Underneath It All (29 page)

Immediately I started feeling more stimulated and challenged throughout the day. I had more confidence and a much clearer focus of what I wanted to shoot and how to create the shots I saw in my head.

Hands down to Caleb. He was just the best combination of smart, talented, and kind; plus he was cute.

We finally broke for lunch. We all ate outside in a modern style Filipino restaurant just across the street. The design of the place was very tasteful. The wooden baskets on the wall and a few large plants made for an evocative and simple design.

“So what made you finally decided to move?” asked Louise while pigging out on her
Ukoy
—an intricate form of shrimp, taro root, bean sprouts, and carrots fried to perfection. She was a Filipina American with brown eyes and thick long hair with straight bangs swept a bit to the left.

“To pursue my dreams,” I simply replied.

“Dah, I don’t believe you,” commented Jade, the youngest among the group. “You can pursue your dreams in the state within your comfort zone. Let me guess,” she paused and squinted her eyes. “Boyfriend drama.”

I momentarily had the urge to cut her tongue out.

“Jade, do not speculate things,” hissed Caleb, glaring at her. “Sorry about that,” he told me. “Adolescent imagination at its peak,” he added as he dove into what they called
sizzling pork sisig
—a
dish made from parts of pig’s head and liver, usually seasoned with calamansi and chili peppers.

“Really now,” muttered Jade, her right eyebrow raised looking intently at Caleb while sipping on her mango shake.

I continued eating my food which they called
chicken adobo
with coconut sauce paired with
pandan
rice. It tasted excellent.

Then they interrogated me with the usual questions. How many siblings do you have? What do you like to do for fun? Do you have any pets? And what not.

We laughed together at some crazy stories they shared. I mused about my childhood in a small town and being a miracle product of a brain experiment. They were all amazed.

As I participated more and more in the mundane, I was constantly discovering new things, I was amazed at what awaited me. I was constantly pleasantly surprised at how passionate the people I was working with were about their craft.

This was it. A fresh start on a new life.

Chapter XXXII

Connivance

My alarm clock sitting on the nightstand went off, beeping. I let out a muffled groan before I pressed a button on the alarm, causing it to stop.

I looked out at the barely lit sky.
Was it time to get up already?

I rolled onto my back and searched for my phone blindly with my hand. I couldn’t find it with my hand so with another groan, I sat up in my bed and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. I felt so incredibly lazy. I forced myself to get off my bed and search for my phone inside my bag but it wasn’t there. I scrambled around trying to find my phone but I didn’t find it anywhere.

I dug around my jacket pockets, my jean pockets, everywhere. Looking around my apartment made my head spin a little. I sat on the couch and dropped my head down in an attempt to ease the sudden dizziness. Where is that goddamn phone?

With a frown, I remembered seeing all the missed calls from Reeve yesterday and the notification of unheard voicemails. I stood up when dizziness subsided just as a huge wave of nausea hit me again and the urge to puke was building inside. Cupping my mouth to prevent the gag, I rushed to the sink and started vomiting, even though there was nothing coming out from my mouth.

What the fuck was wrong with me? Ignoring the feeling of exhaustion I prepared to go to work.

“Good morning, Agata,” greeted Jade the moment she saw me step inside the office.

“Good morning.” I forced a smile back though I felt tired beyond belief.

As usual, the energy inside the office was invigorating.

Caleb smiled as he saw me and approached me on my desk.

“Ready for the photoshoot today?”

“Yeah,” I robotically nodded and returned a grateful smile.

“C’mon, help me prepare the equipment,” he beckoned and I followed suit.

He brought out all the equipment we were going to take with us on our onsite shoot in Yosemite.

I walked around behind his desk and my eyes were caught by a banner news displayed on his computer screen.

Eve Cromwell announced two weeks pregnant with Reeve Gates.

I was glued to where I stood. My eyeballs almost went out of their sockets when I read the news. My heart was frantically beating in my chest.

“Agata, are you okay?” Caleb’s voice jolted me out of my reverie.

“Huh?” I blinked a few times and tried to normalize my breathing.

His eyes followed my gaze. “Ah, the news about Eve’s pregnancy.”

“Do you know her?” I asked.

“Yeah, I know her but not on a personal level though,” he stated. “She’s one of our sorority sisters; that’s all I know,” he said as he hung the camera around my neck.

“You’re one of them?”

