Underneath (10 page)

‘That’s not very comfy, Lauren.’

‘I just want a snuggle.’

‘Your bony elbows and butt are digging into me, it hurts.’

‘For God’s sake, why do I bother?’ I shout and walk out of the room, back to the retreat of my bedroom.

I power up my laptop, switch to my Facebook tab and see that Monique is online.

‘Hello, did you miss me today?’ I type.

‘Course I bloody did. You aren’t allowed to ditch me again. EVER.’

‘I won’t. Missed you too, although spending the morning sleeping was fun.’

‘You ditched me to sleep? You prefer sleeping to my delightful company? I AM INSULTED.’

‘Hey shouty caps, I’ve said I won’t do it again. You’ll be proud of me tho, cos I spent the afternoon making up outfits.’

‘Well obvs I’ll need to see if they’re acceptable first, seeing as I’m convinced ur colour blind.’

‘Cheeky. What’s been going on with you then?’

‘*sulks* Well you’d know that if you hadn’t bailed on me.’

‘Forgive me?’

‘Maybe, if you buy the coffees next Monday.’

‘Done.’

‘Did some overtime at the weekend, wasn’t much else to do. Yoga class was cancelled due to illness. Oh, and I had ‘lunch’ in the disabled toilet with Dr Love as there’s no other staff around on a weekend ;)’

‘Filth. Please stop, I do not wish to be tainted by association.’

‘What? Don’t you have ‘lunch’ with Niall?’

‘Not even getting a snack at the mo :(’

‘What’s up with him now?’

‘God knows, he just doesn’t seem up for it.’

‘Oh well, at least you have sexy Seb to look forward to on Wednesday.’

‘Don’t you start. Anyway it’s been changed to tomorrow O.O.’

‘So that’s why you’ve been working out outfits...’

‘No it was NOT, found out after. Confess though, little bit excited re potential flirt.’

‘You seen Bettina?’

I wonder whether to mention the few minutes at the door earlier but decide against it.

‘No. I’ve avoided her after what you said. I’ll see her tomorrow at the fair meeting, but I’m going to sit with Seb and keep my distance.’

‘Any excuse.’

‘Well, he can be my bodyguard lol.’

‘How’s the business empire?’

‘Brilliant, I sold loads this week.’

‘Oh yes, you said when you were blowing me out, but ended up
sleeping
. Well done Branson. Did you get a lot at Saturday’s boot? It was a lovely day wasn’t it?’

‘A few bits, but not as much as I would have liked.’ God now I’m lying to Mon as well. ‘I’m off to read for a bit now, finish my day off with an early night.’

‘Ditching me again? Watch it, I’ll have my revenge.’

‘Scared.com.’

I feel so much better the morning after. The sun is out again, though there’s a cool wind. I grab my gym kit and sling it in the back of the car and do an hour’s swimming and a yoga class. I have bags of energy, maybe from doing bugger all the day before. I grab a fresh juice at the gym and spend ages in the shower and the changing rooms, making sure I don’t resemble the sweaty mess that emerged from class. As silly as it sounds I seem to have even more energy after this. I head home and spend some time on eBay. I’ve received a few more orders so I get the parcels organised and ready for the post office. I can drop them off before going to school. As I’m heading out the door later I realise I’ve not checked my phone. I eventually find it right at the bottom of my bag, which may be why I’ve not heard the twenty-seven missed calls I have on it. Twenty-seven? I check, and every single one of them is from Bettina. There are also four texts. I open them up.

‘Where are you?’

‘Are you not speaking to me?’

‘Have I done something wrong?’

‘Why are you not answering?’

I ring her straight back.

‘Bettina, is everything okay?’

‘Where the fuck have you been?’

I hold the phone away from my ear. ‘I beg your pardon?’

‘Oh gosh, I’m sorry, Lo.’

Lo? She called me Lo? That’s Monique’s name for me, not even Niall calls me that. My voice is low, measured. ‘I don’t appreciate being sworn at.’

