step back. The tears fell on their own. I tried to hold them back. I didn’t
want him to see me weak and crying.

“Do you see me, Drew? I’m right fucking here. Do you
not see me?”

“, Morgan. Come here. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,
baby.” Thank god, he was back.

I cried in his chest as he stroked my back and kissed
my head, apologizing over and over. Drew held me in his arms the entire night.
I’m pretty sure he didn’t sleep at all. Every time I moved, he pulled me
tighter, kissed my hair and whispered, “I love you.” He truly was sorry, and I
forgave him.

The following morning he made amazing slow, love to
me, and I forgave him—again.

“Drew, this is ridiculous. You can’t just keep
changing therapist just because they want you to say something about who you
are. You never want to talk about yourself.”

“That’s because there’s nothing wrong with me in
general. It’s us together that you—not me— think needs fixing. I think things
are fine between us. I love you, and I love you,” Drew said, kissing the
freshly bathed baby Nicky on his naked belly. He cooed and grabbed Drew’s
bottom lip.

“You hit me, Drew.”

“Morgan, I told you I was sorry. Have I done it
again? I told you, I wouldn’t let it happen again, didn’t I?”

“What if it does?”

“Then we’ll do the counseling thing.”

“Do you promise?”

“I promise, now go take your clothes off so I can
play with your pussy.”

“DREW! You can’t say stuff like that in front of
Nicky.”

“Trust me. He has no idea what I just said and stop
calling him Nicky. He can’t take over the business with a pussy name like
that.”

“Will you stop saying that in front of him? Give him
to me. I want to rock him to sleep.”

“I want to rock him to sleep.”

“You did it at nap time.”

“Yeah, but I have to leave tomorrow for two days.”

“I don’t want you to leave, Drew. I like you being
here with us at night. I hate sleeping alone.”

“You’re never alone. I’m always with you when you
sleep. All I have to do is turn my computer on and I see you sleeping. I watch
you sleeping every night I’m away from you. And you,” Drew said, kissing
Nicholas’ pajama covered belly.

“It’s not the same, and I can’t just flip on the
computer and see you.”

“Yes, you can. You do it every night with Skype.”

“That’s different. I can’t just turn it on and see
you like you can.”

“Is that what you want? You want me to set up a
camera wherever I am? That way you can see me?”

I smiled a pouty smile. “No. It’s not about the
cameras,” I admitted.

“I know, the point is you don’t want me to leave
you. Did you see that big black hair coming out the side of that woman’s face
today? Gross. And you wanted me to tell her personal things about us,” Drew
said, diverting the question away from the seriousness and on the therapist
we’d seen earlier.

I laughed.

“Come on, let’s go put this little guy to bed.”

“And then you’ll take your clothes off?”

“As long as you quit saying that dirty word in front
of my son.”

“Pussy is not a dirty word.”

“Yes, it is. Stop saying it.”

Drew lifted Nicholas to the air, facing him. He
needed to see him for this serious conversation. “Pussy is not a dirty word.
Pussy is amazing. Stay away from it. It’s an awful addiction.”

“I’m warning you.”

“Come here, Mommy,” Drew teased, pulling me on his
lap. I took Nicholas and snuggled in Drew’s chest while we both cuddled our
son. Drew rocked us and I hummed, watching our baby’s eyes get heavier and
heavier and then close with a deep relaxing breath.

“You do that when you fall asleep,” Drew whispered.

“I do?”

“Yes. I love it. It makes me feel good, knowing
you’re relaxed.”

“I’m relaxed right now.”

“Me too. I could die right now, and I’d die a happy
man.”

“Don’t die right now.”

“Why?”

“You promised to play with my…..pussy,” I whispered
in his ear.

                                                            ***

Things were awesome once again, and I was more in
love with my family than I’d ever thought possible. Drew kept his promise and
never hit me again, not until three weeks later anyway. He wasn’t even mad at
me. I knew he wasn’t. He’d just lost a big deal to a competitor. I was just the
one he took it out on.

“Morgan, I told you I was sorry. Don’t do this. I
hate talking to those flakes. They don’t know how to help us anymore than I
do.”

“You promised, Drew. You might like this girl.
Celeste and Alicia saw her for a year after they had Vince.”

Drew rolled his eyes. “Celeste and Alicia have a
same sex relationship. What the heck is a lesbian shrink going to know about
marital problems?”

“Who said she was gay? I don’t even know that. We’re
going. You promised.”

“Fine, but I’m not agreeing that I will keep going.
If I don’t like her, I’m finding someone else. How old is she?”

“I don’t know. What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Well, you said
girl
. Girl means young.”

“Do you think Celeste is young?”

“Is she Celeste’s age?”

“Yes. Celeste said she was probably close to the
same age.”

“Then yes, I think she’s too young.”

“That’s hypocritical.”

“No it’s not. I don’t think Celeste is young for her
field. She’s thirty. She can run a business, but I wouldn’t hire her to be my
shrink.”

“Turn right here. I’m not even going to comment on
that because it’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.”

“Why’s that stupid? Even if Celeste was a fairy for
fucked up married couples, I wouldn’t hire her.”

“Park over there. This is never going to work if you
don’t take it serious. We may as well just go back home.”

“I’m sorry. No more fairy jokes. Promise.”

“Please give her chance, Drew.”

“I will, but this place looks like they do pro-bono
or something. You sure this chick is legit?”

“Celeste recommended her.”

“Why?”

“She says she’s good.” I shrugged.