“Yap, UCLA chapter.” He stood in front of his desk and continued reading the news. “I wouldn’t be receiving this newsletter if I wasn’t a part of the brotherhood.” He turned around with a concerned look on his face. “Reeve was the guy you were with at the ball, right?”

I bit my lip to stifle the tears that I needed to hold back.

He quickly shut down his computer. “I’m sorry, Agata,” he said, placing his hands on my shoulder.

“He got Eve pregnant,” I uttered, my voice sounded small and frail. He was cheating on me way longer than I had noticed. And then there’s me…the idiot in love with him.

“Are you okay? Would you like to can—”

“I’m okay. Let’s go.” Feeling as if my heart would explode, I still forced a smile when I said that.

I carried some of our apparatus and stepped out of the office, my mind racing.

Just when we were loading all the equipment in the van, I heard someone call my name.

“Agata!” said a voice I was all too familiar with.

I stopped short at the sound of the voice.

He was walking toward me fast.

“What are you doing here, Reeve?”

He stopped abruptly, perplexed by my unwelcoming tone.

The memory of the night I caught Eve pleasuring him returned in full force. Reading the news and seeing Reeve brought everything into focus.

“I can’t really blame you if you’re upset with me,” he murmured.

“Everything okay, Agata?” Caleb appeared from behind.

“Yeah,” I nodded and smiled weakly at him. “Uhm, Caleb can you give me a minute? I just need to put a lid on something.”

Reeve frowned, his face dark and unshaven. His hair was unkempt. Oh Lord, what has he been doing to himself?

“You heard her, now back off.” He walked toward me and started dragging me a few feet before I wriggled out of his hold on my wrist.

“Let me go, Reeve! Let me go!”

“Dude, she said to let her go!” Caleb said, grabbing my forearm.

“Why don’t you do yourself a favor and stay out of this?” Reeve warned.

“And if I don’t want to?” Caleb retorted. They stood eye to eye. If looks could kill, Caleb would have been a blob of blood splashed out on the street right now.

“Leave my girl alone, if you don’t want me to break your nose this time.” Reeve’s tone was flat and scary.

I held Caleb’s arm. “Please just go.”

Caleb stared at me for a moment then he hopped inside the van.

I turned to Reeve. “What do you still want from me?”

“You. I want you. Agata.”

“Reeve, things have changed.” I tried to keep my voice even and strong but it broke on the last words.

He walked closer to me; he cupped my cheeks bringing our faces closer together. “Nothing’s changed,” he murmured and pressed his temple against mine. “I was wrong. I know I was and I’m here now to apologize for my mistakes. Please come home, sunshine.” Reeve pleaded. Tears threaten to spill over the brims of his eyes.

Our bodies pressed together, Reeve slowly reached up to lightly grip my sides. I shuddered at the hot breath hitting my face, relaxing in his warm embrace that I missed.

“I’m sorry; I am such a fool for letting you walk out on me that night. I was stupid and dumb to realize what I had and what I let go. My ego and my pride got the best of me. Babe, I’m sorry.” My heart ached hearing Reeve’s pain-filled words and seeing the pain so harsh on his face. He was never the one to show pain openly.

I slowly pushed him away so I could see his face. “It’s too late now to fix everything, Reeve. I can no longer do this. We can no longer do this,” I choked out, bracing myself for the heartbreak of my life.

“Don’t do that, Agata. Don’t, please, don’t give up on us that easily.” He held me closer. It literally shattered my heart to see him look so defeated.

Drawing a deep breath, I slowly pushed him away and collected my shaky nerves. “Eve needs you…your child needs you.”

He gave me a puzzled look. “What child? What’s Eve got to do with this?”

“I saw the newsletter this morning, don’t try to deny it.” My voice cracked and tears spilled down my cheeks. “How could you do that to me while we were together?” I took a few steps and turned my back on him. I couldn’t even see clearly through my weeping.

Reeve stood his ground, stunned. I wasn’t sure if it was shock that held him pinned in silence or the thought that I already knew what he did.

“How could you?” I swung my whole body to face Reeve, the pent up emotions of betrayal and disloyalty causing me to shiver where I stood. “It happened when we found out that my pregnancy wasn’t real, right? You had all but disappeared and you cheated on me!”

“Agata, you know that’s not true. I never touched anyone but you. I have fucked a lot of women but none since I met you.” He yanked at his hair in frustration.

“She wouldn’t announce it to the world if it wasn’t true!” For another fleeting second, my fury held sway.