‘I’m sorry. I’ve just been really worried that you were avoiding me for some reason. My mum told me Danny’s been snooping around. Has he said anything to you?’

‘Nope, I haven’t seen him, why would I?’

‘My mum said he was asking about you, she thought he might try to get in touch. I just wanted you to know.’

‘Well thanks, if he turns up I’ll get Niall to sort him out.’

‘You wouldn’t want to do that, he’s not right, Lauren.’

‘Well, I haven’t seen him, and if I do I’ll tell him to get lost.’ She pauses and I wonder if she’s thinking of when I wouldn’t let her in earlier. ‘There’s nothing going on Bettina. I’ve been ill, you saw that for yourself. I told you I’d see you at school later and there’s the fair meeting after that. I do have a life away from you, you know.’

Her voice breaks up on the phone and I feel heaviness, like dark clouds are working their way over my head. She’s choking back tears. ‘I’m sorry, I know I overreact, but he frightens me. And I know we’re not really friends, but I’ve enjoyed spending time with you. I just wanted to make sure he wasn’t poisoning that.’

I relent then as the guilt washes over me. ‘We are friends Bettina, but I can’t be available to you all the time. Listen,’ I hesitate. ‘Are you still in touch with your doctor?’

‘No, I’m on a waiting list here,’ she sniffs.

‘Well I think you need someone to talk to about Danny,’ I say. ‘Someone impartial who can guide you on how to deal with it. That’s not me Bettina. I can’t take that on.’

‘I understand,’ she says her voice going quiet. ‘Thank you for saying we’re friends. It means a lot. I’ll try not to bother you so much. Probably see you later.’

She hangs up and I feel like the worst person on earth.

Chapter 8

I have absolutely no enthusiasm for the summer fair meeting whatsoever, and only turn up because Joe is excited that his mum is part of the team, that and he wants to pelt me with a sponge. I’ve put my swimsuit on under my clothes so his dream can come true. I’ve brought a change of clothes and some towels to be on the safe side though. I see Bettina sitting in the corner. As I move closer I see her eyes are rimmed with red and are slightly bloodshot. She sees me looking.

‘Hayfever.’

‘Look, I’m sorry about our conversation earlier, but I’ve been feeling crap and fed up myself.’

This seems to animate her somewhat. ‘Why? What’s the matter?’

I decide I’ll put it on a bit about Niall. Maybe if I let her know my world isn’t perfect she won’t feel so bad, or if she is out to ruin me, it’ll put her off. ‘Me and Niall aren’t getting along so well at the moment.’

‘Really? I didn’t pick that up from him in the car. Maybe he’s just tired from work.’ She hesitates a moment. ‘You don’t think he’s having an affair, do you?’

‘No.’ I am shocked by this statement. ‘Nothing like that. He likes to watch TV all evening and Joe’s getting to sleep later and later these days, so it’s just hard.’

‘Or not as the case may be,’ she sniggers.

I smile. The lack of sex in my life seems to have cheered her up a bit, at least. Great, glad it’s of use to someone.

‘You can join my boat. Danny’s put me off men for a long time. So right now, the only one getting any is Monique with Dr Love.’

‘That she is, lucky bitch,’ I state.

‘So how is Monique by the way?’

‘I’ve not seen her for about a week.’

‘Oh? That’s not like you.’

‘I was poorly yesterday, remember? So couldn’t make it to see her.’

‘Such a shame. I know you love your coffees.’

Mrs Sullivan comes in at that point wearing a black suit and red shoes. ‘Get her,’ says Bettina.

‘Right, last minute checks ladies and gentlemen,’ she says. ‘If you can set up your stalls as much as is practical. We’ll do it here in the hall though rather than outside. Should the weather turn against us we’ll have to bring it indoors anyway.’

I glance around the room looking for Seb, but he’s not here.

I spend the next half hour dragging out the stocks, setting them up and practising opening and closing them. I get a sponge and pretend to throw it. Our posters are finished and there is nothing left to do. We’re ready for the fair. I put everything away and check to see if Bettina needs any help but she doesn’t. Her books just need boxing up for display, and she’s done a great job of sorting them into genres and alphabetical order for easy selection. The rest of the meeting passes quickly. We say our goodbyes and head home.

As I walk to the car I feel let down and disappointed. I look down at my outfit, black skinny fit jeans, a red bat-sleeved cotton top and black ballet slippers. I’d tied my hair in a side ponytail. I look casual, yet cool, but it’s been a waste of time. The person I’d hoped to look attractive for; the one person I could count on to boost my confidence, even if he was a bit of a man slut, wasn’t there. I open the car door to go home.

‘Did you miss me?’

‘Arrrrrrrrrrrgh.’ My heart beats frantically. ‘Oh my fucking God, you idiot,’ I screech, and smack my fists into Seb’s chest.

He lifts his hands. ‘Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.’

‘Scare me? You’ve taken ten years off my life expectancy at least. What did you think would happen if you snuck up on me?’

‘I didn’t think I was sneaking up on you. I thought you’d seen me and were ignoring me.’

‘I looked up the road before I crossed to see if there were cars coming. I wasn’t paying attention to bloody pedestrians.’

‘Well you should, one of them could be an attacker and you wouldn’t be able to give a description.’

I thought back to Danny surprising me in much the same way on Saturday and decided I wasn’t getting in my car again without an attack alarm firmly in my hand.

‘Where were you tonight then?’

His cool brown eyes bore into mine. ‘I’ll tell you if you drive us to the pub.’

I hesitate, the keys swinging in my hand. I think of the alternative, going home and talking to myself. ‘Oh, go on then.’

We walk into the Queen’s Head and I insist on buying the drinks as he bought them last time. I don’t want to feel I owe him anything. At the bar I try and stand so my backside sticks out a little and I add a little wiggle to my walk as I return with the drinks. We sit in the same seats as before, and I think how much calmer he is now compared to the idiot I had spoken to in here just two weeks ago.

‘So what happened to you tonight then?’

‘Truth? I couldn’t be arsed. I’d had enough of school today, the kids were total twats. I practically ran out at home time. I told Mrs S. I’d got a migraine.’

‘I had to lug all the sponge stocks around to set them up cos you didn’t show.’

‘You keep making out you’re an independent woman, Mrs Lawler, I’m sure you were fine.’

‘That’s not the point.’

‘You missed me,’ Seb beams at me.

I feel my cheeks flush. ‘Don’t be stupid.’

‘You did, you missed me,’ he jumps up and does a twirly dance. ‘She missed me, she missed me.’ It reminds me of when Tom Cruise went bonkers on Oprah. The other pub residents either try their best to not look, or give him a dirty look to indicate it’s not suitable behaviour for this class of establishment.

‘Seb, sit down,’ I hiss.

He does and grabs his pint. ‘How long have you been with your husband?’

I feel a whoosh like a popped balloon as I realise that is where I should be, at home with my husband, not here with Seb acting like some teenager with a crush. I decide I will tell him just how much I love my husband and go home.

‘We’ve been together twelve years,’ I say. ‘We met when I was nineteen and he was twenty-nine, in a bar in Sheffield City Centre. I thought I was grown up and he still acted like a kid, so the age difference didn’t matter. I found out I was pregnant with Joe at twenty-two and Niall said he was about to propose anyway, so we eloped to the Registry Office.

‘Weren’t your parents mad?’

‘I have nothing to do with my parents, and that’s a subject that’s not open for discussion. Ever.’

‘Okay, sorry. So you and Niall have been married ten years?’

‘It’ll be eleven in August, not long after my thirty-second birthday. How old are you anyway?’

‘How old do you think I am?’

‘Twelve.’

‘Ha ha. I was thirty-five last November. Now stop changing the subject.’ His voice lowers huskily, ‘Are you happy Lauren? I can’t work it out. You say so, but then you’re here with me.’