“Fuck, Agata! I swear I don’t know!” It was his turn to yell. “I went out with her, yes! I was heartbroken and as desperate as you are. I wanted that baby so badly that I would have given up everything for it to be real! I lost my first with Lucy and I thought I’d soon hold ours.” His words hurried, desperate to explain fully.

“It still doesn’t change things. You went out with her and something happened.” A sick feeling enveloped me. He kissed her, had touched her, had sex with her, and got her pregnant.

“Agata, you have to believe me, please.” His voice was barely audible, but I heard his plea loud and clear. He reached out a hand but the gesture served only for me to move further away.

“Don’t come any closer.”

“Agata,” he whispered and I sensed the anguish coming off him in waves.

I couldn’t look him in the eyes, knowing that if I did, all will power to end this would dissolve in a desire to be near him. “We’re over. Goodbye, Reeve.”

The tears flooded my eyes and I blinked them away furiously. I needed out now, before I broke down in a torrent of tears. The heartache that I felt threatened to break me into a million little pieces from which I would never recover.

I twisted on my heel and climbed inside the van. Caleb drove fast down the street; I looked at the rear-view mirror and saw Reeve running after the van.

I wanted Caleb to stop from driving. I needed to stop this pain I was feeling. No; I had to remind my heart to shut the fuck up and listen to my head.

After the heaving finished, I straightened up and closed my eyes instead. My heart hardened as I resolved the actions I had taken.

I was shattered. The day’s event drained my body. Noticing my exhaustion, Caleb soothed my back.

“You’ll be fine, Agata.” The concern riddled in his face kept me from launching into another meltdown.

I could only nod in slow motion. I sat dazed, unmoving.

It was the conversation that Reeve and I needed, a closure. A painful conclusion.

***

Five days after my earth shattering closure with Reeve, I was no closer to resolving my inner turmoil.

I got dressed and I looked completely fine, to a stranger’s eye. My makeup was stunning and my hair in perfect waves…but emotionally I was wrecked.

As I pressed the elevator button for the tenth floor, I seized the moment to compose myself.

“Good morning, Agata,” Jade greeted as usual.

“Good morning,” I smiled and walked inside the office. I greatly desired something to go my way, to be easy, comfortable, and successful. Something that would not drain any life left in me.

“Hey, Agata, your new phone is on your desk. Caleb asked me to buy one for you.”

“How did you know I lost my phone?” I asked Jade.

“Intelligent guess,” Caleb spoke from behind. “I can’t reach you when you’re at your apartment so might as well get you a new one.”

“Caleb, you don’t have to.”

He stepped closer and held me by my shoulders, his one hand cupping my face.

“I’m here if you need someone to talk to.” He stared at me for a moment.

Caleb hadn’t said anything about what happened between me and Reeve. He had been very supportive. He took me to events and photo shoots that would take my mind off things for a while, though nothing seemed to work so far.

“Ahem,” Jade cleared her throat.

“T-thank you,” I managed to say as he loosened his grip.

I went to my desk and logged into my computer. “Agata, are you okay?” Dimitri asked.

“Fine…why wouldn’t I be?” My eyes were blank and I realized I had crawled back into the hole of misery and gone away again.

“Don’t be like that.” He frowned and caught my eye for a moment. “Smile.” Dimitri drew a big smiley on his lips and I smiled in return. “Can you assist me for an outdoor photoshoot? My assistant is not in today.”

“Of course, I would love to!” That was what I needed, a diversion.

“I’m going to go and ready the equipment,” he said and stormed inside the storage.

“Agata, let me introduce to you to someone.” Caleb guided a tall blonde woman who stepped out of Brad’s office in front of me. “This is Agata Ferrero.”

“Hello, ma’am.” I stood from my seat and reached to shake her hand, smiling pleasantly in return.

“Agata, she’s Georgia Laris, head photo editor of the Nat Geo Traveler magazine.”

“Caleb sent us a couple of photos. He told me that it was you who captured those and I am very much impressed.”

“Thank you,” I smiled nervously.

“There will be an upcoming expedition in Africa. Will you be available to join our team?” she asked.

“W-what? Me?”

Dimitri wiggled his eyebrows up and down. Louise had her thumbs up.

“Of course!” I accepted the offer wholeheartedly.

“Welcome to the team,” Ms. Laris shook my hand. “I have to go, Caleb; I’ll see you in a week.” Caleb escorted her outside and he returned with the biggest smile on his face.